DEAR BLURG,
My ISP has apparently been blocking me from posting on here (but not reading it? wtf). I think this is the shittiest shit that ever shat. Fortunately, a suggestion by Emilio has led me to a wonderful, if sluggish, workaround, for the time being. ANYWAY. This one is gonna be a doozy 'cause it's gotta cover like uhhhh everything from July onward.
So basically, I arrived in Sitka, Alaska on July 17. That day, I hung out with some really good friends of mine. The next day, I hung out with some other friends who I hadn't seen the day before, including an old, old friend of mine, a girl I knew from my first season here, named Becca. She and I did some catching up, I told her about my time and experiences on the TV show in Albania, and she told me about all she'd done while she'd been living in Bellingham, WA. I met her then-boyfriend, Phil.
Third day, I wound up sleeping with Becca.
Dick move, right? Well, yeah. But she wound up leaving him anyway. He never found out about us sleeping together until long after the breakup, which makes both her and me feel like horrible human piles of shit, but that is how that goes I guess. We started dating immediately after they broke up, and we're actually really, really happy together. For one, I don't treat her like shit like Phil did. For two, we both take out our nympho tendencies on each other. We started out in an open relationship, but after sleeping with a couple of other girls I realized I was falling in love with her. And she had slept with a couple of dudes during that time, but she started falling in love with me too. So we made our relationship mostly exclusive (interesting story in a second...). For three, we both do everything we can to talk things out, to solve our many issues. Not gonna lie, we have a good share of issues. But we work them out.
Interesting, INTERESTING story though. See, she and I had stopped our open relationship, but we both had one Other. She had hers, who currently resides somewhere in Maryland. I had mine, a girl back in Albania. My Other knew about Becca, Becca knew about my Other. Things got bad when I got sick of Becca's Other not knowing about me, though. I knew full well about him (more than I ever cared to), but he didn't know about me (or any of the others, for that matter). That's when I started to get a little annoyed, because damned if I'm gonna be told to tell my Other about the other person I'm seeing/people I'm sleeping with and not have Becca reciprocate, right?
At first I had kindof played along with it, because after all, it is her relationship, not mine. So every time he called her, I'd stay silent, even though I had to listen to every single sweet piece of bullshit he fed her (guy only wanted her as a trophy to start with, but that's another story). And the more and more I did that, the more it grated on me, ate at every single inkling of sanity that my little brain could muster. And so eventually, I started telling her that if she was gonna sweettalk him on the phone, at least take it into the bedroom so I didn't have to put down whatever I was doing and go to the room myself. Fair, right?
Well, that wound up not happening. So eventually I just got sick of it. She got a phone call yet another time, didn't go to the bedroom (and in fact put it on speaker, what the FUCK), and so I texted her saying that I was going for a walk, and that I was pretty damn upset with her, but I'd talk when I got back. She hung up on her Other and tried to chase after me, but I told her "I said we'd talk when I get back, I need this." She kept trying to follow me, but that only pissed me off more. I needed to walk the stress off.
So an hour and a half later (sue me, the world was turning colors it should not turn), I returned to the house. She was on the back deck, talking to her godforsaken Other, and I asked her to talk for a few seconds. She freed herself up to talk, and I talked. Told her that I didn't feel like she gave two shits how I felt about her talking to him so that I could hear everything, and that I'd seen she'd already made her final choice about who to be with. So I said I was ending our relationship, right then and there, and that she'd never have to be confused about it anymore. I won't lie, I said it a lot less diplomatically than that, but I honestly can't remember my exact words.
Anyway, so after telling her that, I went to my bedroom and went under the covers of my bed. And she followed my to my room. I asked her why she followed me. She said she wanted to talk. I told her I didn't want to talk. She said "At least uncover your head." I told her, "Becca, I can't even look at you right now. Not after the complete disregard you've shown for my feelings." She broke into tears and left the room, saying "I guess I'll be sleeping on the couch until I can move out of this apartment."
About 10 minutes later, she came back, and we both burst into tears and fell into each other's arms. And we talked about it. She told me she'd do anything, anything in the world, to fix it. I told her that nothing would ever be fixed unless she told Bret about me. Or unless she told him about having dated Phil (he never knew they were together). Or unless she told him about the guys she slept with while she and I were in the open relationship. Or unless she told her mother about me (yeah, she'd never told her mom we were dating).
We are still working through some of these issues, but I figured I'd at least fill you guys in on ONE thing that's been going on since the last time I posted here. My life never stops being a flurry of crazy shit.
Love,
Me!
