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The Most Hyperbolized Music Thread...EVER!!!

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Alchemist:
ALL CAPS, MAN...DON'T FORGET THE CAPS

KharBevNor:
This is not hyperbole. I am going to quote a review for Secret Homeland by Ostara which I found on a website, and considered so good I made a whole blog entry about it. Not since ANUS.com's old Burzum reviews has someone ever produced such an ott piece of prose to describe an album.


--- Quote ---
" You miserable, uneducated half-men. You're not at all what we fought for...". So utters a Roman general at the opening of Operation Valkrie, addressing his Germanic captor who offers the general the flames of despair and the passing glory they consume in return for his life which he accepts despite his contempt. The vehicle of Ostara's music then drifts to us through the fog of Europe, the great mother of the grave. At times one may glimpse a spear held aloft, carried in deceitful fists until it is driven into the tragic sons of her soil and their blood that weeps with iron tears. In this work Ostara has created a melodic and beautifully tragic parchment which is soaked in Europe's restless soil. Acoustic and sweeping sounds swirl above the churning cyclic sea of death and rebirth as it rises and floods Europe with strife and struggle before the fall that brought her crashing down in acrid glory towards an impending Ragnarok and the open maw of Fenris, in who's eye one may gaze, fleetingly, at the distant memories of the polar Hyperborean throne drowned in the tidal myths that now conceal it's light. Operation Valkrie provides an informed and textured vision for the listener, strengthened by driving vocals this is a stunning work and is deserving of repeated listenings of the broken glories it envisages. This work rewards on every play and certainly lights the path for Ostara within the rising heathen halls of Midgardr.
--- End quote ---

Alchemist:
Best band EVER!!!: Given your criteria?  God help me, I'd have to say Aerosmith.  I can't think of....OOOOH, what about the Rolling Stones?

...I'm not helping myself here, am I?  See, your criteria aren't what I'd use to necessarily denote "best".  But that's me.

Most Overplayed "Indie" Song EVER!!!: Yeah, this would be an oxymoron.  But eh.  "Inside Out" by Eve 6.  (I hope oneders count as "indie".)

Lamest Idea for an Album Cover....EVER!!!: Sooooooo maaaaaany to choooose from.  But I think this one is FTW:


How can you hate this?  I mean, he's even got the kickass half finger gloves.  And those sunglasses!  Lorenzo Lamas, eat your heart out.

Most Adequate guitar solo...EVER!!!: Oh god.  What a thing to ask a percussionist.  Uh...let's go with the solo from "Dani California" by RHCP.  Vanilla solo, vanilla song, blatant ripoff of the Heartbreakers' "Last Dance with Mary Jane".  Check, check, and check.

Most Ridiculous Hairstyle on a Rockstar under the age of 30 EVER!!!: Do I pay attention to hairstyles?  Geez.  Um.  I submit anything Pink has ever done to her head in the name of "bein all 3xtr33m j0".

So....yeah.

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