Fun Stuff > BAND
The Most Ungoodly
Tergon:
It's pretty safe to say we've all heard someone say, "This is the worst song of all time". And usually when they say it they're talking about a lousy song, no question. But a recent conversation got me wondering - what exactly makes up a bad song? For example, listening to The Spice Girls makes me want to puncture my own eardrums, but even I have to admit the group had some decent vocal talent. Or how everyone always rags on Country & Western as bad music, but it's largely made up of talented artists playing songs that take a lot of skill to perform. And when an artist or genre is popular, they must have *something* going for them. So, personal opinion is an annoying factor.
That's why I started looking at more objective things. What it boiled down to, I figured, was to keep it simple:
Lyrics - Does the song actually make sense, or is it just idiotic?
Rhythm - Can I shake my booty to it?
Vocals - Is there any kind of decent voicework?
Instrumentals - Can the band at least give me a good riff?
Composition - Is it put together well?
Irony - If it's sub-par for any reason, can you at least say it was a joke on behalf of the artist?
Because, see, even the most terrible song isn't beyond redemption. We've all got that one friend who picks out a homemade tune on whatever instrument they fancy, singing a song about dragons and leprechauns or whatever. And we all hear the latest R&B "masterpiece" about popping a pig's cap with nine booty hoes, or however it goes. And even in the most awful pieces of music, even the pieces that barely deserve that title, there's a glimmer of talent, of potential.
Except for this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJBL1g9DY-k
I present Brandy's 1996 song, What About Us?. The lyrics are chanted, so we can rule out singing talent. The words, when examined, are idiotic at best and gibberish at worst, to say nothing of them not even being an attempt at rhyme to keep the music tied together. The beat is deliberately disjointed, so good luck dancing to it. The instruments are computer-generated, so that's out. Even the voice has been modded, so it's not even her natural voice we hear.
This is, quite literally, a song that required absolutely no musical talent whatsoever to produce.
And I firmly believe it is the single worst song in existence. Not just because of my own dislike of it; but because it goes against everything that you could consider to be music by any reasonable definition.
Why bring this up? Why rant it to you? Why bother with this longwinded, overblown, self-indulgent tripe? Simple.
You see, I firmly believe I've named the Worst Song of All Time. And now I challenge you all, I defy you all... hell, I outright DARE you all.
FIND ME A WORSE SONG.
scarred:
http://www.wired.com/listening_post/2008/04/a-scientific-at/
scarred:
also
http://www.wired.com/listening_post/2008/05/survey-produced/
KharBevNor:
I always thought it was kinda interesting how much the scientifically formulated worst song sounds like Mr. Bungle.
a pack of wolves:
What the hell are you talking about, that song is excellent. Seriously, it has a big riff, randomly stabbing drums, bizarre lyrics... regardless of intention, there is nothing I don't like about their end result.
--- Quote from: Tergon on 24 Feb 2010, 04:32 ---I present Brandy's 1996 song, What About Us?. The lyrics are chanted, so we can rule out singing talent. The words, when examined, are idiotic at best and gibberish at worst, to say nothing of them not even being an attempt at rhyme to keep the music tied together. The beat is deliberately disjointed, so good luck dancing to it. The instruments are computer-generated, so that's out. Even the voice has been modded, so it's not even her natural voice we hear.
This is, quite literally, a song that required absolutely no musical talent whatsoever to produce.
--- End quote ---
Did you actually listen to this song? The singing isn't chanted, nothing extensive but this isn't spoken word. The words aren't gibberish, it's a very straightforward "you're not good enough for me" song. Not the most inspiring stuff, but it's failing is in being too obvious not in nonsense. The beat's more than steady enough to dance to. And it takes musical talent to program a beat and play synths, despite what whiny rock musicians might claim. As for it going against what could be considered music, that's just nonsense. Listen to Lambsbread. That's still music, so the idea this song is outside the scope of music just means you don't listen to much music.
As for your criteria, well, they're pretty bad too. A song making sense or not is massively subjective when bands start getting a little obtuse in the lyrics. Can you shake your booty to it? Fuck that, I like to dance but plenty of music simply isn't designed for that. Decent voicework, again, totally subjective. I think Jon Chang's a great vocalist, you might think he makes stupid noise. Instrumentals? What does this even mean? Composition, how is this more objective than anything else? And what's irony doing here?
Basically all I get from this is that you've got something against R&B, which is silly because R Kelly is better than you.
Worst song ever is My Humps though. You can tell this by the way it is so bad it can briefly put you off breasts.
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