Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT strips 3681 to 3685 (19-23 February 2018)
brightwings00:
--- Quote from: Emperor Norton on 24 Feb 2018, 08:08 ---I am honestly baffled that "hey, check your emotions and try and make sure that they aren't controlling you" is getting blowback.
And no one called Marigold a monster. I've repeatedly said that my issue is that NO ONE in the comic is actually bringing up that that level of jealousy is a problem in and of itself. If you can't handle your SO talking to a coworker and laughing because they happen to be pretty, then there is some fundamental problem that you need to work on. That is not healthy. It's a disproportionate reaction to a frankly benign circumstance.
If I got angry enough to stomp out of the room every time my wife put the Milk in the door of the fridge rather than the main compartment, would you think that that is reasonable and that there is no burden on me to learn to deal with something so small and petty?
--- End quote ---
Yes, because I have personally experienced the horror of goopy half-solid milk that's gone bad.
More seriously, though, I'm not saying that Marigold doesn't need to learn healthy coping mechanisms, for her own sake and for everyone's sake around her. Nor is she justified in lashing out or treating anyone poorly. I'm saying the most effective therapy sessions I've ever had were where the therapist let me vent, no matter what awful stuff I said--stuff that I would feel terrible about saying to anybody's face, stuff that I don't even really believe--and didn't judge me for it, but let me sit with the anger and resentment, acknowledged it, and then talked me through it. If my therapist had said "Wow, that's really horrible, how can you think like that?", I guarantee you I would've clammed up tight and suppressed everything into a tiny ball until it exploded.
Emperor Norton:
Well, of course, you don't say "Wow that is horrible."
I would probably approach it by reversing the situation.
Something like "Well, what if Angus was visiting, and Dale saw you laughing at something Angus said, and he got upset and stomped out when you said you thought he was funny/smart/handsome whatever in response to some questions? Angus is a funny guy, I mean, his job is to be funny. And he's good-looking, and he is pretty smart."
Marigold is not empathetic and is self-absorbed. And it has nothing to do with malice, intent, or being a bad person or anything like that. When she is made aware of how what she is doing is affecting others, she tends to do the right thing, she just doesn't tend to think from other people's perspective at all. And no one seems to be helping her see how what she is doing is affecting others.
Is it cold in here?:
--- Quote from: ckridge on 23 Feb 2018, 04:56 ---The robots are acting as Hopalong Freud here.
--- End quote ---
My wife compares their emotional and dramatic role to that of servants in 17th century French plays.
I was so in awe of her nerdhood that I didn't ask what she meant.
Is it cold in here?:
--- Quote from: Tova on 23 Feb 2018, 15:36 ---
--- Quote from: Emperor Norton on 23 Feb 2018, 13:49 ---On Dale's side, sure, but on Marigold's side, this isn't about communicating, this is about learning to control your feelings.
--- End quote ---
I'm being finicky, or maybe I'm misinterpreting you, but it's about developing self-esteem and security in the relationship. It's also about expressing her feelings more effectively and confidently, which is where the communication part comes in.
I think that feeling intensely jealous but controlling her feelings (aka bottling them up) is less healthy than what we've already seen.
--- End quote ---
To me, developing self esteem and security, and expressing feelings instead of what Marigold did, are emotional self-control. They are the strategic version, where an example of tactical control is breaking contact and taking a long walk when angry.
It all takes skill and practice. Marigold's had neither. She's causing unnecessary damage but it's understandable, whether or not it's excusable.
Trying to deny or freeze feelings, which I think is what you mean by "bottling them up", I agree is less healthy. It also doesn't work in the long run.
EDIT: added a badly needed comma.
brightwings00:
--- Quote from: Emperor Norton on 24 Feb 2018, 09:40 ---Well, of course, you don't say "Wow that is horrible."
I would probably approach it by reversing the situation.
Something like "Well, what if Angus was visiting, and Dale saw you laughing at something Angus said, and he got upset and stomped out when you said you thought he was funny/smart/handsome whatever in response to some questions? Angus is a funny guy, I mean, his job is to be funny. And he's good-looking, and he is pretty smart."
--- End quote ---
True, and the talking-it-through-and-being-reasonable part is important. I think it's just important not to suppress or bottle up feelings in favour of being reasonable (which puts you in the 'cool girl' situation)--that it's healthy to let it out in a controlled environment and talk about it and be honest, and have someone acknowledge you and validate you. Which is why, when you mention Marigold being self-absorbed below (and I agree, it's one of her faults), I think she'd benefit from seeing a therapist who can validate her feelings and talk to her about her behaviour from a neutral point of view.
(Honestly, I think everybody would benefit from seeing a therapist once in a while. We go to our doctors for physical checkups but we don't check up on our mental health?)
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