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Fun Stuff => BAND => Topic started by: Faw on 17 Jun 2006, 03:44

Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Faw on 17 Jun 2006, 03:44
You know, it's fun to make stupid music jokes or funny references... but a lot of them don't get appreciated... I was joking about making an emo band called "and the crickets" but none of my friends got it.  i wanna hear some more stupid music jokes.  Fire away.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Zaarin on 17 Jun 2006, 05:24
Q: Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?
A: Because you only need to punch information into a drum machine once.

Q: How are Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee alike?
A: Both are pretty terrible without Cream.

Q: What's black and blue and lying on the side of the road?
A: A guitarist who told one too many drummer jokes.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Misereatur on 17 Jun 2006, 07:24
http://forums.questionablecontent.net/viewtopic.php?t=9684&highlight=musician+jokes
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Kai on 17 Jun 2006, 08:35
Quote from: Zaarin

Q: How are Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee alike?
A: Both are pretty terrible without Cream.




HEY

WOAH

CHILL OUT MAN

COFFEE SANS THE CREAM IS PRETTY AWESOME. FUCK CREAM.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Misereatur on 17 Jun 2006, 08:55
Agreed
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: ALoveSupreme on 17 Jun 2006, 09:30
I thought this would be a chance to vent over lame musicians who make terrible jokes about how their songs all use simple chords.  Man, nothing pisses me off more when I see some dude on stage and he says something along the lines of "oh, this song is in the same key as the last one, hurr hurr!" or "oop, looks like I'm using a G Major again!"... you're a dumbass.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: La Creme on 17 Jun 2006, 09:53
What animal has 7 arms and no musical sense whatsoever?



A Def Leppard.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Slick on 17 Jun 2006, 10:17
Q: How do you get a drummer to slow down?
A: Put sheet music in front of them!

Q: How do you get a drummer to stop?
A: Put notes on the sheets!
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: pat101 on 17 Jun 2006, 11:04
Quote from: La Creme
What animal has 7 arms and no musical sense whatsoever?



A Def Leppard.


I've heard the similar

"What has seven arms and sucks?"

"Def Leppard"
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Storm Rider on 17 Jun 2006, 11:06
Quote from: Zaarin
Q: How are Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee alike?
A: Both are pretty terrible without Cream.


That is amazing.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: TrueNeutral on 17 Jun 2006, 11:50
Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.

Did you hear Kurt Cobain was on the TV? ...and on the carpet, the walls, the furniture...
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Thrillho on 17 Jun 2006, 14:28
Quote from: TrueNeutral
Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.


Whoever wrote that joke is either stupid or hasn't heard of the Foo Fighters.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: daddsy on 17 Jun 2006, 14:32
Quote from: DynamiteKid
Quote from: TrueNeutral
Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.


Whoever wrote that joke is either stupid or hasn't heard of the Foo Fighters.


are they some niche avante-garde band??? :p
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Thrillho on 17 Jun 2006, 14:43
Quote from: daddsy
Quote from: DynamiteKid
Quote from: TrueNeutral
Q) what has 4 legs and works at McDonalds?
A) The surviving members of Nirvana.


Whoever wrote that joke is either stupid or hasn't heard of the Foo Fighters.


are they some niche avante-garde band??? :p


Yes. Yes they are.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Jedit on 17 Jun 2006, 15:04
What's the definition of a gentleman?
A man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

What do you call someone who hangs around musicians trying to get laid?
The drummer.

What do you get if you push two pianos and a Goth off a cliff?
Best Hard Rock Grammy 2004.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: ruyi on 17 Jun 2006, 22:21
i think i win in terms of lameness:

a D, F, and an A walk into a bar. they see a sign that says "No Minors Allowed."

so the D and the A say to the F, "quick, look sharp!"
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: ALoveSupreme on 17 Jun 2006, 23:21
but an F# major chord in the key of D major would contain a flat six... that would just be silly.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: ruyi on 17 Jun 2006, 23:25
D, F, and A, like, notes, not chords.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Faw on 18 Jun 2006, 01:11
boo, dave grohl.
Here's a zinger:  Probot is the shit
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Shaft on 18 Jun 2006, 07:50
Anyone thinking "Ruyi that still doesn't work because individual notes can't possibly be minor" :

D F A is a D minor triad, and sharpening the F would make it major. Fuck keys and flat sixes, man.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Thrillho on 18 Jun 2006, 07:52
I've heard a similar one like that I think. Something like a D, an A and an F walk into a bar, the sign says 'no minors' so the F walks out, and the D and the A share a fifth between them?
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: ALoveSupreme on 18 Jun 2006, 09:42
Quote from: ruyi
D, F, and A, like, notes, not chords.


ah, yes.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Liam on 18 Jun 2006, 10:33
Q: How do you a singer's at your door?

A: He can't find the key and he doesn't know when to come in.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: TrueNeutral on 18 Jun 2006, 10:51
Quote from: tommydski
er...how do you work that out then?

do you mean dave grohl? cos he's kind of a big deal in some parts i hear.
kris novoselic has been busy with a couple of bands and has done a lot of charity work.
chad channing still gets royalties from 'bleach', jason everman joined the marines and pat smear was in the germs and the foo fighters.


No, it was just an old joke. I heard it quite a while back, I don't even think Dave had started to Foo Fighters back then, let alone make it into a success.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Johnny C on 18 Jun 2006, 19:02
Q: When you're a rockstar, what do you do with a book?

A: LOU REED IT


Stolen from a 70's-era kid's book of Rock 'N' Roll jokes. I know, weird.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Gryff on 18 Jun 2006, 19:21
Quote from: TrueNeutral
Quote from: tommydski
er...how do you work that out then?

do you mean dave grohl? cos he's kind of a big deal in some parts i hear.
kris novoselic has been busy with a couple of bands and has done a lot of charity work.
chad channing still gets royalties from 'bleach', jason everman joined the marines and pat smear was in the germs and the foo fighters.


No, it was just an old joke. I heard it quite a while back, I don't even think Dave had started to Foo Fighters back then, let alone make it into a success.

Normally that's when people would've stopped telling the joke…

Also, how do you know when there's a drummer at your door?
He doesn't know when to come in.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Kai on 18 Jun 2006, 19:49
Quote from: Johnny C
Q: When you're a rockstar, what do you do with a book?

A: LOU REED IT


Stolen from a 70's-era kid's book of Rock 'N' Roll jokes. I know, weird.



that's my favorite joke ever now.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: McTaggart on 18 Jun 2006, 21:55
I want that book
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Johnny C on 18 Jun 2006, 22:37
It was at the doctor's office!
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: onewheelwizzard on 19 Jun 2006, 11:16
What happens when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

OK, I've got nothing.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Faw on 19 Jun 2006, 11:46
Q:what do you call a keyboard player in a screamo band?
A:A virgin.
Yeah, it wasn't even funny, but i like taking shots at keyboard players.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Cartilage Head on 19 Jun 2006, 11:53
What's a guitarist with seven fingers on each hand?

 The groupies' favorite.

 My brother totally just told me that one. (He's totally a guitarist.)
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Chad K. on 19 Jun 2006, 16:10
Did you hear Korn fired their bass player?  They found it was cheaper to just throw a fork in a dryer.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Combinethresher on 19 Jun 2006, 17:30
What's the last thing the drummer said before the band fired him?

"Hey guys, I wrote this song..."

(I'm a drummer who wrote songs, oddly enough)
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: IronOxide on 19 Jun 2006, 19:44
Q: What's the difference between first chair Violin and first chair Viola?
A: Half a measure

Q: What's the difference between a Viola player and a first grader
A: The first grader can count

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a professional musician?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: How many Tuba players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 3, one to hold it to the socket and 2 to drink until the room spins.

Q: Why do Tubists have pea-sized brains?
A: All of the Alchohol has swelled them.

Q: How do you identify a Trombonist's kid on the playground?
A: He can't swing and all he wants to do is slide.

A large orchestra is doing a concert tour around the country. During one of the rehearsals the conductor hurts himself badly after falling off the stage. When they were looking for a conductor, the first Viola player raised his hand and offered to conduct that night. He did duch a good job that they finished the tour with the Viola player filling in as conductor.

After the tour the Viola player went back to his section and after he sat down, his standmate turned to him and asked him "Where've you been?"

That's just the tip of the iceberg of terrible music jokes I have.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Jedit on 20 Jun 2006, 03:31
That last reminds me of a true humourous music story.

There was a young violin player, the protege of a famous violinist, and he got his first big recital with his mentor supporting him on the piano.  It gets to the night, but as they're setting up to begin the music stand breaks.  One of the audience, a noted concert pianist, offers to hold the sheet music and the recital proceeds.

The next day, a paper ran the following review:

"There was an interesting recital at the <foo> last night.  The man who we love when he plays the piano held the sheet music.  The man who we love when he plays the violin played the piano.  But the man who should have held the sheet music played the violin."
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: vivouk on 20 Jun 2006, 05:42
Quote from: Jedit
What's the definition of a gentleman?
A man who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.


True story.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: thedevilissix on 20 Jun 2006, 05:48
Quote from: ironoxide887


Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a professional musician?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.


*giggles*

.......


:(

*Reaches for the Music-Collegement issue bottle of whisky*
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Thrillho on 20 Jun 2006, 06:57
I can't believe I've not said this already (at the risk of it having already been told) when it's my favourite musician-related-gag.

Stevie Wonder's playing a gig, and after a few songs things are getting a bit more intimate with the audience, so he asks if there's any requests.

'Play a jazz chord!' a guy on the front row shouts. So Stevie plays an Am7.

'Naw, naw, play a jazz chord!' the guy says again. So Stevie plays an Am7b9add11.

'Naw, naw,' the guy says again, 'play a jazz chord...to say I love you.'
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Merkava on 21 Jun 2006, 11:48
I don't get it. I feel dumb.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Thrillho on 21 Jun 2006, 16:23
Quote from: Merkava
I don't get it. I feel dumb.


Are you a musician?

If so, do you like Stevie Wonder?
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Jedit on 21 Jun 2006, 16:33
Quote from: Merkava
I don't get it. I feel dumb.


It really needs the drunken voice to work.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Hands,yo on 21 Jun 2006, 21:30
(http://questionablecontent.net/test/newlogo.jpg)
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Spartan Pho3nix on 22 Jun 2006, 19:53
The guy has to be in Tokyo.

The Joke's supposed to go "Stevie Wonder was playing his first gig in Toyko"

And then you end the joke saying "the guy went up on stage and sung "A Jazz Chord...." etc etc"
Title: Re: Lame music jokes
Post by: youbelongtothecity on 22 Jun 2006, 20:15
Quote from: Faw
You know, it's fun to make stupid music jokes or funny references... but a lot of them don't get appreciated... I was joking about making an emo band called "and the crickets" but none of my friends got it.  i wanna hear some more stupid music jokes.  Fire away.


I don't get it either.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Houdinimachine on 22 Jun 2006, 21:19
Ooooh I just called... I get it. That's definitely one that has to be told out loud.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: ForteBass on 23 Jun 2006, 00:56
My theory teacher told us this one once, just piss off drummers:

Three musicians and a drummer die in a car wreck...

That's it. That's the joke. I'm sorry.
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Merkava on 23 Jun 2006, 14:02
Quote from: DynamiteKid
Quote from: Merkava
I don't get it. I feel dumb.


Are you a musician?

If so, do you like Stevie Wonder?


I am a musician. I guess I'm not as familliar with Wonder as I thought. Now I get it.

*slaps self*
Title: Lame music jokes
Post by: Inanimated on 23 Jun 2006, 15:06
Q:What does the Grateful Dead fan say when the drugs wear off?

"...this band sucks."