THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: eddie on 22 Feb 2009, 12:10
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Today, a child sitting next to me on the bus pointed at me and asked: "Mommy, when it's not a man and it's not a woman, what is it then?" FML
Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with comdoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, I walked by my roommate and his girlfriend while they were hugging. I asked "what's up lovebirds?". Turns out they were in the middle of a breakup. FML
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML
http://www.fmylife.com/
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Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with comdoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Sir or madam you are mistaken. This one is awesome.
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Yeah, I think it'd be more of a "fuck my life" if it was all either thrown away or you had to explain what all of it was and how to use it to your mother.
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Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML
When your mother makes fun of your sexual performance, you know it's bad.
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Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML
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Today, while walking through the fragrance area in a shopping center a women behind me asked; "Excuse me miss, would you like to sample our new fragrance line." I'm a 19 year old male. I turned around expecting her to correct herself. She didn't. FML
Sadly, this is why I will never grow my hair out again. I never understood how a waitress could mistake someone with a full beard and fairly broad shoulders for a woman, but it happened more times than I'm willing to admit.
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Oh wait you are just posting things from that site? I kind of liked the idea that there was someone out there who had that much shit going on. Also that there was someone out there with roommates who still had their mom clean their room.
Also the first two work really well in conjunction.
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Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house.
Hehahaha! I feel terrible for laughing at some of these.
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Yah, I had the mental image of a really androgynous dwarf going though daily life.
This may be because i am watching david lynch films.
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Fuck My Blythe
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Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML
Awkward!
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Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML
This one definitely goes in the "not fucked, awesome" category.
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My pinky finger on my left hand has been asleep all day.
FML?
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oh man, this one:
Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML
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Today I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites- and ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML
These people are clearly meant for each other.
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Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML
This is the worst thing.
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Doo doo-doo doo, doo doo-doo doo,
Fuck everything, fuck me
~Titus Andronicus, "Titus Andronicus," The Airing Of Grievances
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Today I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites- and ended up meeting my own girlfriend. I read in her profile that we like the same alcoholic beverages though, so it's okay.
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Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML
I think this might be one of the saddest ones I've read so far.
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Today I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites- and ended up meeting my own girlfriend. I read in her profile that we like the same alcoholic beverages though, so it's okay.
You are a wonderful person.
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I couldn't save her. If I had been there just a few moments earlier maybe things would be different. FML
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My husband doesn't love me and my children ignore me. FML
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I've never kippled. FML
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I don't know how to kipple. FML
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I don't even know what does kipple mean. FML
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I'm on my way to court in a suit and a tie. Ah, come on FML!
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Sometimes I get so angry and it makes me want to cry. Ah, come on FML
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I thought FML was just something you said on a bad beat at the poker table. Then BM linked it on irc and brix were shat yo.
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I was a clever soft drink created by executives but apparently I wasn't market-friendly enough.
(http://www.beverage-digest.com/images/dnl_logo.jpg)
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Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
...damn
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Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML
::wince::
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I was a clever soft drink created by executives but apparently I wasn't market-friendly enough.
(http://www.beverage-digest.com/images/dnl_logo.jpg)
Every soft drink I've ever loved has been discontinued. FML.
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I saw a ball flying at my spouse's head.
Duck, my wife!
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Today, my mom said to me "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML
I'm gonna write up larry david moments from Curb and input them into this.
it's a social experiment.
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It seems like most of the ones from that sight about relationships/sex could be solved if the people writing would just stop sleeping with complete ass holes.
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I was a clever soft drink created by executives but apparently I wasn't market-friendly enough.
(http://www.beverage-digest.com/images/dnl_logo.jpg)
Every soft drink I've ever loved has been discontinued. FML.
What are you talking about? 7-Up is still going.
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Are you making a joke there or not? I can't tell.
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Perhaps they didn't sell DNL in his area.
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Today, I decided to send my girlfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
fiscked
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Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML
::wince::
This is based on QC.
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I was a clever soft drink created by executives but apparently I wasn't market-friendly enough.
(http://www.beverage-digest.com/images/dnl_logo.jpg)
Heh, this was in the ssx3 video game.
AND IT WAS AWESOME BECAUSE WHEN YOU WERE UPSIDE DOWN IT looKSED LIKE 7UP WOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEME!
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Oh man SSX.
Goddamn.
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Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML
This is the worst thing.
After I'd finished going down on my girlfriend she got up and there was a skid mark on my sheets where she'd been sitting. FML
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Today, God smote my home. As I was walking away, my wife turned and look back to where we had once lived, and before my eyes she turned into a pillar of salt. FML
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Today, I found out that my fifteen-year-old girlfriend is pregnant. I'm only thirteen! FML.
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Are you making a joke there or not? I can't tell.
Would you like me to go outside, buy a 7-Up and take a picture of it...?
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Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML
I know a chick who kneeled down to tie her shoe and while getting up, stepped on her finger and broke it.
Twice.
Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML
This as well.
I laugh at this so hard.
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Oh.
dnL...
Never heard of it.
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What they stopped making dnL, Noooo. FML
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I blog and no one cares about it. FML
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I have a cuckolding fetish. Fuck my wife.
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It seems like a lot of the people who vote on the website hate two things, masturbating and using the internet for naughty stuff.
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I thought this one was pretty good:
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
:lol:
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best one I've read so far:
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML
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Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
o
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o/
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oh man I forgot about that one. That is The Best One.
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I called Directv a month in advance of moving to transfer my satellite and they told me the earliest they can get to me is two weeks AFTER the move. FML
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Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML
There is no explaining to your children why that is wrong.
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I have a cuckolding fetish. Fuck my wife.
Oh. Haha. I so just got this. The FMW part.
And also.
"Today, I went to my friends house when his parents were out to smoke weed."
Punctuation?
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Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML
I know a chick who kneeled down to tie her shoe and while getting up, stepped on her finger and broke it.
Twice.
I sneezed while standing at a counter in my kitchen. I doubled up, slammed my forehead into the counter, and then fell backwards in a sheer state of ohdeargodwtfjusthappened. I went to class with a massive bruise right across my face.
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I have a similar story....last semester I had to teach with a black I that a tree gave me...
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I know I'm reviving an old thread but BELIEVE me, it's for a good reason.
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/1413224
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Plus for semi-QC reference, minus for thread necromancy.
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I'm going to try submitting FML's that sound like incidents in QC.