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Please, Just Let Me Die Already

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Jace:
Just tell him that it makes you a little uncomfortable. Its not so crazy clingy since she posted a love poem on his page, that is kinda wierd. You may want to just bring that up with him, like "hey, <ex name here> posted a love poem on your page, tha

I got partway done before realizing that my advice is derived completely from sitcoms, and someone always guts dumped. Nevermind me.

LittleKey:
i think you should definitely bring it up. it's simple, if his hanging out with his ex makes you uncomfortable, then you should work to fix the problem. which in this case would probably be done best by talking to him and saying that it's making you uncomfortable. i wish you luck =).

Darkbluerabbit:
You should definitely talk to him if it makes you uncomfortable.  Don't be confrontational about it though, because there are reasons he might be putting up with her behavior.  If she is indeed going through a difficult time, it might be tough for him to be blunt about his feelings for her.  Telling her that he doesn't return her feelings would hurt her, and if she's already dealing with a lot, he might be afraid to add to her pain.  Is this honest?  No.  Is it understandable?  Yes.  Emotionally needy people have a way of making you feel guilty for avoiding them.

Guido Sarducci:

--- Quote from: skinnyfat on 25 Feb 2009, 21:56 ---Ok, ok, so I will admit that I am a major noob at relationships. Parents are a little crazy about the dating thing. In my early twenties, but the boy I am with now is the only steady boyfriend I have ever had. I don't really know what the rules are, what's ok, and what's not ok. And that brings me to my question...

We've been together for two years, but recently his ex has come back into his life. They talk a lot, A LOT. And this makes me really uncomfortable. I don't want to make a scene, and be a crazy clingy girlfriend who keeps her man on a tight leash. But on the other hand, I do not want to get hurt, and their sudden intimacy is making me really uncomfortable. Especially since it is cutting into the time he spends on me. He tells me she is just going through a tough time in her life, and needs someone to talk to. But as a girl, I think I would find a female friend I could talk to rather than an ex who is currently in another relationship. It would make me less uncomfortable if she wasn't single, I think. He tells me he is happy, and that they are friends. But personally, I don't think friends post love poems on your myspace (which she has, recently).

Am I being crazy controlling not wanting them talking to each other like they are?

Advice please.

--- End quote ---
Oh this is a sucky one. Do the math:

a= your interest in having him for a mate
b= his interest in having you for a mate
c= his interest in her (for whatever reason)
x= the length of your future relationship
y=some other guys interest in you for a mate

If if a+b<b+c then x,a+b+c<y

since I just made all that crap up, it makes no sense really. But basically you should talk to him and make sure he knows that the length of your relationship is inversely proportional to the amount of attention he pays her (or any other woman) for whatever reason.

I don't mean that you should threaten him. I mean that you should tell him you feel threatened and squeezed out and that you should expect a response about how he intends to handle it. A REAL response. ie: he tones down his relationship with her to a degree you can handle or he bails on you or more importantly that your needs are met. You need to figure out what you need from him before this discussion and you need to stand by that, even if it leaves you standing alone. In other words, you should place your own safety over the idea of having a boyfriend. Men are like fish: many in the sea and scaly. Well, not scaly maybe, but there are lots of us out there. And we smell sometimes. Wait no..

I'm sort of a hardass about relationships, but having spent years in the military and seen literally dozens of couple split up due to cheating I have no patience with it. No woman deserves to be cheated on. No man deserves to be cheated on. And none of us should live in fear that we are being cheated on. Trust and openness are literally the only way I know to avoid any of the above.

a note on this being one of your first relationships:

an old sergeant of mine once told me that if you do a thing properly the first time you spend the rest of your life practicing to make it perfect. If you do it wrong the first time you spend the rest of your life learning how to do it right. if this is an early relationship for you, make sure you are trying to do the grown up and ethical thing instead of the "it feels good right now and I'm scared of being alone" thing.

Luck!

Emaline:
I say bring it up. Definitely say something to him, and maybe if its a super big problem, I would hope he'd say something to her.

I'm kinda on the opposite end of your situation. One of the guys that I used to fool around with a lot and had a super huge crush on recently started dating this girl. Dude is also one of my bestest friends ever. Seriously. My roommates have been informed that if ever anything happens to me, they are to contact him first. He is really smart and a really great guy and I trust him with my life.

A bit before he and his lady started dating, we had sort of stopped communicating. We were both just busy and didn't have time for each other, and we sort of got into an arguement about it. I didn't find out about the lady until they were pretty serious, and I was kind of hurt by that. And it was due to us not talking. So I vowed to keep in touch with him more often.

Well, his lady makes him awesomely happy, and that in turn makes me happy, so I really really enjoy talking with him now. On top of that, a bunch of shit went down in my life, and since I basically cannot trust my family, and a lot of it involved them, I turned to him. He has been super helpful, and I probably would not be here if it weren't for him.

Admittedly, I always feel bad when I call, because I am worried that they are spending time together, or that I will interupt them. Twice I've called and I could hear his lady in the background and I felt bad. I don't want to put a strain on their relationship, you know? I really want them to work out. Dude totally deserves it. Plus I love hearing him when he is happy. Its pretty much the greatest thing in the world.

But yeah. If I was making her uncomfortable, or if our talks do make her uncomfortable, I'd more than apperciate her saying something to one of us. I mean, either just her calling me up and saying "hey, I know you two are close but it kind of makes me a bit uncomfortable" or her saying something to him and him saying something to me. It'd be apperciated.

tl;dr: Emaline is a sappy sappy fool. Prefers when her friends are happy, and would want their girlfriends to be all "he's mine, bitch!"

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