Fun Stuff > CHATTER
RIP 4LOKO
Allybee:
--- Quote from: Dazed on 21 Nov 2010, 09:57 ---Thank god, maybe freshman will actually have to try to get blackout drunk now.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote from: my college newspaper ---You’ ve done your job pretty well by all accounts. You pulled your anxious offspring through a year of SATs, applications, and acceptance letters, and you lived to tell the tale. All that’ s left to do is pay tuition bills, feel good about yourself, and, every now and then, sneak into your child’ s room, clutch an old stuffed animal to your chest and stare wistfully out the window. Still, you can’ t shake the feeling that something isn’ t quite right, that maybe, somewhere along the way, you made a mistake. And you’re right. You can tell because your child now drinks FourLoko.
FourLoko is an alcoholic energy drink that costs very little. With ten distinct flavors, it’s the malt liquor equivalent of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. And it is the high point of your child’s week.
“I did Blue Raspberry last week,” said Your Child ’14, who has been looking forward to this moment since his hangover wore off at approximately 4:35 last Sunday. “Tonight I’m drinking the Orange flavor.” Well gee, you think, maybe it’ s not that bad. It’s not as embarrassing as crack or vodka-dipped tampons.
“It fucks you up!” said Your Child as the neon colored liquid seeped down his shirt.
Where did you go wrong? Why does your baby boy now turn to that canned fluorescent nightmare on a weekly basis? Maybe you shouldn’t have let him drink so much soda. Maybe you shouldn’ t have used a needle to keep him from wetting his bed.
“Wanna come back-a to my room,” Your Child told Some Girl ’14, “we’ll listen to dubstep, lookit my penizz….”
Well, there’ s really not much you can do about it now. You’ re not about to take the kid out of school, not after the ordeal it took to get the little bastard in. This is the direction society is headed in now, inching toward the inevitable tumble of Western civilization in the year of our Watermelon flavored malt liquor, 2012Loko. You’ re just going to have to get used to it. Here, try this. It tastes like kiwis, if kiwis tasted like refuse and disappointment.
Your Child ’ 14, vomiting, is unavailable for comment.
--- End quote ---
Johnny C:
i love that article
johnny5:
--- Quote from: Johnny C on 24 Nov 2010, 16:00 ---is there any of the alcoholic stuff left? is anyone in san diego willing to get me a can or two that i can pick up when i'm there in february? i'm trying to figure out how to ration my remaining four
--- End quote ---
i will do it sir. i'll go look for em tomorrow
Patrick:
Man I don't get why the government's gotta go all prohibition on fucking caffeine now, all people should have to do is put a fucking warning label on it and shit should be gravy
I mean fuck, Loko hasn't given anybody cancer like fucking tobacco does, but tobacco's still legal for sale EVERYWHERE IN AMERICA
I'm going to deplete my favorite gas station's stock tonight and spend the rest of the year laughing at all the poor fucks who ain't got no Loko
Nodaisho:
4Loko doesn't have hundreds of millions of dollars going into lobbying.
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