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[Be My Head]

What are some of your favourite (or not so favourite) review cliches?

I was thinking the phrase "eastern tinged" is overused far too much in reviews and has lost all meaning.

I even did a google search " Results 1 - 10 of about 17,900 for "eastern tinged"

Most of which were reviews for albums that probably aren't really influenced by any eastern music at all. I mean, since when did Alanis Morisette have any idea of what eastern music is?

Now post yours! Go!

[Ballard]

pretentious

[michaelicious]

Kafka-esque?

Here are some of mine:
off-kilter
frenetic
angular
talking heads

[Dazed]

Post-(genre or subgenre)

POST-INDUSTRIALBLACKMETALEMOCORE

[michaelicious]

I thought of another one! It's not really a buzzword but it is probably my favourite phrase ever devised to describe music. I can't remember where I read it but someone was talking about Pretty Girls Make Graves and they said "guitar knife fights". If I could only use three words to describe the kind of music I enjoy most "guitar knife fights" would probably be it.

[KvP]

"jangly"

"bombastic"

"drunken"

[StaedlerMars]

eclectic.

I don't know why, it just bothers me.

[Noct]

"Tour-de-force"

And not at all limited to music reviews. I'm looking at you, movie trailer announcer guy.

[Emaline]

angular

For awhile, every single band in St Louis could be described using this word. Or so reviews of any st. louis band would lead us to believe. "*band name here* haunts us with their eerie angular and jaunty sounds!"


I also hate whenever people compare any off beat rap group to Outkast. Because obviously any rap group who wants to do something different must be copying off Outkast.

[Alex C]

Self-conscious, self-aware and naked.


Reviewers, I really don't care what you think the music says about the self-esteem of the artist. I just want to know the answer to these questions:

1. Does it remind you of any particular band/genre? This is so I can get a sense of the aesthetics and timbre involved. Also, it helps me seperate reviewers from the good, the bad, and the too obsessed with Radiohead/Outkast/The Beatles/Whoever to be reliable.

2. Is it shitty? This is self-explanatory.

3. Is there too many god damned bluesy guitar solos? The answer to this question is vital if I am to preserve what little remains of my sanity.

[Jackie Blue]

I fucking hate "slow burner" and don't know why almost every review I read uses that term.

Why did we need a replacement for "grower"?  I think it's a much better term.

[E. Spaceman]

"soundscape"

[MobyDickhole]

A couple years ago, a guy for the paper I write for wrote an article that talked about how to write an album review and it was essentially a mad lib... it worked almost everytime... I'll try to get a copy of it at some point

[David_Dovey]

"jangly"

and

angular

In fact, can someone actually satisfactorily explain to me what the fuck angular means in regards to music?

[FireAarro]

warm
+
punchy

[Harun]

"indie"

"good"

"amazing"

"wonderful"

[_yoda]

"muscular"

silly band comparisons like "radiohead", "beatles", etc

and of course, the ever-ridiculous "blips", "bleeps" and "bloops"

but what about jaw-droppingly cringeworthy reviews?

ones like this:

A lazy disco light spilled artificial constellations inside the aluminum cove of the makeshift stage. The metal skeleton of the stage ate one end of Florence's Piazza Santa Croce, on the steps of the Santa Croce Cathedral. Michelangelo's bones and cobblestone laid beneath. I stared entranced, soaking in Radiohead's new material, chiseling each sound into the best functioning parts of my brain which would be the only sound system for the material for months.
The butterscotch lamps along the walls of the tight city square bled upward into the cobalt sky, which seemed as strikingly artificial and perfect as a wizard's cap.

from Pitchfork's Kid A review http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/record_review/21226-radiohead-kid-a

perfect as a wizard's cap ... what the hell?

[Thrillho]

Pitchfork have done much worse reviews than that.

Check out their reviews of the Imagine reissue, or The Eminem Show. Fucking terrible.

My personal favourite is the review of that album by Flaming Lips that has four discs. The review is basically one long 'my vagina hurts' rant because the reviewer in question only has one CD player that barely works.

Boo fucking hoo, then why are you reviewing it? Give it to someone else, borrow some other CD players, go to a buddy's house. The point is, the guy DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE FUCKING ALBUM.

It's not a phrase, but my personal pet peeve in reviews is when the reviewer refers to themselves specifically, as above.

[theoryC]

Because wizard's caps have star patterns on them, so that part makes sense.  That is a pretty horrible review though.

I do not enjoy it when reviewers open a review with some random topic that has nothing to do with the music they're reviewing, and then try and transition into the music from the unrelated/unimportant topic.  I know it makes reviewers feel all intellectual, but reviews exist to save us time, not waste it.

Obviously p4k is a primary culprit.

[Christophe]

"jangly"

and

angular

Jangular?

In any case, I've always interpreted "angular" as having to do with chord progessions or guitar lines that are dissonant (there's another buzzword) or otherwise simply untraditional. It describes a lot of my favorite bands, but it also describes a bunch of shitty ones.

[KickThatBathProf]

In fact, can someone actually satisfactorily explain to me what the fuck angular means in regards to music?

Well, "angular" in the sense I've used it refers to melodies or counter-melodies where notes move contrary to the scalar or arpeggiated models that have been used throughout the history of music. Angular melodies usually tend to focus on odd intervals or scales.

That probably didn't explain it too well, so here are some examples in modern music.  
Buck and Judy - Deerhoof
Listen to the guitar part throughout, especially around 2:30.

Atlas - Battles
This song has several instances of well-formed angular melodies riddled with parallelism.  Both vocal melodies revolve around contrasting perfect intervals:  the "chorus" is comprised solely of cascading perfect 5ths and the "verse" is sung in parallel 4ths.  The guitar solo(?) lies heavily on the backbeat, uses major 7ths (rarely used in melodies), and then switches to a flatted 7th mid-line.  The entire breakdown section hinges on repeating the 9th tone (2nd tone).  I could probably go on and on about this song for ages.  In fact, most Battles songs have several angular melodies in them.

If you want examples of classical music that is angular, try The Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky

I wish I could give some more examples right now, but I have class.

[Tom]

I swear that p4k has been getting better over the years, honestly.

[IronOxide]

Their review of Partie Traumatic begs to differ to great lengths.

Tell me why you were disappointed by an album or don't write an article about it. It is the first time I have been disappointed with a P4k review, and embodies every complaint anyone has ever had about them.

But I am sick of the suffix -core. Take of it what you will

[Jackie Blue]

I swear that p4k has been getting better over the years, honestly.

Well, they did hire Tom Ewing.  That's a massive step in the right direction.  Search the site for any of his articles/reviews, they are all pretty stellar writing.

(He's still a sellout because he used to talk about how much he hated them on Freaky Trigger, though.)

[Scandanavian War Machine]

"jangly"

angular

i'm going to take this opportunity to coin the phrase "jangular."

[De_El]

Jangular?

Dude beat you to it, although with less confidence.

[MrBlu]

Comparing any mellow music to Sigur Ros.

[Christophe]

In so many ways, Kerbled.

[Jackie Blue]

Referencing Young Team in every Mogwai album review, ever.

[Tom]

Their review of Partie Traumatic begs to differ to great lengths.

Tell me why you were disappointed by an album or don't write an article about it. It is the first time I have been disappointed with a P4k review, and embodies every complaint anyone has ever had about them.

I actually meant the average quality of the writing.

[MadassAlex]

dissonant (there's another buzzword)

Difference is that "dissonant" is genuine musical terminology.

[dancarter]

"Stripped down" or "Pared down".

Good for describing skinny dipping and potatoes, not music.  They're too vague.

Also, anyone using the word "robust" to describe any form of media should be summarily drug out into the street and shot.

[JayJayD]

What I really hate in music reviews is when they quote entire verses of lyrics without any particular reason.

[eddie]

Sounds like soso band & soso band went to Russia and had a big fight on pirate ship or something.

[Inlander]

"jangly"

I will stop using this word when you give me a viable alternative to the phrase "jangly guitar pop".

[Tom]

When people say jangly, I immediately think about Miracle Legion.

[KvP]

"jangly"

I will stop using this word when you give me a viable alternative to the phrase "jangly guitar pop".

"Byrdsy". Done.

[Inlander]

Man there is just no way that I am ever going to be talking to somebody about the Sundays and find myself using the term "Byrdsy".

[öde]

When people say jangly, I immediately think about Miracle Legion.

When people say jangly I think of Rowland's cat bank. Is it Jangly? Shiny?

[2HourHiatus]

I dunno, when I hear "jangly" I think of minstrels. Just minstrels...

[20 jazz funk greats]

neo-post punk/post-post punk. anyone who uses these terms deserves a punch in the face.
angular bothers me too for some reason.

[Tehz]

When I hear the word "jangly" I immediately think of Danelectros. So like, I just imagine whatever band the reviewer's talking about playing Danelectros.

[De_El]

I dunno, I'm most accustomed to "jangly" referring to the Smiths and early R.E.M. and I don't think Johnny Marr of Peter Buck used Danelectros at that point.

[E. Spaceman]

If it needs to be associated with any guitar, the word Jangly goes with Rickenbackers, which both Peter Buck and Johnny Marr used, as well as the inventor or jangliness, Roger McGuinn

[Tehz]

Yeah yeah yeah, and Rickenbackers also, I think of Rickenbackers.

Twelve-string Rickenbackers.