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The Terrifying Future Threat of Nuclear Waste According to the Government

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Ozymandias:
My library is a government document repository. This means we get a lot of weird, long documents that the government writes and assumes no one outside of the government cares about (and probably no one inside reads either).

One such subject we get a lot of documents on is WIPP- the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant [Wiki source]. TL;DR: It's a big hole in the ground that they filled with nuclear waste and covered up. As part of creating this, they had to assure people it was safe. Out of this assurance came the document I hold now in my hand: Expert Judgment on Inadverent Human Intrusion into the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant.

This is a real government document written by real people who were paid real tax money to imagine scenarios in which WIPP might be uncovered by people.

Let's take a look inside!


--- Quote ---A Feminist World, 2091

Summary: Women dominated in society, numerically through the choice of having girl babies and socially. Extreme feminist values and perspectives also dominated. Twentieth-century science was discredited as misguided male aggressive epistemological arrogance. The Feminist Alternative Potash Corporation began mining in the WIPP site. Although the miners saw the markers, they dismissed the warnings as another example of inferior, inadequate, and muddled masculine thinking. They penetrated a storage area, releasing radionuclides.
--- End quote ---

They proceed to define probabilities related to the likelyhood of this scenario, e.g.:


--- Quote ---Very high of significant numbers of women and some men having "feminist views"that define 20th-century science as inferior, inadequate, and muddled masculine thinking.
--- End quote ---

Fun!

Let's try another scenario!


--- Quote ---Human Warriors Return From Space, 11991

Summary: Spacebattleship V was returning to Mesa Spaceport when the ship malfunctions. With only partial control, the commander headed for the only nearby area clear of buildings and human habitation, the WIPP site. Although he saw a pattern of earth on the open area, he did not know what it meant. He saw no warning lights. His sensors received no electronic warning. Before he crashed, he fired his forward lasers to reduce the speed of impact. The laser blasting plus the exploding fuel and weapons during the crash penetrated the repository, releasing radionuclides.
--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Likelyhood ---Low that a spaceport will be built somewhere within 500 miles or so of WIPP. (Ha!)

--- End quote ---


--- Quote ---Virus Impairs Computerized People, 11991

Summary: Most of the work in society was done by computerized people, humanoid computer-robots. A virus infected them and spread to epidemic proportions. Computerized people constructing gratte-terres in New Mexico began drilling and constructing shafts compulsively in disregard of their programming prohibitions. Because of the disorienting virus, computerized workers ignored the markers at the WIPP site and penetrated the repository, releasing radionuclides.
--- End quote ---

Now, each of these summaries actually has a few pages explaining in detail exactly what will occur. And there's lots of these scenarios that I'm now too bored with to continue to type out, but include: A fanatical religious cult worshiping the warning symbols at the WIPP site and digging it up, global illiteracy rendering people incapable of knowing not to dig there, or a WIPP museum causing 10000 years of humanity to cling to a figure known as Nickey Nuke.

It's a good read. Check it out.

Ballard:
I uh..

I have no words. I am amazed and amused and absolutely speechless.

nobo:
If you recycle nuclear fuel you can almost eliminate waste. and apparently keep those feminsts at bay.

Dazed:
God damn feminists takin' over my world.

est:
I would feel quite bad about deriding the work of these people, as they are quite obviously pants-on-head retarded.

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