I think I really understand what Ethan is saying here. He seems worried that he might end up being a role rather than a person, due to common perceptions as to what a gay man is and is not supposed to be.
In the end, he wants to be 'Ethan, that nice guy' who happens to be gay. He doesn't want to be 'that gay guy Ethan'. You can contrast this with Becky who has an entirely opposite viewpoint - she wants to be in everybody's face. It's basically an expression of their own personalities. Some want to shout it from the rooftops; others want it to be just their business and be as 'in the closet' as they please.
Onto a different subject; I've been thinking about this for a few weeks: If I understood Dorothy correctly, The Kinsey Scale runs from zero to six with '0' being entirely hetrosexual (with no queer leanings at all) and '6' being entirely homosexual (with no hetro leanings at all). I've taken a stab at where various DoA characters lie on that scale (where sufficient evidence exists to make a guess).
Joyce - 1 (She seems to have some very mild homoromantic feelings towards Sal and Dorothy);
Dorothy - 0 (Dorothy, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have any leanings in that direction);
Danny - 2 or 3 (I might attract flak for this; whilst he's bi enough for it to intrude into his subconscious, he seems, at the moment, more hetro-inclined);
Ethan - 5 (Again, I'm expecting this to create debate. It is difficult not to have my perceptions of Ethan corrupted by his 'Shortpacked!' counterpart; he is gay but it isn't inconceivable that he can feel a certain tender romantic feelings towards women);
Becky - 6 (Becky's personality makes it difficult to judge sometimes but she hasn't shown even the slightest hetroromantic inclination to date);
Dina - ? (Dina's strange social disorder makes it difficult to judge. I can see why some considered her an aesexual and it is entirely possible that her feelings for Becky are entirely romantic with no sexual component whatsoever)
Walky - 0 (Although his personality means we can sometimes wonder if he's a '3')
Sal - 0 (Although Sal is cryptic and emotionally damaged enough that there is some measure of uncertainty about how her feelings determine her sexual behaviour and vice-versa).