Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT - 6-10 September 2010 (1746-1750)
Tergon:
Re: abusive relationships:
If I were to do something racially insensitive - for example, dropping an N-Bomb in casual conversation - I'd be called racist, even if I did not mean anything racially hurtful by saying it. And rightly so. It's not the intention behind the behaviour, it's the behaviour itself that defines what I've done. And far more importantly, it's the consequences. No matter how open-minded I was trying to be, if I'm being a racist prick, I deservingly get labelled as such.
So now let's assume I have a relationship with someone. I don't go out of my way to make them miserable. I don't shout at them or physically harm them in any way. But, even if I'm totally ignorant to what I'm doing, I manage to get them to open their heart before I take a big steaming dump in there. I do this over and over until the person I'm with feels like utter trash, at which point I break up with them. At no point have I intentionally or maliciously tried to hurt them. But, because of how I've acted, this will shatter their sense of self-worth and cause them to question every relationship they have later in life, acting like a damaged person.
The intentions may be different to a "real" abusive relationship. The actions may be different to a "real" abusive relationship. But the consequences, unfortunately, are not. Especially if, like in Dora's case, this happens to you time after time after time. It'd absolutely destroy you as a person.
I do get that if someone is in an intentionally, maliciously abusive relationship, it's a million times worse. So if you've had to deal with that, then someone describing a string of ex-boyfriends who were dicks to be "abusive" may seem like they're cheapening it. And I'm sorry. Still, it's applying different standards to the same category of nastiness. Just because Shitty Thing #1 is worse than Shitty Thing #2 does not mean that Shitty Thing #2 isn't shitty.
Speaking as myself I've never had to deal with that sort of thing, and C'thul'hu willing I never will. But hey, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, and a relationship where one person's left in ruins while the other walks away as a high-and-mighty arsehole is abusive. The end.
EDIT:
Also, yes, I did get The Sound Of Music. Actually I saw that reference as being so easy that I assumed I must have been oblivious and missing what you were really referencing. :D Alas, I don't recognize raoullefere's latest challenge, though.
Near Lurker:
Yeah, unless you're describing it very poorly or not getting the whole story (and from the idea of executives getting counselling and suing, I imagine it's one of those), that doesn't sound like psychological abuse. Which isn't to say there's no such thing - someone comparable to the man in Gaslight would certainly be guilty.
Kugai:
Finally!!!
For some reason I haven't been able to get QC or the Forum to load all day down here where I am in Kiwiland. I kept getting 'Can't Find Server' on my Browser (Safari) and it was even more frustrating when two of my friends, and fellow QC followers (but not Forumites) told me they could get it to load. One's in Alaska and one's in Britain.
Good to be able to finally get back in, but that was totally weird.
Is it cold in here?:
--- Quote from: Lost Coastlines on 09 Sep 2010, 19:55 --- if that is the extent of the "abuser's" behavior, it doesn't amount to gaslighting.
--- End quote ---
Oh, that wasn't the extent of it.
Tergon:
Yay comic!
See, Faye, I could have told you already - all it takes is one little incident where you aren't wearing pants, and your social circle can be destroyed forever.
Incidents that can also destroy your social circle may include:
- Large amounts of yoghurt
- One or more live guinea pigs
- A snorkel
- A bouncing castle
- All of the above, plus no pants
...nobody goes to carnivals with me any more.
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