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Please, Just Let Me Die Already
Jimmy the Squid:
Interesting!
The appropriate time to have sex (it is never while on a bus) is pretty much different for everyone. I know couples that had sex on the first date and are still going strong two years later and I've known couples who stayed together for several years without ever having sex (with each other at least). It is safe to say that it is ok to have sex after at least 4 dates, or one month of going out.
As for your psychological issues, they could be a pretty big thing and you may want to tell the dude before you have sex with his body. If you tell him after he may feel strange about it and freak out (because guys can be odd sometimes!) either way if anything eventuates from the whole thing he's going to find out eventually and may not appreciate you hiding it from him. Probably a good idea to bring it up when you guys have The Talk.*
*The Talk is where you have that really awkward conversation that essentially boils down to:
Are you my boyfriend?
Yep. Are you my girlfriend?
Yep.
...Good talk.
The Talk is usually a good place to bring up any concerns you might have like intended long term travel plans, mental or emotional difficulties and crazy ex-partners who have a penchant for axes and screaming.
Josefbugman:
Just an open question to everyone but are relationships really that good? I mean I have only been in two (three if you count holding hands with a girl in year six) and I can't help but be vaguely confussed by it all, all I have ever felt in a relationship is "she is nice, hugging is nice, but at the moment I don't know if I love her and I feel like I am being suffocated by it all". Is that normal or is it just me?
Also I am kind of happy without a relationship and can sort of see myself being like this for a good long time, possibly forever, is that normal too?
pwhodges:
Basically, you won't get it till you get it - and you can't tell when that will be, nor make it happen faster or when you choose. But yes, there is something to be got. Meanwhile, just go with the flow.
pulpfiction21:
--- Quote from: Josefbugman on 02 Mar 2009, 04:41 ---
Also I am kind of happy without a relationship and can sort of see myself being like this for a good long time, possibly forever, is that normal too?
--- End quote ---
Nothing is wrong with that. lots of people don't ever get settled down with anyone, i mean look at the show Seinfeld.
Most people do date though, just for the sexual aspects of the relationship, but that is only necessary if you enjoy sex.
0bsessions:
--- Quote from: Krina on 02 Mar 2009, 02:55 ---How soon is it appropriate to have sex? (I always used to do it pretty much straight away, but a cohort of people tells me that's NOT the way to do it, so I'm confused.)
--- End quote ---
Ignore your friends. Have sex when you feel like having sex. My girlfriend and I had sex the second time we ever even hung out and it was maybe an hour or two after our first kiss. Plus, we were completely drunk. Not the exact way I would recommend it, but with someone you really connect with, the timing is irrelevant, as long as you're sexually and emotionally compatible. Jump his bones whenever you feel like it, those people don't know what they're talking about.
[QUOTE[How soon am I supposed to tell him I'm a nutcase? I don't feel comfortable with people knowing this as one of the first things about me, and I neither want to frighten him away nor lead him on. But my issues (I'm bipolar with pretty much crippling depression, have an anxiety disorder and a number of surrounding issues) are hugely impacting on my day-to-day life right now so I'm wondering how upfront I shoud feel obliged to be?
[/quote]
More than two weeks, but less than a month and after you've had sex is my recommendation. As a man, I'm genuinely more inclined to let eccentricities and the like slip by if I'm getting good sex. That said, having that shit suddenly pop up on you AFTER you've already gotten used to someone can kill the flow of a relationship and I've never been one to appreciate it. You want to get most of that out of the way early in a rather clinical manner, around the same time you discuss how official you are. Don't go blurting all your secrets, as that's a major turn off, but you should at the least describe it as you've described it to us. Just let him know you've got some psychological issues, chief among them depression and anxiety, and be honest about the severity. If you think you feel strongly for the guy, it is very much your obligation to let him know exactly what he's getting into before he's emotionally invested, not after. I've had girls spring their major emotional issues on me after I'd already emotionally invested myself and it's a pretty big violation in my mind. Let him come to his own conclusions with a sufficient amount of evidence about your personality. Keeping it too long also runs the risk of him changing your mind after you yourself are too emotionally invested, thus hurting you more if he decides it's more than he can handle.
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