Fun Stuff > CHATTER
Please, Just Let Me Die Already
Joseph:
--- Quote from: Professor Snuggles on 11 Aug 2009, 00:47 ---really good friends with this guy, Alex*
--- End quote ---
--- Quote from: Professor Snuggles on 11 Aug 2009, 00:47 ---*obviously this dudes name is not actually Mark.
--- End quote ---
KvP:
So wait, does Alex know that you know about the assault he committed? Even if that's the case, a full disclosure when you confront him should shatter whatever comfort he would take in your prior cozying. From what I'm reading there's nothing that strikes me as heartless in your waiting. You say that Sara has no reason to believe you, but another thing to consider is whether or not you would be perceived as having reason to lie. Anyway, if you can get Sara to a point where she believes you when you reveal Alex as a predator you're actually doing her a favor by effectively removing her from that toxic sphere of influence. If discretion allows you to produce a better outcome from outing this guy in the future, and outing now is obviously risky, why not wait until you're in a better position?
Masterbainter:
--- Quote from: maxusy3k on 10 Aug 2009, 11:15 ---When I told her that I loved her, the actual reaction was:
Me: "I love you."
*she looks at the floor, looks at her boyfriend, looks at the floor again*
Her: "I wish you'd told me sooner."
She split up with her douche boyfriend not long after I spent a ridiculous amount of money on a Valentine's gift for her (unrelated incidents) which was essentially my 'all or nothing' pitch. Nothing happened between us, she wears the ring all the time and she adores it and it didn't make the friendship awkward in any way. This was, I think, the better option and it helped me start to move on a bit from her. I stopped seeing her properly for a while because I was using all my money to pay off loans I'd taken out for the Valentine's gift and in the meantime she had a fling with a much, much older married dude and, a month or so ago, got together with another dude, who is really awesome but worryingly similar to me - she is now trying to get him to grow a beard, something I did during the time we were not hanging out that much.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote from: Professor Snuggles on 11 Aug 2009, 00:47 ---That girl I surprised at the airport(which was awesome by the way,) is really good friends with this guy, Alex*. I used to be really good friends with Alex, but over time I have come to realize that he is incredibly manipulative, selfish, cruel, and quite possibly a sociopath. This culminated when another good friend of mine, Sara**, confessed to me that he forced himself on her towards the end of the last school year. I just had a chat with Mark, ostensibly to patch up our friendship, but really just so that we could be on good enough terms that the girl I'm dating won't have to choose between us if it comes down to that. Her exboyfriend, who is still sort of in the picture, happens to get along really well with Mark, so my inability to even be in the same room as him kind of increases the chances of her getting back with the ex.
So the advice I need here is: am I being a terrible person? I fully intend to confront Mark about this at some point, because Sara is scared to do it herself, but is waiting a heartless thing to do? Things are going really well at this point, and I do not want this relationship to fall apart for such a stupid reason(the friendship, not the rape,) but at the same time I feel like I am in some way alleviating his guilt by not immediately calling him out on this and shunning him. I want to just tell the girl I'm dating what happened, but 1. there's no reason for her to believe me, and 2. realistically she will just tell Mark, and then the drama will commence all over again, but much, much, more seriously.
So, what the fuck do I do?
*obviously this dudes name is not actually Mark.
**and her name isn't Sara.
--- End quote ---
There's all sorts of fail hidden in that relationship mingle. Whatever you decide to do, I hope this girl is worth the crazy drama that is to come.
You are shooting youself in the foot by not talking to Alex* or Mark* or whatever the rapers names is.
Why should the rapee be confronting the dude? he raped her, supposedly...
Your girlfriend would seriously hang out exclusively with her ex and this dude? I'm not saying people can't stay friends with their past relationships, but sometimes there has to be a line. But you know what, i'm sure it's okay for a girl i'm dating to be living with her ex boyfriend, because you know their just friends now... :roll:
If you just started seeing this girl it's not like you have to go up and start blurting about this mark/alex dude being a raper. But if for some reason he comes into the picture of your relationship, it wouldn't hurt to mention it. like say, "yeah him and I used to be friends, but he forced himself on one of my other friends." If she doesn't believe you, just tell her to talk to Sara* or whatever about it. I just hope this Sara* is being honest with you, for you know, your sake of being a honest and sincere partner to your girlfriend.
Yunior:
That's a really bad situation — I hope your friend is doing alright, considering.
All told, I don't think your girlfriend belongs in the equation, though. I'm not saying that a confrontation would be best ASAP, just that whatever you do should be done with consideration for Sara's situation/feelings, not your own. (Like, for instance, the #1 reason you can't "just tell" gf isn't because she might not believe you, but because that's a huge breach of Sara's trust.) I'm not sure if I'm really understanding your situation as you laid it out, but it seems like you are trying to say confronting Mark/Alex would alienate you from a group where your girl and her in-the-picture ex would be spending time together. Actually, I'm also a little confused about your standing with Mark/Alex, so I think I'm gonna hold off on any advice until it's explained in clearer detail.
In other news, I have a huge crush on my gay friend, who is basically my ideal boyfriend in every respect except in regards to being a homo.
He used to have a crush on me (for like two years) back when he was straight (perils of heteronormativity blah blah), and told me today (jokingly) that he feels I'd make such a great boyfriend for him. Because we have such compatible minds.
Why does everything in my life suck? :? :? :?
Slick:
Cut your hair like a boy, tape down your chest, and show to him that what's on the outside doesn't matter.
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