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Author Topic: Poetry is an art!  (Read 6188 times)

schimmy

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Poetry is an art!
« on: 08 Mar 2007, 11:13 »

alrighty, everyone. i am currently in a poetry/songwriting mood, and have been working on this one for the past couple of days.
what do you all think? constructive criticism is encouraged, so, please, say what works and what doesn't.
Quote
curtains glow with morning sun.
stay in bed, 'neath white sheets.
wrap tightly, protect yourself.
we burn easily.
night falls,
the feeling doesn't pass.
streetlights glare
show more than i'd like.
close my eyes,
i'm trying to sleep.
try not to stare,
can't help it
more than ever, i see.
stomach grins,
my hunger-strike is over,
eat a burger.
don't care that i've killed
buildings rise with the profits
built on lies of broken prophets
bury the truth,
we don't need it
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mberan42

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #1 on: 08 Mar 2007, 12:39 »

Yeah, pretty much my original post contributed nothing to this thread... My apologies.
« Last Edit: 08 Mar 2007, 13:34 by mberan42 »
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schimmy

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #2 on: 08 Mar 2007, 12:56 »

Yeah, basically.
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Scytale

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #3 on: 09 Mar 2007, 02:38 »

Yeah thats pretty good I like the imagery.  The last bit "buildings rise with the profits \ built on lies of broken prophets" sounds a bit forced to me, I dunno it just seems to stick out a bit awkwardly

Most of the lyrics etc I write tend to be Stream of conciousness, train of thought type things, sometimes I'll have a phrase or something in my head then I'll listen to the music and just make up the words to suit the rythm.

This is a song I wrote about my Grandfather's funeral, it was kind of a cathartic experience writing it, gave me a good outlet to deal with a lot of crap that was in my head. I wrote it nearly 2 years ago now and I still think it's one of the best things I've ever recorded...



Tears streaming down her face
A few cold and lonely people gather here today
"Never again" and life forever changed

Empty and numb
And the casket is carried away
Standing by the grave
Here after departed
"Never again" and its not the same

Cannot think emotionless through he's death
So fucking empty, nothing else left
"Goodbye".


« Last Edit: 09 Mar 2007, 02:40 by Scytale »
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schimmy

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #4 on: 09 Mar 2007, 09:35 »

That's one of my thoughts, Scytale. I liked the line, but didn't have a poem to put it in, so I shoved it in this one. I'll probably take it out in the next revision.
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Runs_With_Scissors

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #5 on: 11 Mar 2007, 00:03 »

I have a poem, somewhere. It's about lesbians. I had to write it for school. Most embarrassing part was my teacher loved it and asked to share it in front of the class, but I couldn't hear her because I had my earbuds in, so I just nodded. NEVER EVER agree to something just because you don't know what it is. Mortifying experiance. It was an OK poem though. I'll try to find it.
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KharBevNor

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #6 on: 12 Mar 2007, 00:25 »

I write poetries and lyrics, and sometimes you cannot tell between the two.

DO YOU EVER DREAM?

Do you dream of a world,
Without the roar of the concrete motorway,
Without the scream of the children at violent play,
But still full of sound?

Do you ever dream?

Do you dream of a land,
Where everybody has died,
But everything?s still alive,
And beauty reigns supreme?

Do you ever dream?

Do you dream of a street,
With no people or cars,
And trees growing in the slums and bars,
And love alive in the air?

Do you ever dream?

Do you dream of the end,
And do you think it?d be a godsend
Do you long for the eschaton
And hope it won?t be long?

Do you ever dream?

Do you dream of a time?
When the roar of the chainsaw stops
And the forests rise up over the mountaintops
And the wildflowers crumble the fences and walls
And there?s no more hatred and no more laws
And the works of men decay and fall
And the few survivors dancing free
Amid the sun and the endless greenery
And the words of Hitler and the words of Marx
Ringing hollow and forgotten as the rotten bark
No more banks or tanks or plazas of stone
Just weeds and rust and lawgivers bones
And there?s no more politics and no more war
And billions dead but we?ll rise once more
At one with nature once again
And do you laugh when they say that this is the end
Do you pray for plague?
Do you pray for fire?
Does your mind fill with flowers as the cities expire?
Do you dream?

Do you ever dream?


SUMMER

The sky today, the brilliant blue
Of a Stormtroopers sunken eyes
The heat today, like a blowtorch
A haze and buzz of flies
The forest dark and womblike
The beach so long and grey
The sea a-froth with sewage
And the dying of the day
The smell of seaweed rotting
Breaking waves and slow decay
Through bleak inhuman suburbs
We have picked our left-hand way
A fire lit with aerosols
Alight with coffin-nails
The sound of us all laughing
Before our organs fail
The clink of ten quid vodka
The hiss of cider spilt
The mournful cry of distant gulls
Beyond the bladderwrack and silt
A bottle filled with hair-spray
Explodes amid the flames
Drunker now we sit and talk
Of thoughts, desires and aims
Well out of sound of human-kind
Choose tracks on an old Zen
Speakers up, for well we know
That all men play on ten
Blasphemy and hatred echoes
Far around the trees
We smile and sing the words we know
To float off on the breeze
The night comes down and distant gleams
Shine out across the foam
A far-off haze of city-lights
I?m glad to not call home
Though the outfall pipes are rusted
Though the sea-wall stones are bleached
Though there?s oceans there to cross yet
Smog-stained shores still there to breach
Though there?s a whole world waiting there
Far beyond my meagre reach
Yet here, I think I?ll stay awhile
Dying on the beach.

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öde

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #7 on: 12 Mar 2007, 01:48 »

The first one seems really familiar, it's probably the 'do you ever dream?' line. Post moar.
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KharBevNor

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #8 on: 12 Mar 2007, 04:16 »

Okay.

THE CHILDREN OUT OF TIME

We are the children born out of time,
Out of place and out of mind.
When honour has died,
And love cheapened.
When beauty is polluted,
and culture trampled.
We are the children born out of time.
When the new eagle has subsumed all.
Music that does not speak to us.
Moving pictures that does not move us.
Art that does not arouse feelings within us.
We are the children born out of time.
Always we hearken to other times,
other places, other feelings,
other worlds, other expressions.
We are the displaced, the unwanted.
There is no place for us here but what we make ourselves.
No beauty for us here but what we craft ourselves.
No inspiration for us here but what we seek ourselves.
We are the children born out of time.
When living Gods of yore lie crushed,
beneath the treads of newer, colder deities.
When man has given all to imperfect science,
and blind faith in a distant, deceiving creator.
We are the slave children.
There is no freedom for us here.
There is no freedom for us now.
There is no joy, no comfort,
no hallowed life that we can find in this mechanical age.
We are the children born out of time.
We are the spawn of chaotic forces,
Born out of wedlock with reality.
We live in different worlds, different aesthetics,
different emotions.
We claw with all our might at the bastion of a harsh,
dismissive world that would seek to consume us.
We are but children, but we are strong.
The times that are ours lie in ages past,
and in ages that never came.
But by our own will, and our unquenchable magick,
we shall make those times again in ages yet to come.
Under different stars and in different worlds,
we shall dance to the beat of our own drums.
We shall cast off the shallow impositions of this doomed time.
We are the children born out of time,
But we shall not die alone.


ALTERNATIVE PENETRATION

Black tears and scarlet blood
Dripping on to polar tiles
Running makeup all round eyes
Like fox-holes in the snow-white
Where the soul retreats to die
Of shrapnel wounds
In the red-flagged bloodstains
Of the gulag of the soul
Gates of the flesh unlocked
With clinical precision
With ravening screeches
She flies like a bird from
The sound of gunfire

Alternative penetration
This is the surgical sexuality
That procreates nothing
But the slow, steady drip of fluids
Urine joins the stream as fear
Undoes the nervous bindings
She comes out to me
Pouring out her very soul
Her life, liquefied, congeals on the floor
It forms a crust, a new womb
Rebirth of the afterbirth
She is foetal, incomplete, grasping, umbilical
She comes all to pieces beneath my caress

She cries just like an infant
But she will always be stillborn



A PEOPLE?S TRAGEDY

Bayonets through bibles
Last cigarettes for libels
One more dance for chivalry
A sealed train brings misery

A thousand thousand cry
A thousand thousand die
Whole generations dead
For want of peace and bread
A hundred poets dream
A thousand women scream
Genocidal strategy
A Peoples Tragedy

A uniformed prophet speaks
His words bring comfort to the weak
But soon the weak shall burn
Nothing changes when the wheel turns

A hundred million cry
A hundred million die
Entire nations dead
For want of land and bread
A thousand warriors charge
Human suffering writ large
The twentieth century
A Planets Tragedy

Add up the tables and graphs
As God takes the left-hand path
Wage a war for blood and oil
But still in shit the peasants toil
When a man puts a thought before life
The only outcome is madness and strife
We must cast aside the tyranny
Of anti-human philosophies

A peoples tragedy...
A planets tragedy...



And now something more silly:

THE CYBERPUNK BLUES

Well, I woke up late this morning,
And it was spitting acid rain,
And I wondered what the use was,
Is it really worth the pain?
I?m downloading disenchantment
Directly to my brain
It?s the little things you see
That?ll make you go insane

Well, my sunglasses have got a little scratch on
And my laser pistols down to its last tachyon
I got these nasty stains all down by black trenchcoat
And the coup d?etat just rescinded my vote.

Just what is a young cyborg to do,
When he?s glitched with the cyberpunk blues?

Oh, my stealth suit shrunk at the laundrette
And my cyber-hound got put down by the vet
I?m trying not to let their system mould me?
Oh, I need a little anti-heroine to come and hold me.

Just what is a young cyborg to do,
When he?s glitched with the cyberpunk blues?

Oh, This little conurbations a dead scene
I?m so tired of the same old Soylent Green.
Now the yakuza want me dead,
Thank goodness for my bullet-proof head

Just what is a young cyborg to do,
When he?s glitched with the cyberpunk blues?
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Scytale

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #9 on: 12 Mar 2007, 05:41 »

I really like "A People's Tradgedy" Khar

Here's some more stuff I've written, just your typical angst riden crap I suppose, this is what insomnia, cheap whisky and Kierkegaard does for you...

Epiphany

It's night and I'm drunk
Still all alone
Starting to feel sick
And I wonder where I went wrong

I lie awake in bed
Cause I'm afraid of what I'll dream
I'm so scared of dying alone

I'm 21 years old
Lazy and a slob
Never had a girl
And I'm already married to my job

I wake up in the morning
Thinking about the rest of my life
Theres really nothing to look forward to
The one thought that consoles me
Is one day I'll die
And yeah I've thought about suicide
More often then I'd like

I'm alone in my car
The thought will enter my mind
Put down my foot and a quick turn of the wheel
And it'll be over all too soon

I never do it
Don't really know why
I hate my life
Fucking scared to die

Used to believe in god
Read a book once
The notion just died
No room in my head
For any kind of faith

I look at my life and think its been a waste
On the career path to nowhere
With a fat wallet for company
I stare at my drink
The glass is half empty
No surprises there
Time to buy another round of happiness soon

And Finally I realize
I don't want to change
This is my life
I'll live it how I can

I may never be happy
I'll never belong
I may be alone
And knowing that
Well its enough for me...

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schimmy

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #10 on: 13 Mar 2007, 16:41 »

Some of your stuff is really good, Khar, well done. Especially, as Scytale said, "A People's Tragedy", and "Do you ever dream?"
Scytale, I really like the line "And yeah, I've thought about suicide / More often than I'd like". I'm not quite sure why I like it, I think it's because it's so casual.

edit: a poem I think I'm almost done with:

untitled ( 8 )

I sit
scratching meaningless words into my arm.
the philosophy of the masses.
I hope one day they will mean something.
Something important
to somebody not
Drive humble men to noble deeds;
a social revolution, wars waged with words for love
not sticks and stones, for breaking bones
save each other, or save ourselves.

I sit
muttering repentance and sorrow
stories of life, of perpetual strife.
Of winning, but losing.
Of trying, but dying.
Is that all anyone does?
Every time a life is saved,
we're just putting it off.
One more day.

I don't see why we must do or die
when all I've ever learned is not to try.
Not much point acting to save ourselves
we're dead already, can't you tell?
« Last Edit: 14 Mar 2007, 12:08 by schimmy »
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Will

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #11 on: 14 Mar 2007, 21:47 »

Scytale, I really like the line "And yeah, I've thought about suicide / More often than I'd like". I'm not quite sure why I like it, I think it's because it's so casual.
That line reminds me a bit of a line from a song on the Gnarls Barkley CD..."and I've tried everything but suicide / but it's crossed my mind (but I'm fine)"
I like them both, because they acknowledge the existence of that deeply despondent mindset, without wallowing in it. They just face the facts, and say "yeah, it's happened." and from that, at least I like to believe, they move on.

I have a whole bunch of stuff that I've written, and a lot of it can be found here. I debated which piece I wanted to post in this thread, and decided to go with one I wrote about a year and a half ago, at a show my band was playing. It's called "A View From The Payphone"
Quote
A VIEW FROM THE PAYPHONE

Created
to contain a figure-head of isolation.
Obsolete and invalid,
with severed communications
that now face skyward -
a reflection of futility
in the scratched and filthy glass.

Then, a path to home.
Now a shelter from the storm.

No longer useful,
yet
necessary.

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Scytale

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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #12 on: 15 Mar 2007, 02:10 »

Thanks guys, glad you like it, that was inspired by a line from a Refused song 'Worms of the Senses":
 "And yeah, I like working doing nothing, not making anything",

I loved the whole deeply cynical yet entirely dissmissive vibe it had going, I wanted to try and put something like that in, my way of  saying, yeah this shit happen, not much you can do about it. Also when I sing that verse it has some nice assonace(sp?)  with "die", "suicide" and "like" all having that same vowel sound ending.

Will,

I like the last stanza, bought a smile to my face...
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Re: Poetry is an art!
« Reply #13 on: 18 Mar 2007, 17:52 »

I wrote this poem for class. It's called 'Exodus'.

We?re dancing in all directions. That?s how it starts. Dressed like nonsense with your tentacles tucked into your pockets. Creeping off-kilter to the beat. ?You?ll come to no good boy! No good at all! ? In your Auntie?s Sunday best ? Let me comb your hair and then we?ll go together.

She?s not very pretty but she creeps well. A vine slides slowly along the surface above us, a defunct safety net. The fall has already been taken. Christ. Didn?t you see it? With your eyes in your handbag probably not. Safe there. God. We?ll have lightning bolts in our eyes all night if we keep thundering on like this.
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