I finally went ahead and crossed the line to taking advantage of our open marriage. I went on dates with people I met on dating sites, and in bars and at school. I got a boyfriend, and then another boyfriend. I had sex with a girl then had to break things off and awkwardly see her regularly afterwards. I had sex with a friend, then with another friend and dealt with the inevitable changes that makes to a friendship. I got a girlfriend maybe (I don't want to label that shit yet) and all of this was supremely weird.
I didn't really date before I met Stephen which meant that even though I am 29, I felt teenage awkward in every new situation. Adding to that weirdness is the fact that I am happily married, and I have no cultural context to place this experience in: Happily married but seeing other people. I also couldn't talk about my issues too publicly. My parents and even my best friend don't know that my marriage is open.
Here's to another year of disregarding societies rules and having fun with a variety of people. Here's to having a better idea what I want this year and having less awkward conversations. Here's to getting the balls to confess it all to my best friend, who I think will be quite judgmental about it all.