THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: SeanBateman on 09 May 2007, 00:24
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I am pretty drunk and feel like dispensing some wisdom on all y'alls.
Ask me questions, and I will answer them, regardless of what they are about.
Advice, personal information, gossip... you name it, I got it.
Holla!
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Dear
Abby Hobo;
I don't think my boyfriend finds me sexy any more. How can I make the bedroom more interesting?
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Dear Hobo,
How do I make a geeky Jewish boy fall for me when next semester I will likely have no reason to see him because we won't be in any classes together?
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Dear Mr. Hobo,
How does one become a Makeout Hobo?? How do you experience the lifestyle? Do you think one Makeout Hobo what this world can handle? Would two make the earth explode in an attempt of the moon to smooch it?
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Dear Hobo,
How do I make a geeky Jewish boy fall for me when next semester I will likely have no reason to see him because we won't be in any classes together?
Bagels.
(sorry)
Dear Hobo,
how do i growed beard??? :( No, seriously, I should be able to grow a goddamn beard by now, or at least something past miserable peach fuzz. I'm 18 fer fuck's sake.
And Snopes seems to think that shaving it all off doesn't make it grow faster.
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Dear Abby Hobo;
I don't think my boyfriend finds me sexy any more. How can I make the bedroom more interesting?
Post nude pictures on the internet. That'll work like a charm, trust me.
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Dear Hobo,
How do I stop my cat from trying to eat emery boards?
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I accidentally got too drunk and passed out on my floor in a puddle of spilt whiskey. A little awkward. I will answer questions now.
Dear Abby Hobo;
I don't think my boyfriend finds me sexy any more. How can I make the bedroom more interesting?
This depends entirely on your own proclivities and true essence. Also what gets his rocks off. Find a way to get him to expose his deepest desires in basic conversation, and then ambush him in the bedroom with unexpected sexieness.
I can pretty much tell you now though, that he will either want a threesome with another girl, light bondage for either you(more likely) or him(unlikely), or he will want you to dress up as Princess Leia.
Also, for me to truly establish what is needed to maximize your potential sexitude, we do need you to email or PM pictures to me, posthaste, so I can understand what kind of lingerie will most excite your lover as it is slowly and tenderly removed, leaving you lighter and him heavier, demanding the union of your two bodies.
Alternatively to all that, just get on top and go crazy.
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Dear Hobo,
How do I make a geeky Jewish boy fall for me when next semester I will likely have no reason to see him because we won't be in any classes together?
Don't sleep with him. Granting immediate access to your body will lessen his desire to come closer to your soul through future intimacy. Instead, spend as much time possible this semester talking to him about whatever you can, learn more about his inner essence and true nature. Get under his skin, get into his herat and mind, and then take him out drinking. I am sure a young NYU student like yourself knows places you can drink without fear of being carded. Take him someplace closer to your place than his, and ask him back for a nightcap, or to watch a movie.
Make excuses to be the same places he is, and make sure you are not obvious with your desires right off the bat. Nurture them and let them grow, both in yourself and him, before making the move towards the final union of the sexist kisses.
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Dear hobo,
How come the girls don't like me? It seems that the only ones that do are quite odd in nature.
I THINK WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS...HOW DO I ATTRACT A SEEMINGLY NORMAL GIRL?
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Dear Hobo,
What Shane said.
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Kieff, he doesn't drink. All he seems to care about is Heroes and Green Lantern which is lovely because most of what I care about are those things too. But what am I supposed to do with him if he doesn't drink?
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Coffee.
Geeky Jews love coffe.
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Kieff, he doesn't drink. All he seems to care about is Heroes and Green Lantern which is lovely because most of what I care about are those things too. But what am I supposed to do with him if he doesn't drink?
Same plan as far as getting under his skin, and then when you make your move take him to the comic shop on 33rd street. Two doors down is a strip club; on your way out of the comic shop teasingly suggest stopping there, and use that to get him all hot and bothered. It doesn't matter if he actually wants to go; the mere fact that you brought it up will gnaw at his brain, keeping you at the front of his thinking.
EDIT: for reference
http://www.jhuniverse.com/
http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-138057376.html
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Don't sleep with him. Granting immediate access to your body will lessen his desire to come closer to your soul through future intimacy.
Dear Hobo,
How do I turn the part where I do this into sexytime kissings?
-JC
Oh and Tommy the dude in Kieff's avatar is the future of superheroism.
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union of the sexist kisses.
You make me giggle, young lad. You make me giggle.
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Kisses while telling the female that she should stay in the kitchen?
Dear Hobo,
Guess my deepest fantasy.
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Dear Mr. Hobo,
How does one become a Makeout Hobo?? How do you experience the lifestyle? Do you think one Makeout Hobo what this world can handle? Would two make the earth explode in an attempt of the moon to smooch it?
There is a seed deep inside every young boy and girl, that begins to sprout as they approach adolescence. Every child must then make a choice, whether to nurture this seed, let it grow within them and fill their souls with a ramblin spirit and their lips with an unquenchable desire for kisses, or to neglect it, let it die, and live life without it. You are the only one who can make the decision for yourself, and even you can not know where the choice will take you. Some nurture their seed, but lack the moral fortitude and rougish charm to live the life. Others have the charm, but find themselves debilitated by Mono and Oral herpes before they even get out the gate.
I have smooched the moon already Vergecoa. Perhaps, someday, if you live your life right, you may as well.
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Dear Hobo,
how do i growed beard??? :( No, seriously, I should be able to grow a goddamn beard by now, or at least something past miserable peach fuzz. I'm 18 fer fuck's sake.
And Snopes seems to think that shaving it all off doesn't make it grow faster.
Some are blessed with the inner strength to create the superior beardage you have seen on the faces of myself, daniel, and others. Some are sadly born lacking this power. I have friends as old as 25 who are still unable to grow anything but the most tragic, patchy, white trash monster truck rally beards. The beard is a thing that, if it is not inside you, is not likely ever to be on your face.
Most girls think they are gross though. Or at least they do until they experience them.
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
How do I become an unstoppable date machine, and have ladies drawn to me in hoards by some unseen force?
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Dear Hobo,
Was I right to abort the 'How many roads must a man walk down' joke that I was halfway through typing? And did I just fail miserably by asking?
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Dear Hobo
I recently came into super powers and was wondering whether I should use them for good or for evil?
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use them for awesome.
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So not so much evil as wicked. Not so much good as niiiiiiice.
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Dear Hobo,
Why am I asking for advice from a man with a naked man for an avatar shaking back and forth? Should I be obeying everything he tells us all to do?
Will I be a better person if I do?
How long will it be before that avatar gets yanked?
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Probably until he realises it's there.
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it's the lead singer bloke of of montreal i think
and it's either on purpose or he's using ryan's photobucket again
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
How an I get rid of a sore throat, and a stuffy, yet runny nose?
Also, what should I make for dinner?
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Dear The Makeout Hobo,
Boxers or Briefs?
Love, Calenlass
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Dear Hobo,
How do I stop my cat from trying to eat emery boards?
I do not know what this means.
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(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/Seanbateman/GAAAY.gif)
Duh.
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Dear Hobo,
Why are flowers so pretty?
Flowers are solid natural proof that mother earth is in favor of Makeouts. Flowers are the earts way of kissing the sky, and they are necessarily pretty so that the sky will continue to love our planet, and not leave us all to suffocate. This is why they work so well as an offering to potential lovers, because we all feel the connection to our earth mother and and the sky who protects us.
Every time a lady kisses you after you give her flowers, you are retelling the love story of earth and sky.
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Lunchy I am happy to see you saved that.
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I am also happy to see how well her avatar works in combination with that picture.
Pee ess: I know whose boxers those arewere. Question still stands.
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Dear Mr. Hobo,
why do you hate everyone?
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Hey sir
How was your day?
No wait that's not the question!!!!
How was your most recent birthday??
I just want to know
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Dear hobo,
How come the girls don't like me? It seems that the only ones that do are quite odd in nature.
I THINK WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS...HOW DO I ATTRACT A SEEMINGLY NORMAL GIRL?
This is a tricky question, and one that really I can not answer for you. The true solution can only come from deep inside yourself. However, one of the best lessons I learned in regards to this was from a man that I truly respect and admire, John Cusack. In the film High Fidelity, he imparted this wisdom "always punch your weight." This is a thing everyone must remember. Not all men are born to fly to the lofty heights that I have, and not all men get to kiss girls as pretty as the one I kissed most recently. Make sure that when you are attempting to attract a seemingly normal girl, she is not Jessica Alba if you are more of a Will Ferrel.
The second step is even harder. Many who aspire to makeouts make the mistake of assuming that they are like the most powerful of magnets, and makeouts are made of iron. Kisses will not fly to you of their own voalition, they must be sought, pursued, and claimed for ones own. They are given, but not freely. They must be earned. If you want to attract a normal girl, for gods sake get yourself around some normal girls. Go to shows alone. Go to bars. Go to cafes. Meet your friends friends. Meet your enemies friends. Just meet new people. And be interesting. Awe them with your humour and insights, delight them with your witticisms, enlighten them with your truly original viewpoints. Be confident in the fact that you are worth kissing, and others will share the belief.
How you perform the ceremonious union of two souls through 4 lips is your own buisiness. And as for getting there, well, I can only show you the road. I can't drive the van down it for you.
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The beard is a thing that, if it is not inside you, is not likely ever to be on your face.
Well I mean, there's EPIC beards on both sides of my family, and I've got the bumfluff thing going on in all beard-related areas, but it just refuses to get darker. Should I devour protein shakes (and in the process bulk up like a mothafucka) or just let the bumfluff phase run it's course?
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HELLO QCm UI GUESS> I GUESS I JHUT WANT OT ASK
I MEAN. IF YOU ARE SO FUCKED THAT COHERENT CONVESATION IS FEASIBLE< HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU RECOMEND MAKING TALK WITH PEOPLE?!?
AND MOR EIMPORTANTLY,.... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE QC DRUNK THREAD.
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I can only show you the road. I can't drive the van down it for you.
oh my god this is the best thing i've read today
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
How can I aspire to be the elegant drunk you are, instead of the manic, keyboard thumping maniac that I so obviously am?
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I ahfb af abe the eiasthb.
#
Hthe esothe osetnen?
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Hat, just relax and take things real slow.
Don't do what Pete did and not proof read your drunk post several times if you want to pull it off on the internet.
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
Is my avatar offensive? Can you tell me why i'm an insomniac?
Sincerely,
imapiratearg
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
How can I aspire to be the elegant drunk you are
HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA, oh, that's funny. That make me laugh.
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
how can I make the boy I like fall in love with me before Wednesday lunchtime?
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
Return to me my shirt. I rather fancy it.
Love,
Tyler
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
How does one "shake their booty"?
Sincerely, Linds
P.S. I never thought it was possible for a picture of a kitten to make me nauseous until I saw your avatar. This is bigger than it seems.
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You know, when I first read this thread I didn't realize who Dirk Hopeless was... I was thinking "damn this guy does a good Kieffer"
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Dear make out hobo
How do you describe the sexiest and most pleasurable kiss? How can i give it to her? Teach me please
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Dear makeout hobo... Is that the way uhuh uhuh, you like it uhuh uhuh?
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
Why aren't you answering any questions? Have you abandoned us, leaving us to try and figure out our lives by ourselves?
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Dear MH,
I am considering a cross-country road trip with indeterminate destinations, a-la what-you-did-last-year-except-with-fewer-makeouts-because-i-lack-your-charisma-and-skills-and-also-a-van. What are your suggestions, hints, secrets, and tips?
Love,
Calenlass.
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
What are some tips to help me break my dependence on heavily-salted, processed, pre-packaged snack foods? I would like to begin living a healthier, less sedentary home life.
-Ryan
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Dear Hobo,
I love crazy chicks. We're talking Epic level, last Final Fantasy boss battle crazy. Love 'um. Am I doomed to a life of emotional suffering, constant confusion, and awesome make-outs?
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Hey! Me too!
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Don't sleep with him. Granting immediate access to your body will lessen his desire to come closer to your soul through future intimacy.
Dear Hobo,
How do I turn the part where I do this into sexytime kissings?
-JC
Make him, or her in your case(or possiblt hhim, I dunno your story) long for the eventual embrace. Make them desire nothing else, be consumed at all timesby thoughts of sexytime kissings. When the time is right, and you will know, as every man and woman knows, when the time is right, sexy time kisses will simply happen. It is not a thing you can control, but it is a process you can speed up.
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Kisses while telling the female that she should stay in the kitchen?
Dear Hobo,
Guess my deepest fantasy.
Plowing Rod Huggins in the ass as Ray Smuckles looks on and criticizes your technique
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How can I have fun this summer?
Don't do drugs, do talk to pretty girls. Don't be lazy, do play sports with your homies in the park. Don't be discouraged, do keep trying to flirt eeven if you get shot down. Don't focus on how soon summer is ending, focus on dancing the night away. Don't light things on fire, do light a fire that burns all the impurities from your soul, leaving you better, strnonger, and worthier to fae the next school year.
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Set yourself on fire. Duh.
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That sounds kind of painful.
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dear makeout hobo,
(http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f153/Killer-Thriller/75bi-1.jpg)
(http://www.hollyscoop.com/BlogImages/72400514---michael_jackson.jpg)
how can fix :cry: :cry: :cry:
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Set yourself on fire. Duh.
Set yourself on fire. Duh.
Set yourself on fire. Duh.
Set yourself on fire. Duh.
Set yourself on fire. Duh.
Cuz then toorn back black (washington dc) and be :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: once moore (michael)
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kieffer, how do i make girls like me?
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dear makeout hobo
how do i convince myself to dance to shitty music for a hot girl at a club, or alternatively how do i convince myself that a concert is filled with women who like what i like and wouldn't freak out if i approached?
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
How do I become an unstoppable date machine, and have ladies drawn to me in hoards by some unseen force?
Man you guys have a pretty one track mind, huh.
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Dear Hobo,
Was I right to abort the 'How many roads must a man walk down' joke that I was halfway through typing? And did I just fail miserably by asking?
You have done well. The joke has been made many times, and it can be a good joke. This however, was not your moment. When it comes, you will know. If you miss it, only then will you have failed.
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Dear Hobo
I recently came into super powers and was wondering whether I should use them for good or for evil?
Inlander answered this question very well.
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There are scouts from the dodgers sitting next to me. I have not played organized ball in five years. Do i have a chance at teh big leagues, hobo?
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
Do you remember that movie Die Hard, where the guy lost his shoes and he had to walk across a bunch of broken glass?
That was cool, huh?
And also, is it not funny when one gets the last Fenway Frank in all the Fenway, leaving their hungry friend cold and frankless?
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Who said i was cold?
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Any day without a Fenway Frank is a cold day.
Beyond that, it was fucking cold up there. I wanted to set a center fielder on fire for warmth.
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
Lately I have been having the problem of verbally blogging to people. If someone asks how I am doing, I will actually tell them. Obviously, this sometimes makes regular interaction awkward. How can I stop this seemingly uncontrollable urge to angst all over everyone? I am 21, not 13! (See, I am even whining now)
-Suddenly Regressing
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Dear Hobo of the Makeouts,
I am planning a trip with a ladyfolk who is not my own, but whom I want to be my own very badly. Should we go north to a friend's cabin in Vermont or west to the wild blue yonder?
<3 Sythe
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Go West. Unless you plan on being bored as hell. But I guess that depends on what you're going to be doing. If you're going camping, then it doesn't really matter. Vermont's gorgeous and all. But there's basically nothing to do.
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Dear Makeout Sage.
I have a problem. Its hard for me to get a girlfriend. Not because I don't know how, to get a girl. I get girls fine, and thats the problem. I will start talking to a girl, and then I will start talking to another. Or I go to a party, get drunk, and sleep with a girl. I have tried not to do it, but no matter what it happens. I used to be happy about my ability to do this, but now its wearing me down and I want to just have a girlfriend for atleast a lil while. So maybe you have some advice on how not to do this.
Thank you.
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In the absence of the makeout sage, I'll handle this one:
Keep it in your pants.
Problem solved, you're welcome.
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Keep it in your pants.
Problem solved, you're welcome.
qft
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In the absence of the makeout sage, I'll handle this one:
Keep it in your pants.
Problem solved, you're welcome.
Yeah, my in-ability to keep it in my pants is the problem. So explain how do I control myself.
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YEAH DUDE YOU ARE COOL.
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Yeah, my in-ability to keep it in my pants is the problem. So explain how do I control myself.
Suck it up and stop fucking people. I don't see where that becomes complicated. If you get drunk and fuck indiscriminately, stop drinking. If you're hanging out with sluts and can't control yourself around them, stop hanging around with them. I hope to Hell you're being completely and utterly sarcastic in this request, because I can't understand how it can be that difficult to choose choose not to be promiscuous. If you're having a legitimate problem with this and can't reign it in under your own willpower, see a therapist.
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Hi all,
I am a spam bot and have been banned.
Love and muffins,
Stetula
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SMOKE.
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CIGARETTES.
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CIGARETTES FOR THE SMOKING
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Yeah, my in-ability to keep it in my pants is the problem. So explain how do I control myself.
Suck it up and stop fucking people. I don't see where that becomes complicated. If you get drunk and fuck indiscriminately, stop drinking. If you're hanging out with sluts and can't control yourself around them, stop hanging around with them. I hope to Hell you're being completely and utterly sarcastic in this request, because I can't understand how it can be that difficult to choose choose not to be promiscuous. If you're having a legitimate problem with this and can't reign it in under your own willpower, see a therapist.
I don't even know why you took me serious for a second.
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Eh, getting drunk and screwing random girls (or boys) eventually loses its fun. I never considered it problem. I just read a bunch of people talking about their inability to get women, I was curious what advice would be given to a philanderer.
I mean even though I don't go a party and try to get drunk, and sleep with some girl. I still have a reputation as a drunken man whore. I guess that is the price one pays for having a lil' too much fun.
I am moving to Chicago soon, so it should be a nice new fresh start.
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They have a roller derby league, haha thats awesome.
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Eh, getting drunk and screwing random girls (or boys) eventually loses its fun. I never considered it problem. I just read a bunch of people talking about their inability to get women, I was curious what advice would be given to a philanderer.
I mean even though I don't go a party and try to get drunk, and sleep with some girl. I still have a reputation as a drunken man whore. I guess that is the price one pays for having a lil' too much fun.
I am moving to Chicago soon, so it should be a nice new fresh start.
I used to have pretty much the same problem, actually. Pretty much all of my friends from back then are still completely shocked when I tell them I've had a girlfriend for over a year, and a lot of the girls are still hesitant to hang out with me 1 on 1 if I ask them, since they assume something will happen. I did a lot of things during that time that I am pretty ashamed of, and yeah, the people you know will pretty much always judge you as that guy, no matter how long you stay away, or how much you change. You could come back in 4 years a bhuddist monk, and they will still assume you want to get drunk and fuck everything that moves.
So yeah. There really is no way to change it! It's a thing that's done purely inside oneself. I cut back by finding someone I cared about to the point that for the most part, pursuing other girls just wasn't worth the time. I was drunk, at a party in San Francisco about a week ago, and I was chilling in the hot tub with some friends and a couple of people I didn't know. I was bouncing back in conversation between two very pretty girls, and after everyone went up to the house to change and continue drinking where it was warm, my friend and I decided to leave. As I was going, one of the girls grabbed my hand and said "where are you going? You should totally stay, you'll have fun, I promise." And then in the elevator my friend told me that "____(the other girl) totally would have fucked you."
See the point here is that just cuz you can do something doesn't always mean you should. I dunno about you but I started finding a serious lack of enjoyment in a lot of my encounters, almost always afterwards, and sometimes even during. I'd be sitting there, doing whatever, thinking about how empty and pointless it was, how we'd exchange numbers but never call each other.
So I guess the way I cut back, or I stopped, is I started thinking of that sickening empty feeling I always got after before hand. Realizing just how little I was going to enjoy the after effects made it much easier to avoid causing them all together.
Sorry for treating your joke reply seriously patatat
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Yeah, I am not at the point where I can resist the offer, but I don't look for it. I have walked away a few times. Just because I know that I will hurt the girl in the end, because some girls got it in their head that if they fuck a guy he will date them. Which is the exact opposite. A lot of guys won't date a girl if they get it instantly. Congratulations on finding a girl that makes you happy. I hope the same for me happens soon enough. Until then, I guess I will just enjoy the novelty of being able to finally say "Wanna come back to my place."
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And also, is it not funny when one gets the last Fenway Frank in all the Fenway, leaving their hungry friend cold and frankless?
DiceK: "rerish, nooooo" he shouted and put the flank on the ground and kicked it into bushes. "i so hungrryyy" Manny say. "but no moneys"
DiceK: "lol sorry all out" spoke the Bubble Boy, "no mor monkey jupmin on the bed"
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*Sigh* I was worried it would come to this...
Dear Makeout Hobo,
Is it morally wrong to develop legitimate feelings for a close friend? And if not, how would you recommend acting upon them?
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Don't do eet, Jon. The girl will cheat on you and move to Wisconsin!
I mean, that's what happened to me.
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Dear Hobo,
What the fuck happened to this thread? It was glorious in it's saavy yet down-to-earth sexing advice.
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Appropriate resurrection?
Yes.
Dear Hobo,
Why must I be a jackass for a minimum of 6 hours a day, with an additional 3 hours for each meal missed that day?
-Paco
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The suspence, it is killing me!
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Holy fucking necromancy, Batman!
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That's not necromancy, Robin...
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Dear Hobo,
Why must I be a jackass for a minimum of 6 hours a day, with an additional 3 hours for each meal missed that day?
man asking a hobo about missed meals is kinda insensitive
jerk
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Dear The Makeout Hobo,
Can I make out with your girlfriend y/n?
Love,
Calenlass
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Holy fucking necromancy, Batman!
If you're allowed to quote the 60's Adam West Batman then surely I'm allowed to bump excellent two month old threads.
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This thread is like, five months old.
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If it was so excellent then it wouldn't need to be bumped. That is the reason thread necromancy is not generally appreciated. The age of the thread is not in and of itself any concern (we have much older active threads) but rather its inactivity is a clear sign that people aren't interested in it. And it isn't a reflection on the quality of the thread; no matter how interesting something may have been at first, often the joke just gets old.
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it's inactivity
Shame on you, Joe!
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doh
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(http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y21/sandmanccl/threadnecro.jpg)
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Been waiting to bust that one out?
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I think he has.
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(http://star.walagata.com/w/fortebass/INTERNET/betterpostit.jpg)
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Been waiting to bust that one out?
You have no idea, man.
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What the heck man, that picture would've worked so much better with my necro.
My post was completely fucking irrelevant to anything! I didn't even go "Hey, this is an awesome topic, we should do this some more!", I was all like "YOU LOOK GOOD!". Sure, the thread wasn't as old, but context has to count for something...
My feelings are hurt.
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Dear Makeout Hobo,
Do the makeouts end at Armageddon?