Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT: 2816-2820 (20-24 October 2014) Weekly Comic Discussion Thread
Aimless:
--- Quote from: sitnspin on 20 Oct 2014, 05:11 ---Obviously there are nuances and extenuating circumstances, and every situation is slightly different, but on the whole I still stand by my analysis. It's also reasonable to say that if you are willing to prevent your friend from dating your ex you are saying that your comfort is more important than their potential happiness. I can only speak for myself, but like I said I wouldn't want to stand in the way of my friends' happiness and I'd not expect them to need or request my permission. I stand by my position that preventing, or attempting to prevent, a friend from dating your ex is a selfish asshole move and reeks of entitlement.
--- End quote ---
Every pair of friends will have to make their own decisions wrt this sorta thing. However, the matter of "getting in the way" of someone's happiness isn't so cut-and-dried. You can't change the fact that you were in a relationship with someone and that the relationship ended, for whatever reason. Usually, if you feel bad about it, you can't immediatly change the way it feels to have that person remain in your life but in a relationship with your friend, a constant reminder of the companionship, love and the happiness you lost or as a constant source of unhappiness caused by eg. the crappy behavior to which you subjected each other. Seen in that light, it's your friend who may be in the way of your healing and your future happiness--never mind making an iffy statement about the legitimacy of whatever caused your relationship to break down, eg. constant contempt and mistreatment in pertinent cases--as much as the other way around. Unless your friend is in very dire straits, there are probably other people out there with which they can attempt to find happiness. You're not really very much "in the way" if there are a thousand other paths for your friend to take.
None of the foregoing is relevant to Marten/Dora/Tai. Marten's a chill dude and he and Dora didn't mistreat each other so much as they were both borked.
aphanisis81:
--- Quote from: Krald on 20 Oct 2014, 04:56 ---
--- Quote from: aphanisis81 on 20 Oct 2014, 04:34 ---
I don't think it's as simple as Krald puts it, but I think you're maybe oversimplifying too. Sure, it's not WRONG to date someone a friend used to date, but I think it's reasonable to say that by doing so, you're basically saying "I'm willing to risk your comfort and our friendship in order to be with this person." It basically prioritizes the romantic relationship over the friendship one.
But there are so many factors. How long were they together? How serious was it? What was the nature of the breakup? Who dumped whom? Is your friend basically over it and getting back out there, or drowning him/herself in whisky and listening to The Cure every night?
--- End quote ---
All i was stating was it was pretty douchy for her to leap on dora the moment she was free, mostly since it was a Dora freak out break up, not hey this just isnt working out, despite marten saying it was a joint decision it really was not. Never said she couldn't date her, just let the poor guy who got kicked out of the relationship not see one of his friends all over his ex within like, weeks.
--- End quote ---
I agree with you with respect to the QC scenario. I was just trying to split the difference as far as applying the ex's friends principle across the board, which I see now you weren't doing anyway. Sorry for misrepresenting your position, wasn't my intent.
sitnspin:
Like I said, circumstances vary. No view is entirely correct in all situations. I did make it clear that this is how I view the subject in my own life. Then again, in my social circles, if no one was allowed to date anyone's ex, no one would be able to date anyone. Even in bigger cities, the dating for us gay ladies is not that huge. But, regardless, as I said earlier the number of potential partners should not be a factor in deciding whether or not to pursue who you fancy.
If a friend broke up with someone because the woman mistreated her, I'd have no interest in dating that person because she obviously doesn't treat people very well. If i just got out of a relationship because the person mistreated me, I wouldn't want my friend to date her because I wouldn't my friend to be involved with someone who would mistreat her, not because I'd be hurt by it.
BenRG:
--- Quote from: sitnspin on 20 Oct 2014, 05:54 ---If a friend broke up with someone because the woman mistreated her, I'd have no interest in dating that person because she obviously doesn't treat people very well. If i just got out of a relationship because the person mistreated me, I wouldn't want my friend to date her because I wouldn't my friend to be involved with someone who would mistreat her, not because I'd be hurt by it.
--- End quote ---
With reference to this particular caveat, it's interesting that one of the terms under which Marten gave his permission was that Dora had 'got her head screwed on'. In other words, Marten was aware of Dora's emotional health issues and would have warned Tai off if he thought it was a bad idea for either of them to try this.
Krald:
Sorry for derailing the thread, i did try and mention it when it was more relevant but it was lost in all the squeeeing
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