THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => ENJOY => Topic started by: JD on 19 Jul 2009, 21:05
-
the movie (http://www.gamespot.com/news/6212902.html?tag=result;title;0)
-
(http://i566.photobucket.com/albums/ss102/konpie/I_CANT_FAP_TO_THIS.jpg)
-
Well, at least the special effects budget doesn't need to be high. :|
-
You follow the link in that article to the Hollywood Reporter story and you end up with this gem.
As opposed to today's games, there is no story line or fancy world-building mythology, so the studio would be creating a plot from scratch. Universal, however, is used to that development process, as it's in the middle of doing just that for several of the Hasbro board game properties it is translating to the big screen, such as "Battleship" and "Candyland."
:cry: :cry: :cry:
-
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090708/COMMENTARY/907089973
-
I heard about this, seems as Stupid as when they did the Super Mario Bro's Movie back in the 90's
-
Except Mario actually had characters and a plot and stuff.
-
personally I think it's a fairly clever marketing ploy. I mean chances are they wouldn't have had to pay a lot for the movie rights to asteroids, and they basically get to make up the story from scratch, so what they have is basically any other movie, except for the price of the rights they've set everyone to wondering what the hell they were thinking, and thus talking about the move. any publicity is good publicity after all.
-
Make a movie about a plot-driven video game and fans bitch about how unfaithful and awful it is. Make a movie about a video game completely devoid of plot and essentially a blank slate and everybody bitches about how dumb a move it is. I hate Hollywood for dozens of completely different reasons, but they just can't win can they?
-
Maybe if they started having good ideas, we'd stop bitching. :-D
-
The thing is that this isn't actually an idea, it's just a name and a vague setting.
-
Well, yeah. That's kind of the point, haha.
Also I keep turning possible plot ideas over in my head and all I get is Armageddon. And no one wants to see that again.
-
I hate Hollywood for dozens of completely different reasons, but they just can't win can they?
Depends on your definition of winning. Based on their box office revenues, I'm sure many people in Hollywood think they're doing pretty well.
-
That's kind of missing the point. I know perfectly well that none of the executives care about what anyone really likes. My point is that the patterns of nerd scorn/adoration for Hollywood and mainstream entertainment in general is pretty fucking incomprehensible. I really can not think of any reason why this project at this stage can generate any level of hate.
(There's quite a few things that this could become besides another Armageddon.)
-
I actually think that the Roger Ebert piece I linked about shows the stupidity of it pretty well.
-
Ebert's an alright critic but he's just being smarmy there.
Attach the right screenwriter and anything could be a Hollywood movie. Whether source material has a dense plot or no plot, it really doesn't matter. With the right creative team and some budget a Chutes & Ladders movie could be better than that overdone Watchmen adaptation
-
The screenwriter penned an Adam Sandler film, a Dwayne Johnson film and something that is being described as a Nicolas Cage vehicle.
The producer helped bring us the new Transformers movie.
That is all that anyone needs to know to realize this won't be worth seeing.
-
I Look forward to the inevitable: Pong, The Movie.
-
They already did that one.
(http://www.gonewiththetwins.com/pages/interviews/2008/interviewscreenshots/ballsoffury00.jpg)
-
http://screenrant.com/asteroids-movie-plot-ross-18283/
“We’ve crafted a really strong, deep mythology for the thing. Without divulging too much about it, it’s two lead characters - two brothers - who have to go through a seminal experience to figure out their relationship, against this huge backdrop.”
So, it's a gay porno.
-
Quick everyone, let's write this script for them!
Obviously there needs to be some variation on "the Hero's Journey". We know there are brothers, so I'm thinking that they're flying through space on an epic mission to hunt down the asteroid that killed their mother fifteen years ago. They've been hunting this motherfuckingkilling asteroid for fifteen god-damn years. That's how much it killed their mother. Actually scratch that, only one of the brothers has been hunting the asteroid, and the other one's been at home running the family farm. I mean ranch. Space-ranch, fuck yeah. because you need brothers to be opposites in movies because otherwise how would the audience know they're brothers, haunted by tragedy? Actually no, not haunted, that sounds too European. Um . . . "Rocked" by tragedy. Yeah, that works well because it sounds tough and American and all-action (ROCKED!) and also because it reminds the audience that they're watching a movie about asteroids. Asteroids getting blown the fuck up, fuck yeah!
But we need a twist otherwise the third act's gonna be lame. The good news is because it's a genre film (genre: blowing shit up in space, fuck yeah!) we don't even have to think about the twist, we can just borrow it from some old film. And then in the press notes we can call it a homage, because that sounds totally classy. (Note: do we pronounce "homage" the European way or the American way? Might wanna clear that up before the press junkets start.) So how's this: the brothers finally track down the asteroid that killed their mother . . . and it turns out the asteroid is their father.
Whoa. Fuck. Does anyone else have chills? Baby, this thing's gonna make us stars!
-
You forgot the part where after battling through the entire asteroid field, they find their Nemesis. But right before pulling the trigger on that final fucking asteroid that killed their mother, the ship's laser juice runs out. So the brothers have to go out and blow that shit up mano-a-mano, fuck YEAH! To bring home the poignancy of this last confrontation of their nemesis, they use the VERY SAME NUKE that dear old ma used to threaten them with (in a loving way of course) if they didn't eat all their peas.
One brother will nearly back out, not wanting to part with the last family memento, but the other brother will shout very meaningfully, "Let's DO this!"
Through heavy tears, Brother 1 will set the timer, yell, "GO GO GO!" and they'll race back to the ship while the asteroid looms menacingly. Brother 2, in the excitement, will flood the engine while trying to get it started. Brother 1, having years of experience with shitty farm equipment will pull wires out of random control panels and hotwire the SHIT out of that spacecraft. They'll then blast off just in time to outrun the nuclear explosion that first engulfs them, then spits them out, a bit scorched, but otherwise fine. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They'll hug, Brother 2 will say, "Let's go back to the farm, little bro, I've had enough excitement for 2 lives!"
Meanwhile...
In darkest space...
A still large part of the asteroid that didn't get blown to shit tumbles....
tumbles....
TUMBLES... Across the screen.
[Fade to black]
-
ASTEROID will return in
ASTEROID II: INSERT 25c TO CONTINUE
-
And then twenty years later some studio hack will try desperately to keep his job by reviving two long-dead franchises and we'll get Asteroids vs. Space Invaders.
-
Is it going to be called Asteroids?
And wouldn't it be a lot cheaper and SO much easier for them to just make a movie set in space than to buy the rights to some insanely old videogame that shouldn't be made into a movie in the first place? Considering that essentially starting from scratch is probably slightly easier. Right?
I don't see the point in getting angry about this. I can see being angry at Shadows of the Colossus or the Bioshock movie because if they're bad (which they most likely will be) they're actually going to be compared to the game.
-
*Passes out the pitchforks, nooses, torches, tar and feathers*
-
Shadows of the Colossus movie
Wait, what? Now that really would be shit. Once you take away the interactive element you're left watching a guy do the same thing over and over again. Sure, it's a damn spectacular thing, but even so it'd be snooze time long before the time a film got around to the 16th colossus.
-
Is it going to be called Asteroids?
And wouldn't it be a lot cheaper and SO much easier for them to just make a movie set in space than to buy the rights to some insanely old videogame that shouldn't be made into a movie in the first place? Considering that essentially starting from scratch is probably slightly easier. Right?
how much, really do you think they payed for the rights Asteriods the Movie? I would take a guess at not much...at all. And if they had started from scratch what would you think of this film at this point in time, I'll tell you, you wouldn't have even heard of it, let alone care about it.
As I said before, all they've done is found a new way of buying publicity.
-
and we have a new video game adaptation (http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118006505.html?categoryid=1079&cs=1)!
-
Let's all celebrate these companies' incredible marketing acumen by not seeing any of the movies in this thread.