Topic: Lame music jokes (Read 17874 times)

Faw · « **on:** 17 Jun 2006, 03:44 »

You know, it's fun to make stupid music jokes or funny references... but a lot of them don't get appreciated... I was joking about making an emo band called "and the crickets" but none of my friends got it. i wanna hear some more stupid music jokes. Fire away.

Zaarin · « **Reply #1 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 05:24 »

Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because you only need to punch information into a drum machine once.

Q: How are Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee alike?
A: Both are pretty terrible without Cream.

Q: What's black and blue and lying on the side of the road?
A: A guitarist who told one too many drummer jokes.

Misereatur · « **Reply #2 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 07:24 »

http://forums.questionablecontent.net/viewtopic.php?t=9684&highlight=musician+jokes

Kai · « **Reply #3 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 08:35 »

Quote from: Zaarin

Q: How are Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee alike?
A: Both are pretty terrible without Cream.

HEY

WOAH

CHILL OUT MAN

COFFEE SANS THE CREAM IS PRETTY AWESOME. FUCK CREAM.

Misereatur · « **Reply #4 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 08:55 »

Agreed

ALoveSupreme · « **Reply #5 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 09:30 »

I thought this would be a chance to vent over lame musicians who make terrible jokes about how their songs all use simple chords. Man, nothing pisses me off more when I see some dude on stage and he says something along the lines of "oh, this song is in the same key as the last one, hurr hurr!" or "oop, looks like I'm using a G Major again!"... you're a dumbass.

La Creme · « **Reply #6 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 09:53 »

What animal has 7 arms and no musical sense whatsoever?

A Def Leppard.

Slick · « **Reply #7 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 10:17 »

Q: How do you get a drummer to slow down?
A: Put sheet music in front of them!

Q: How do you get a drummer to stop?
A: Put notes on the sheets!

pat101 · « **Reply #8 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 11:04 »

Quote from: La Creme

What animal has 7 arms and no musical sense whatsoever?

A Def Leppard.

I've heard the similar

"What has seven arms and sucks?"

"Def Leppard"

Storm Rider · « **Reply #9 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 11:06 »

Quote from: Zaarin

Q: How are Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee alike?
A: Both are pretty terrible without Cream.

That is amazing.

TrueNeutral · « **Reply #10 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 11:50 »

Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.

Did you hear Kurt Cobain was on the TV? ...and on the carpet, the walls, the furniture...

Thrillho · « **Reply #11 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 14:28 »

Quote from: TrueNeutral

Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.

Whoever wrote that joke is either stupid or hasn't heard of the Foo Fighters.

daddsy · « **Reply #12 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 14:32 »

Quote from: DynamiteKid

Quote from: TrueNeutral
Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.

Whoever wrote that joke is either stupid or hasn't heard of the Foo Fighters.

are they some niche avante-garde band??? :p

Thrillho · « **Reply #13 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 14:43 »

Quote from: daddsy

Quote from: DynamiteKid
Quote from: TrueNeutral
Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.

Whoever wrote that joke is either stupid or hasn't heard of the Foo Fighters.

are they some niche avante-garde band??? :p

Yes. Yes they are.

Jedit · « **Reply #14 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 15:04 »

What's the definition of a gentleman?
A man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

What do you call someone who hangs around musicians trying to get laid?
The drummer.

What do you get if you push two pianos and a Goth off a cliff?
Best Hard Rock Grammy 2004.

ruyi · « **Reply #15 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 22:21 »

i think i win in terms of lameness:

a D, F, and an A walk into a bar. they see a sign that says "No Minors Allowed."

so the D and the A say to the F, "quick, look sharp!"

ALoveSupreme · « **Reply #16 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 23:21 »

but an F# major chord in the key of D major would contain a flat six... that would just be silly.

ruyi · « **Reply #17 on:** 17 Jun 2006, 23:25 »

D, F, and A, like, notes, not chords.

Faw · « **Reply #18 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 01:11 »

boo, dave grohl.
Here's a zinger: Probot is the shit

Shaft · « **Reply #19 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 07:50 »

Anyone thinking "Ruyi that still doesn't work because individual notes can't possibly be minor" :

D F A is a D minor triad, and sharpening the F would make it major. Fuck keys and flat sixes, man.

Thrillho · « **Reply #20 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 07:52 »

I've heard a similar one like that I think. Something like a D, an A and an F walk into a bar, the sign says 'no minors' so the F walks out, and the D and the A share a fifth between them?

ALoveSupreme · « **Reply #21 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 09:42 »

Quote from: ruyi

D, F, and A, like, notes, not chords.

ah, yes.

Liam · « **Reply #22 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 10:33 »

Q: How do you a singer's at your door?

A: He can't find the key and he doesn't know when to come in.

TrueNeutral · « **Reply #23 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 10:51 »

Quote from: tommydski

er...how do you work that out then?

do you mean dave grohl? cos he's kind of a big deal in some parts i hear.
kris novoselic has been busy with a couple of bands and has done a lot of charity work.
chad channing still gets royalties from 'bleach', jason everman joined the marines and pat smear was in the germs and the foo fighters.

No, it was just an old joke. I heard it quite a while back, I don't even think Dave had started to Foo Fighters back then, let alone make it into a success.

Johnny C · « **Reply #24 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 19:02 »

Q: When you're a rockstar, what do you do with a book?

A: LOU REED IT

Stolen from a 70's-era kid's book of Rock 'N' Roll jokes. I know, weird.

Gryff · « **Reply #25 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 19:21 »

Quote from: TrueNeutral

Quote from: tommydski
er...how do you work that out then?

do you mean dave grohl? cos he's kind of a big deal in some parts i hear.
kris novoselic has been busy with a couple of bands and has done a lot of charity work.
chad channing still gets royalties from 'bleach', jason everman joined the marines and pat smear was in the germs and the foo fighters.

No, it was just an old joke. I heard it quite a while back, I don't even think Dave had started to Foo Fighters back then, let alone make it into a success.

Normally that's when people would've stopped telling the joke…

Also, how do you know when there's a drummer at your door?
He doesn't know when to come in.

Kai · « **Reply #26 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 19:49 »

Quote from: Johnny C

Q: When you're a rockstar, what do you do with a book?

A: LOU REED IT

Stolen from a 70's-era kid's book of Rock 'N' Roll jokes. I know, weird.

that's my favorite joke ever now.

McTaggart · « **Reply #27 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 21:55 »

I want that book

Johnny C · « **Reply #28 on:** 18 Jun 2006, 22:37 »

It was at the doctor's office!

onewheelwizzard · « **Reply #29 on:** 19 Jun 2006, 11:16 »

What happens when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

OK, I've got nothing.

Faw · « **Reply #30 on:** 19 Jun 2006, 11:46 »

Q:what do you call a keyboard player in a screamo band?
A:A virgin.
Yeah, it wasn't even funny, but i like taking shots at keyboard players.

Cartilage Head · « **Reply #31 on:** 19 Jun 2006, 11:53 »

What's a guitarist with seven fingers on each hand?

The groupies' favorite.

My brother totally just told me that one. (He's totally a guitarist.)

Chad K. · « **Reply #32 on:** 19 Jun 2006, 16:10 »

Did you hear Korn fired their bass player? They found it was cheaper to just throw a fork in a dryer.

Combinethresher · « **Reply #33 on:** 19 Jun 2006, 17:30 »

What's the last thing the drummer said before the band fired him?

"Hey guys, I wrote this song..."

(I'm a drummer who wrote songs, oddly enough)

IronOxide · « **Reply #34 on:** 19 Jun 2006, 19:44 »

Q: What's the difference between first chair Violin and first chair Viola?
A: Half a measure

Q: What's the difference between a Viola player and a first grader
A: The first grader can count

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a professional musician?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How many Tuba players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 3, one to hold it to the socket and 2 to drink until the room spins.

Q: Why do Tubists have pea-sized brains?
A: All of the Alchohol has swelled them.

Q: How do you identify a Trombonist's kid on the playground?
A: He can't swing and all he wants to do is slide.

A large orchestra is doing a concert tour around the country. During one of the rehearsals the conductor hurts himself badly after falling off the stage. When they were looking for a conductor, the first Viola player raised his hand and offered to conduct that night. He did duch a good job that they finished the tour with the Viola player filling in as conductor.

After the tour the Viola player went back to his section and after he sat down, his standmate turned to him and asked him "Where've you been?"

That's just the tip of the iceberg of terrible music jokes I have.

Jedit · « **Reply #35 on:** 20 Jun 2006, 03:31 »

That last reminds me of a true humourous music story.

There was a young violin player, the protege of a famous violinist, and he got his first big recital with his mentor supporting him on the piano. It gets to the night, but as they're setting up to begin the music stand breaks. One of the audience, a noted concert pianist, offers to hold the sheet music and the recital proceeds.

The next day, a paper ran the following review:

"There was an interesting recital at the <foo> last night. The man who we love when he plays the piano held the sheet music. The man who we love when he plays the violin played the piano. But the man who should have held the sheet music played the violin."

vivouk · « **Reply #36 on:** 20 Jun 2006, 05:42 »

Quote from: Jedit

What's the definition of a gentleman?
A man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

True story.

thedevilissix · « **Reply #37 on:** 20 Jun 2006, 05:48 »

Quote from: ironoxide887

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a professional musician?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

*giggles*

.......

*Reaches for the Music-Collegement issue bottle of whisky*

Thrillho · « **Reply #38 on:** 20 Jun 2006, 06:57 »

I can't believe I've not said this already (at the risk of it having already been told) when it's my favourite musician-related-gag.

Stevie Wonder's playing a gig, and after a few songs things are getting a bit more intimate with the audience, so he asks if there's any requests.

'Play a jazz chord!' a guy on the front row shouts. So Stevie plays an Am7.

'Naw, naw, play a jazz chord!' the guy says again. So Stevie plays an Am7b9add11.

'Naw, naw,' the guy says again, 'play a jazz chord...to say I love you.'

Merkava · « **Reply #39 on:** 21 Jun 2006, 11:48 »

I don't get it. I feel dumb.

Thrillho · « **Reply #40 on:** 21 Jun 2006, 16:23 »

Quote from: Merkava

I don't get it. I feel dumb.

Are you a musician?

If so, do you like Stevie Wonder?

Jedit · « **Reply #41 on:** 21 Jun 2006, 16:33 »

Quote from: Merkava

I don't get it. I feel dumb.

It really needs the drunken voice to work.

Hands,yo · « **Reply #42 on:** 21 Jun 2006, 21:30 »

Spartan Pho3nix · « **Reply #43 on:** 22 Jun 2006, 19:53 »

The guy has to be in Tokyo.

The Joke's supposed to go "Stevie Wonder was playing his first gig in Toyko"

And then you end the joke saying "the guy went up on stage and sung "A Jazz Chord...." etc etc"

youbelongtothecity · « **Reply #44 on:** 22 Jun 2006, 20:15 »

Quote from: Faw

You know, it's fun to make stupid music jokes or funny references... but a lot of them don't get appreciated... I was joking about making an emo band called "and the crickets" but none of my friends got it. i wanna hear some more stupid music jokes. Fire away.

I don't get it either.

Houdinimachine · « **Reply #45 on:** 22 Jun 2006, 21:19 »

Ooooh I just called... I get it. That's definitely one that has to be told out loud.

ForteBass · « **Reply #46 on:** 23 Jun 2006, 00:56 »

My theory teacher told us this one once, just piss off drummers:

Three musicians and a drummer die in a car wreck...

That's it. That's the joke. I'm sorry.

Merkava · « **Reply #47 on:** 23 Jun 2006, 14:02 »

Quote from: DynamiteKid

Quote from: Merkava
I don't get it. I feel dumb.

Are you a musician?

If so, do you like Stevie Wonder?

I am a musician. I guess I'm not as familliar with Wonder as I thought. Now I get it.

*slaps self*

Inanimated · « **Reply #48 on:** 23 Jun 2006, 15:06 »

Q:What does the Grateful Dead fan say when the drugs wear off?

"...this band sucks."

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: Lame music jokes (Read 17874 times)

Faw

Zaarin

La Creme

TrueNeutral

daddsy

Faw

TrueNeutral

Faw

Combinethresher

vivouk

thedevilissix

Merkava

Hands,yo

Spartan Pho3nix

youbelongtothecity

Merkava

Inanimated