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[Eris]

Ok, here's the deal. You're gonna make some muffins, and I am gonna show you how to do it.

First you need your ingredients! Can't cook nuthin' without ingredients!


You will need:
- 100g butter
- 1 egg
- 1 cup each of milk, and sugar(I used raw sugar because that is what I had on hand. white sugar would probably be better, but it doesn't matter too much)
- 2 cups plain flour (edited to fix the recipe)
- 3 teaspoons of baking powder
- a pinch of salt
-whatever additions you want to add to it. I have cocoa powder, vanilla essence, peanut butter and strawberries.

Then you should turn your oven on to preheat. You need a hot oven all ready, because the mixing of the mix isn't going to take very long, and muffins need to be made quickly. It needs to be at 180C (360F for those who use that) so set it to that.


While that is heating up line your muffin tin. My muffin papers have flowers on them because I am a girl.


Lined your tin? Oven all preheated? Then let's get to the cooking! take the following and dump them in a bowl with a bit of a mix:

(egg, milk, sugar, melted butter and any liquid additions)

Then add your dry ingredients to the mix:

(if you have any dry additions, such as spices, or fruit or something, chuck 'em in here too)

Mix until only just combined. Don't over mix it!


Now comes the fun bit! I put some of the mix in the muffin papers, then added some peanut butter to half, and fresh strawberries to the other.


After that, I plopped more mix on top to cover all that.


Then pop them in the oven for 15-20 minutes.


After they are cooked and a toothpick comes out clean when stuck into said muffins, take them out to cool for a bit.

(which ones are which? Mystery Muffins!)

After they are not so burny, eat those fuckers good and proper. You deserve it.




Now, let's see what you guys come up with! You can add fruit, or jam, make them savoury, stew the fruit and mush it up into the wet ingredients, it's all up to you!

[Eris]

Please note that these didn't turn out as pretty as usual. Last time I made choc peanut butter muffins they looked like this:



I think I overdid the muffin mix because I was taking photos throughout the process and they came out kinda flat. These ones are really super moist and chocolatey though, which is pretty awesome.

[Lunchbox]

Fuckin' that's it, I'm buying some motherlovin' chocolate chips on my way home.
Or do you think chopped up mini Picnic bars would do? I have those at home. Chopped up Snickers?
Fuck yeah chopped up Snickers.

[Lunchbox]

Also: Oh MAAAn do you have those Bakbushka measuring cups because if so I will kill you for them.

[Johnny C]

FUCKIN' A, MUFFINS

[Melodic]

I have muffins down to a fucking artform.

3 cups flour
1 cup whole-wheat flour
1 cup oatmeal
5 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1/2 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups whole milk
3/4 cup unflavoured yogurt
1 cup canola oil
3 eggs
1 zucchini
2 cups dark chocolate chips
1/2 cup walnuts

Pre-heat oven to 360*F.
In a container, add flour, whole-wheat flour, oatmeal, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt.
In a separate bowl, add brown sugar, whole milk, unflavoured yogurt, canola oil, and eggs.
Add dry mix to wet mix and stir until thoroughly blended.
Grate zucchini on medium thickness, add zucchini and dark chocolate chips and mix well.
Spray muffin tray well with baking release, and add mix in evenly.
Top with crumbled walnuts and chocolate chips.
Bake for 30 minutes.
Take care in removing muffins from tray!
Makes one dozen large muffins.


I'm kind of guessing on the heat and time because I use a convection oven to do 'em in.

[est]

I ate one of the muffins.  I ate it with my mouth!

[Lunchbox]

So I made some MFin' muffins, okay? Geez.

First I set my oven. Just like you said. You see?


I got out my goddamn ingredients.


My muffin papers are white because I am experimenting with minimalism.

Anyway I figured maybe like some of this would be all right.


So yeah, I chopped that shit up.


Time to melt the stupid butter.


Get in there.

Our microwave has special code numbering.


Normally when I am making popcorn or frozen dinners I use the timer on my phone instead. It's easier.


So melted. Take that.


Chuck the dry ingredients in a bowl. Forget to take a picture.
Add wet ingredients and stir real quick. Don't want flat muffins. No sir.


Yeah that's come together okay.


Add that fuckin' deliciousness.


Stir in it only just. Then I ladled it out real good.


Yeah, like this.


It didn't quite make 12.


Anyway I figured they wouldn't be awesome enough.
So I brought out some of this American Death Butter.


Get some of that stuff right in there.


Cover that nut butter up and stick 'em in the hot box.


Eat dinner (pasta cooked whilst making muffin batter).

Come back to your muffins 15 minutes later.
Not cooked. Not even.

Come back 5 minutes later.
Not cooked.

Check Google to make sure the little picture symbol you've turned the oven setting to is the right one.
Yup.

Come back 10 minutes later.
Still goopy.

Curse your goddamn oven for being so shit.

Come back 5 minutes later.

Moan at housemates about oven.

Come back 5 minutes later.

Moan some more whilst bitching about how ruined your muffins are fuckin' gonna be. Take them out and glare at the ugliness.


Unpeel a wrapper and poke at the just-barely-cooked batter inside.


Scoff the whole thing down while it's still tongue-meltingly hot.

Go back for a delicious second after downing cold apple juice straight from the bottle.

Lay back extremely satisfied.

[jhocking]

I ate it with my mouth

Lay back extremely satisfied.

[calenlass]

I can make some motherfucking muffins, but it has to wait until next week because I have a paper to write and a costume to make and load-in for dragon*con starts tomorrrowwwwwwww

[KharBevNor]

This sounds ruinously expensive compared to just buying some muffins from a shop. They are probably made by some chinese robot but the robot has good consistency.

Is the butter just melted in a saucepan or something? How do you get it to not be all fizzly and fry-ey? Or is melting butter like melting chocolate and it has to be done special or it's crap?

[Lines]

I will make some muthafuckin' muffins when I move so I can "break in" my new oven. That oven is gonna bake some muffins and it's gonna like it!

Khar, you can melt the butter in a microwave until it looks almost completely melted and then stir it to melt the rest of the way or melt it in a saucepan over low heat and remove it before it bubbles. The only thing that'll mess it up is melting it boils itself away.

[KharBevNor]

Also how much is a cup. I've got loads of cups and they're all different sizes and I'm guessing it makes a difference.

[calenlass]

8 fluid ounces, or 236 mL

[Melodic]

use yogurt instead of butter

[Ladybug]

No process pics, but my brother and I just made these!





There is liquidy chocolaty stuff inside. Still haven't tasted them, but in theory, they are awesome.

[Lunchbox]

Just had one for breakfast. Feel slightly ill, and I'm used to eating chocolate for breakfast, what is wrong with me

[jmrz]

You're getting OLD and RESPONSIBLE.

Old responsible people shouldn't have chocolate for breakfast, they should have All Bran or something instead.

[Eris]

Also how much is a cup. I've got loads of cups and they're all different sizes and I'm guessing it makes a difference.

It is a metric cup, 250mL. American cup measurements are a bit bigger than british cups. Also, it will cost you what, $3 to buy a muffin from a shop, this will give you about 12 muffins! And you can make them whatever flavours you want and they won't be full of preservatives and other nasties. Also it is fun! You could use yoghurt instead of milk, and put a dollop of lemon butter on the top and it will sink into the middle while cooking and it would be an awesome combination. Or melt some while chocolate  and add raspberries to the mix. It is much more interesting to come up with your own flavours and to watch all the ingredients become something completely different.

Also, I have a choc-peanut butter muffin for breakfast today and it was delicious.

[calenlass]

Wait, metric cups are 250 mL? US are only 236. I thought ours were bigger, too. Crazy.

[Inlander]

Australian teaspoon measures are unusually large, too.

So take that, America! And you thought you had the most unhealthy relationship to food! Haha!

[David_Dovey]

Is Aus. still the per capita fattest nation on Earth or did we get re-overtaken?

[Eris]

According to the World Health Organisation we're not even in the top 10 of the fattest countries. Apparently it is American Samoa at number 1, with 93.5 per cent (of population that’s overweight).

Actually, that might also be wrong, lookin at at the WHO's map thingy about it. Confusing!

[KharBevNor]

Also, it will cost you what, $3 to buy a muffin from a shop, this will give you about 12 muffins!

It'd cost about a quid. I am pretty sure we don't have baking powder (not 100% sure what it is actually. Baking soda?), flour, sugar, anything to put in them (strawberries are super 'spensive) cake trays or paper cake skirts so that's a fairly big outlay. Like maybe ten quid? I could have a root around and maybe we'd have some stuff. I don't want to be awkward but srsly.

[Lunchbox]

I think baking powder is a 50/50 mix of baking soda and cream of tartar. Whatever that is. Or you could just use self-raising flour I spose.
Also like, bananas and apples are cheap, and they are excellent things to put in muffins, my favourite actually.

Khar maybe perhaps you could just buy a muffin then and post a picture of yourself glaring at its sugary puffiness to abate the masses.

[Eris]

also, no one is forcing you to make 'em, i just wanted to encourage people to do stuff and muffins are super easy to make and alter.

[Elizzybeth]

Baking really is a pleasure activity, I think, like crafting or sewing your own clothes or something.  It's not about getting things cheaply; it's about having yummy fresh baked stuff hot from the oven, knowing that you made it yourself.  Plus, once you've made the initial investment in the equipment--and if you cook enough that you tend to have things like flour, baking soda, etc. on hand--it's not that bad.

Additionally, I am trying to stop eating so much junk these days and all the delicious-looking chocolate muffins in this thread are making it really hard.  I think maybe I'm going to have to make some bran muffins or something tomorrow to appease my newly muffin-hungry spirit.

[Johnny C]

MAKING THINGS IN YOUR KITCHEN RULES

[KharBevNor]

I am going to make a chair in my kitchen.

[calenlass]

Baking powder is the stuff in the Tesco aisle near the brown sugar and the baking soda that is labeled "Baking Powder".

[Thomas Edison]

Uhhg, fuucck, what's the time?




How much cheap rum have I had?



Well then, I make that
MUFFINDRUNK O'CLOCK




I don't have any fancy paper prisons for these muffins, so some good ol' marge and flour will keep 'em cosy as they bake alive in my fucking oven.



Eggs 'n' sugarrr



Beat beat beat



Butter melt melt melt



Throw it all together with some coco and flour



MALTEASERS MEET MORTAR



MALTEASERS MEET PESTLE



Put goo onto tray, mushed Malteasers onto goo, goo onto mushed Malteasers.

Then everything gets incinerated.



Waste nearly fifty minutes waiting for incineration to commence.



They didn't incinerated, but they did get tasty.



They came out a bit shallow because of the tray but they're still pretty nice to eat, because, y'know, chocolate.



So yeah, muffindrunk = success.





(BONUS MUFFIN ME AND DOG PICTURE)

[jhocking]

Here's my oatmeal:



Does that count?

[tania]

oatmeal is not muffins, they are completely different foods

can't you do anything right joe hocking

[Something Witty]

The last time I made muffins I bought pre-made muffin stuff..

then I committed a mortal, unforgivable sin, and used a sifter to take the chocolate chips out.

Then I was forgiven because I replaced the chocolate chips with mint chocolate chips.

Then within two minutes of coming out of the oven they were mysteriously gone.

[Lines]

Way better than oatmeal. Kid you not, they taste exactly like blueberry muffins. But alas, they are not muffins.

I'm making cupcakes tomorrow. They are similar to muffins if you want pictures.

[look out! Ninjas!]

Switty, why didn't you just leave the chocolate chips in and have double the amount of chocolate?

On a completely related matter our new kitchen is finally almost nearly finished so I can bake things again.

[Alex C]

Twice the chocolate sounds nasty.

[Dliessmgg]

Twice the chocolate sounds tasty.

fyp

[jhocking]

no he had it right the first time

[Lines]

So does that mean if I made muffins with twice the chocolate, I'd pretty much get them to myself? Awesome.

[look out! Ninjas!]

They wouldn't appreciate it even if you did.

[Slick]

Man I think there needs to be, like, twice as much flour in that there muffin mix. I think that explains it lookin' so runny and not rising up like they's supposed to so much.




Those are basically chocolate muffin inside of blueberry muffin. Pretty cool if you ask me.

[Lunchbox]

Oh my god James HOW did you do that?
Also I agree about the more flour for sure. The muffins I make from mixes are really sticky and you can pick up lumps of batter, whereas this was really dribbly even after I added a quarter cup more flour... but then it's worked fine for Hannah before?

The quest for the best muffin recipe continues!

[Slick]

It is just globs of stuff with more gloop poured on top. I think the real trick would be to use a tiny muffin tray to make tiny muffins, top and all, out of a firmer kind of doughy business and then put that dough mini-muffin inside a battery business in a full muffin tray to get it to look relly like a muffin within a muffin.

[Eris]

Ok, reviewing the recipe means I mistook the amount of flour, and yes it is supposed to be two cups. I think I just saw all the ones in a lone and extrapolated when I shouldn't have. Thank you for mentioning it, though, because otherwise I wouldn't have thought of that. Sorry guys, my bad!

[Slick]

Muffins are forgiving. Muffins want to be your friends. Unlike cupcakes, fuck those guys.

[KharBevNor]

Baking powder is the stuff in the Tesco aisle near the brown sugar and the baking soda that is labeled "Baking Powder".

We don't have a Tescos in my town.

[Papersatan]

Stephen and I are making raspberry chocolate chip muffins with raspberries from our backyard.
I used the "basic muffins" recipe from the Joy of Cooking.  
Wisking the eggs, butter, sugar, milk and extracts.  I used vanilla and almond.

Mixing gently with the flour mixture.  

Goodies layered in

all full

They are in the oven now.  

[Papersatan]

Muffins are done (an mostly gone now). 



So Stephen butters his muffins apparently.  I think buttering muffins is a bit excessive, I mean they are full of butter and sugar to start with. 
What do you guys think; do muffins get buttered?

[Eris]

I'd butter your muffin.