Fun Stuff > CHATTER
English is weird
Thrillho:
I saw on QI, or somewhere, I forget where, that apparently the kiss in marriages is based on when the couple would actually consummate the marriage in front of their entire village.
The Seldom Killer:
--- Quote from: Gareth on 18 May 2015, 08:44 ---I saw on QI, or somewhere, I forget where, that apparently the kiss in marriages is based on when the couple would actually consummate the marriage in front of their entire village.
--- End quote ---
Which is very un-English.
Here in dear old blighty we are quite staid about public displays of sexuality. If, should you happen upon our shores, you should witness this, you can rest assured that these are the acts of immigrants, liberals, vegetarians, bankrupt celebs and the morally destitute.
We have established a parallel class system by which people are able to engage in recreational copulation.
Lower or Working Class: Acts of copulation should be mostly joyless with no exclamations of pleasure beyond some light grunting. Please restrict yourself to missionary position unless it's a public holiday. No toys or other diversions. Foreplay is unnecessary. Please avoid any post-coital conversation or eye contact.
Middle Class: Modest amounts of joy are allowed but try not to upset the neighbours, you still live in a semi and don't you forget it. Some variation in positions is permitted but nothing that may be described as athletic. Try not to dwell on the missionary positions, this is supposed to be fun, not a class protest. Toys of a moderate value are accepted as long as they look kind of normal. Other diversions permitted as long as they seem like a bit of benign cliche. At the end of the act, remember to express your middle-class guilt by asking if it was alright for the other party.
Upper Class: OK, so you own the country and there's not much we can do to stop you. However, interfering with anyone beneath you or dying in the act really isn't going garner you the respect you think your money and influence deserves. A couple of times a year, one of you is going to be sacrificed to the tabloids to give the proles and brown-nosers a sense that you aren't any better than them. Try to make sure it isn't one of the really wierd ones otherwise it'll be pitchforks and burning torches all round.
Technically there is a Royal Class of copulation. You aren't cleared to know about it and the instruction manual is very long and complicated. Best not to talk about it.
Thrillho:
That's one hell of a comedic rant!
...You do know I'm English, right?
The Seldom Killer:
Abingdon, a slightly disappointing minor orbital town of one of our classic but smaller cities. A fine example of Middle Englandy Englishness. I bet it's fun to get down the local 'spoons and watch the regulars struggle hopelessly not to be one -ist or another while mostly meaning well, especially Monday Dave. At 8am. On a Thursday. While he eats his daily meat pie brekkie. Double fisted with Carlings.
That lab tech:
--- Quote from: The Seldom Killer on 18 May 2015, 09:21 ---We have established a parallel class system by which people are able to engage in recreational copulation.
--- End quote ---
That somehow reminds me of that Monty Python scene (is it from "The Meaning of Live"?) with that roman catholic family and that protestant family, one with a mass of kids and the others one goes like "but we could if we wanted"... dont remember the details, sorry.
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