Damn it I don't know what to do anymore. We love each other, we know that much. That is not going to change and I am completely elated with that fact. But my dumb ass had to move 130 miles away, and then she goes and gets rejected from my school. I shouldn't blame her for that, but I'm afraid a little part of me does. So now I'm stuck up here while night after night she breaks down on the phone. And all I can do is make promises and plans for how good the future will be. Just more promises, more words. We both now I can't follow up on them right now. And I promised I'd marry her someday. Which is what I want. Which is what we both want, of course. But then how are we any different from all the stupid "teenagers in love" who I scoff at? I mean, yes, we've made it through more than uncommitted couples usually manage to make it through. We've managed to stay close and love each other all the more through distance and old secrets and loneliness and so many things. But looking ahead is just another year, maybe more, of more of the same hell. More nights of being apart, of listening to her sigh on the phone and try to be strong for me. I mean, hell, this girl forgave me of everything I could possibly do wrong. She's the closest I've ever witnessed to the perfect girl for me. But I had to choose to move away, and now her voice on a cell phone turns bitter and frustrated sometimes... Only when she's tired, and she doesn't mean it, I know that. But the words she says, the words we both say are the truth. And we don't fight. I look at other couples and I'm amazed. We would never yell at each other, I don't think we have it in us to be mad at each other. But we get worn out, and we tend to turn inward and curl up and be miserable. I want to give her something, something to have that will get her through. I wanted to get her a ring, to prove that I would never change, never leave. But the bloody salesman talked me up and I'm ashamed to admit I fell for all the pretty words. And I put the money down on a ring, and she knew. But now I know that it's too much money, and now is not the right time for a ring. So I... I told her that. And of course she is practical and she understands that it's too much money. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm also taking back what I had promised her. I'm changing my mind, just like she's afraid I'll change it in the future. Another year. What have I done? What do I do?
tl;dr: I have made some stupid promises to a girl I am totally silly in love with and we're both afraid that I can't keep them and she will get hurt worse than ever before and she is just not happy.
