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KvP:

--- Quote from: Jimmy the Squid on 02 Mar 2009, 04:17 ---Interesting!

The appropriate time to have sex (it is never while on a bus) is pretty much different for everyone. I know couples that had sex on the first date and are still going strong two years later and I've known couples who stayed together for several years without ever having sex (with each other at least). It is safe to say that it is ok to have sex after at least 4 dates, or one month of going out.

As for your psychological issues, they could be a pretty big thing and you may want to tell the dude before you have sex with his body. If you tell him after he may feel strange about it and freak out (because guys can be odd sometimes!) either way if anything eventuates from the whole thing he's going to find out eventually and may not appreciate you hiding it from him. Probably a good idea to bring it up when you guys have The Talk.*



*The Talk is where you have that really awkward conversation that essentially boils down to:
Are you my boyfriend?
Yep. Are you my girlfriend?
Yep.
...Good talk.

The Talk is usually a good place to bring up any concerns you might have like intended long term travel plans, mental or emotional difficulties and crazy ex-partners who have a penchant for axes and screaming.

--- End quote ---
I'm going to agree with Jimmy here. Some people, and this includes both men and women, see sex as the sort of thing that puts a foot in the doorway of a more significant sort of relationship. So as a general rule it helps to be honest before you get to that point, or else you might illicit resentment from the other party (he might think, for example, that you were "trying to get your hooks in him" and deceiving him) Conversely it could be no big thing to him. But your opinion on this matters just as much as his does. It has to feel right on both ends, no?

So give it some time if you have to. And for god's sake, don't use the word "nutcase". You may feel as though you're fucked up at the moment, but if you present yourself as such, and present these problems as these huge things that define you, it's going to be a turn off. Make it clear that you have these issues but that you are doing what you can to work through them. You don't want to give the impression that being with you means always being on your guard and always having the gloves on and having the utmost consideration for your mental state. That's not really a relationship, that's more of a... bomb scare, a hostage situation. Honestly if these problems define your life and you are not able to handle them day to day then it's probably advisable that you not get into a relationship, and find a good therapist. But if you think you can function, and have a good relationship in spite of these things (and lots of people can), then you need to emphasize that when you tell him. Say "I have problems x, y and z. I get sad and anxious a lot but when we're together I'm going to do my best to have fun with you and be happy." Don't say "I have problems x, y and z. I am totally crazy, I hope that's okay with you." Significant others have a certain obligation to support their partners but there's only so much they should be expected to do. They are not parents or psychiatrists. The point of a relationship ought to be the pursuit of happiness, not restoration of sanity.

Krina:

--- Quote from: benji on 02 Mar 2009, 14:08 ---
If you're going to do that, you'd probably better be prepared that he's going to ask to know right then. And if he doesn't, be prepared that he's probably trying to respect your privacy, but at the same time obsessively reviewing all the worst case things it could be. If you tell him that there's something you'll need to discuss at some point, but don't discuss it then, expect him to spend the next several dates looking at you and thinking "she doesn't look like she used to be man, does she?"

--- End quote ---

Yeah, I shave twice every day to avoid the five-o'clock-shadow, I guess I'm a pretty convincing girl!

I guess I'll have to talk to him about it, I'll try to avoid the term "nutcase" although I often use terms like "nutcase" and "crazy" in a flippant way because I get some amusement out of it and sadly, amusement obviously isn't always abundant at my house. If things don't work out with the Scottich boy, I might try to find people who are into the whole "crazy" angle and who like sex with people in straightjackets, who knows!

KvP:
There seems to be widespread agreement on a negative correlation between mental health and sexual prowess. So you've got that going for you.

0bsessions:
Seriously. I cannot stress enough that sex with crazy girls is generally top notch sex.

pen:
Is it better to be crazy or not good at sex?  I'm trying to decide how I want to be offended here...

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