Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Get off my lawn!
Switchblade:
--- Quote --- almost all the people on this board do not have kids, and most (a majority, I think, but am not sure) do not want kids ever
--- End quote ---
Even if that's the case (which I doubt), I suspect that it will change with time. The imperative to breed is one of the most deeply-rooted drives in the human subconscious - most people listen to it eventually. Maybe you don't, which is fair enough... but I'd wager that you'll change your mind eventually.
I sure as hell want to be a Daddy. It's something I've always wanted to do, since I became old enough to get my head around the concept. BUT, I'm going to follow my parent's example and not do it until I'm ready - stable career, married for at least a year or two, all that lot. All of which means that there's at least another five years between me and parenthood at the moment
--- Quote ---And has anybody else noticed themselves becoming gradually more conservative as they get older? Not necessarily in the political sense, but rather in that they start to value stability and certainty more, and don't find themselves getting outraged at every little slight and discrepancy in their lives? Shit, I'm feeling it and I'm only 21.
--- End quote ---
Most people go through a kind of "bell curve", apparently. Kids are ultra-conservative and don't deal with change well at all, which is why stable households are so important. Then you hit your teenage/young adult years where you're old and wise enough to deal properly with big shifts in your situation because they only affect you, and you're happy to accept that. Then, you become a parent and start becoming more conservative as any major changes to your life will affect your child as well.
Of course, that may or may not be true for the individual.
Patrick:
That's what I'm afraid of: following my parents' example. You want to see failure? How about that divorce when I was 8. That really fucked me up and has caused me permanent damage (why yes, kids DO value stability) and I'll never get over it even though I know why they split and I hope they never speak to each other again because of it. I am worried that the same thing will happen to me. I am just as nitpicky and control-freaky as my father (ever wonder why I'm not in a band?)
Besides, the dynamic between the sexes is just annoying. I'm talking to somebody about this very topic right now, and it's pretty much a concensus that people are too symbolic, and a lot get pissy when nobody fucking gets what they're saying-but-not-saying. Hinting about what you want without saying it is really annoying, because god damn it I refuse to pick up on every shift of the eyebrow that can mean anything from "I like you" to "I will fucking gut you like a trout and do the same to your family" depending on the distance of a goddamn millimeter.
Barmymoo:
I never used to think I'd want to have children, but suddenly in the last year or so I think a hormonal impulse has kicked in and I realise that I really do want to be a mother. I joke about wanting to have a baby now but the idea of being a teenage parent actually terrifies me, I wouldn't do something so stupid and it would be immensely selfish too, since I couldn't support the child and I wouldn't inflict a screaming infant on an already occasionally turbulent household (and vice versa).
Definitely, getting older can change your perspective on things. An obvious but fairly relevant example is eating vegetables, which I never used to enjoy but now have come to quite like. I see the logic in regular cleaning and sharing out household tasks, particularly since after my mum left (but before I went to live with her) I ended up taking on all the jobs at home and realised how boring and frustrating it was. It's a pity it had to wait until I actually had experienced the sort of unfairness my mum had lived with before I did something about it, but I suppose that's how it works mostly.
My mum's partner isn't a jerk in general. He's actually a very nice, very thoughtful man most of the time. I think it was ruyi who said that most of the problems probably stem from not knowing each other very well and I agree; we have very little in common and I was brought up in a different atmosphere to the one he is used to living in. I'm not sure that time will fix it, but I'm fairly certain that when I leave home and start living on my own, I will enjoy spending time with all my parents far more than I do at the moment.
And Kid van Pervert, I think as I've got older I've been less comfortable with change. I'm not sure if that's to do with increasing conservatism or just an insecurity about my future but it's certainly something I've noticed. Perhaps it's because when you're younger, the changes are less likely to be very drastic whereas when you get older, they're bigger and you have to deal with them alone.
0bsessions:
--- Quote from: A Wet Helmet on 09 Mar 2008, 13:12 ---So are you being deliberately obtuse or did you really miss the pains I took in my post to point out that I did not condone the behavior of the 'adult'? I specifically address the belief of a minor child that he is an equal in the house and has some sort of veto authority. Any child who is raised in such a household is being done a tremendous disservice and is being ill prepared for the really real world in which most of us eventually find ourselves.
--- End quote ---
Here is your first post. I would normally trust one to be able to scroll up and just read it again, but it seems you either didn't read it before posting it, or chose to deliberately ignore it and backpeddle at intense speed (Seriously, if you're going to pretend you said something different, at least edit it the post to pretend you're trying).
--- Quote from: A Wet Helmet on 09 Mar 2008, 11:27 ---
--- Quote from: Barmymoo on 09 Mar 2008, 11:02 ---.. As far as I'm concerned, this should also apply to things like watching TV. If two people would rather not, then we shouldn't.
--- End quote ---
Oh, hell no.
Lookee here: My kids get a tremendous amount of respect from me. They really do. I earnestly listen to what they have to say and what their wants and desires are and I take them into consideration. I don't want to argue with my kids. I don't want to piss them off. I want them to be happy, and if I can make them happy, so much the better. They are not now --and until they are fully self-sufficient they will not be-- my equal though. There isn't a vote. They are children.
It is my job to raise them. It is my job to ensure that they are prepared to enter the world ready to pursue happiness by whatever means they determine best meets their own personal goals. If I have succeeded as a parent, then they will do that without a) taking a premature dirt nap b) getting a sexually transmitted disease or c) going to jail.
In the meantime, I determine what is best for them --taking into consideration their wants-- and they do what I tell them, or face the consequences. So though I personally don't think watching sports on tv during dinner is appropriate, I do see the fallacy of thinking there is equal voice. "We outnumber you and we all want to eat ice cream for supper so that's what we're going to have."
Wrong.
--- End quote ---
Can you explain to me how, in that entry, you didn't both heavily imply that the father was right and outright state that "There isn't a vote. They are children?" If you went to "great pains" to make it clear that the father was wrong and that you are all about fairness, then you done fucked up as it were, cause it assuredly does not even come close to coming off that way. Even with you getting defensive about it and my following up by re-reading it, it still reads as "Yeah, well, I'm an adult and they are not, so tough shit on them." In terms of relevance to the statement you were actually quoting, you outright say "Oh, hell no" and "wrong" in obvious reference to the aforementioned forumite's statement (Unless you were just quutoing him for shits and giggles). What exactly is he wrong about?
No one here's arguing that it's wrong to discipline kids or set boundaries. We all know it's ridiculous to allow one's kids to "juggle chainsaws," but there's no reason to say that one person's opinion matters more than another's, regardless of who's house it is or who's older, especially when the original person in question is less than a year away from the legal voting age.
Honestly, it looks more to me like you said something wrong or poorly worded, decided to get defensive and backpeddle with the speed of a fucking freight train.
A Wet Helmet:
I'm going to share something with y'all. It's not because I think I'm better, or smarter, or wiser than you. I simply think that I've had 15-20 years of hindsight to examine my adolescence.
Here's some things I discovered upon examination: Starting about 1986 I came to the conclusion that I was smarter than my parents.
That I was capable of self sufficiency.
That their guidance was irrational, controlling, and condescending.
I was reasonably convinced that when I wasn't looking they goose stepped around in knee high, spit-shined, jack boots and plotted ways to deny me any fun, freedom, or friends.
I was absolutely certain that they didn't understand me, or what I felt.
I was convinced that my angst --nay, my rage-- was unique and that I was unique as well. All of it, of course, was justified by the fact that I already knew everything I needed to know, that nobody understood me, and that old people were screwing everything up for the youth. If people would just listen to me --and do things my way-- every thing would be much better. Because I have it all figured out! Why won't you listen?
In short, though I understood that I didn't have the worst life possible, I was certainly going to get an honorable mention should that contest ever be held. Likewise, if there was a ever to be a 'boy-genius who is completely capable of making all his own decisions' competition, I'd place pretty well in that too.
In retrospect... not so much.
Starting about 1986, you could chart my bad decisions on a bell curve. That bad decision quotient rapidly ascended through my teenage years to plateau at about age 18 through about age 22, where the curve starts a downward trend.
Sidebar: I wish I knew there was an age somewhere where I would stop making poor choices. Unfortunately, you can only really mark your trends with a few years perspective on those decisions.
So here's what's going to happen when you get older:
You're going to realize that you don't know everything when you are 16, 18, 20, or 22. In fact, the older you get, the more you'll realize you don't know much at all.
You're going to realize that you did some stupid shit when you were a kid
You're going to realize that you were an obnoxious pain in the ass
You're going to wonder how you survived to adulthood
You're going to see the ripple affect that seemingly inconsequential decisions make in your life.
And that last one is probably the most important one. Things you do, or say, or decide now will literally shape the rest of your life. Of course, you can't see that until it's happened.
I don't expect you (collective you) to believe me. I fully expect a reaction of "You don't know me!". Yeah, cool, I get it. And you're right, I don't. I don't know you. Maybe you're the exception. I'll concede that. I'll say this as well though: I thought I was the exception too... and so did everyone else.
So feel free to dismiss me now. I'm not going to argue with you about it. Honestly, I get plenty of absolutely pointless argument from my own teen age child. I get it. I remember. You are a unique and beautiful snowflake. That's awesome. I'm sincerely rooting that you stay that way.
But if there's money on it, I'm betting that in 10, 15, 20+ years you're going to look back and say "Man, I was a dumbass" and you're going to look at the next generation and wonder why they don't believe you when you tell them you really do get it.
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