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Learning to deal

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pwhodges:
I think one of the most important things I've learnt is that there is not a single or simple right answer to how to deal with life - neither for people in general, nor even for oneself.

At various times I have attempted to "improve" myself, as I am somewhat liable to mild depression.  Twenty years ago I had therapy, which appeared to lead directly to the breakup of my first marriage (after 22 years, so not trivial) - but the therapy was probably part of the process rather than changing me in any way that made it happen, or enabled me to do it.

On reflection, few of the changes that the therapy seemed to instigate have lasted in a major way, though their effect is not entirely gone.  I have not become more assertive, or more successful, or more admirable, or more directed.  But perhaps I am a little more aware of my failures in one or other of these directions, and can then choose whether to make a special effort to modify my behaviour at a particular time - but beyond that I seem unable to go, and I have accepted that*.

However, some of the stuff I do alone, in my somewhat introverted way, seems to me to be having more interest to, and influence on, the wider world around me than the kind of things that convention might suggest were "more suitable" things for me to be doing.  This can put strains on my current marriage (of fifteen years); but I try to find a balance between what is expected of me and what I want that works day by day, because, when all's said and done, sharing one's life and the mutual support which that implies have a lot going for them.

I think what I'm trying to say is, don't expect to find the answer, and then feel bad about failing to.  Each small thing that is realistic is worthwhile, and more likely to help.

Paul

* (edit) Do I think there's a root cause for this?  Yes! - it's because I'm me, and no cure is possible or needed for that.

KharBevNor:
There's no real trick to dealing drugs. Just make sure you buy in bulk, don't put too much mark-up, don't get tangled in organised crime, learn to spot cops. You'll get the hang of it.

tania:
i don't think i know how to deal very well with things. i know that there are people who are worse off than me and i know everything is relative but somehow i find it really difficult to get the logical and emotional side of my brain on the same page. it's hard to distract myself from problems because i'm constantly thinking about so many things at once, so instead of pushing something else out of my brain that i was thinking about, it gets added in. i go to this place where i just think over and over about things i have no control over and feel completely small and helpless and all i can do is wait and be miserable until it gets too mentally exhausting to keep thinking about that stuff. i also absolutely hate crying so basically my method of dealing is to repress everything. once in a while there are breakdowns but i try to make sure they happen when no one is around.

Tyler:
Exposing myself to the elderly.

IronOxide:
My system that I developed is rather similar to Tommy's. I come up with most of my good ideas about my life when I'm nervous and can't sleep, and that's when I figured that.

I was terrified that something wouldn't work out, and couldn't sleep, eat, et cetera, and when I was lying in my bed I realized that I'm alive! Why on earth should I spend my time worrying when I am blessed enough to walk this earth? Honestly, being alive is pretty awesome, and as long as something doesn't get in the way of that, I'm feeling pretty good. All you have to remember when dealing is that things will get better, though you may have to make things get there, or sit tight until it blows over. Don't control things you can't, control the stuff you can, and it'll all work out in the end.

I mean, you're alive, really asking for much beyond that miracle is a little selfish, and you should embrace absolutely everything, including your life, and things seem to always be a little better.

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