Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: est on 14 Jan 2007, 08:12

Title: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: est on 14 Jan 2007, 08:12
Quote from: gabbly
est: should i drink some tasty vodkas to dull my sunburn pain
est: is that an acceptable use of good vodka?
emilio: yes
est: ok
Cernunnos: yes it is a suitable use of vodka
emilio: there are very few nonsuitable uses
Cernunnos: what are they?
emilio: hmm
substitute for breast milk
est: unsuitable
emilio: yeah

guys, what are some other unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Mnementh on 14 Jan 2007, 08:15
sexual lubricant, in the literal sense.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: jhocking on 14 Jan 2007, 08:17
Surprisingly, rum is a bad choice for cleaning contact lenses. I figured the alcohol would be good for eliminating buildup on the surface, but I failed to consider the effect it would have on my eyes.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cartilage Head on 14 Jan 2007, 08:19
 Child's cough medicine.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: est on 14 Jan 2007, 08:20
vodka is an uncommonly bad substitute for blood plasma
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Mnementh on 14 Jan 2007, 08:24
motor oil.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: est on 14 Jan 2007, 08:30
sports drink
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Spinless on 14 Jan 2007, 08:31
A drink for your goldfish.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cernunnos on 14 Jan 2007, 08:34
Baby food.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Mnementh on 14 Jan 2007, 08:35
sports drink

Nonsense

(http://www.mikebliss.com/Bliss-16Truck3.jpg)
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cartilage Head on 14 Jan 2007, 08:40
 Enema.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Lines on 14 Jan 2007, 08:52
nasal spray.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Ernest on 14 Jan 2007, 09:03
Breakfast.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Johnny C on 14 Jan 2007, 09:04
Contents of a fire extinguisher.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cartilage Head on 14 Jan 2007, 09:49
 Douche.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Blue Kitty on 14 Jan 2007, 09:56
breaking over someones head
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: TheFuriousWombat on 14 Jan 2007, 09:59
i'd say that one's debatable....

shampoo... i've discovered it just doesn't have the desired effect.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: jhocking on 14 Jan 2007, 10:09
Contents of a fire extinguisher.
This one is my favorite answer thus far. I'm imagining this scene:

man: Holy shit! The stove caught fire. Quick, gimme the fire extinguisher!
*spray*
man: wtf, that just made the fire bigger. What is in this thing anyway?
*sniff*
man: Is that... tequila?!?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Entilzah on 14 Jan 2007, 10:50
Breakfast.

I have to disagree with this.

Nothing is better for breakfast
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: thelightguy on 14 Jan 2007, 10:59
Breakfast.
Actually, that is a very suitable use of alcohol, assuming you want to forget the night before.

Child's cough medicine.
Brandy in tea works wonders. :-P  Sorry, this is (arguably) suitable.

Here's an unsuitable use:

Dry cleaning agent
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Gridgm on 14 Jan 2007, 11:06
um...getting yourslef inebriated

as a barometer
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: KaraFairie on 14 Jan 2007, 11:11
sniffing... Nothing is better than petrol.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: BrittanyMarie on 14 Jan 2007, 11:15
Quote from: Kris Kristofferson
The beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, so I had another for dessert.

Bourbon would make a pretty crappy lotion. I'd be all sticky.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: jmrz on 14 Jan 2007, 11:23
Soap.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Storm Rider on 14 Jan 2007, 11:31
Toilet water.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Rubby on 14 Jan 2007, 11:40
Hey if I could afford whiskey for toilet water, you bet I would do it.

Not so much for drink, just, you know, whiskey toilet water! I mean, come on.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: BrittanyMarie on 14 Jan 2007, 11:47
Brown water though? I used to have kinda-brown water since it was well water and seriously... gross! Besides, that would make backsplash that much less enjoyable! You'd think it'd have potential to burn or something.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Hunter on 14 Jan 2007, 12:12
i guess you'd figure out the effects of a dog drunk.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Ernest on 14 Jan 2007, 12:16
I.V. fluid.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Slick on 14 Jan 2007, 12:23
It is totally unsuitable to substitute bourbon into your brownie batter.
No, wait, that's an excellent idea.

As for the toilet, you know when you have those really big poops and sometimes it splashes up? Yeah. No good at all.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Johnny C on 14 Jan 2007, 12:51
man: Holy shit! The stove caught fire. Quick, gimme the fire extinguisher!
*spray*
man: wtf, that just made the fire bigger. What is in this thing anyway?
*sniff*
man: Is that... tequila?!?

In my mental version, the *spray* bit is followed by a terrible noise, then a terrible silence.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Catfish_Man on 14 Jan 2007, 13:37
vodka makes a pretty bad substitute for hamster pellets.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: keakaha on 14 Jan 2007, 14:37
Breakfast.

I have to disagree with this.

Nothing is better for breakfast

Besides, you do know where milk comes from, right?

Totally unsuitable: Putting in any kind of fruity colourful cocktail. Not happening.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: dennis on 14 Jan 2007, 15:53
Gin is a bad, awful nasal spray decongestant.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Grawsith on 14 Jan 2007, 15:54
paint thinner, degreaser, bubble bath, milk for your cereal, prescription medication.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Patrick on 14 Jan 2007, 16:24
Best friend.

I need to work on that.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: öde on 14 Jan 2007, 16:29
Winner.

But still the thread must go on.

Rum should not be involved in soldering, ever again.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Schmitt on 14 Jan 2007, 17:13
Building material, just doesn't work as well as water when mixed with cement mix.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mqarcus on 14 Jan 2007, 17:23
I guess alcohol is suitable for almost everything, or wait, no. Almost. Guh.

Maybe not for contact lenses, stings like hell.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: KaraFairie on 14 Jan 2007, 17:32
prescription medication.

Tis quite good as prescription medicine. (just don't tell your doctor ;))




edit: I do not recommend people use alcohol to fix problems. IT IS A BAD IDEA!!!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: the tree on 14 Jan 2007, 18:37
Deodorant, keyboard cleaner, drain cleaner, electricity.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: negative creep on 14 Jan 2007, 19:24
i'd say that one's debatable....

shampoo... i've discovered it just doesn't have the desired effect.

beer is supposed to be good fo your hair, actually.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: qtownstegy on 14 Jan 2007, 19:52
Floor covering, not as soft as some carpets.

A means through which information is sent and received like the internet, just can't get the same download speeds.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Oli on 14 Jan 2007, 20:21
It would be unsuitable to use Tennants lager as a drink.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Marauder_Pilot on 14 Jan 2007, 23:10
Breakfast.

I have to disagree with this.

Nothing is better for breakfast

Nah, beer is the breakfast food. Guiness and Froot Loops FTW.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Tyler on 14 Jan 2007, 23:16
Elected officials.

Alcohol on its own seems to know very little about economics or foreign policy.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Oli on 14 Jan 2007, 23:19
Personally if Ethanol stood for office I would vote for it.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Tyler on 14 Jan 2007, 23:37
Please, refrain from exercising your right to vote always.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Oli on 15 Jan 2007, 00:13
What like ethanol is a worse vote than the monster raving looney party.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: tommydski on 15 Jan 2007, 00:15
Bourbon would make a pretty crappy lotion. I'd be all sticky.

Also, completely irresistible.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Johnny C on 15 Jan 2007, 00:55
Would booze make a good disinfectant or a bad one?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: tragic_pizza on 15 Jan 2007, 00:58
Depends.

If it's got lots of flavorings in it, or is particularly sweetish (sugar-based), no. If it doesn't, yes.

In Japanese cook-it-in-front-of-you restaurants, the grills are cleaned with vodka.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Slick on 15 Jan 2007, 00:59
Mediocre. It'll do the trick, but there are better things to do that with and better things to do with it.

Also, I've been told whiskey is crap as a personal flotation device.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Johnny C on 15 Jan 2007, 01:04
And it's even worse as a pilot.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Patrick on 15 Jan 2007, 03:06
Lead guitarist. Although every '70s band -ever- might beg to differ.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Oli on 15 Jan 2007, 03:33
Word on the street is that bourbon is a pretty poor chauffeur.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: est on 15 Jan 2007, 04:54
Vodka is not a lover that won't drive you crazy
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: redglasscurls on 15 Jan 2007, 05:30
Who ya gonna call?

NOT RUM
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Sythe on 15 Jan 2007, 05:41
Spanish Inquisition.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cartilage Head on 15 Jan 2007, 06:12
 Embalming fluid.

 Also, influence on religious deities. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=GU8NPmt2XV8)
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: thelightguy on 15 Jan 2007, 06:51
neurosurgeon
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: vegkitkat on 15 Jan 2007, 06:54
Scuba diving instructor. I damn near drowned when vodka tried to teach me.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Sythe on 15 Jan 2007, 06:57
Dr. Cuervo went to a party college.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: jhocking on 15 Jan 2007, 06:58
Whiskey makes a terrible babysitter.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: thelightguy on 15 Jan 2007, 07:00
financial advisor.  I lost that game of monopoly.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: lady on 15 Jan 2007, 07:11
hmm hairspray.

white out.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Johnny C on 15 Jan 2007, 08:24
When you're wastin' away again in Margaritaville, blaming liquor rather than a woman for your troubles will likely lead to unwanted rumours regarding your personal life.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Tyler on 15 Jan 2007, 08:47
Whiskey makes a terrible babysitter.

Utterly disagree. Get some Jack into those toddlers, and they won't be any trouble at all.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Lines on 15 Jan 2007, 09:16
showering in gin would not be a good idea.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Tyler on 15 Jan 2007, 09:48
You are correct. It would be a spectacular idea.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: The Overachiever Bandit on 15 Jan 2007, 09:54
Margita makes for a terrible swimming suit, unless one likes to skinny dip.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Inlander on 15 Jan 2007, 10:05
Would booze make a good disinfectant or a bad one?

Oh man, I miss flame sterilisin' shit.

Step 1: dip unsterile object in alcohol.

Step 2: light bunsen burner.

Step 3: IGNITE!

Oh, and I guess Step 4: douse flames, if you really want to . . .
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: KaraFairie on 15 Jan 2007, 11:16
damn. Lighting pens in fire in science class was the ultimate fun.. for about 10 minutes. Year 8. Good times *remembers being yelled at by teacher/s*
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mer on 15 Jan 2007, 11:21
Vodka serves as a horrible form of birth control
Also in case of an emergency landing your bottle of rum may not be used as a floatation device.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Patrick on 15 Jan 2007, 16:27
Vodka serves as a horrible form of birth control

I beg to differ. Get your woman drunk enough while she's pregnant and you'll have no trouble whatsoever.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: The extra letter on 15 Jan 2007, 18:30
Would booze make a good disinfectant or a bad one?

Well, in all the wet labs I've had, we've swabbed down the benches with a 75% alcohol solution so a 40% or higher vodka may do the trick in a pinch, I suppose.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Slick on 15 Jan 2007, 19:27
KimJong, I wanted to say that but was too afraid.

While a bottle of whiskey is a poor curriculum vitae, the right bottle of scotch sent with your resume can increase your odds of success.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: bujiatang on 16 Jan 2007, 20:26
i'd say that one's debatable....

shampoo... i've discovered it just doesn't have the desired effect.

Cynthia Sylvia Stout Shampoo from Lush (http://usa.lush.com/cgi-bin/lushdb/802?expand=Haircare). Best shampoo I have ever used.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mer on 16 Jan 2007, 21:43
I'm pretty sure everything from Lush is amazing
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: est on 18 Jan 2007, 08:16
Ship's First mate.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: vegkitkat on 18 Jan 2007, 08:29
But it makes a great ship's captain.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: sandysmilinstrange on 18 Jan 2007, 09:01
Baby shower gift.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: TheFuriousWombat on 18 Jan 2007, 09:07
well that one simply isn't true. having a baby is very stressful. is alcohol not an excellent stress reliever?? giving alcohol to an expecting mother, ergo, is just plain logical and, on a more emotional level, a kind and compasionate gesture.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Ernest on 18 Jan 2007, 09:21
Guitar strings.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mberan42 on 18 Jan 2007, 09:46
Quote from: est
Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol

Anything but drinking
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: est on 18 Jan 2007, 09:49
I don't know about that, dude.  My favourite alcohol also cuts a respectable jib on my mantle.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mberan42 on 18 Jan 2007, 09:58
Sure, the bottle looks pretty. It adds flair to your otherwise un-adjectively-advanced mantle.

But honestly, would it make a difference if the bottle was empty or full? I'm all for aesthetically-pleasing atmospheres and whatnot, but when my favourite drink is involved, things change.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: jhocking on 18 Jan 2007, 21:25
But honestly, would it make a difference if the bottle was empty or full?
Yes it would. Empty liquor bottles on display smack of tacky college life (says the guy who had empty liquor bottles on the mantle back in college.)  It's the same as wine; you don't display empty bottles, you display handsome bottles of drinks for your guests to choose from.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Lines on 18 Jan 2007, 21:33
alchy-hall would not be a suitible flame retardant.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: supersheep on 18 Jan 2007, 23:36
milk for your cereal
Done this. Guinness and cornflakes is surprisingly non-manky. As in, it's manky, but not as manky as you'd expect.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cartilage Head on 19 Jan 2007, 00:08
 Movie critic.

Also, lots of surprising liquids go well with cereal, i.e. orange juice.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: öde on 19 Jan 2007, 00:24
As a 1980's US civil war film.

It was an hour and a half, too.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: tragic_pizza on 19 Jan 2007, 00:29
Bears repeating:

Anything but drinking
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: valley_parade on 19 Jan 2007, 01:13
As was proved on Mythbusters last night, Rum is not a good laundry detergent.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Pumpkin on 19 Jan 2007, 01:14
Child's cough medicine.

The reverse is surprising, though. A friend of mine's tipple of choice is Calpol.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 19 Jan 2007, 01:20
I hired a bottle of scotch to file my taxes for me... It didn't go so well.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mberan42 on 19 Jan 2007, 01:30
I did that once with a bottle of gin.

I ended up getting audited, thrown in jail for tax evasion, and the gin had sex with my wife. Plus, the hangover was awful.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 19 Jan 2007, 01:52
I walked in on a bottle of gin having sex with my wife once. I screamed and threw limes at it until it ran away. It was hours before I realized that the wife was, in fact, imaginary and the bottle of gin was actually my girlfriend... The relationship didn't last long after that.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Johnny C on 19 Jan 2007, 02:08
So we can rule out "character in daydreams" then.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Ernest on 19 Jan 2007, 10:01
Brake fluid

Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: thelightguy on 19 Jan 2007, 12:45
lube
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 19 Jan 2007, 13:18
ketchup. Those fries just weren't the same...
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: David_Dovey on 19 Jan 2007, 13:19
They were BETTER!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mer on 19 Jan 2007, 13:57
lube

OW ow oooowww, this definately would be a bad idea
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 19 Jan 2007, 14:01
well...the warming sensation..than the burning sensation...than the OH FUCK GET IT OFF!!! sensation...
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: dennis on 19 Jan 2007, 15:02
(http://farm1.static.flickr.com/163/362386791_87576f3e97.jpg) (http://www.flickr.com/photos/largeprimenumber/362386791/)

Actually, I'm not sure if it's unsuitable, but it's been steeping for weeks and weeks and now I'm kind of afraid to drink it.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: öde on 19 Jan 2007, 15:13
Space rations.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Locke on 19 Jan 2007, 15:15
"Johnny B. Quick brand Late-Nite Driving Elixir!"
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 19 Jan 2007, 22:16
writing utensils and baby powder...
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: öde on 19 Jan 2007, 22:18
"Johnny B. Quick brand Late-Nite Driving Elixir!"

Thread over.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 19 Jan 2007, 22:32
aww damn. This thread was quite entertaining.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Patrick on 19 Jan 2007, 23:13
well...the warming sensation..than the burning sensation...than the OH FUCK GET IT OFF!!! sensation...

I usually have the "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" sensation when I'm flying solo, but in a much, MUCH different sense.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 20 Jan 2007, 00:25
I usually have the "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" sensation the morning after, but again, in a very different sense.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 20 Jan 2007, 11:26
"OH FUCK GET IT OFF" seems like a popular response to many things. Leeches, hermaphrodite hookers, and alcoholic lube are fine examples of "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" moments...
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Ernest on 21 Jan 2007, 00:10
Flame retardent
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 21 Jan 2007, 00:11
I've put out several fires with beer actually.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: spet on 21 Jan 2007, 04:45
But beer can't possibly be your favirote alcohol. I mean what about vodka, Kahlua, gin, etc?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 21 Jan 2007, 05:55
So true. I do like my cognacs and would never use them as a flame retardant.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Inlander on 21 Jan 2007, 06:18
But beer can't possibly be your favirote alcohol. I mean what about vodka, Kahlua, gin, etc?

Spoken like a man who's never drunk real beer!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: spet on 21 Jan 2007, 15:24
I drink plenty of beer. Different kinds, different brands, although ale by far is my favorite. I actually have a small collection of various beers. But beer is not my favorite kind of alcohol for one reason: Vodka + Kahlua + milk + ice = White russian. You can't beat that!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Inlander on 21 Jan 2007, 15:49
Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol: mixing with milk.

(Also, unsuitable uses for your favourite milk: mixing with alcohol.)
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: spet on 21 Jan 2007, 15:51
The Black Russian was invented for guys like you (or me, when I have no more milk).
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Lunchbox on 21 Jan 2007, 15:52
I, uh. I just finished a Tia Maria with milk.
I still have the moustache.
Now I feel bad.
Should I feel bad?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Inlander on 21 Jan 2007, 16:02
Depends. Does the moustache suit you?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 22 Jan 2007, 14:02
milk moustache=sexy
milk moustache+alcohol= uh...?
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: dennis on 22 Jan 2007, 16:13
The white russian is made with cream, folks. Cream.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Ernest on 23 Jan 2007, 03:06
Eyedrops
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: mqarcus on 23 Jan 2007, 03:51
cook-it-in-front-of-you

Of course I read "cock-in-front-of-you".
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Observer on 23 Jan 2007, 07:59
Slip 'n Slide
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Scrambled Egg Machine on 23 Jan 2007, 09:15
Sports drink.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Slick on 23 Jan 2007, 10:10
I love you!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: spet on 23 Jan 2007, 14:43
He's an unstoppable love-machine!

That sounded wrong. So very wrong...
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Shiney_Gothique on 23 Jan 2007, 16:51
Water. Alcohol is an unsuitable substitute for water in every situation.

Vodka makes bad fire-puter-outer.

Vodka bottles make bad tennis rackets when the tennis ball is on fire.

Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.

Use of half-empty goon sack as pillow = sore neck = inappropriate use of alcohol.
 
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Inlander on 23 Jan 2007, 17:07
He's an unstoppable love-machine!

Ooh! I've got one!

Alcohol is a bad substitute for love.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: elcapitan on 23 Jan 2007, 17:21
No, it's a very good substitute for love.

It's a very bad substitute for common sense.

Also, to the kid who was trying to convince us that Black/White Russians are better than any kind of beer, I strongly suggest you:

a) Shut the fuck up.
b) Stop drinking black/white russians.
c) Drink some REAL beer and some REAL cocktails. Then come back and we'll talk.

That's all.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Shiney_Gothique on 23 Jan 2007, 17:29
Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: supersheep on 23 Jan 2007, 18:50
Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
This sounds brilliant! I would love to do it if it were not for the fact that indoor smoking is banned here GARGHRGA.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Slick on 23 Jan 2007, 20:09
Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
I have to disagree. The other night, I charmed a barmaid into giving me a free drink (by letting her draw a star on my head in marker. I'm so smooth) at a local place called the Jane Bond, so I ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with pimento olives and all. It was kind of gross but they had some decent bourbon which I had later, which is very rare in bars here for some reason.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Shiney_Gothique on 24 Jan 2007, 06:11
Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
This sounds brilliant! I would love to do it if it were not for the fact that indoor smoking is banned here GARGHRGA.

Actually we did that in a friends lounge room. I lost part of a fringe and a friend lost most of a beard. Note we were very drunk at the time. I really don't know why we didn't just use the cigarette lighter we lit the shots with but anyway.

Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
I have to disagree. The other night, I charmed a barmaid into giving me a free drink (by letting her draw a star on my head in marker. I'm so smooth) at a local place called the Jane Bond, so I ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with pimento olives and all. It was kind of gross but they had some decent bourbon which I had later, which is very rare in bars here for some reason.

The Vodka Martini is an art. Come to Australia and I'll make you the king of all vodka martinis.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Patrick on 26 Jan 2007, 02:08
- Contact lens solution
- Ear cleaning solution
- Oxygen substitute
- Sweater substitute (some people drink to feel warm but that is really a dumb idea 'cause you'll just get hypothermia if you don't have anything retaining your body heatz)
- Singing aid
- Baseball bat
- Excuse for your parking ticket
- Yeast infection cure (although I've heard from several of my female-type friends that it'd probably feel the same)
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Gurkburk on 26 Jan 2007, 02:26
bathwater, because I really don't drink anything I've dipped some parts of my body into, knowing me that is...
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 26 Jan 2007, 17:38
Slip 'n Slide

Now I want to try this, it seems wondrously lavish to me, much the same as Scroodge McDuck swimming in his silo full of money, and I'm guessing a lot less painful.

Also, white/black russians are great... if your mixing drinks for teenage girls.

More importantly, martinis are made with GIN people; the next time a bartender asks me if I want my martini with vodka or gin I fear I will be forced to 'smack a bitch.'

The Martini:
*Fill one martini glass with ice and top it off with water to chill the glass.
*Stir your favorite fine gin over large ice cubes in a large shaker.
   I generally use Beefeater Wet for younger folks and Tanqueray 10 for the old blue-bloods.
   This is to chill and wet your gin without bruising it.
      (bruising occurs when you mix too violently and get a cloudy color)
*Let the shaker sit for a moment while you toss the water/ice from the glass and drip dry it with a couple good flicks of the wrist.
*Coat the inside of the glass with dry vermouth.
   I use a small atomizer for this at home, at the bar you can simply pour half an ounce into the glass, swill it around and then toss it.
*Smoothly pour gin into glass.
   Avoid tall pours for the same reason we avoided shaking.
   I prefer a Boston style shaker/strainer to a cobbler, just looks nicer and cleans easier.

The Proper Twist:
*Remove the peel from one quarter wheel of citrus.
   (I use lime to garnish my martini)
*Throw the fruit away, it does not belong in a proper cocktail!
*Twist the peel an inch over the completed drink.
   This releases the oils, misting them over the surface.
*Pinch the peel over the rim of the glass and make a quick sweep of it's circumference.
   The slick, colored side should be touching the glass; it's where all the good stuff is at.
*Drop peel directly into the drink.

Serve immediately!!
If done properly the martini should be perfectly crystalline, save for the light swirling refractions of the vermouth slowly mixing and the oils trailing from the garnish. When first raising the glass to drink, one smells the fresh aroma of the twist, and tastes the light citrus with the fresh delicate bouquet of the gin. As the drink is consumed is becomes gradually more intense due to the increasing percentage of vermouth and the essences coming out of the twist.
A good martini is not just about the ingredients; it's about presentation.

I can make fun and fruity cocktails as well, but I'm a strong believer in the notion that the classics should still have a little class.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: dennis on 26 Jan 2007, 18:46
Just to be clear, though, "bruising" only detracts from the appearance. Bruised drinks do not taste different than nonbruised drinks.

I prefer olives to a twist, and while the "proper" way is to have them on the side, I don't really care if they're in my drink. Never a twist AND olives though. That's sick.

I also prefer Bombay Sapphire to Tanq 10. Beefy in a pinch.

Oh, and martinis are meant to be drunk fairly quickly. The drink should never get anywhere close to room temperature. The surface area of the exposed liquid in a martini glass means that the drink will warm up pretty quickly, and the harsher flavors and odors of the gin will come out and the drink will taste more like pine-sol. A chilled glass is essential. I also like to use cold gin, because room temperature gin melts too much ice and waters the drink a bit.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 26 Jan 2007, 19:04
Thought I was clear on the bruising thing, but yeah, presentation.

I don't mind olives, but I try to dry them off or keep them on the side, a dirty martini is a freaking abomination! A couple of garlic stuffed olives and a little nibble of peperjack cheese on the side is spectacular though, and I actually feel it's a more comfortable garnish during the winter months.

Lastly, Sapphire doesn't do much for me, but I keep it around for the people who do like it, and regualr Beefeater = The Suck, Beefeater Wet = The Amazing. They use pear peels in the chimney when they distill it, giving it awesome clean, sweet undertones.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Runs_With_Scissors on 27 Jan 2007, 00:15
- Contact lens solution


HOLY FUCK OW!!!
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: dennis on 27 Jan 2007, 03:04
No one in the states seems to stock Beefeater Wet, so I didn't even know it existed. It seems like vermouth would be unnecessary with a wet gin.

As for bruising, I hear too many people speak of it as if it's the worst thing you could do to a gin.

I like Hendrick's gin, but it's also relatively uncommon in the states, and also the flavors don't seem to work well in a martini, at least not with olives.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Heijoshin on 27 Jan 2007, 08:28
I've owned one bottle of Hendrick's in my life and have never seen it in a bar. I've also never tried making a martini with it, at the time I had said bottle I was on my 'gin neat' kick. It's hard to get good gins in the states, which is a shame because there are so many out there.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Cartilage Head on 27 Jan 2007, 08:56
 Pie crust.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Shiney_Gothique on 27 Jan 2007, 17:51
Car Polish.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: KaraFairie on 27 Jan 2007, 19:19
Just face it everyone. Jake wins this thread a million times over.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Shiney_Gothique on 27 Jan 2007, 20:16
I wouldn't say that...although my use of a flaming shot of sambucca as a lighter is pretty sweet if I may say so.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: Patrick on 29 Jan 2007, 07:07
My mom's boss uses raki as lighter fluid for his barbecue.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: öde on 03 Feb 2007, 03:47
Coffee.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: HellStorm on 07 Feb 2008, 16:05
Sharing.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: öde on 07 Feb 2008, 16:36
Getting so drunk you bump a thread which is a year old.
Title: Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
Post by: E. Spaceman on 07 Feb 2008, 20:37
Slip 'n Slide

Now I want to try this, it seems wondrously lavish to me, much the same as Scroodge McDuck swimming in his silo full of money, and I'm guessing a lot less painful.

Also, white/black russians are great... if your mixing drinks for teenage girls.

More importantly, martinis are made with GIN people; the next time a bartender asks me if I want my martini with vodka or gin I fear I will be forced to 'smack a bitch.'

The Martini:
*Fill one martini glass with ice and top it off with water to chill the glass.
*Stir your favorite fine gin over large ice cubes in a large shaker.
   I generally use Beefeater Wet for younger folks and Tanqueray 10 for the old blue-bloods.
   This is to chill and wet your gin without bruising it.
      (bruising occurs when you mix too violently and get a cloudy color)
*Let the shaker sit for a moment while you toss the water/ice from the glass and drip dry it with a couple good flicks of the wrist.
*Coat the inside of the glass with dry vermouth.
   I use a small atomizer for this at home, at the bar you can simply pour half an ounce into the glass, swill it around and then toss it.
*Smoothly pour gin into glass.
   Avoid tall pours for the same reason we avoided shaking.
   I prefer a Boston style shaker/strainer to a cobbler, just looks nicer and cleans easier.

The Proper Twist:
*Remove the peel from one quarter wheel of citrus.
   (I use lime to garnish my martini)
*Throw the fruit away, it does not belong in a proper cocktail!
*Twist the peel an inch over the completed drink.
   This releases the oils, misting them over the surface.
*Pinch the peel over the rim of the glass and make a quick sweep of it's circumference.
   The slick, colored side should be touching the glass; it's where all the good stuff is at.
*Drop peel directly into the drink.

Serve immediately!!
If done properly the martini should be perfectly crystalline, save for the light swirling refractions of the vermouth slowly mixing and the oils trailing from the garnish. When first raising the glass to drink, one smells the fresh aroma of the twist, and tastes the light citrus with the fresh delicate bouquet of the gin. As the drink is consumed is becomes gradually more intense due to the increasing percentage of vermouth and the essences coming out of the twist.
A good martini is not just about the ingredients; it's about presentation.

I can make fun and fruity cocktails as well, but I'm a strong believer in the notion that the classics should still have a little class.



Regardless, i do believe this post deserves to be quoted