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Re: Blog Thread IIIb : Look Who's Blogging Now
Eris:
Oh hey, on the parent front, I got a call from my brother a few days ago letting me know that my mum has given my dad two weeks to take anything he wants (that he owns) and to leave. Now, she doesn't live in the same house as him, but she is the one paying off the mortgage, so he is paying her rent; it is her house. We have kicked him out before, (I think this is the third time) but this time she is changing the locks. I am a bit worried because he doesn't really have anywhere to go, and of the few places he can go they are not very good places for him (his family are arseholes and alcoholics themselves, and the last people he stayed with took advantage of him and got him to renovate some of their house). Also she is blocking his phone number because of the myriad of pointless calls she gets from him every day.
But unlike your story, this has been building for a long time. I just hope he realises that he needs help and gets it rather than living with his overweight, abusive, morphine addict brother and ends up driving drunk and killing someone by accident. Parents are confusing people.
David_Dovey:
--- Quote from: Eris on 06 May 2011, 16:47 ---Parents are people.
--- End quote ---
Unfortunately
pwhodges:
It can also be confusing being a parent.
Life...
If your parents have problems, try to see them like any other friends with problems (which can be weird). Help if you can (likely you can't); try not to take sides beyond what's actually helpful to them.
schimmy:
I can't agree with the above point too much. Obviously I don't know how you feel about the possibility of your parents splitting up, but I can provide a little story of how you can cope with it pretty well.
When I was 13, my mum decided her marriage to my dad wasn't working. I won't go into details of why, because that's not really relevant. My sister and I saw it (and still see it) in very different ways. She took it really hard (and turned to the local church and has subsequently become a westboro-style christian, but that's another story). But because my parents never argued in front of me or anything, I was able to approach it with a surprising degree of emotional detachment. What I saw was that my mum wasn't happy with my dad. She'd found someone else who she subsequently married, and as a result she is living a much happier life than she was before. From the off, I saw my mum as just a normal person who needed to be happy with her life, and so I saw the divorce in a good light. My mum was going to be happier, and that could only be a good thing.
I guess my point here is that because I understood that the divorce would make my mum a happier person, it would make her a better parent, so when it comes to parents separating, provided everyone approaches it as adults, aware of each other's needs, then everyone can get through it in a surprisingly happy way, that benefits everyone in the end. Separation might never be fun for anyone involved, but it can still be the best thing to do.
In summary: Happy parents are better than unhappy parents!
jmrz:
I was really young when my parents divorced and the one thing I remember being worried about was that I got to live with mum. I don't think we saw our biological "parent" (I really despise using this word in reference to him because biologically, yes he is, but that is absolutely it) for a year or so after that? When we did it was every second weekend and it upset me and it made me angry a lot of the time, because I just wanted to live with mum. Eventually everything suddenly exploded and I decided I couldn't deal with him anymore and made the decision to stop talking to him altogether. My sister still saw him and it took her a lot longer to make that decision as well.
My sister and I have both since changed our last names (to Mum's last name, she went back to her maiden name and kept it when she got remarried). Mum remarried six or seven years ago now and I consider my stepdad to be my dad now. I don't remember her being unhappy about the divorce because it was definitely a good thing for her, and ultimately us, in a number of ways.
I guess the thing to remember is that they're people living their own lives and if they wont help themselves there isn't a lot anyone else can do for them. Also, they know what they want and what will supposedly make them happy, so you kind of have to go along with it.
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