Topic: THE REALLY BAD JOKES THREAD (Read 117580 times)

WriterofAllWrongs · « **Reply #400 on:** 25 Apr 2009, 14:25 »

Poker? I hardly even know'er!

Dollface · « **Reply #401 on:** 25 Apr 2009, 15:31 »

thia ia bad jokes not good ones.

Puki · « **Reply #402 on:** 25 Apr 2009, 15:36 »

Well that was a bad one

J-cob9000 · « **Reply #403 on:** 25 Apr 2009, 20:33 »

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to those in the bar, "Where's the dirty bastard that shot my paw?"

J-cob9000 · « **Reply #404 on:** 25 Apr 2009, 20:38 »

Also:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't banana again?

I'm sorry.

JD · « **Reply #405 on:** 25 Apr 2009, 21:11 »

Rectum? No, I smashed his face in!

pharmmajor · « **Reply #406 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 10:55 »

What sound does a masturbating dandy make?

"Fop fop fop fop fop."

Stryc9Fuego · « **Reply #407 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 12:12 »

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting Batman.
Interrupting Batman wh--
MY PARENTS ARE DEAD!

TheFuriousWombat · « **Reply #408 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 14:41 »

A nun is driving in a seedy neighborhood. She sees a sign outside a dilapidated building that says 'Quickies: $25.' The nun, having been raised in the church and never much exposed to the world is very innocent and does not understand. She pulls in at the convent down the street and asks one of the sisters there, 'sister, what's a quickie?' And the sister replies, '$25, just like down the street.'

Hey-O!

pharmmajor · « **Reply #409 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 16:25 »

Two black guys are peeing off the side of the Golden Gate bridge. One of them turns to the other and says "Damn... this water's cold."

His friend looks at him and replies, "Yeah... and deep."

Dimmukane · « **Reply #410 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 16:30 »

Is the joke that they are peeing while they are swimming in the water? I'm confused.

Christophe · « **Reply #411 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 16:40 »

the joke is that they have huge penises

mbb · « **Reply #412 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 18:37 »

This is one of my favorite tellings of the aristocrats joke: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4Cw-TK62vA&feature=PlayList&p=8548EEC26C6B1D83&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9

I really enjoyed the whole documentary on the joke, but I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea.

ummmkay · « **Reply #413 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 18:52 »

hey did you hear about that guy whose whole left side was cut off?

yeah don't worry though, he's all right now.

pharmmajor · « **Reply #414 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 19:54 »

Quote from: mbb on 29 Apr 2009, 18:37

This is one of my favorite tellings of the aristocrats joke: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4Cw-TK62vA&feature=PlayList&p=8548EEC26C6B1D83&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=9

I really enjoyed the whole documentary on the joke, but I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Yes! That's one of my favorite versions as well. What do you think of this rendition?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Z9cx1MG8w

JD · « **Reply #415 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 20:02 »

mbb · « **Reply #416 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 20:05 »

Quote from: pharmmajor on 29 Apr 2009, 19:54

Yes! That's one of my favorite versions as well. What do you think of this rendition?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Z9cx1MG8w

I don't like versions that can only be done once, as a general rule. It kind of takes out of the funny for me.

pharmmajor · « **Reply #417 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 20:11 »

Quote from: mbb on 29 Apr 2009, 20:05

I don't like versions that can only be done once, as a general rule. It kind of takes out of the funny for me.

I see where you're coming from. But when a body count is involved, there is a more morbid level of humor.

Back to the bad jokes! What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

...Stolen.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #418 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 20:14 »

What do you call a deaf dog?

...

Nodaisho · « **Reply #419 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 23:20 »

Nothing, you have to throw something at him instead.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #420 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 23:34 »

Nosy little fucker, aren't you?

zerobar · « **Reply #421 on:** 29 Apr 2009, 23:55 »

What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?

Telling your parents you're gay.

(I actually kinda like that one)

Jace · « **Reply #422 on:** 30 Apr 2009, 00:01 »

What do you call someone who uses tiny font on a forum?
Kind of annoying for that particular post.

Patrick · « **Reply #423 on:** 30 Apr 2009, 15:26 »

What do you call the entire black population of Vermont?

Carl.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #424 on:** 01 May 2009, 20:44 »

Quote from: PantsFTW on 30 Apr 2009, 00:01

What do you call someone who uses tiny font on a forum?
Kind of annoying for that particular post.

I have a name, you know.

WriterofAllWrongs · « **Reply #425 on:** 01 May 2009, 21:30 »

Obnoxious McSmallText?

Zingoleb · « **Reply #426 on:** 01 May 2009, 21:38 »

No, no, no

Pretentious MacSmallText

Patrick · « **Reply #427 on:** 02 May 2009, 15:16 »

God you are really on a roll with really bad jokes aren't you

Zingoleb · « **Reply #428 on:** 02 May 2009, 23:42 »

I don't know any other kind of jokes.

Vern LaVey · « **Reply #429 on:** 03 May 2009, 09:19 »

Whats the difference between Snowmen and Snow-women?

Cleanish Version:

Snowballs.

Less Clean Version:

Where you put the carrot.

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #430 on:** 03 May 2009, 11:42 »

Alternate ending jokes. Brilliant

Josefbugman · « **Reply #431 on:** 03 May 2009, 11:53 »

Thanks for the bill bailey quote Jimmy

"Three blind mice walk into a bar, but are unaware of there surroudnings so to derive humour from them would be exploitative"

Dollface · « **Reply #432 on:** 03 May 2009, 11:58 »

orginal from me.

haluatko kuulla hyvän scat vitsin?

en

sulta menee kaikki hyvät jutut ohi suun.

now in english

wanna hear good scat joke?

no

all the good jokes miss your mouth.

(please like me)

pwhodges · « **Reply #433 on:** 03 May 2009, 14:54 »

Was it better before you translated it?

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #434 on:** 03 May 2009, 15:43 »

Either way that joke is gold. Haha "sulta menee kaikki hyvät jutut ohi suun."

Classic

J-cob9000 · « **Reply #435 on:** 03 May 2009, 20:17 »

Why did the tomato turn even redder?
Because it saw the Italian dressing and blushed.

Vern LaVey · « **Reply #436 on:** 04 May 2009, 00:03 »

While showing off his new apartment to his mates late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied.
"How does it work?" said the mate.
"Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fucks sake, you asshole, it's 2 in the morning!!"

Orbert · « **Reply #437 on:** 04 May 2009, 12:00 »

That joke goes really well with your avatar.

Will · « **Reply #438 on:** 05 May 2009, 12:25 »

Ok, time for one of my favorite straight-edge jokes!

Q: How many straight edge kids does it take to finish off a case of beer?
A: Only one, provided no other edge kids are there to see him do it.

Dollface · « **Reply #439 on:** 05 May 2009, 23:13 »

Knock knock

whos there?

boo

boo who?

stop crying.

pwhodges · « **Reply #440 on:** 05 May 2009, 23:23 »

<insert obligatory groan here>

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

.

.

.

.

One!

Zingoleb · « **Reply #441 on:** 05 May 2009, 23:26 »

How many drummers does it take to replace a lightbulb?

Ten, one to change it, and nine to comment on how much better John Bonham would have done it.

How many lead singers does it take to replace a lightbulb?

One, he just holds the lightbulb and lets the world revolve around him to screw it in.

Dollface · « **Reply #442 on:** 05 May 2009, 23:34 »

This toiletpaper is just like Clint Eastwood:

- It´s rough

- It´s tough

- And it won´t take no shit

pwhodges · « **Reply #443 on:** 05 May 2009, 23:46 »

The Archbishop of Canterbury, George Bush, the Pope and a schoolboy are in a plane. The pilot comes over the intercom: "We're in trouble and the plane is going to crash - but I'm sorry to say there are only three parachutes between you. You'll have to choose amongst yourselves!"

The Archbishop says " I am the leader of the world's Anglicans!" and jumps.

George Bush says "I am the leader of the free world!" and jumps.

The Pope starts saying "I am...", but the shoolboy interrupts: "It's OK - George took my school bag!"

StaedlerMars · « **Reply #444 on:** 06 May 2009, 00:23 »

Quote from: Dollface on 05 May 2009, 23:34

This toiletpaper is just like Clint Eastwood:

- It´s rough

- It´s tough

- And it won´t take no shit

Hehe

Masterbainter · « **Reply #445 on:** 06 May 2009, 01:02 »

Quote from: pwhodges on 05 May 2009, 23:46

The Archbishop of Canterbury, George Bush, the Pope and a schoolboy are in a plane. The pilot comes over the intercom: "We're in trouble and the plane is going to crash - but I'm sorry to say there are only three parachutes between you. You'll have to choose amongst yourselves!"

The Archbishop says " I am the leader of the world's Anglicans!" and jumps.

George Bush says "I am the leader of the free world!" and jumps.

The Pope starts saying "I am...", but the shoolboy interrupts: "It's OK - George took my school bag!"

Murdered the original version of this joke.. but guess that's why it's in this thread.

Dollface · « **Reply #446 on:** 07 May 2009, 01:26 »

in new zealand men are men and the sheeps are nervous.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #447 on:** 08 May 2009, 00:01 »

A man walks into a bar.

He says, "Ow."

schimmy · « **Reply #448 on:** 08 May 2009, 14:28 »

People once said that there'd be a black president when pigs fly.

Now look: 100 days in and swine flew.

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #449 on:** 08 May 2009, 15:03 »

That's not a joke that's a fuckin PROPHECY man!

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Author Topic: THE REALLY BAD JOKES THREAD (Read 117580 times)

Zingoleb

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