THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: captain zoe on 18 Jan 2008, 09:39
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A friend passed along this link to me this morning and I've spent about an hour browsing through and pretty much laughing my ass off. I thought y'all would enjoy it too.
http://www.sexinchrist.com/index.html
One of my favorite passages:
"We have a close friend next door who has been widowed for a number of years and doesn't wish to remarry. Yet, at 61, we can see that physically she is lonely and longing for lost intimacy. Could we invite her into our bed? We are all the same age and so reproduction isn't an issue."
This is a perfect example of a couple being called to share the divine love of their relationship with another in the spirit of Christian charity. This situation would seem to fit all of the criteria that we outlined for a Christian threesome. Since your friend is widowed, adultery is not a problem from that perspective. If your wife is open to this arrangement, there is no reason for you not to open up your bed, and your hearts to this woman, sharing your love for each other and for the Lord.
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That is slightly disturbing, and slightly hypocritical-sounding.
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It is. Parts of it did make me mad, because it's clearly the whole "man rules the family end of story" kind of rag. Which pisses me off.
It's still an amusing read anyway.
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Jeeeesuuuus loves the liiiiitle chiiiiiildreeeeeen... aaall the chiiildreeeen of the worrrrrrrrrld...
:police: - I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to arrest you for pedophilia.
:roll:
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I don't know, there's a page called Fisting and God's Will which redeems that slip.
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"A BDSM relationship between a dominant husband and submissive wife is actually the ideal of marriage set out in Ephesians 5:22-26 taken to its logical conclusion! Let us explain further. "
I say unto you, the power of God, is up in you.
Oh man I also had to add, what the section about threesomes is saying is basically "Two men? That's fucking gross.. now two women? That's cool."
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Pretty sure this is just a joke site.
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I wondered if the Question and Answer page was written by the writers of the site, because there are two way extreme comments on there, so I wonder.
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The power of christ compels you (to have sex with your widowed neighbor)
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It's a pretty blatant joke site (or else a site made by utter morons) when they pretend to think "backside" and "backslide" are synonyms...
Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman’s pride in her “valley” (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4)
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Really, it's better if it is a joke site, because that's an awful lot of work to put into a joke... seems to me, anyway.
Though, I'm glad to know that I'm allowed to look at pornography as long as I'm learning something in the process. Cause I have much to learn.
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I like how it explains that Jesus wants women to swallow.
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Guys how could this not be a joke site? Seriously, it is no more terrible than like bonsai kittens or whatever that site was that had the LOL-Love Our Lord underoos.
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WOW!
I love you Captain Zoe.
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I love how people go "the Bible says" and then some quote which they then interpret to mean whatever they want
everything is justifiable
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Right. Some of those supposed interpretations seem like a bunch of bull to me. I was reading them going, what? You must be smoking crack when you're reading your bible, mate.
I'd much rather it be a joke site really, because the idea of people out there who actually think that scares the bujeezus out of me. Kind of like the Westboro Baptist Church.
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I like how it explains that Jesus wants women to swallow.
That part had me in tears.
When the woman asks Jesus where she can get this “water”, he tells her to fetch her husband, clearly with the intention of instructing her on how to fellate him and swallow his semen.
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I wish they had shown us this in sunday school.
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Hilarious. The mother was turned out, indeed
Don't know why, but it kind of reminds me of this site (http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html)
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That website reminded me of this one on masturbation: http://www.angelfire.com/on4/selfabuse/
"For instance, if you are tempted, if you become aroused, think of yourself being nude and your genitals covered with raw bacon while you are standing in front of 6 starving Pit Bulls."
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rule 34 says that could just make things worse.
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If that website is not a joke, I think you just made my day.
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"There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night."
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That's ridiculous. The greatest gift a bride can offer is cooking you eggplant parmesan.
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The rules of Christian Porn, too much. Here's my favorite
"No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)"
I mean come on, watching people getting stoned is totally a fetish now.
Joke site or not I now pray to captain zoe.
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So if you film it, S&M out of wedlock is a-ok?
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Only if you film it and sell it to spread the word of God.
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There are also the guidelines for Christian romance novels (http://www.eharlequin.com/articlepage.html?articleId=1319&chapter=0).
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Breast (except for breast cancer if necessary)
Geez/jeez (but "sheesh" is acceptable)
Heat (when used to describe kisses)
Hell (except in the religious sense, but this would be rare)
Swear, as in "I swear..." - Christian characters are not supposed to swear.
Undergarments - of any kind
This seems like something straight out of Achewood.
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but we don't want to sound quaint or absurd.
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(http://www.achewood.com/rsrc/img/molly_blog.gif)