Okay, see there's the candy here in America, I don't know if it exists outside of it, called Laffy Taffy. Little chewy nuggets of delicious sugar. I fucking love this stuff. I cannot get enough. However, the premise of "Laffy" Taffy is that there's jokes on every wrapper! Ooh!
Ostensibly, these jokes are written by little kids, but this is never outright said, so I sincerely doubt this is true. No, I imagine there are grown adults writing these jokes. And I hate them. If these alleged little kids exists, I wish I could win the lottery to hunt every one of them down and just glare at them. Until they cry.
I just bought a giant bag of them to eat.
Let's read them!
If snakes had feet, what would you call them?
Snakers instead of sneakers
Tony, Okay, first this is a classic example of a very very forced pun. A pun so damn forced that YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE PUN IN THE PUNCHLINE. That's pretty much the first fucking rule of a joke is that you don't have to explain the punchline because then it's not funny you twat. Fortunately for you, the amount of funny stayed exactly the same by explaining the punchline by which I am saying that your joke sucked since apparently you are too goddamn stupid to understand things without explaination.
What do astronauts have for dinner?
Launch meat.
Rachelle, your name sucks. Also, I see a flaw in your pun. Most people do not have
lunch meat for
dinner. Was asking what they eat for lunch really endangering your masterfully crafted joke? Or was it perhaps trademarked by some other fucking comic genius? Who fucking knows.
If your dog kisses you, what do you call it?
A pooch smooch
You sick motherfucker.
What month do people talk the least?
February- Because it's the shortest month in the year.
That is some zen shit right there. I prepare myself for a terrible pun and instead I just get a random fact. Connie, I salute you. You played on my expectations well and instead of giving me a terrible joke, you just bypass trying to make a joke at all. Well done.
Why did the old woman tie skates to the rocking chair?
Because she wanted to rock and roll!
Rachelle, I apologize for making fun of your name. You've got it pretty good. Andreanett, call child protective services because your parents are probably related and your grandmother is completely senile. Maybe retardation runs in your family? Don't breed, no matter how fun your brother says it is.
What is black, white, and red?
A baby panda with diaper rash!
There are a thousand fucking punchlines to this joke and none of them are good. When the only goddamn thing I can think of that even did the joke half-well is Sluggy fucking Freelance, you've gone beyond the bottom of the barrel into what jokes would shit if they had anuses.
At this point I've noticed that these jokes are numbered. They're fucking numbered. And the last one is NUMBER 236. HOLY SHIT. WHY. ARRRRRRRRRRRGH.
