THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => ENJOY => Topic started by: KharBevNor on 06 Sep 2006, 15:35
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Neil LaBute: Hey, I've got this idea for a film you should look at.
Producer: Fire away.
Neil LaBute: It's a remake of the classic British horror film, 'The Wicker Man'
Producer: Hey, is that the one with Britt Ekland's ti...
Neil LaBute: They won't be in my film.
Producer: Ok
Neil LaBute: In fact, there will be no tits in my film. Heck, there won't be anything sexy at all.
Prodcuer: So what will you replace the sexual tension that drives the film with then?
Neil LaBute: Thought I'd up the stakes by making Rowan actually the Howie characters daughter!
Producer: Brilliant!
Neil LaBute: Also, all that pagan and christian imagery? The idea of a clash of strong opposed belief systems that really make you think about the nature of religion?
Producer: Yeah...
Neil LaBute: I replaced that with bees.
Producer: Oh marvellous!
Neil LaBute: KILLER BEES
Producer: Fuckin' A!
Neil Labute: Besides, I had to get rid of all of that because I've completely rewritten all the pagan characters to be shallow and one dimensional. I thought I'd also make them into a female led hippy commune where men aren't allowed to even speak, for pretty much no reason at all. Since it's impossible to believe they're actually real people, let alone feel any sympathy for their way of life or be charmed by their charisma (because, you see, I've given them no charisma at all) you can hardly have any real conflict, and to that end, the Howie character, who I think I'll call something dumb like 'Malus', isn't gonna be a strong christian at all. In fact he'll only mention God when he swears. To be honest, we were also worried that Nicholas Cages performance will be so absolutely obnoxious that it'll offend Christian groups more than The Last Temptation of Christ and The Life of Brian combined. So, we're just gonna make him this complete asshole with about one dimension...but guess what? HE'S ALLERGIC TO THE BEES!
Producer: Woah! You have Nicholas CAGE lined up for this?
Neil LaBute: Yeah, he loves it.
Producer: And he's ALLERGIC TO THE BEES?
Neil LaBute: Fuck yeah! I mean, the Wicker Man's plot is pretty finely crafted and all, but come on, an annoying shit getting chased around by cookie-cutter hippy chicks and bees for an hour then getting set alight? It's film gold man!
Producer: You gonna put any homages to the original in?
Neil LaBute: Yeah, I thought I'd re-shoot a few of the scenes from the original pretty much shot-for-shot, to really emphasise how shit the acting and cinematography is, you know? But I'd obviously have to make stupid changes to them that completely ruin them so that they'll fit in with the rest of the garbage I've written here on the back of this napkin. I also thought I'd try and cram in a few classic lines, mutilated, badly delivered and out of context, of course.
Producer: Of course. What are you going to do for the soundtrack? You gonna keep the musical element?
Neil LaBute: Well, I know the musical element was an integral part of the original film, and the soundtrack had huge critical acclaim and pretty much kicked off a British folk revival all on its own, but I always thought it was kinda lame. Besides, this is the 00's man. Who wants that hippy shit? They're only in my film so Nicholas Cage has some people to punch to prove the innate superiority of right-thinking, macho men. I'll just chuck in some completely generic bullshit some soundtrack writer whose never seen the original or even my film wrote in an afternoon.
Producer: Sound choice. Well, I gotta say, you've really sold me on this one Neil. I'll definitely see if I can get this greenlighted. Say, got any other projects on the go?
Neil LaBute: Well, I did do this idea for a remake of Witchfinder General, set in modern day mexico!
Producer: I'm all ears...
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This is too true to be funny.
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I was starting to wonder why there was no sex and trippy visuals
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i was simultaneously on the verge of busting out laughing and crying my eyes out the entire time i was reading that.
.....well done?
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This is true? I have people to kill.
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More of Neil LaBute's obsession with women being the root of all evil.
If anyone tries to remake Witchfinder General i won't be held accountable for my actions.
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i saw the new one and it was CRAP. and that whole thing pretty much sums it up!
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I was waiting for this thread SO HARD.
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(http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i2/ffgtthttghyujjfdss/wickerremake.jpg)
Rating: 1 out of 10
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DVD Worthy?:
There is no way.
I might recommend it as a rental if you and your friends are in a mood to really tear a movie a part and laugh your asses off. But for what it’s intended to be, an edgy thriller with a haunting mystery, The Wicker Man is a mistake of a film.
http://www.digitalpimponline.com/strips.php?title=movie
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Oh jeez, I think I forced myself to forget about the dedication.
The thing is, the Wicker Man is a really, really stupid movie to remake. It's message and philosophy is universal, and its setting is entirely of its time and place. Even a shot by shot remake could never get the wonderful feel of the cinematography and the sheer calibre of the cast.
So many things were done badly in this movie I haven't even really thought of them yet. I am actually jotting them down in my course notebook so I can really rant loose in my imdb review. For example, something that came to me on the train...why the hell do the pagans use 19th century (or earlier) technologies? That is completely against the original: The Wicker Man is creepy because it is a relatively normal community that is subtly different in countless ways, not because it's some crazy amish-alikes. The pagans in the original used electricity, modern boats, beer pumps, etc. etc. They just lived on an isolated scottish Island and kept to themselves.
And just the fucking PLOT HOLES! FUCK! Couldn't they at least have made Malus an FBI agent, giving him some reason to be there? Making him a fed and removing the rowans his daughter shit would have gone maybe halfway to making this a good film. The other half might have been if the film had some music and ACTUALLY ADDRESSED ANY ISSUES AT ALL!
I mean, this shit really does make Stallones version of Get Carter look like cinematic genius.
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Neil Labute: Besides, I had to get rid of all of that because I've completely rewritten all the pagan characters to be shallow and one dimensional.
I fail to see how this is different from actual pagans.
ZING!
Seriously though, nothing I've heard says anything other than that this film is absolute tripe. I was, briefly, contemplating dropping some coin on this. Glad I stayed home.
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Well, that was a really stupid post.
Ever seen the original?
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Well, I'm going to attempt at renting the original today before I see the remake.
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I lol'd.
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Haha, classic. :D
Yeah, the original movie is awesome. I guess I wasn't intending to see the remake, but that was a funny way to make sure I never do.
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The remake is a travesty. I've seen far too many crappy films this year.
And Nicholas Cage cannot act for shit.
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Yes, he can. His performances in Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, Raising Arizona, and even Peggy Sue Got Married are proof of that. He does have a bad habit lately of taking absolute crap roles, probably to pay the bills.
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You insult my religion AND claim Nicholas Cage can act? Fucking hell man!
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I didn't realize you counted paganism as your religion...and frankly thought you'd have a better sense of humor about it. However, I am genuinely sorry I offended your delicate sensibilities regarding your polytheism.
However, Nicholas Cage can act on occasion. Deal with it.
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Lol, when was I offended?
I'm just saying, fucking hell man.
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Gotta second the "Nicolas Cage can act" motion.
Shame most of the time he chooses not to.