Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Get off my lawn!
Patrick:
Not an equal voice, no. But if your nearly-adult kid has a different idea about something than you, you should at least consider it and alter your plans accordingly, not just say "I'll consider it" and ignore them/tell them that they're wrong no matter what. If anything that's just going to breed resentment, and I want my kid to be able to not only succeed, but to know that I helped them develop the skills necessary to do the things they did.
A lot of people have the idea that their child is nothing but a mindless slave with just enough sentience to understand instructions to perform a task, and I'm mortified whenever I see people act accordingly. After childhood, the kid's got to survive somehow, and if they can't think for themselves, they're fucked.
A Wet Helmet:
*whistle*
I would ask anyone who has got their panties tied in a knot over my posting to go back and read the very first thing I wrote in this thread. In an effort to not be misunderstood, I went to great lengths to explain that I do listen to and respect my children and I do try to respect their wishes. I also am pretty sure I mentioned that I didn't think what was going on the household (ie "It's mine") was cool.
That said, if you want to continue to believe I said anything else from this point forward, go ahead. There are certainly plenty of people in this world who think I'm a dick. A few more won't hurt me any. Though I would prefer if that's the opinion that's going to be formed, it at least be for a good reason.
If you want to get hung up on minutia about watching tv or whatever... fine. Don't get confused with what I'm speaking about --Kids get an equal vote that can potentially over ride a decision of the parent-- with someone acting like a pre-schooler and having a temper tantrum.
I have three kids. There is one me. I am outnumbered. Right now there is one tv on in the house and it's on cartoons. I sure as hell didn't pick that. The kids want to watch cartoons, I'm fine with that. Hell, I can watch what I want after they're in bed. Big freaking deal.
What they don't get to do is say "Hey Pop, we've decided that we're going to juggle chain saws in the living room and you can't say no because we represent a majority interest in this little debate." See? Because I'm going to shut something that is legitimately dangerous down. That's my job as a parent. Keep them alive, keep them safe. Until they are self sufficient, I get veto power over their decisions.
Don't confuse being a raging prick with exercising a little parental authority. The two can be mutually exclusive. My original post was addressing only the latter.
--edit: The two posts above me appeared while I was typing this and I didn't re-preview.
calenlass:
Idiolect: No, I think the point being made is more along the lines of how the "it's MY tv and MY house" reaction tends to show a lack of respect for the other individual, regardless of their status as child and parent. When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to read at the table; my mom would often get onto my dad for trying to leave the TV on so he could watch the football game or golf tourney reflected in the window. It's the same thing, except in this case her mom's boyfriend disregarded his partner's desire for peace and (most likely) some sort of social family-type time at the dinner table, as well as someone else's desire to not watch football at all. And while I realise that not watching something just because someone else doesn't want to watch it makes you kind of a doormat, unless the other party is doing something important like studying or doing taxes or something, it doesn't mean you shouldn't take note of their request.
It's TV. It doesn't have to be symbolic of your relationship with your children and how you deal with them. It IS symbolic of how you treat with other people, though.
Dude, Wet Helmet, if you are referring to my post, I thought yours was merely thought provoking and recorded my thoughts in a subsequent post. I think pretty much everyone is talking about within reason here, unless someone has an El Bola situation that needs to be addressed. Also, remember that for almost all the people on this board do not have kids, and most (a majority, I think, but am not sure) do not want kids ever, so we speak from our experiences with our own parents and speculate about how we would go about parenting in theory. Also grow thicker skin.
idiolect:
Sure, but no one here was advocating just telling your kid they're wrong or useless or whatever. My impression, at least, was that the only thing being argued against was this sense of grand injustice kids will have when they disagree with their parents about some decision -- because DEMOCRACYEQUALITYJUSTICEFREEDOMAMERICAFUCKYEAH etc etc. Thing is, the parent is in a position of responsibility and authority over a kid -- hence there is none of this "equality" stuff you guys are talking about, and rightfully so. But that doesn't mean the kid is TOTALLY OPRESSED AND IGNORED ALL OF THE TIME. What that means is that a good parent will listen to their children, encourage them to develop those skills you're talking about, but be willing to make decisions and enforce them even if the kid doesn't like it in the immediate. The reasons for this are often because of the kid's best interest (i.e. no ice cream for dinner, no dropping out of high school to join the circus, etc) -- and on the other hand, sometimes a parent ought to be able to make a decision like that for the sake of their own sanity, i.e. "We're going to watch my show right now because I want to and I've had a long day." So much of a parent's life revolves around their kids, it seems reasonable to me that they should get to just DO stuff like that once in a while, especially considering that it's REALLY not a big deal for a kid to sit through a boring tv show or find something else to do (I mean, come on).
However, as I said before, it sounds like that guy's a jerk for reasons totally unrelated to the above (but I guess he was trying to justify it with the above) -- that is, he's ignoring people during a family dinner in favor of a distracting machine that everyone wants him to turn off, including his "partner" (wife?) who he should certainly respect as an equal, and who arguably should have even more authority over what happens than he does in the presence of her own child so as not to undermine her authority in the view of the child.
Warning - while you were typing 2 new replies have been posted. You may wish to review your post.
Gah. I'm posting anyway -- sorry if some of this is obsolete by now.
(Added a few minutes later):
--- Quote from: calenlass on 09 Mar 2008, 17:28 --- Also, remember that for almost all the people on this board do not have kids, and most (a majority, I think, but am not sure) do not want kids ever, so we speak from our experiences with our own parents and speculate about how we would go about parenting in theory. Also grow thicker skin.
--- End quote ---
Yow :/ It might also be worth noting that most of the people on this board are not only not parents but also were children themselves pretty recently. I, at least, had a somewhat different opinion on and understanding of all this stuff just a few years ago, when I was legally an adult and pretty capable of taking care of myself but having moved out of my own parents' house only somewhat recently. Your view of things starts to change a little when your friends start getting married and having kids, and I imagine it changes drastically when you yourself are in that boat.
A Wet Helmet:
No, I wasn't referring to your post specifically. It was more of a comment of the general mood this thread has taken.
One of the tragedies of this type of communication is that it lacks the typical non-verbal cues that accompany a conversation so it's hard to understand tone, etc. Without the benefit of a couple thousand posts under my belt on this particular forum, I fully expect people not to 'get' my style. Pretty much anything I type --ever-- is said with a smirk. I've been doing this internet thing way too long to actually get upset about it. (
Anyway... Knowing that people here don't know what to expect from me led me to come back and try to explain myself. Probably should have stuck with my gut and let it slide without further comment. If I offended anyone, I apologize. That's not my intent, my sense of humor is kind of snotty.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version