Fun Stuff > MAKE
Strip try #2 Updated
imapiratearg:
Grammar is your friend, unless you are doing cat macros. In which case you should avoid grammar like the plague.
Synonyms are grammar's homies, too.
WriterofAllWrongs:
"any alive being", eh?
The overall humour of the strip sounds like someone in your position would sound: like you are trying to be funny. It takes a while to find a comical niche, I understand, but this is just kind of high-schoolish. Get creative with it and you'll see a large improvement in your feedback.
As far as the art goes, it seems like you have some skill in MSPaint. That's good. The overall style isn't really eyepopping or anything but if you keep at it, it'll probably start looking a lot better and more original.
--- Quote from: rofflesaurusrex on 20 May 2008, 16:45 ---I like your style but this has caused me no lulz. try again drawfag
--- End quote ---
Hey man, at least he's not Jerkcity.
Joim:
First of all, thanks for all the feedback!
I will work on humour, I'm writing some scripts :)
As for my grammar, well, I'll check it twice now, I'll give the fault to the sucky spanish educational system, where the average english level is 0 xD
Well, I'll definately work on it :D
imapiratearg:
Here's the dialogue written to be bit more humorous:
Girl: "What on Earth are you doing?"
Boy: "I'm replacing Naruto dialogue with PHP and Java Script jokes."
Girl: "You are hereby the geekiest being alive."
Boy: "Says the girl with a Konoha symbol on her t-shirt."
Girl: "Don't make me break out my Jitsu on you."
I don't really watch Naruto, so I forget what they call their techniques or whatever.
0bsessions:
That's one of the biggest problems. You don't want your punchlines to hinge on obscure in-jokes. That's the easiest way for a strip to get old fast, unless ALL the obscure in-jokes are closely related. As it stands, you're digging yourself a pretty shallow niche of "computer geeks who like anime a whole lot." That's a niche of a niche. Not a very broad demographic.
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