Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Edith on 13 Jul 2007, 10:37

Title: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Edith on 13 Jul 2007, 10:37
On my forum rating scale, Kieffer scores a 6 out of a possible 10. My scale ranks people on the following criteria:
Niceness (4 points)
Boarding Strength (4 points)
Physical Attractiveness (1 point)
Avatar/Username (1 point)

Your individual criteria scores are as follows:
Niceness: (1/4)
You have the potential to be a very nice person. On rare occasions, you display thoughtfulness toward others and genuine concern for other forumites. However, those occasions are few and far between. Most of the time you act like a huge douchebag. You tend to judge people too quickly, and you fail to display empathy. You don't pay attention to the pain of others. You are also incredibly arrogant.

Boarding Strength: (3.5/4)
In general, your posts are so over-the-top that they are hilarious. Your posts are original in content, and they consistently stir up excitement. Anyone who were to attempt to imitate you would be banned from the forums in a heartbeat, but it works for you.  In addition, you are a hardworking participant in the forums: your ratings thread must have taken a fair amount of time and thought. You should pay more attention to proper spelling and grammar, though.

Physical Attractiveness: (.5/1)
I find you neither especially attractive nor repulsive.

Avatar/Username: (1/1)
You have so many! Who can keep them all straight?
That said, they are often amusing. Except for the NSFW one; that wasn't funny. But I'm willing to let it slide just this once.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: morbid79 on 13 Jul 2007, 10:44
I said I wouldn't.  I guess I lied.

Niceness - 0/4
For every "nice" thing you have done, you have turned around and killed it in such short order that it is as if it didn't happen.  I'm not sure if that is because of who you are trying to be online, or if you just have some sort of borderline personality disorder.  I lean towards the former, since you don't seem to be such an asshat in reality.

Boarding Strength - 2/4
While you are very prolific, I'm pretty sure I would have banned you by now.  I know I have tried to, at any rate.

Physical Attractiveness - 0.5/1
You aren't bad looking, but at the same time I don't feel threatened by you.  If I did, you'd get full marks.  Sorry.

Avatar/Username - 1/1
Well, I had to give you full marks somewhere, right?

Grand total - 3.5/10
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Edith on 13 Jul 2007, 10:50
By the way, there are two rules for this thread:

1. You may use my scale or come up with your own.

2. If you post in here, you better not whine about it if Kieffer is brutally honest with you in return.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: morbid79 on 13 Jul 2007, 10:59
Too lazy to do anything on my own.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Cernunnos on 13 Jul 2007, 11:14
(http://www.centennialofflight.gov/essay/Dictionary/helicopter/DI27G2.jpg)
Out of
(http://www.spacejock.com.au/blogpics/Toast1.jpg).
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Luke C on 13 Jul 2007, 11:17
I proclaimed this idea in a previous thread. I might play along later but laziness may prevent me.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Slick on 13 Jul 2007, 11:30
I give Cernu's rating a rating of
(http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/7664/03920147chucknorrispostws4.jpg)
out of
(http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/9986/allyourbaselu9.jpg).
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Scandanavian War Machine on 13 Jul 2007, 11:34
oh snap! zing
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: ImRonBurgundy? on 13 Jul 2007, 12:37
I was friends with him in middle school.  He read Star Wars novels and occasionally drew a comic about a floating ball with two eyes and a Van der Graff generator coming out of the top of its head.  His handwriting was pretty sloppy and he was kind of obnoxious at times, but really, what 12/13-year-old boy isn't?  Overall, 8.5/10
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Skibas_clavicle on 13 Jul 2007, 12:55
I'm reading that right now!

This thread is sort of lame. I don't think people have caught on that threads that manifest from other original concepts are always so BAD. They are like sequels: not nearly as amusing, exciting or fresh as the firsts.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: 0bsessions on 13 Jul 2007, 13:05
I wouldn't call it a sequel so much as bad fanfic. Like when someone doesn't like the way the new episode of Heroes turns out so they go to their computer and write how they would've done it.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Slick on 13 Jul 2007, 13:06
I give him a rating of 10. Out of what? Fuck it, I don't know.
Our hyper-meme environment gives us very little time for a joke to be funny. The 17.59 repeating out of 36 and a half joke has been made, the e out of pi joke has been made, the image out of image joke has been made, with seemingly related or unrelated images. That's why I really like some good absurdism.

So I've got an algorithm to give every person on this forum a rating. That rating is 10. Don't ask to see the algorithm, that's all you're getting.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: E. Spaceman on 13 Jul 2007, 13:53
I'm reading that right now!

This thread is sort of lame. I don't think people have caught on that threads that manifest from other original concepts are always so BAD. They are like sequels: not nearly as amusing, exciting or fresh as the firsts.

Except terminator 2
and Aliens
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: 0bsessions on 13 Jul 2007, 13:56
And X2
And Empire Strikes Back
And Two Towers
And Spider-Man 2
Etc, etc...

The sequels suck rule is a complete load. Sometimes they do, but just often they're better.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: E. Spaceman on 13 Jul 2007, 13:57
and Mad Max 2
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: ImRonBurgundy? on 13 Jul 2007, 14:09
The Godfather Part II
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: mberan42 on 13 Jul 2007, 14:10
Spaceballs pt. II: The Search for More Money
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: camelpimp on 13 Jul 2007, 14:11
Hm, to play along with the original idea of the thread, I'd give him a rating of 61.4101%.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Cartilage Head on 13 Jul 2007, 14:14
 Soft Boys - Picnic Panic XXIV
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Skibas_clavicle on 13 Jul 2007, 15:09
Hate 'em both, motherfucker.  But on the bright side, this thread has gotten much better.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: E. Spaceman on 13 Jul 2007, 15:15

How indie of you.

What is your opinion on Mr. Tambourine Man, as recorded by The Byrds?


I can't think of a Dylan song not improved when played by The Byrds
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Patatat on 13 Jul 2007, 15:32
Caddy Shack II...er wait. No, that wasn't good.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: doki on 13 Jul 2007, 16:23
i would rate him, but there's not a lot of point.  dude isnt gonna change.

That said, why would we want him too

Keiffer out of 12
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: ForteBass on 13 Jul 2007, 16:27
I give him full marks in everything. He's antagonistic as all shit, and I love it. He's a bit of needed spice in this place, or else every thread would consist of "I LOL'D"

*shudder* Fuck that noise. I love Kieffer.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Slick on 13 Jul 2007, 17:10
I love Kieffer.

I am the only one smelling some slash-fic here?
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: KharBevNor on 13 Jul 2007, 17:15
That said, why would we want him too

You want a list?
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: ForteBass on 13 Jul 2007, 17:16
I've never been one to try and smell them, myself.
Anyway, I can almost guarantee if that got written it'd be hotter than all the Harry Potter slash-fics combined.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Hat on 13 Jul 2007, 17:18
Kieffer, this was hard for me, but I give you

(http://www.durfee.net/startrek/images/Riker.jpg)

out of

(http://www.ravenna.com/~forbes/images/spock.jpg)

I deducted some marks because I looked at Star Wars porn because of you, fuck that.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: pen on 13 Jul 2007, 17:55
I like Kieffer.  He may rate me as a poor poster since I'm more of a lurker than anything, but I think he gives the place a nice kick.  He's like the little red things in your rice that you don't know what they are and then BAM! bee-line to the bathroom. 

9 out of 10.  one point off because well.. he's a dick. 

Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: öde on 13 Jul 2007, 18:00
2/2 for being a dick.
3.5/4 for being intelligent.
0/3 for following the rules.
.5/10 for being nice.
4.5/5 for contributions to the forum.

Overall I didn't add them up.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: camelpimp on 13 Jul 2007, 19:26
I've never been one to try and smell them, myself.
Anyway, I can almost guarantee if that got written it'd be hotter than all the Harry Potter slash-fics combined.

I say just use Harry Potter slash, and replace the names. Like so:

ForteBass breathed a sigh, open his eyes a minute later, now sitting somewhat comfortably in Dirk Hoplesss lap, fully impaled, Youre massive. He breathed, his hands pressed against his chest, I think youre even bigger then tommydski
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Mnementh on 13 Jul 2007, 19:31
I should point out that it is a scientific fact that Chuck has a bigger dick than 99.9 percent of people posting here.

Dude is hung.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: IronOxide on 13 Jul 2007, 19:44
ForteBass breathed a sigh, open his eyes a minute later, now sitting somewhat comfortably in Dirk Hopless’s lap, fully impaled, “You’re massive.” He breathed, his hands pressed against his chest, “I think you’re even bigger then tommydski…”

In before tommy makes a joke about the size of his penis.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Sythe on 13 Jul 2007, 22:05
This thread gets a:
(http://library.thinkquest.org/05aug/01819/Images/Sea%20Cucumber_jpg.jpg)
out of a possible:
(http://i0005.photobucket.com/albums/0005/icanhascheezburger/2007/7/5/3/128281052699062500TheBrittisha.jpg)

Kiff pretty much wins the forums, though.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Slick on 14 Jul 2007, 00:19
FeO, the size of Tommy's penis is a joke.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: McTaggart on 14 Jul 2007, 08:23
Kieffer you are like a dark and stormy made with Bundaberg Rum and Cascade ginger beer.

Generally a good thing but you make people fight. What you do varies between average (like bundy) and excellent (like the cascade). I find it wierd how everyone - and I'm not saying I'm not guilty of this - seems to kindof tries to make themselves one of the cool kids and kindof gets more stuck up? Numerically you get a sin(x) + 1 out of two, where x is your postcount.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Ozymandias on 14 Jul 2007, 14:52
(http://www.someecards.com/filestorage/thi_36.jpg)
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Tyler on 14 Jul 2007, 16:02
Hes Jewish
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: KharBevNor on 14 Jul 2007, 17:12
NOT THE JEWS!

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v331/KharBevNor/Rabbi4.jpg)

RUN!
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Blue Kitty on 14 Jul 2007, 21:48
what about Aliens?


(http://zo-d.com/stuff/images/Ridgid-2610-Random-Orbital-Sander-Review-Photo.jpg)
out of
(http://replant.tamu.edu/gallery/pictures/random%20mini%20motorcycle%20guys%20with%20buzz.JPG)
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Iron_Fist on 14 Jul 2007, 22:28
Keiffer is... Well needed balance. That is all.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: jhocking on 15 Jul 2007, 04:04
Evil Dead 2
omg this reminds me I need to go get it on dvd (I only have it on vhs tape and I haven't had a vcr in years)
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Jeff Newguy on 23 Jan 2008, 14:56
He seems okay.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: 0bsessions on 23 Jan 2008, 15:02
Wow. Just...wow.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: tommydski on 23 Jan 2008, 15:03
That is actually some superb work by somebody. Read my post here (http://forums.questionablecontent.net/index.php/topic,16033.msg589230.html#msg589230) and this might make some more sense.

Salut, whoever is behind Jeff Newguy!
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Liz on 23 Jan 2008, 15:04
Jeff Newguy... Tommydski...

I see it.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: tommydski on 23 Jan 2008, 15:06
Nope, this one isn't me.

I think it was very well played though.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Liz on 23 Jan 2008, 15:07
Riiiight.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: öde on 23 Jan 2008, 15:44
Richie Cunningham, Kieffer.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: pentaen on 23 Jan 2008, 16:56
he stole his calvin and hobbes tattoo design from some guy he randomly met at an arts collegen :evil:
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Ozymandias on 23 Jan 2008, 17:04
Applause.
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: SilentJ on 23 Jan 2008, 19:28
He's like the little red things in your rice that you don't know what they are and then BAM! herpes. 

fix'd
Title: Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
Post by: Chrasstor on 23 Jan 2008, 22:09
i love being naked when perents and sis ter r gone i get naked i love sleeping naked but i cant b/c my dad comes in my in the mornings before he goes to work
is it normal t being naked????is it normal t being naked????                    is it normal t being naked????
is it normal  being naked????
is it normalt being naked???? is it???