THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: est on 14 Jan 2007, 08:12
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est: should i drink some tasty vodkas to dull my sunburn pain
est: is that an acceptable use of good vodka?
emilio: yes
est: ok
Cernunnos: yes it is a suitable use of vodka
emilio: there are very few nonsuitable uses
Cernunnos: what are they?
emilio: hmm
substitute for breast milk
est: unsuitable
emilio: yeah
guys, what are some other unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol?
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sexual lubricant, in the literal sense.
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Surprisingly, rum is a bad choice for cleaning contact lenses. I figured the alcohol would be good for eliminating buildup on the surface, but I failed to consider the effect it would have on my eyes.
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Child's cough medicine.
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vodka is an uncommonly bad substitute for blood plasma
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motor oil.
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sports drink
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A drink for your goldfish.
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Baby food.
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sports drink
Nonsense
(http://www.mikebliss.com/Bliss-16Truck3.jpg)
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Enema.
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nasal spray.
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Breakfast.
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Contents of a fire extinguisher.
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Douche.
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breaking over someones head
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i'd say that one's debatable....
shampoo... i've discovered it just doesn't have the desired effect.
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Contents of a fire extinguisher.
This one is my favorite answer thus far. I'm imagining this scene:
man: Holy shit! The stove caught fire. Quick, gimme the fire extinguisher!
*spray*
man: wtf, that just made the fire bigger. What is in this thing anyway?
*sniff*
man: Is that... tequila?!?
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Breakfast.
I have to disagree with this.
Nothing is better for breakfast
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Breakfast.
Actually, that is a very suitable use of alcohol, assuming you want to forget the night before.
Child's cough medicine.
Brandy in tea works wonders. :-P Sorry, this is (arguably) suitable.
Here's an unsuitable use:
Dry cleaning agent
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um...getting yourslef inebriated
as a barometer
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sniffing... Nothing is better than petrol.
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The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had another for dessert.
Bourbon would make a pretty crappy lotion. I'd be all sticky.
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Soap.
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Toilet water.
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Hey if I could afford whiskey for toilet water, you bet I would do it.
Not so much for drink, just, you know, whiskey toilet water! I mean, come on.
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Brown water though? I used to have kinda-brown water since it was well water and seriously... gross! Besides, that would make backsplash that much less enjoyable! You'd think it'd have potential to burn or something.
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i guess you'd figure out the effects of a dog drunk.
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I.V. fluid.
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It is totally unsuitable to substitute bourbon into your brownie batter.
No, wait, that's an excellent idea.
As for the toilet, you know when you have those really big poops and sometimes it splashes up? Yeah. No good at all.
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man: Holy shit! The stove caught fire. Quick, gimme the fire extinguisher!
*spray*
man: wtf, that just made the fire bigger. What is in this thing anyway?
*sniff*
man: Is that... tequila?!?
In my mental version, the *spray* bit is followed by a terrible noise, then a terrible silence.
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vodka makes a pretty bad substitute for hamster pellets.
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Breakfast.
I have to disagree with this.
Nothing is better for breakfast
Besides, you do know where milk comes from, right?
Totally unsuitable: Putting in any kind of fruity colourful cocktail. Not happening.
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Gin is a bad, awful nasal spray decongestant.
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paint thinner, degreaser, bubble bath, milk for your cereal, prescription medication.
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Best friend.
I need to work on that.
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Winner.
But still the thread must go on.
Rum should not be involved in soldering, ever again.
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Building material, just doesn't work as well as water when mixed with cement mix.
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I guess alcohol is suitable for almost everything, or wait, no. Almost. Guh.
Maybe not for contact lenses, stings like hell.
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prescription medication.
Tis quite good as prescription medicine. (just don't tell your doctor ;))
edit: I do not recommend people use alcohol to fix problems. IT IS A BAD IDEA!!!
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Deodorant, keyboard cleaner, drain cleaner, electricity.
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i'd say that one's debatable....
shampoo... i've discovered it just doesn't have the desired effect.
beer is supposed to be good fo your hair, actually.
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Floor covering, not as soft as some carpets.
A means through which information is sent and received like the internet, just can't get the same download speeds.
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It would be unsuitable to use Tennants lager as a drink.
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Breakfast.
I have to disagree with this.
Nothing is better for breakfast
Nah, beer is the breakfast food. Guiness and Froot Loops FTW.
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Elected officials.
Alcohol on its own seems to know very little about economics or foreign policy.
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Personally if Ethanol stood for office I would vote for it.
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Please, refrain from exercising your right to vote always.
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What like ethanol is a worse vote than the monster raving looney party.
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Would booze make a good disinfectant or a bad one?
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Depends.
If it's got lots of flavorings in it, or is particularly sweetish (sugar-based), no. If it doesn't, yes.
In Japanese cook-it-in-front-of-you restaurants, the grills are cleaned with vodka.
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Mediocre. It'll do the trick, but there are better things to do that with and better things to do with it.
Also, I've been told whiskey is crap as a personal flotation device.
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And it's even worse as a pilot.
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Lead guitarist. Although every '70s band -ever- might beg to differ.
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Word on the street is that bourbon is a pretty poor chauffeur.
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Vodka is not a lover that won't drive you crazy
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Who ya gonna call?
NOT RUM
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Spanish Inquisition.
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Embalming fluid.
Also, influence on religious deities. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=GU8NPmt2XV8)
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neurosurgeon
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Scuba diving instructor. I damn near drowned when vodka tried to teach me.
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Dr. Cuervo went to a party college.
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Whiskey makes a terrible babysitter.
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financial advisor. I lost that game of monopoly.
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hmm hairspray.
white out.
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When you're wastin' away again in Margaritaville, blaming liquor rather than a woman for your troubles will likely lead to unwanted rumours regarding your personal life.
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Whiskey makes a terrible babysitter.
Utterly disagree. Get some Jack into those toddlers, and they won't be any trouble at all.
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showering in gin would not be a good idea.
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You are correct. It would be a spectacular idea.
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Margita makes for a terrible swimming suit, unless one likes to skinny dip.
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Would booze make a good disinfectant or a bad one?
Oh man, I miss flame sterilisin' shit.
Step 1: dip unsterile object in alcohol.
Step 2: light bunsen burner.
Step 3: IGNITE!
Oh, and I guess Step 4: douse flames, if you really want to . . .
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damn. Lighting pens in fire in science class was the ultimate fun.. for about 10 minutes. Year 8. Good times *remembers being yelled at by teacher/s*
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Vodka serves as a horrible form of birth control
Also in case of an emergency landing your bottle of rum may not be used as a floatation device.
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Vodka serves as a horrible form of birth control
I beg to differ. Get your woman drunk enough while she's pregnant and you'll have no trouble whatsoever.
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Would booze make a good disinfectant or a bad one?
Well, in all the wet labs I've had, we've swabbed down the benches with a 75% alcohol solution so a 40% or higher vodka may do the trick in a pinch, I suppose.
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KimJong, I wanted to say that but was too afraid.
While a bottle of whiskey is a poor curriculum vitae, the right bottle of scotch sent with your resume can increase your odds of success.
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i'd say that one's debatable....
shampoo... i've discovered it just doesn't have the desired effect.
Cynthia Sylvia Stout Shampoo from Lush (http://usa.lush.com/cgi-bin/lushdb/802?expand=Haircare). Best shampoo I have ever used.
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I'm pretty sure everything from Lush is amazing
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Ship's First mate.
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But it makes a great ship's captain.
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Baby shower gift.
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well that one simply isn't true. having a baby is very stressful. is alcohol not an excellent stress reliever?? giving alcohol to an expecting mother, ergo, is just plain logical and, on a more emotional level, a kind and compasionate gesture.
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Guitar strings.
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Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Anything but drinking
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I don't know about that, dude. My favourite alcohol also cuts a respectable jib on my mantle.
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Sure, the bottle looks pretty. It adds flair to your otherwise un-adjectively-advanced mantle.
But honestly, would it make a difference if the bottle was empty or full? I'm all for aesthetically-pleasing atmospheres and whatnot, but when my favourite drink is involved, things change.
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But honestly, would it make a difference if the bottle was empty or full?
Yes it would. Empty liquor bottles on display smack of tacky college life (says the guy who had empty liquor bottles on the mantle back in college.) It's the same as wine; you don't display empty bottles, you display handsome bottles of drinks for your guests to choose from.
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alchy-hall would not be a suitible flame retardant.
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milk for your cereal
Done this. Guinness and cornflakes is surprisingly non-manky. As in, it's manky, but not as manky as you'd expect.
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Movie critic.
Also, lots of surprising liquids go well with cereal, i.e. orange juice.
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As a 1980's US civil war film.
It was an hour and a half, too.
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Bears repeating:
Anything but drinking
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As was proved on Mythbusters last night, Rum is not a good laundry detergent.
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Child's cough medicine.
The reverse is surprising, though. A friend of mine's tipple of choice is Calpol.
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I hired a bottle of scotch to file my taxes for me... It didn't go so well.
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I did that once with a bottle of gin.
I ended up getting audited, thrown in jail for tax evasion, and the gin had sex with my wife. Plus, the hangover was awful.
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I walked in on a bottle of gin having sex with my wife once. I screamed and threw limes at it until it ran away. It was hours before I realized that the wife was, in fact, imaginary and the bottle of gin was actually my girlfriend... The relationship didn't last long after that.
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So we can rule out "character in daydreams" then.
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Brake fluid
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lube
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ketchup. Those fries just weren't the same...
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They were BETTER!
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lube
OW ow oooowww, this definately would be a bad idea
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well...the warming sensation..than the burning sensation...than the OH FUCK GET IT OFF!!! sensation...
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(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/163/362386791_87576f3e97.jpg) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/largeprimenumber/362386791/)
Actually, I'm not sure if it's unsuitable, but it's been steeping for weeks and weeks and now I'm kind of afraid to drink it.
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Space rations.
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"Johnny B. Quick brand Late-Nite Driving Elixir!"
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writing utensils and baby powder...
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"Johnny B. Quick brand Late-Nite Driving Elixir!"
Thread over.
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aww damn. This thread was quite entertaining.
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well...the warming sensation..than the burning sensation...than the OH FUCK GET IT OFF!!! sensation...
I usually have the "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" sensation when I'm flying solo, but in a much, MUCH different sense.
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I usually have the "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" sensation the morning after, but again, in a very different sense.
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"OH FUCK GET IT OFF" seems like a popular response to many things. Leeches, hermaphrodite hookers, and alcoholic lube are fine examples of "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" moments...
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Flame retardent
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I've put out several fires with beer actually.
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But beer can't possibly be your favirote alcohol. I mean what about vodka, Kahlua, gin, etc?
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So true. I do like my cognacs and would never use them as a flame retardant.
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But beer can't possibly be your favirote alcohol. I mean what about vodka, Kahlua, gin, etc?
Spoken like a man who's never drunk real beer!
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I drink plenty of beer. Different kinds, different brands, although ale by far is my favorite. I actually have a small collection of various beers. But beer is not my favorite kind of alcohol for one reason: Vodka + Kahlua + milk + ice = White russian. You can't beat that!
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Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol: mixing with milk.
(Also, unsuitable uses for your favourite milk: mixing with alcohol.)
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The Black Russian was invented for guys like you (or me, when I have no more milk).
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I, uh. I just finished a Tia Maria with milk.
I still have the moustache.
Now I feel bad.
Should I feel bad?
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Depends. Does the moustache suit you?
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milk moustache=sexy
milk moustache+alcohol= uh...?
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The white russian is made with cream, folks. Cream.
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Eyedrops
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cook-it-in-front-of-you
Of course I read "cock-in-front-of-you".
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Slip 'n Slide
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Sports drink.
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I love you!
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He's an unstoppable love-machine!
That sounded wrong. So very wrong...
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Water. Alcohol is an unsuitable substitute for water in every situation.
Vodka makes bad fire-puter-outer.
Vodka bottles make bad tennis rackets when the tennis ball is on fire.
Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
Use of half-empty goon sack as pillow = sore neck = inappropriate use of alcohol.
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He's an unstoppable love-machine!
Ooh! I've got one!
Alcohol is a bad substitute for love.
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No, it's a very good substitute for love.
It's a very bad substitute for common sense.
Also, to the kid who was trying to convince us that Black/White Russians are better than any kind of beer, I strongly suggest you:
a) Shut the fuck up.
b) Stop drinking black/white russians.
c) Drink some REAL beer and some REAL cocktails. Then come back and we'll talk.
That's all.
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Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
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Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
This sounds brilliant! I would love to do it if it were not for the fact that indoor smoking is banned here GARGHRGA.
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Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
I have to disagree. The other night, I charmed a barmaid into giving me a free drink (by letting her draw a star on my head in marker. I'm so smooth) at a local place called the Jane Bond, so I ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with pimento olives and all. It was kind of gross but they had some decent bourbon which I had later, which is very rare in bars here for some reason.
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Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
This sounds brilliant! I would love to do it if it were not for the fact that indoor smoking is banned here GARGHRGA.
Actually we did that in a friends lounge room. I lost part of a fringe and a friend lost most of a beard. Note we were very drunk at the time. I really don't know why we didn't just use the cigarette lighter we lit the shots with but anyway.
Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
I have to disagree. The other night, I charmed a barmaid into giving me a free drink (by letting her draw a star on my head in marker. I'm so smooth) at a local place called the Jane Bond, so I ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with pimento olives and all. It was kind of gross but they had some decent bourbon which I had later, which is very rare in bars here for some reason.
The Vodka Martini is an art. Come to Australia and I'll make you the king of all vodka martinis.
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- Contact lens solution
- Ear cleaning solution
- Oxygen substitute
- Sweater substitute (some people drink to feel warm but that is really a dumb idea 'cause you'll just get hypothermia if you don't have anything retaining your body heatz)
- Singing aid
- Baseball bat
- Excuse for your parking ticket
- Yeast infection cure (although I've heard from several of my female-type friends that it'd probably feel the same)
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bathwater, because I really don't drink anything I've dipped some parts of my body into, knowing me that is...
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Slip 'n Slide
Now I want to try this, it seems wondrously lavish to me, much the same as Scroodge McDuck swimming in his silo full of money, and I'm guessing a lot less painful.
Also, white/black russians are great... if your mixing drinks for teenage girls.
More importantly, martinis are made with GIN people; the next time a bartender asks me if I want my martini with vodka or gin I fear I will be forced to 'smack a bitch.'
The Martini:
*Fill one martini glass with ice and top it off with water to chill the glass.
*Stir your favorite fine gin over large ice cubes in a large shaker.
I generally use Beefeater Wet for younger folks and Tanqueray 10 for the old blue-bloods.
This is to chill and wet your gin without bruising it.
(bruising occurs when you mix too violently and get a cloudy color)
*Let the shaker sit for a moment while you toss the water/ice from the glass and drip dry it with a couple good flicks of the wrist.
*Coat the inside of the glass with dry vermouth.
I use a small atomizer for this at home, at the bar you can simply pour half an ounce into the glass, swill it around and then toss it.
*Smoothly pour gin into glass.
Avoid tall pours for the same reason we avoided shaking.
I prefer a Boston style shaker/strainer to a cobbler, just looks nicer and cleans easier.
The Proper Twist:
*Remove the peel from one quarter wheel of citrus.
(I use lime to garnish my martini)
*Throw the fruit away, it does not belong in a proper cocktail!
*Twist the peel an inch over the completed drink.
This releases the oils, misting them over the surface.
*Pinch the peel over the rim of the glass and make a quick sweep of it's circumference.
The slick, colored side should be touching the glass; it's where all the good stuff is at.
*Drop peel directly into the drink.
Serve immediately!!
If done properly the martini should be perfectly crystalline, save for the light swirling refractions of the vermouth slowly mixing and the oils trailing from the garnish. When first raising the glass to drink, one smells the fresh aroma of the twist, and tastes the light citrus with the fresh delicate bouquet of the gin. As the drink is consumed is becomes gradually more intense due to the increasing percentage of vermouth and the essences coming out of the twist.
A good martini is not just about the ingredients; it's about presentation.
I can make fun and fruity cocktails as well, but I'm a strong believer in the notion that the classics should still have a little class.
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Just to be clear, though, "bruising" only detracts from the appearance. Bruised drinks do not taste different than nonbruised drinks.
I prefer olives to a twist, and while the "proper" way is to have them on the side, I don't really care if they're in my drink. Never a twist AND olives though. That's sick.
I also prefer Bombay Sapphire to Tanq 10. Beefy in a pinch.
Oh, and martinis are meant to be drunk fairly quickly. The drink should never get anywhere close to room temperature. The surface area of the exposed liquid in a martini glass means that the drink will warm up pretty quickly, and the harsher flavors and odors of the gin will come out and the drink will taste more like pine-sol. A chilled glass is essential. I also like to use cold gin, because room temperature gin melts too much ice and waters the drink a bit.
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Thought I was clear on the bruising thing, but yeah, presentation.
I don't mind olives, but I try to dry them off or keep them on the side, a dirty martini is a freaking abomination! A couple of garlic stuffed olives and a little nibble of peperjack cheese on the side is spectacular though, and I actually feel it's a more comfortable garnish during the winter months.
Lastly, Sapphire doesn't do much for me, but I keep it around for the people who do like it, and regualr Beefeater = The Suck, Beefeater Wet = The Amazing. They use pear peels in the chimney when they distill it, giving it awesome clean, sweet undertones.
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- Contact lens solution
HOLY FUCK OW!!!
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No one in the states seems to stock Beefeater Wet, so I didn't even know it existed. It seems like vermouth would be unnecessary with a wet gin.
As for bruising, I hear too many people speak of it as if it's the worst thing you could do to a gin.
I like Hendrick's gin, but it's also relatively uncommon in the states, and also the flavors don't seem to work well in a martini, at least not with olives.
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I've owned one bottle of Hendrick's in my life and have never seen it in a bar. I've also never tried making a martini with it, at the time I had said bottle I was on my 'gin neat' kick. It's hard to get good gins in the states, which is a shame because there are so many out there.
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Pie crust.
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Car Polish.
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Just face it everyone. Jake wins this thread a million times over.
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I wouldn't say that...although my use of a flaming shot of sambucca as a lighter is pretty sweet if I may say so.
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My mom's boss uses raki as lighter fluid for his barbecue.
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Coffee.
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Sharing.
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Getting so drunk you bump a thread which is a year old.
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Slip 'n Slide
Now I want to try this, it seems wondrously lavish to me, much the same as Scroodge McDuck swimming in his silo full of money, and I'm guessing a lot less painful.
Also, white/black russians are great... if your mixing drinks for teenage girls.
More importantly, martinis are made with GIN people; the next time a bartender asks me if I want my martini with vodka or gin I fear I will be forced to 'smack a bitch.'
The Martini:
*Fill one martini glass with ice and top it off with water to chill the glass.
*Stir your favorite fine gin over large ice cubes in a large shaker.
I generally use Beefeater Wet for younger folks and Tanqueray 10 for the old blue-bloods.
This is to chill and wet your gin without bruising it.
(bruising occurs when you mix too violently and get a cloudy color)
*Let the shaker sit for a moment while you toss the water/ice from the glass and drip dry it with a couple good flicks of the wrist.
*Coat the inside of the glass with dry vermouth.
I use a small atomizer for this at home, at the bar you can simply pour half an ounce into the glass, swill it around and then toss it.
*Smoothly pour gin into glass.
Avoid tall pours for the same reason we avoided shaking.
I prefer a Boston style shaker/strainer to a cobbler, just looks nicer and cleans easier.
The Proper Twist:
*Remove the peel from one quarter wheel of citrus.
(I use lime to garnish my martini)
*Throw the fruit away, it does not belong in a proper cocktail!
*Twist the peel an inch over the completed drink.
This releases the oils, misting them over the surface.
*Pinch the peel over the rim of the glass and make a quick sweep of it's circumference.
The slick, colored side should be touching the glass; it's where all the good stuff is at.
*Drop peel directly into the drink.
Serve immediately!!
If done properly the martini should be perfectly crystalline, save for the light swirling refractions of the vermouth slowly mixing and the oils trailing from the garnish. When first raising the glass to drink, one smells the fresh aroma of the twist, and tastes the light citrus with the fresh delicate bouquet of the gin. As the drink is consumed is becomes gradually more intense due to the increasing percentage of vermouth and the essences coming out of the twist.
A good martini is not just about the ingredients; it's about presentation.
I can make fun and fruity cocktails as well, but I'm a strong believer in the notion that the classics should still have a little class.
Regardless, i do believe this post deserves to be quoted