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The (lightheaded) Headlines Thread

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Pilchard123:
Less serious than the one in DISCUSS, how about collecting favourite headlines and news snippets - real or made up - in here? I'll start with one from the Two Ronnies.

Later tonight, new details of the London bullion robbery. At Wandsworth police station, a man who's as deaf as a post and doesn't speak English, with a terrible stutter, bad breath and squeaky shoes is not helping police with their enquiries one bit.

Redball:
In 1962, this headline and subhead in the Battle Creek (MI) Enquirer and News seemed hilarious:

Girl Scout
cookie sale
to begin

1,900 youngsters
to peddle boxes


And a decade later, on a back page in the Daily Tribune of Royal Oak (MI):

Senator beats off, fingers assailants

Loki:
The fact that both threads have the same title in the "view unrecent posts" tab confused me to no end, so I took the liberty to distiguish it.

Zebediah:
A very recent headline that my wife saw - the writer must have been VERY proud of this one:

SILVER POUNDS STERLING

Detachable Felix:
Old news, but important:

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