Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT

WCDT strips 3666 to 3670 (29th January to 2nd February 2018)

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JoeCovenant:
Okay...
Let's get personal...

During my last years in what you guys and gals and others would call "High School" (16-18yrs) I had a friend, a guy, and we basically began to spend every waking hour in each other's company. We had the same classes, we hung out at each other's parents (He actually lived with his grandmother, and she basically lived in one room, so..) neither of us were drinkers, and we both played badminton with a couple of female friends and went to the gym together.
We lived in each other's pockets for about 3 years.

When it came to the gym thing, I stopped going for 'power', over fitness.
He went for power and became a version of Bubbles.
We were pals...
Then, out of the blue, he and one of our female friends -  just before I got married  - went to France for a weekend.

When they came back, he cut virtually everyone, previously in his life, out of it.
I found out eventually through one of his cousins (who I was friendly with) that he had "turned gay."
She never quite *said* he had been upset at me about to get married, but the ocnversation circled that particular area...

Now (the terminology aside) I knew NOTHING about this. Had NO idea of his sexuality. (He hid it bloody well... but again, hindsight)

Looking back, maybe some of the signs were there... but, we were virtually living the same life.
So people might have said the same about me... "How couldn't I tell? Wasn't it obvious?"
To which I'd have to say *no* because we were involved in all the same things... But nothing was ever spoken of us in that fashion.
And his coming out was a massive shock to all.

However... If during a night of blethering and stuff he had suddenly turned to me and said... "I think I'm gay, and I'm actually quite attracted to you!"
I dunno if an 18yr old me could have handled that.

NB: Nothing whatsoever against LGBT (i was an actor for over 30 yrs! Hell, I've flirted with guys for shits and giggles and mutual laughter), I've had men approach me in theatre bars because , you know, it's a theatre bar.. I must be gay! And have never sent one off with anything other than! "Wow! I'm kinda flattered, but sorry, I'm not gay!"

But, for my closest friend to (possibly) have been harbouring these feelings... I would have questioned if that was the only reason we ever hung out at all.

So - *I* think that Bubbles is quite right to be uncertain about blurting anything out.
Faye has shown NO leanings towards anything other than hetro relationships in a sexual sense.
And MY fear is that Bubbles might say something... and I dunno what Faye's reaction might be.
(But then, Faye's older than 18, and we're not in the early 80s!)

My other fear is that Bubble takes my friend's route, and decides that this change is too much for them to share with their closest friends and family.
(Not that Bubbles has too many of them) and decides it would be for the best to remove herself from that situation.

... does that make sense? I dunno it's been a long day.

Case:

--- Quote from: ckridge on 01 Feb 2018, 09:45 ---There is nothing wrong with wanting continual company, but you have to be aware that it is unusual to get it from one person, and that if you do, they may want something more. That is where the part about being careless about how you get it becomes problematic. If they have no hope, you have to let them know.

Keeping people on a string when they know they have no hope is OK, I guess, but it makes my skin crawl a little. You are going to wind up feeding that admiration and longing to your ego, and that won't do anyone any good. Anything consensual is permissible, but not everything permissible is a good idea.

It's not just Faye though. Bubbles has to speak her heart.

--- End quote ---

Hmmmh - This is oddly specific. People could be undecided about their feelings, feel that the other is progressing too fast, feel they're not ready (yet), hundreds of thousands of reasons. Humans are allowed to change their minds & hearts, or to be wrong about them. Tricky things, hearts & minds. And they always, under all circumstances, decide about their time, company and body alone. They. Alone. Nobody else.

And who said anything about keeping close company and bathing in the glory of your friend's pain? What kind of sick fantasy is that?  Some people just carry on being friends, others play it a little slower for a while to give themselves time to decompress (I often feel the need) - and yet others invent idiotic 'rules' to justify resenting their alleged friend that they allegedly 'fell in love with' for making an autonomous decision about their time, mind and body - it's called The Church of the Nice GuyTM, and it's a place that nobody past their puberty has a good excuse spending any length of time in.

P.S.: Knowing someone wants more than you are sure you can give, or want to give to them, and not knowing which way to jump, and knowing that every day you try to make up your mind hurts them? Feels shite. Fucking up is bad enough when you pay the bill. Fucking up and knowing another gets the pain while you 'go free' - that doesn't feel good. It certainly didn't feed my ego and didn't make me feel admired. What you're talking about is not ordinary people making ordinary, stupid mistakes that hurt others - that's malignant Narcissism. If that's how you believe you would feel in that situation ... stay the fuck away from me. If you know somebody who feels like that in that situation: Get the fuck out of Dodge, yesterday, or be glad you got away if you did already - people like that certainly don't give a hoot about your 'rules'.

osaka:
Why is it that all I can think of right now is The Last Smashtion.

TinPenguin:
Joe, thank you for that personal anecdote. I think the situation indeed bears a lot of similarity to Faye and Bubbles. And it's a good demonstration of why sometimes, in a situation where feelings aren't likely to be reciprocated, it doesn't seem like there are any options that end well. Bubbles is definitely caught between wanting to say something and not daring to speak.


--- Quote from: JoeCovenant on 01 Feb 2018, 10:10 ---My other fear is that Bubble takes my friend's route, and decides that this change is too much for them to share with their closest friends and family.
(Not that Bubbles has too many of them) and decides it would be for the best to remove herself from that situation.

--- End quote ---

This would be heartbreakingly in character for Bubbles, but also derail so much of the progress that's she's made. Which is something that hits home for me too.

Case:

--- Quote from: JoeCovenant on 01 Feb 2018, 10:10 ---Okay...
Let's get personal...

--- End quote ---

When I heard shortly after Gymnasium (about '94, 20ish) that one of my classmates/acquaintances had come out, I also had an "Oh? Oooooh!"-moment. The early 90s were probably a lot more relaxed than the 80s, but I guess LGBT-people were still playing it fairly safe (otoh, I'm not exactly Mr. Observant even at 44, so ymmv).

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