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To beat or not to beat

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Alex C:

--- Quote from: inflatable_slide on 20 Oct 2008, 14:33 ---well seeing as i've always been there to pikc him up when he felt shit and offer hima shoulder to cry on, even when i was angry at him i think he is being a bit of a spa!
i think that maybe im the one who puts more work into a friendship seeing as i put the work in and got sweet fuck all back.

--- End quote ---

Fair enough, but you could still see how that may not be a healthy dynamic, right? I mean, you might more or less be his friendship training wheels. I had a really rough time growing up for a number of reasons, but I had a few friends who were always there for me whether I recognized it or not. Once I finally started to turn things around a bit, I found that I sometimes had a hard time relating to them outside of my former "ABLOO BLA BLOO BLAH BLOO" attitude and it took a while for me to feel comfortable with them again simply out of guilt and shame. There were times growing up where I felt like tearing my hair out and telling people "I'm not the same guy, ok?!". I guess what I'm trying to say is you might not have any real options here other than to wait it out and continue to be the kind of friend people want in their lives. Friendships change, and they're not always equal transactions.

benji:
Yeah, I've had friendships like that before. One friendship/relationship I had was built almost entirely around one or the other of us being in crisis all the time, and while we cared about each other deeply, we didn't know how to relate to one another when we were just happy. As a result, we'd manufacture emotional crisis in order to hold the friendship together. At some point, I realized "I'm at a point where I could easily choose to be happy, but I'm choosing to be miserable because she'll stick around and pay attention to me as long as I'm miserable." So I stopped doing that. I let myself be happy and there was some drama because of it, but eventually she decided that she could also be happy and now we're friends. We don't talk all the time (she lives many states away now) but we're close enough. If she's in trouble, I'll be there, an she'll do the same for me. But most of the time, we share good news and have fun talking about the happy things in our lives. Friendship has to be about taking pleasure in the other person's happiness as much as it is about sharing that person's pain. Otherwise it's less friendship then it is therapy.

Now I have no idea what he's actually doing that's making you upset, but if all that's happened is that he's become confident and happy, perhaps you need to take joy in the fact that your friend is happy now. He doesn't need you to comfort him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want you to share in his joy.

StaedlerMars:

--- Quote from: Oli on 20 Oct 2008, 14:38 ---and everything is pouring in, the switching moves of boxcars in that little alley which is so much like the alleys of Lowell and I hear far off in the sense of coming night that engine calling our mountains. But it was that beautiful cut of clouds I could always see above the little SP alley, puffs floating by from Oakland or the Gate of Marin to the north or San Jose south, the clarity of Cal to break your heart.

--- End quote ---

Lets go where this is going.

Oh what, contribute? Don't be ridiculous

jhocking:
Suck the next seven dicks you see.

Slick:
The snow drifted down from the heavens. Heavens, hah, as if they still cared about us. Her still frame lay on the cold ground, as the snow slowly rose around her. At first there was enough heat left in her to melt it to water, but now she was just cold and slightly damp. And she had a knife sticking out of her belly.

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