THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Professor Snuggles on 05 Oct 2008, 15:06
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I dunno if this should be in discussion or here, but
The title of the pornographic homage to the governor of Alaska is “Nailin’ Paylin.” Contrary to earlier reports, the movie is in pre-production. One Jerry T. is set to direct, and porn star Lisa Ann will be taking on the role of Palin—er, “Paylin.” According to HUSTLER, “Nailin’ Paylin” is a “naughty adventure to the wild side of that sexy Alaska governor,” featuring “girl-on-girl lovin’,” “nailing the Russians, who come knocking on her back-door,” and a younger Palin getting seduced by her creationist college professor who “will explain a ‘big bang’ theory even she can’t deny!” Also included: a three-way hardcore sex scene starring porn stars as Palin/Paylin, Hillary Clinton, and Condoleezza Rice. Of course, no political porn satire would be complete without a salute to Fox News—a Bill O’Reilly stand-in will announce the movie’s multiple sex scandals as they unfold. “Nailin’ Paylin” will be released just in time for the November elections, natch.
Also, some of the script leaked recently:
(Open on the PALIN residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor SARAH PALIN is sitting on the couch, reading "all of the magazines." She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. TODD is out of town on business. TRIGG is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door. PALIN puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.)
PALIN: Who is it?
GRUFF MALE VOICE: It's JOE, the tanning-bed repairman.
(PALIN unlocks the door and opens it)
PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?
JOE: I'm sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.
PALIN: Well, you're in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don't you come inside and I'll fix you a plate of 'em?
(JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.)
PALIN: My oh my. That's quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.
JOE: I have a big hammer.
PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America's diverse tools, big and small. They're what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.
(PALIN takes a seat on the coach beside JOE and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.)
JOE: Let's go take a look at the tanning bed first.
PALIN: Oooh, okay.
(PALIN leads JOE to the tanning salon in the basement. JOE carefully inspects the machine.)
JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose.
PALIN: (seductively) You're in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling.
(PALIN pounces on JOE and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.)
PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!
JOE: I'm bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?
PALIN: It's okay. I already took a morning-after pill.
JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?
PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I'll get back to ya with specifics.
(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)
PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!
(After 10 minutes, the two finish.)
PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven't had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog.
JOE: That was amazing. What now?
PALIN: I feel so alive! Let's grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter.
(End scene)
Thoughts? Is this awesome(I think this is awesome) but aside from Larry Flynt's legal right to do this, is it really acceptable? Are we all psyched to see Hilary and Condy get down with Nance? Who should be playing them? What other titles in this series would be awesome?
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I am slightly ashamed to admit that I would probably watch this.
Also, on a related note: the inspiration? (http://www.thelostnews.com/the-front-page/2008/9/30/mayor-in-russia-says-he-can-see-sarah-palin-showering-from-h.html)
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Everyone I know is going to watch this. Probably a good night of drinking before the election, or a miserable one afterwards, depending.
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So why is Biden a tanning salon guy all of a sudden? Or was that just a hilariously bad choice for the porno dude's name?
Either way, this bean is happy once more.
EDIT: I love that article, btw. I say we're ahead in the space race if Russia's resorted to using their telescopes for such unproductive recreational purposes.
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I am really surprised they didn't have a large strapping black man to play Obama, also I am glad they aren't having some old porn-geezer to play McCain.
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Is there such a thing?
Plus, I read an article that said something to the effect of "Nailin' Paylin - the title is [sic] and so is the film itself." Clever.
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This will be the greatest movie of all space and time.
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Is there such a thing?
Plus, I read an article that said something to the effect of "Nailin' Paylin - the title is [sic] and so is the film itself." Clever.
If you don't believe me about old-geezer pornstars. I can always send you a PM to show you.
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I'm having a rather slow day, Patty. Send it on over.
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Nailin' Palin is pretty clever. I would have gone with Inpalin' Palin/Impalin' Palin.
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just search for grannies gone wild amper. or like old gay man porn or something, I'm sure it exists.
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Don't click this link (http://www.lemonparty.org)
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Goddammit.
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I am in class, therefore I will not click it.
What is it?
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Thank God for the little preview.
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Just bad. Why do you know about that, Dovey? Why couldn't it have been the ladies in sexy suspenders?
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Lemonparty is like Goatse and Tubgirl, a primordial force of the internet.
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Dangit man you're ruining the surprise
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(http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c345/lilmisspriss888/Pink%20Rock%20Candy/Suspenders.jpg)
sexy ladies in suspenders? I don't really like any of those, but the girls are pretty good-looking!
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I felt a slight tingling of nostalgia when I clicked that link. I mean, goatse was all over the place but I haven't been tricked into seeing lemonparty in years!
Then there was the whole 'man whoops get the fuck out of here right now'.
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fuckin' lemonparty.
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It's irreverent and absurd? Or did you mean the actual Governor Sarah Palin, as opposed to the pornographic film version?
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Now that I think about it, this is completely disgusting from the perspective of feminism.
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Yay pornography
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Far less attractive women have been referred to as "MILF"s in various contexts. But granted, she is just kind of a person, neither hot shit nor disgusting.
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Pretty much everything about Sarah Palin is disgusting from the perspective of feminism.
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ohhhh snaap
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It's true though. People on my campus were calling anti-Palin people agents of 'selective feminism,' but that's clearly not the case, as she is a robot and not a real woman.
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Sarah Palin is a woman who doesn't seem to like other women and that is sad.
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Now oddly relevant to this thread..
(http://houseofgrafix.net/components/com_virtuemart/shop_image/product/6daa546239f8cfe7d270692ef762faba.png)
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I mean the way certain parts of the media are saying that Palin is a "MILF" or positing that she was selected for being "attractive" or whatever.
I don't see it. Maybe I'm weird.
You're not weird, you're just not a hick. I don't even see the attraction to young "beauty contestant" Palin. In the clip I saw she was plain, big-haired, devoid of grace and clueless. I know that for the time and place "big-haired" was probably a given, but still.
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I personally have been feeling a little grossed out with the ridiculous amounts of fake stuff being made. I don't see the attraction, and after seeing her talk, I would not dream of wanting to diddle her.
I have this scene in my head where I ask Palin if she wants to do anal and she responds by telling me she fell on her bum once playing hockey.
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(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a55/ddovey/HA_HA_HA_OH_WOW.jpg)
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I have this scene in my head where I ask Palin if she wants to do anal and she responds by telling me she fell on her bum once playing hockey.
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I personally have been feeling a little grossed out with the ridiculous amounts of fake stuff being made. I don't see the attraction, and after seeing her talk, I would not dream of wanting to diddle her.
FUCK MY PUSSY DON'CHA KNOW!
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Oh don'cha know,
that's the sound of some men (hngh!)
fuckin' Sarah Payyyyyy
lay-i-en.
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Est, why ya gotta drag poor old Sam Cooke into this. Why ya gotta do it, man.
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From a feminist perspective, it should technically bother me that Sarah Palin has been sexualized so much, since this would probably not happen to a male candidate. On the other hand, her moderately attractive looks seem to be her primary asset, and insisting that she be taken seriously as a female candidate would be insulting to most women.
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Tintin!
Man, I love how that comic is so ridiculously politically incorrect, like drawing all the black people pitch-black with big lips.
Also (as crossposted from EA from a thread about the same thing):
(http://i35.tinypic.com/dztob9.jpg)
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I'm closer to Palin's age than most of you.
No, I wouldn't. Even if she is (from my old-ass perspective) vaguely attractive, her politics make her as appealing as Roseanne Barr.
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Hey! Roseanne Barr is attractive!
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I'd do Obama.
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Hey! Roseanne Barr is attractive!
*PROJECTILE VOMITS*
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v116/BrittanyMarie/RoseanneVanityFairCover.jpg)
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Don't point that thing at me, Roseanne.
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What's with the train?
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It's to show scale.
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The train's, uh, coming.
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Ew.
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It reminds you about eternity.
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The "Not Sarah Palin" blow up doll (http://www.topcosales.us/product_detail.asp?PID=0231-7)
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Jesus Christ, the puns on that page...
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(http://sugarmob.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/picture-11.png)
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The last line just makes it. Seriously.
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Well, those are the kind of things you gotta know if you're trying to get into politically themed porn, I guess.
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I read liz's post first then slowly scrolled up.
As they say on the internet tubes, ROFLLMAOLOLZHAAHAHAH
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out of curiosity I just did a google search for Palin with safe search off it only took 20 results before it got to VPILF (http://vpilf.com/) and 33 to get to Sarah Palin Naked (http://www.hollywood-newsroom.com/gossip/sarah-palin-naked/) I'm not sure how google prioitises it's searches but this says something seriously bad about the state of todays world.
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If I am correct, by "most linked to"
.. hahahahah
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You should answer the call made in this thread (http://forums.questionablecontent.net/index.php/topic,21317.0.html).
Snalin Nailin' Palin. Writes itself.
MADE MY DAY!
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JOE: I'm bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?
PALIN: It's okay. I already took a morning-after pill.
JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?
PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I'll get back to ya with specifics.
(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)
PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!
That is actually hilarious, I would so watch this.
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And here I thought the title was going to be Northern Xposures.
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Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!
This whole thread was worth it just for this line right here.
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(http://www.rammfence.com/shop/images/ring_shank_nail_m.jpg)
(http://www.national-treasures.co.uk/USERIMAGES/Michael%20PALIN(1).jpg)
Seriously, I would watch this film.
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out of curiosity I just did a google search for Palin with safe search off it only took 20 results before it got to VPILF (http://vpilf.com/)
under comments...
Obamais666
Sarah Palin is way hotter than Tina Fey...and smarter
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 - 07:27 PM
Obamais666
Sarah Palin is way hotter than Tina Fey...and smarter
Obamais666
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sometimes I shed a solitary tear for the world..
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But I suppose it would be perfectly acceptable if the username was "McCainis666"?
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Honestly I think what makes the difference is that there is not a precedent of people earnestly theorizing that John McCain may in fact be the Biblical Antichrist.
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Both would be completely inappropriate. What bothers me the most is the sheer fucking inability of Americans to stop gossiping and thinking up conspiracy theories and vote based on the issues (most of which are quite important at the moment.
Yet here, on the brink of an international meltdown, the best we can do is call Obama the anti-Christ.
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Of course, 666 might be the wrong number anyway: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/616_(number) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/616_(number))
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Ballard: the problem is that some people (apparently) seriously believe that the rise of the antichrist IS one of the issues.
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I was thinking today that there should really be two presidents of the United States of America, with an election for each of them.
One would make decisions about health-care and roads and schools and all the domestic stuff. Only Americans would be able to vote for this president.
The other would make decisions about things that effect people outside America, like war and heavy industries that pollute the entire planet's atmosphere and all the things that the rest of the world has a stake in. Everyone in the world would be able to vote for this president.
So I guess my message is - America: either stop stuffing around with the planet, or let the rest of us have a say.
It was kind of a nice day-dream for a while there today.
I don't really know what this has to do with this thread much except to say that America, if you vote for a woman to be your second-in-command and who could potentially make decisions that will affect the entire planet just 'cause you think she probably looks good naked, then fuck you so hard. (But in a nice, polite "let's all be friends and try to do better next time, shall we?" way.)
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Man, I'm seriously getting frustated with living here. I really hope to get a job in some other country, so I'd have an excuse to not be here.
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More details have arrived, apparently the movie is already completely finished shooting. Thread gets NSFW after this point.
http://www.gramponante.com/2008/10/nailin-paylin-for-america.html
(http://www.fohguild.org/forums/attachments/screenshots/91265d1223944058-funny-strange-random-pics-lisa_ann_palin_small.jpg)
Plus, shots of Hilary and Condi!
(http://www.gramponante.com/GPImages/GPgalleries/Paylin1008/Pages/82.html)
(http://www.gramponante.com/GPImages/GPgalleries/Paylin1008/Pages/70.html)
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Meh, they could have found someone that looked more like her, couldn't they? I mean, there was a craigslist ad!
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There are about ten shitloads of DO NOT WANT in that hyperlink alone.
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This is Hustler's revenge for The People v. Larry Flynt and it is being perpetrated on the entire American political establishment.
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Shame Palin didn't make one of her colleges Oral Roberts University (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_Roberts_University), that would've been ripe for some punnin'.
Oh wait, the Craigslist ad said "No Anal". Never mind.
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Wow, this does not look even mildly erotic. Not in the least. I mean, obviously I wasn't expecting it to be, but that link is...puke.
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She really looks nothing liker her though. Though really, that's not such a bad thing.
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"Porn Valley considers itself very liberal."
Who knew?
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I think I found something to make the public boners go away. Forever.
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downside: also affects the private boners
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First minute of the movie (SFW)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYRGjjvNoZ4
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oh man this is gonna be so hilarious. i can't wait.
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Sean.
SEAN.
If I come to DC over spring break we should totally watch this. It won't be awkward at all.
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"can I offer you a drink"
"no thanks, we are already pretty drunk"
I might have torn a ligament laughing at this. (http://www.chunklet.com/images/upload/6/audio_file/Runnin%27%20With%20The%20Devil.mp3)
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Sean.
SEAN.
If I come to DC over spring break we should totally watch this. It won't be awkward at all.
oh man.
best plan ever.
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So there was a five minute part 1 on the right there, and I was all "ha! I want to see five whole minutes of this thing!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbOcFnzm-EE&feature=related
and I got that :(
Actually, also: The first russian dude (with the plugs) is actually not bad for a porn star. This is suprising... he kinda looks like Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords
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I had such a feeling that was going to be a rickroll.
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I never suspect it. I think I am slightly less of a nerd for having never come into it before Jeph rickrolled us in the news box.
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Hah! That's brilliant.
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The sex scene with Paylin and the Professor seems like a reference to The Decameron.
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This is Hustler's revenge for The People v. Larry Flynt and it is being perpetrated on the entire American political establishment.
Yeah, I know, Johnny, that film was awful. But what's that got to do with this?
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Here's the entirety of the first scene. The swelling patriotic music after the facial is pretty great.
hxxp://rapidshare.com/files/155006842/whos_nailin_paylin_hustler.wmv.html
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Don't click this link (http://www.lemonparty.org)
You realize I could have you excomunicated for that, right?
BY the way, does anyone know if we'll be able to ren...
>never mind<
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patriotic music after the facial
in b4 "Hail to the Chub"