How to end QC

[kraemandrummer]

They all get swine flu

and the few that survive either die during the nuclear holocaust or of radiation poisoning or starvation

Why not all of those combined?

they are combined - some survive some of them but none survive all of them

[Kugai]

Ends after a three month hiatus, with a large build up and the day of its return, ever comic becomes yelling bird telling you to go away.

Shouldn't that be 'FUCK OFF!!'?

 

[Carl-E]

never hear of a timeskip?

Is that like a time slip? 

[SleeperCylon]

All characters are at Coffee of Doom to celebrate Marten's engagement to Faye after his mutual breakup with Dora.  Dora is celebrating with her new girlfrend, Veronica Vance.  Raven just got her masters degree in physics.  Wil and Penelope have returned from thier honeymoon.  Sven is celebrating his ability to cure Hanners OCD through shock therapy (i.e. sexing her up and such).  Steve is comming out of the closet.  Henry and Maurice happened to come through town while celebrating their aniversary.  Angus is sexing up Marigold in the Restroom of Doom.  Tai and three girls are waiting to use the Restroom of Doom for similar reasons.

Then Pintsize, Winslow, and Momo pilot a giant robotic allosaur into Coffee of Doom killing everyone inside.  Soon after, they have a robotic orgy until everyone's power cells are depleted.

Or at least that's what I would do.

Going with the crowd-pleasing 'everyone hooks up' ending is boring and artistically timid.  The perfect way to ruin Questionable Content would be to end it like a network TV show.

Here's my ending.  It turns out, the whole time Faye was an alien from another universe who feeds on angst.  (She ate the real Faye shortly after her birth).  The angst Faye has consumed finally reaches a critical mass while allows her to morph into her true form and devour the human race.  But then, at the last minute, Marten goes back in time to kill alien Faye when she's only a child.  Her father sees him and shoots him, protecting his daughter.  Then Marten explains to him "No...she's an alien...she's going to destroy the earth".  Faye's father, realizing he's doomed the planet, goes outside and kills himself.

[Is it cold in here?]

You're supported by evidence from the comic. Comic 656 says she "feeds on the unhappiness of others". and in 350 she says she's not yet in her true form.

(Playing the "pretend it's a documentary" game here).

[Carl-E]

It's either getting WAAAAAY too serious in here, or WAAAAAAY too tongue-in-cheek. 

Knowing this crowd, I'm going for the latter. 

[Surgoshan]

Hanners accidentally gives everyone AIDS in their sleep.

[Is it cold in here?]

Raven gets tired of secretly controlling their lives and they become too boring to write about.

[Kugai]

Hanners is put on a new experimental medication that, unfortunately, recacts badly with Coffee and turns her psychotic.  She gets her hands on Vespa Avenger's Vespabot and goes on a killing spree with it wiping everyone out.

Last panel is of Hanners rocking back and forth and talking to the CoD crowd (who are dead) and singing the theme to Magical Love Gentlemen

[Carl-E]

 

I just love a psychotic ending. 

[Is it cold in here?]

Jeph said once, well before the Department of Kicking Your Ass, that Steve's day job was "murders". Steve takes his work home with him one day ...

[Mr_Rose]

Better: The US DoKYA interferes in Faye's business For The Last Time and the rest of the cast are all killed or maimed in the resulting epic showdown between her and Steve, leaving Faye and Steve exhausted, hands wrapped around each other's throat, in the ruins of Northampton.
Slowly, as the adrenalin ebbs, they realise what they've been hiding from themselves (and each other) the whole time and their hands relax from a death-grip into a passionate embrace...

The epilogue is scenes from their romantic-getaway-secret-island-base; first their master bedroom overlooking the beach, then a zoom to the figures on the beach, where we see Robo-Hanner-tan (based on Sony's Anthro-PC hardware) carrying Steve's brain in a jar towards Faye and an obviously pregnant Tortura. Faye turns to steve's brain and says "patience darling; your new body is almost ready" as she strokes Tortura's bump.
Fade to black...

[Is it cold in here?]

The curse on the Malaysian Battle Spatula, which is to rob its owner of all peace of mind, causes Dora to become insecure (see, it's started already). She becomes ever more paranoid and retreats to a remote cave. Faye inherits Coffee of Doom, and installs a sculpture designed her way, which causes all the customers to end up in the coffee grinder. Hanners is the last to go, and the grinder's blades break the containment on her antimatter power plant vaporizing the entire town.

[Ferc Eater]

It ends like Firefly.  It is Firefly.

[Dliessmgg]

Marten loses his job and has a good offer for a new one in Boston. After some thinking he decides to move there. On the way, he has a flat tire. When he finally arrives, he gets run over by a small red car.

[talihal]

Marten, in a horrible library accident, loses all his limbs, changes his name to 'Bob' and joins the Swedish olympic synchronized swimming team. Dora becomes a raging alcoholic and marries Jimbo. Faye decides to emulate Winslow and memorize every song he knows. As a result, her brain explodes. Hanners goes to one session of therapy with Dr. Drew and immediately exchanges her OCD for a sex addiction. She marries Pintsize, who has reacquired access to his laser. He uses it to cut the diamond for her ring. Raven returns after extensive body modification to make her body fit her name. She mistakes Steve for a hairy worm and eats him. Meanwhile, Momo and Marigold have develop a strange murderous partnership and go on a Bonnie and Clyde-esque rampage. On their travels, they encounter old Godzilla, who is hopping around Tokyo city like a big playground, when suddenly Batman bursts from the shade, hits Godzilla with a bat grenade, Godzilla gets pissed and begins to attack, but doesn't expect to be blocked by Shaq, who proceeds to open up a can of Shaq-fu, when Aaron Carter comes out of the blue, and he starts beating up Shaquille O'niel, but they both get flattened by the batmobile, but before it can make it back to the bat cave, Abraham Lincoln pops out of his grave, pulls and AK-47 out from under his hat and blows Batman away with a rat-a-tat-tat, but he runs out of bullets and he runs away, because Optimus Prime comes to save the day. And they all laugh uncomfortably, eyeing the reader.

[raoullefere]

Only one rock? 

It's a BIG rock.

Like the one that killed the dinosaurs.

Yeah, but that didn't really land on anyone. Well, nobody important.

[Dliessmgg]

If it landed one someone, guess how much is left.

[Kugai]

Brandon Braga and Ron Pillar take over the Comic and kill it.

[Is it cold in here?]

Now, given that Jeph never does what people on the forum predict,

it follows that if we enumerate all possible endings to QC here, then Jeph will be unable to end the comic and it will go on forever.

Let's get to work.

[zagraf]

Like in that Doom Patrol storyline with the villain who has every superpower you haven't thought of.  So the only way to fight her is to think of as many superpowers as you can, as thinking of a particular power robs her of it.

[raoullefere]

Jeez, how much weed did the writer have to smoke to come up with that one?

Anyway, cold, here goes. Martin and Hanners get married, as do Faye and Dora, and Angus and Marigold, all for no good reasons anyone can come up. Except, perhaps, Pintsize, who has had an odd looking dart gun in his thumbs and sports a bigger grin than usual.

[Heavyoak]

LAST EVER QUESTIONABLE CONTENT

TITLE: The Last One

PANEL 1
Interior. Living room of a low-rent apartment. Jimbo is watching over Jeph, who is sitting on the floor staring intensely at a small object in his hands. Marten enters, wearing construction worker's clothing.

Marten: "How you doing, Pop?"
Jimbo: "Good.  And your day up on the building?"
Marten: "Finally topped off the 22nd storey.  I'm beat... Jeph give you any trouble?"


PANEL 2
Jimbo: "Been sitting that way since you left this morning.  Just like every day.  In a world of his own."
Marten: "Remember son, be careful with that..." (To Jimbo): "I don't understand this autism.  I talk to my boy, but...I'm not  even sure if he ever hears me...Jeph's locked inside his own world.  Staring at that toy all day long. What does he think about?"
[Beat]
"Come on, son, let's wash our hands."


PANEL 3
Marten takes the snowglobe from Jeph and places it on top of the TV set as all three exit.


PANEL 4
Tight close-up on the snowglobe. The tiny white flakes are swirling around a small model building. It is a cafe, and the sign across the front reads 'Coffee of Doom'.




A prolonged analysis of this strip by QC forumites leads to the conclusion that, because of crossovers, guest comics and links in the sidebar, EVERY WEBCOMIC EVER is actually just a figment of the "Jeph Jacques Universe".

seen that before:

http://talkingincircles.net/2008/09/07/final-episode-of-fosters-home-for-imaginary-friends/

[rwn]

i die

 i was thinking more along the lines of you just getting bored one day and disappearing o.0

but i suppose dying works too... but not as much mystery behind it XD

just imagine if you just disappeared all the rumors of your death and everything. and all the other crazy stuff... would be pretty damn epic

[Binary]

seen that before:

http://talkingincircles.net/2008/09/07/final-episode-of-fosters-home-for-imaginary-friends/

Ha, I guess great minds think alike. Although the cartoonist screwed up - I've seen that episode of St Elsewhere, and the dialogue for parent and grandparent has been swapped around.

[Heliphyneau]

Marten and Dora swap genders and no one notices.  Jimbo and Steve get married.  Tai throws a rave in the library and invites faculty and staff, who promptly forget to be stern and join in the festivities.  Hanners builds an exoskeleton that allows her to have intimate relations hygenically and robo-fucks everyone she can catch, including Sven and Angus, into a messy splotch on the ground.  Wil finds that he can time travel by concentrating real hard while wearing his old-timey clothes, but looking at Penny accidentally brings him back to the present, where they must flee from Hanners' humpings.  Faye, seeing the destruction all around her, finally loses it completely and starts building a 'sculpture' of Cthulhu from discarded penii in Hanners' wake.  Pintsize and Winslowe make friends with the Roomba and ride it off into the sunset.  Marigold doesn't notice that any of this has happened because she is just trying to "finish this instance."  Yelling Bird flies above it all, yelling "I fucking knew it!"  Then Raven, who is dating the supercollider, blows up the planet.

[raoullefere]

That would be "Hannelore's Horrible Hugless Humpings."

[Kugai]

Jeph wakes up and finds it was all a dream.

[Dliessmgg]

Marten wakes up and finds that he was dreaming about Jeph drawing QC.

[syrupykeyboard]

One morning, as Martin Reed was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. He lay on his armour-hard back and saw, as he lifted his head up a little, his brown, arched abdomen divided up into rigid bow-like sections. From this height the blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in place. His numerous legs, pitifully thin in comparison to the rest of his circumference, flickered helplessly before his eyes.

[Carl-E]

Well, this is the one time the adjective Kafka-esque actually applies! 

[Is it cold in here?]

Marten and Dora swap genders and no one notices. 

Are you certain this hasn't already happened?

[Heliphyneau]

Marten and Dora swap genders and no one notices. 

Are you certain this hasn't already happened?

I AM NOT CERTAIN AT ALL.

Heck, it may happen daily, with the possible exception of when Dora was growing her hair out.

[raoullefere]

This theory would explain, well, nothing at all, really.

[Dliessmgg]

Are we sure it was Dora who was growing her hair out?

[wargrafix]

Actually Jeph has already given us a glimpse of the future. And its fucking weird.

[Is it cold in here?]

Not only does Faye keep Pintsize, but she realizes that he is the solution to her problems relating to human males and marries him. Hannelore moves back to the space station as she loses her only friends.

[raoullefere]

Of course, this only happens after Pintsize becomes the Wanglord.

[Is it cold in here?]

Even without that, he already has vibration mode.

[Kugai]

Bugs Bunny suddenly sits up in bed, lets out a huge belch.

*To Camera*  "Man, I shoulda stayed away from the Anchovies and Onions last night."

[zagraf]

A giant artist's brush comes seemingly out of nowhere and erases all the backgrounds and all the characters except for Hanners, who then finds herself drawn, erased, and redrawn in increasingly bizarre ways, and her voice replaced with random sound effects.  Finally she can't take it any longer and cries out,  "Who is responsible for this?  I demand that you show yourself!  Who are you?"

The final panel pulls back to reveal Pintsize seated at a drawing table and wielding the brush.  Mugging for the reader he says,  "Ain't I a stinker?"

[Kugai]

da dada dadada dadadadaa dadada da DA!

[raoullefere]

And then Jeph gets sued for copyright infringement. As he's led away, pan to his office window. Zoom in, then through window to Pintsize at Mac, tablet in hand (thumb, or wang). Mugging for the reader he says,  "Ain't I the little devil, though?"

[jwhouk]

Nah. Last comic will have Faye asking Marten about something, then Dora commenting about something, and then Marten making some sort of pop culture reference. Then Dora will make a mention about a new alternative band, which will give Faye a snarky comeback, which Marten will then reply unironically in deadpan.

And that will be it.

[raoullefere]

Ah, there's always a T.S. Elliot in every crowd.

(Last four verses)

[Kugai]

First panel is a 'Blurry waking up' view of figures around a bed.  This clears in the next panel and we see . . . . .

Motoko Lusanagi and Batou leaning over a prone form

Motoko:  "You back with us?"
Batou : "Man, that was some deep 'Dive' you took there kid.  Thought we'd lost you a couple of times."
Motoko: "Did you find anything out?"

Next panel is a view of our 'Hero' looking over to another bed where we see . . . .

The wizened, ancient form of Jeph Jaques hooked up to a Life Support System with a wire running out of his Plug Port and trailing over to our 'Hero'

Motoko:  'Well Tai, did you?"