Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT

WCDT 3611 to 3615 (13th to 17th November 2017)

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TheEvilDog:
Oh I'll do it. And hope it won't get locked this time  :-P

mercykills:

--- Quote from: Case on 18 Nov 2017, 04:06 ---Apologies for double-post & wall of text - Allow me to make an idiot of myself trying to 'mediate' here:


--- Quote from: oddtail on 17 Nov 2017, 01:11 ---To me, it doesn't read as overeager behaviour. To me, it reads like an automatic response of a kind that's more than a little disconcerting. I know I'm probably reading too much into it, but such drastic shifts of behaviour for a minor reason suggest to me that she's been brainwashed, or abused (and not in a comedic way), or otherwise forced to "help" Hannelore to the exclusion of everything else. This is one step beyond "comical" to me, especially considering who her employer is. Tilly was never funny to me, but now her downright Pavlovian responses are more chilling than anything. YMMV.

--- End quote ---

My apologies if I'm trying to explain to you stuff that you already know by heart:
There's people who display that kind of behaviour deliberately, and it is part of the abuse they wreak on others. Yes, they may have been abused themselves in the past, but note that some habitual abusers are very well-versed in turning this into a tool to get their victim to postpone insisting on their boundaries being respected

What happened in the past to a stalker/abuser always matters less than their stopping their shit, right now.

(Yes, personal experience, btw - though mine was so brief & comparatively harmless that I hesitate even mentioning it knowing what others here have gone through. It wears you down into a shadow of yourself in a matter of weeks. Even if you're a six-foot, 180 pounds guy - I remember considering changing my ringtone because my old one made my heart race. I remember almost giving up trying to explain to my family why they please neverever tell this person anything about my whereabouts, don't accept any letters, messages or gifts for me and the feelings of shame and confusion and the fear that they'd think I was the one going crazy. I remember my steadfast belief in my sanity becoming frazzled.)

Note that I'm not saying you're wrong for seeing Tilly the way you do - I'm just saying that it looks a bit like you're trying to make sense of abusive/boundary-disrespecting behaviour from within a normal-person view of interpersonal interaction. Not only is that nigh impossible, that view can be insanely frustrating to someone who experiences stalking/abuse, because a lot of abusers are the world's leading experts in making their abuse appear to bystanders superficially like normal interactions. This can be part of the abusers strategy of isolating their victim socially and cutting them off from their emotional support - the freaked-out, emotional person struggling to explain how a superficially harmless and mundane interaction brings them close to tears of rage is always in a worse position explaining themselves than the ostensibly calm, concerned person they're freaking out about. If the victim is rebuked and believes they were over-reacting this can seamlessly lead into heavy-duty gaslighting and other shit that' hard to come back from. I acknowledge not knowing who Tilly is in Jeph's mind - let's just say that if I saw someone behaving like this, I wouldn't consider it a red flag so much as 1982 Red Army parade.


TL; DR - Way I see it, this is less about what you post, or how you view the interaction, but about the past interactions some of us had and that your view reminds us of those bad experiences, of how difficult it was to convince our friends & loved ones that we're not going batshit, and that the harmless person we're freaking out about is not harmless at all. That's not your fault - it's just ... bad memories, k?

P.S.: Your gut-feeling of 'feeling disconcerted' - for a lot of people, the first time they had that feeling marked the point when they should have run like hell. Best advice I ever got from a head-doctor was "Trust your instincts in situations like this".


--- Quote from: mercykills on 17 Nov 2017, 07:12 ---jfc. No.

No. No. No. No. No. To ALL of this, 'No'.
...

This is a serious issue that thousands deal with everyday but I guess we'll ignore  our collective skin-crawling and treat it as cute and funny cause Taffy's klutzy and she calls Hannelore ma'am or some shit. >.>

--- End quote ---

Solid copy & and agree on the message in general - but I'm pretty darn close to a 100% sure that oddtail is not trying belittle or downplay a serious problem and/or bad experiences of others. It's frustrating exhausting/horrifying/crazymaking/horrible when 'normal people' with their wonderful normal-people-view of social interaction don't 'get' why you're freaking out about that 'harmless' dude/girl, why your face is flushed, why you're close to tears or even shouting at them and why you can't finish your own goddamn' sentences. I remember having that normal-people-view of social interaction, and I remember how I lost it.

Bearing all that in mind: He is not the 'enemy', IMO.

--- End quote ---

Sorry for dredging a week(s) old post up but I felt I needed to address this. My tendency to be blunt in my speaking...especially about certain...topics seems to have caused some confusion. Trust me, mate. I know oddtail is not the enemy, I've been lurking on this forum long enough to know that all of you have the best intentions and that this is one of the most inclusive, understanding communities on the net. I apologize for coming across all, "grrrrr...me want jugular. blood blood yum yum", on Odd, or anyone else.

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