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Any tabletop gamers around?
Orkboy:
Pathfinder is my go-to. It's basically D&D 3.75. I started with 3rd edition, though, and my greatest adventuring team was in 3rd. We were playing an evil party. it started off, oh, we're adventurers, in it for gold and glory, we just happen to be evil, but it quickly got more ambitious. I was a tannaruuk, a demon-orc crossbreed. I roleplayed the Leadership feat. Every time we met some orcs, I would yell at them, asking who the chief was, kill him in one hit with my 24 strength power-attacking greataxe, then ask again. Before long, I had hundreds of orcs following me. The cleric, a demon-elf thing, suggested that we needed a better way to get around, and told our slightly crazed gnome wizard to get on it. The gnome had previously made himself a floating iron sphere to keep him safe, decided that a mobile fortress was the next step.
He had covered the window in his floating sphere with a cone to make it harder for people to shoot into, unintentionally making a flying teapot. This tells you a bit about the gnome in charge of making our fortress.
Much of the funding came from our thief, a murderous little halfling who spent every coin he had making a ring to be permanently invisible. Once he did, we never saw him again, though people would often die of unexplained throat slittings. He had the wizard slap silence spells on him and then cleaned out entire bank vaults on his own.
When the tower fortress was done, the gnome revealed that it wasn't just mobile. It could burrow. We asked why burrow instead of fly. He said because shut up. We immediately went about collecting more orcs, then surfaced in the middle of the kingdom's capitol city. About a thousand orcs set about killing everyone, while we went straight for the important people. The city fell in about 30 minutes. So we went from city to city, until finally all the heroes of the world banded against us. The cleric told us he could summon an avatar of his god if we held them off long enough, so he went to the top of the tower and started the ritual. The orcs fell quickly, and the heroes eventually killed my barbarian, the gnome wizard, and even the invisible rogue. They surged up the tower, and reached the cleric just as he finished.
It was at this point that we finally learned who our cleric worshiped. He followed an elder evil, the Devourer, an entity of pure destruction, banished at the beginning of time to the space between the worlds, and if it was ever released onto any of the planes again, it would instantly snuff out all of existence.
The last words to ever be uttered before the universe blinked out were, "Gentlemen, meet my God."
Dalillama:
Orkboy: That is pretty epic.
Orkboy:
In the Pathfinder game I'm running, they met one of the primordial forces. Chaos. Chaos was a chill dude. I intentionally underwhelmed them. Chaos was just some scruffy guy who played with a knife the whole time he laid down the exposition about how Order was fucking shit up. Short version: Good creates, Evil destroys, Order keeps them in balance, and Chaos is just sort of there. He's Chaos, he doesn't have a role in the cycle of the universe, because that would be boring and predictable. He prefers making the wheel of creation and destruction wobble a bit as it goes, but he understands that if he makes it fail, then there won't be any hilarious mortals any more. Order decided to keep Good and Evil balanced by taking power for himself, which may unmake everything. Seriously, everything. The universe, the past, the future, time itself.
Chaos being a chill dude was intentionally underwhelming. I'm setting them up to be expecting something low key for the other three, when in fact, they're going to have to make fortitude saves to stop from vomiting themselves to death when they meet Evil. He's depicted as his greatest servant, the Tarrasque, when he's actually much, much more horrifying. Good, on the other hand, may strike them blind just by being himself, like looking at the sun. Order is posing as a god of Law, and also as the general in charge of the armies of his own church's empire.
Pilchard123:
Aww, you mean he wasn't a milkman called Ronnie?
Orkboy:
I'm not as awesome as Terry Pratchett.
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