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Terrible Movies Thread
Border Reiver:
A couple of weeks ago the Space Network was showing yet another movie based on the epic poem of Beowulf, the title of this movie was "Grendel".
I've got say this about the story -
if you're in the mood the poem in Old English the poem itself is accessible and a decent read;
The 13th Warrior is a pretty good take on the story, either print or film;
Beowulf and Grendel (starring Gerrard Butler) is a very good take on the story;
The animated Beowulf should be forgotten;
The Christopher Lambert version can be safely ignored, or watched; and
"Grendel" needs to be consigned to the dustbin of history, the actors stricken from the IMDB and the producers who funded this dreck need to be hunted down and slaughtered in violent and public ways as a lesson to others.
To start off the CGI monsters are horrifically animated and cut into the scenes, we're talking CGI by some 2nd semester Computer Animation student kind of bad. The trees in the story were less wooden than the actors, and the props were insulting. I realize that "The 13th Warrior" played fast and loose with the what sort of armour a 9th century norsemen might have, but it didn't go quite so WTF as to put horns on the helmets that would put a Cape buffalo to shame. Combined with Beowulf's multishot crossbow with the telescopic sight (and that was carried like the actor thought it was an assault rifle with the muzzle down) I had to keep skipping the channel to the Home and Garden TV network and Holmes on Homes to keep my sanity and my nerd rage from boiling over.
Although I am a nitpicking history major I can overlook some historical errors/flaws in my stories - provided the acting is decent, and the mistake/error/whatever is either necessary for the story and there is a plausible explanation (doesn't even have to be explained). So, the Leopard tanks painted Panzer Grey and masquerading as Tiger tanks in "A Bridge Too Far" - completely acceptable; the gladiator helmet occasionally worn by one of the warriors in "The 13th Warrior" - within the bounds of enjoyment - everything else looks right and the rest of the movie makes up for it; "Braveheart" - well the story's a good un and the actings pretty fair, but damn the liberties that Mel "I hate the English" Gibson takes with history come close making this movie a fantasy (don't get me started on "The Patriot")
BurningSky:
Us history majors could do a whole thread on inaccuracies in film. Did you see Gladiator? Commudus was strangled in his bathtub by a gay lover who was a wrestler, not Maximus, who was actually killed in that early execution scene (Sometimes frost makes the blade stick).
Anytime I see plate armor in movies set in the middle ages, ugh. Sometimes I joke that Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the most historically accurate depiction of the middle ages on film. They got the costumes right, the ridiculousness of medieval logic, the grime, and the setting. I can't think of another film that gets that close to reality.
MadassAlex:
Today I purchased, online:
- Wild Zero
- The Machine Girl
- Six String Samurai
- Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer/Hunter (can't remember which)
Gemmwah:
The Machine Girl is an excellently hilarious gore spoof movie, I love it.
Border Reiver:
I have just recieved three terribly awesome movies:
Godzilla - King of Monsters
Godzilla's Revenge; and
Terror of Mechagodzilla.
Everyonce in a while you have to indulge your taste for monster movies where you can see the zipper.
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