THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => ENJOY => Topic started by: Xerostyle on 14 Feb 2008, 22:52
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Talk about the worst movies you've ever seen.
I want to just say, Untraceable was really that bad. Think Saw, but with terrible plot holes and hilarious tech talk. If you know anything about technology, it comes off as a comedy.
.5/10
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Island of Dr. Moreau, 1996 version. Marlon Brando with an ice bucket on his head, Val Kilmer and a creepy li'l critter that served as the inspiration for Mini-Me.
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Ben Ten: Race Against Time. I was sitting there thinking, "It can't get worse"
Trust me, it does.
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Ben Ten: Race Against Time. I was sitting there thinking, "It can't get worse"
Trust me, it does.
Kinda reminds me of MANOS: Hands of Fate.
The movie is laughably funny.
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I think everyone who's been around here for a while knows my position on this particular topic.
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The Blair Witch Project. Ugh. Fucking Hell.
Miami Vice comes in up there too.
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House of Wax.
Fortunately, when I saw it, the film actually started to melt and the movie had to end early. It was perfect.
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House of Wax...melting?
Delicious.
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Neil LaBute's remake of The Wicker Man.
"It was nominated for five 2006 Golden Raspberry Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Actor (Nicolas Cage), Worst Screenplay, Worst Remake or Rip-off, and Worst Screen Couple (Nicolas Cage and His Bear Suit)."
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Wicker Man Comedy Trailer (http://"http://youtube.com/watch?v=v_mW8mBzmHo")
Also: John Tucker Must Die is the kind of movie that if filled with so many cliches the don't even bother with character development because they assume you know that characters are exactly like other characters you've seen in equally crappy movies.
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Alone In The Dark.
Before I knew who Uwe Boll was, a friend of mine invited me over to see this because he hadn't seen any scary movies for a while. He fell asleep 30 minutes in, all the way until 5 minutes before it ended. I hadn't figured out what the hell was going on by the end of the movie because I kept looking at my dozing friend incredulously, wishing I could be in his position.
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Birth. Seriously. It's complete shit. And I agree with Blair Witch and Wickerman remake. There are a lot of other films I could list, but it'd be really long.
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Bayou Ghost.
Any of the semi-historical moves made recently: Alexandria, Troy, King Arthur, etc
Oh, and 30 Days of Night.
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Don't we have one of these threads?
I'll go out on a limb and say The Temple of Doom.
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"Bob Roberts" --I sat through most of this movie simply beacuse Alan Rickman was in it...but it simply was not worth it. Not even ALAN RICKMAN could save that film... Horrible.
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it's rare for me to find a movie that i think is absolutely terrible. i'm the type of person that can usually find at least one thing i like about the things i hate.
that being said, Plan 9 From Outer Space
and the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ugh.
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that being said, Plan 9 From Outer Space
I hope by "terrible" you mean terribly awesome.
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sort of, yeah.
i LOVE how terrible it is but i wouldn't watch it ever again. twice is enough for me.
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I'll go out on a limb and say The Temple of Doom.
But it's so terribly fun! Making fun of the lead female let alone makes up for the silliness.
Alexander was also terrible. The wig Farrell wore did not help in the slightest.
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Yeah, while it may be my least favorite of the three The Temple of Doom was an homage to old cheesey adventure comics in the same way that Pulp Fiction was an homage to well, pulp fiction.
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Almost every, if not all Adam Sandler "comedy" movies.
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BOUND!
cheesy porn-style lesbian;
"ill bet you have a really old car that you do all your own work on"
cheesy butch;
"truck"
XD
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"The Magic Voyage", some European studio's attempt at a Disney-esque musical.
How bad is it? Here are the lyrics to a song:
"Oh, a life at sea is the life for me, what other life could there be?
Duh-duh-da-duh-dun-duh-daduhduhdunda-dee!"
Not ironic or melodious or anything, they really just sounded like they couldn't come up with a second line.
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Shakma!
The exclamation point is part of the title.
Also, I Drink Your Blood
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Basically any of those awful movies about urban dancing or gymnastics.
Also pretty much any recent horror movie.
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BLADERUNNER.
I know it's meant to be a cult classic, but I can't stand it. Watching that movie was some of the most painful hours of my life. Hours which I shall never get back.
I can't believe they remade it.
And then remade it again.
Honestly, once was enough. Three times is seriously pushing it.
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The first time they re-cut the movie, it was necessary. It undid the butchery of the movie done by the studio. The third time was really just pulling out all the stops for fans. The differences between the directors cut and the final cut seem to be minor, mostly unnoticeable. The main reason I think the "final cut" exist is the digital restoration. The digital restoration that makes it look better than 99% of all the movies that you're likely to see today.
Imagine, if you will, Citizen Kane had the Blade Runner treatment. Imagine that the studio handed the film back and demanded a more upbeat movie. Imagine that in the cinema release for Citizen Kane, he narrated his story and that the identity of Rosebud was never revealed, or didn't even matter. Surely, it would be justifiable to have this version of Citizen Kane re-cut into the movie we have today? Similarly, Blade Runner was a movie that need a directors cut.
Now, in a world where people can have High Definition cinema in their homes, standard definition just isn't going to cut it. Especially for a movie such as Blade Runner, which, whether you enjoy the movie or not, was a masterpiece and a landmark moment in cinema for visuals and special effects. Digital restoration of these scenes was the least they could do. This justifies the third release.
Keep in mind, all of the 'new' parts added to subsequent versions of the film were done so from the original footage. No additional CG was added for the re-cuts and the only new footage recorded was to fix continuity errors. They didn't take this the 'star wars' route, and you have to respect them for that.
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recent bad movies
i know who killed me
dragon wars D-war
thank god i only rented them... woulda walked out if i saw them on the big screen
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Sox nailed it. Take a really good album and then dub in the sounds that would come about if Yoko Ono and Howard the Duck were to fight to the death. That's the musical equivalent of Blade Runner's narration. This needed to be fixed.
Also, Howard the Duck is a really bad movie. I'll never figure out why people continually take things that exist only to subvert and then try to make mainstream entertainment out of it. I really don't think I should have to explain why this is usually a bad idea.
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I saw Southland Tales last night.
The good parts, or I should say, the good lines, did not fill me with joy because they seemed to me to be derivative of David Lynch's style of dialogue.
"The world is slowing down at a rate of .0...
00...
000..
06...
miles per hour...
every day."
And the bad parts were the rest of the movie. A lot of sound and fury. Totally in love with itself.
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Worst Movie Ever..... Oh boy, what a thread to pop my forum cherry with.
Well I want to say BattleField Earth, but since its really just a religious recruitment film it doesn't count. (Thats right boys and girls, join the cult... I mean Church of Scientology and you too can battle 9 foot tall Jon Travolta's)
Uve Boll has come out with a literal list of bad films. (This man is doing to video game movies what ET almost did to video games)
His newest one though, Dungeon Siege: In the Name of the King, may in fact be the king of suck. The fact that this man can get A list actors to work for him is beyond amazing. I mean Sir Ben Kingsley in BloodRayne was bad.... I mean that was freaken Ghandi. But Burt "The Bandit" Reynolds!!!! How did anyone get him to do a movie that didn't involve cars in some way, shape, or form.
Krull, has my award for both best/worst movie combo. Everytime I watch it i swear it will be for the last time, its just so bad that I can't watch it anymore. And yet a week later its back in my DVD Player and I am once again slackjawed in front of the screen.
But the winner might have to be the new animation release Dragon Lance. Which to quote a friend was comparable to watching the '83 D&D cartoon while rubbing bleach into your eyes. And while we are on D&D, Mazes and Monsters comes in a close second for worst movie ever, but only because it has a young Tom Hanks in it and he somehow does the whole movie without once being intentionally funny.
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BLADERUNNER.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT.
GET OFF THE INTERNET.
NOW.
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The Crow.
Hands down.
The only reason you know the name of that movie is because of Hot Topic scenesters who think bad 80s movies about love, and lots of black, and revenge remind them of the angst they feel when their mom and dads refuse to buy them those awesome bondage pants.
You know they're parents would shop for their kid at Aeropastale. You know price isn't an issue. It's dignity. Any parent would lose a part of themself being seen with the kid who has huge, goofy looking pants, a hoodie with Eric Draven's face on it, and then have to admit that kid is their own.
Fuck you, The Crow. Fuck you.
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Fuck you, The Crow. Fuck you.
Is there a emoticon for a slow clap? Cause I feel the urge to start one now.
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The Crow soundtrack could have been a lot more terrible though. Burn, Snakedriver, and Milquetoast were decent tunes.
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*Is not into industrial metal* heh...
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But it featured a performance from My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult! My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult!
How about the Heavy Metal movies? Heavy Metal / Heavy Metal 2000? The original had a pretty good soundtrack (and ironic voicework from Second City veterans!) but the sequel was all Cyberpunk-era Billy Idol. Both are "sci-fi erotica". We got 2000 thinking it would be funny. Much to our dismay, it was soul-crushing.
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Heavy Metal is ace.
Heavy Metal 2000, not so much.
Also, the Crow was released in 1994. It's a pretty good film. 86% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. It's a very well-shot, stylish action flick, with some great set-pieces and performances, given an extra level of compelling by Brandon Lee's death on set. It's maybe not a classic for the ages, though personally I think it's highly stylised, advanced model-based special effects could be used as a pointer for a lot of the CGI addicted fantasy/sci-fi directors today.
Now, the sequels and TV spin off? That's something else entirely.
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The sequels have nothing to do with this. I thought it was awful. The dialogue was lacking, and it was too predictable. There were maybe one or two(at best) talented actors actually performing well. Overall, I thought it was cheesy, and cliche. Or maybe I'm just immune to tragic love stories that somehow involve lots of black, and men wearing makeup because of my lacking generation.
Either way I felt that The Crow...In essence....Fucking blew.
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What did you think of every Tim Burton movie with Johnny Depp in it?
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*Is not into industrial metal* heh...
Uh, but those songs were by The Cure and the Jesus & Mary chain. They're about as metal as the Osmonds. :|
Oh. And Helmet. Not a big Helmet fan, but Milquetoast was one of their better ones.
I mean, I think there was a NIN track and something by My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, but that'd be the extent of the industrial connections.
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Also, the Crow was released in 1994. It's a pretty good film. 86% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. It's a very well-shot, stylish action flick, with some great set-pieces and performances, given an extra level of compelling by Brandon Lee's death on set. It's maybe not a classic for the ages, though personally I think it's highly stylised, advanced model-based special effects could be used as a pointer for a lot of the CGI addicted fantasy/sci-fi directors today.
Now, the sequels and TV spin off? That's something else entirely.
This is how I feel. I liked The Crow, but the sequels are complete crap.
For the men in makeup and people wearing lots of black, how do you feel about Beetlejuice? And if you're talking about how Hot Topic ruins things, then every Burton movie, Hello Kitty, various cartoons including Invader Zim and Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, etc. should also be ruined, but they aren't. Nightmare Before Christmas is still a wonderful movie, even though Jack's face is all over their merchandise.
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Hot Topic ruins my mind.
Its existance in itself is a contradiction.
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BloodRayne. Terrible, Terrible movie. But I knew what I was getting into before I popped it into my XBOX.
My buddy and I watched it, and "rated" characters by level.
"Oh, she just reached level 40!"
"Nope, she was captured. Loses 15 levels."
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Already said this somewhere else, but EarthSea is mortifyingly awful. Period.
I can watch just about any movie, and find SOME modicum of value/goodness in it...
I about gouged my eyes out watching EarthSea.
Lol
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Alexander
Hi Oliver Stone, can I have three and a half hours of my life and some of my dignity and reason to exist back? Thank you.
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House of Flying Daggars
My date and I laughed our way through this one. Here is the movie in a nutshell: betrayal, mistaken identity, someone almost dies (but not quite) in a very artistic fight scene, the heroine sheds a single tear. Repeat ad nauseum.
It is know in our family as the House of Flying Shit.
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That post inspired me. I thought of Slither.
It is so bad that it is actually funny. I watched it one day and laughed harder than I had in a long time.
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Whoa... Don't be making fun of Slither. That movie is supposed to be funny. If there was ever a movie that didnt take itself serious it was that one.
And for anyone else who liked Slither i recommend Fido. Its Pleasant Ville meets Dawn of the Dead.
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You see, that is what I thought after watching it. But one of my friends that I watched it with told me it was supposed to be scary, not funny. We argued and I ended up believing him.
Had I known it was supposed to be funny I don't know if I would have laughed as much.
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Southland Tales is so terrible it made every other movie I watch worse.
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I don't think Nathon Fillon can do scary... case in point White Noise 2.
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There's a second one? That is completely unnecessary. Really. The first one was a disappointment.
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The sequels have nothing to do with this. I thought it was awful. The dialogue was lacking, and it was too predictable. There were maybe one or two(at best) talented actors actually performing well. Overall, I thought it was cheesy, and cliche. Or maybe I'm just immune to tragic love stories that somehow involve lots of black, and men wearing makeup because of my lacking generation.
Eh? If you're watching movies like The Crow for the dialogue you're probably doing something wrong. The dialogue in the Crow isn't particularly awful anyway. There's a few bits that are even good, I always liked the bit with the Milton quote. Oh, and pretty much everything Top Dollar says, because he's so fucking over the top. Which is really the point of The Crow. It's very over the top. It revels in being completely fucking over the top. That's one of the major changes from the comic (the other being that Eric isn't quite so utterly, frothingly insane in the film*), which was quite gritty and realistic. But I rather think the studios balked out at the idea of a guy in pure white make-up slaughtering a load of black crack dealers, which is why they re-invented Top Dollar and his gang as some sort of insane goth mafia. Then they made Eric a rock musician (He's some sort of not that well off white collar worker in the comic). Then they turned everything up a few more notches, and it works. If you don't get it, that's fine, but to blame the movies popularity on 'Hot Topic' is ridiculous. I've never even seen a Hot Topic store in my life, and you don't have to wear black to like it. It's a solid action flick with bucketloads of style.
*I kinda wish they'd had some of that sort of dialogue in the film though "I AM PILOT ERROR! I AM FOETAL DISTRESS! I AM MORPHINE FOR A WOODEN LEG!"
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I don't think Nathon Fillon can do scary...
Nathan Fillon shouldn't do scary. He should stick with western style action/comedies set in space. Really.
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If you don't get it, that's fine, but to blame the movies popularity on 'Hot Topic' is ridiculous. I've never even seen a Hot Topic store in my life, and you don't have to wear black to like it. It's a solid action flick with bucketloads of style.
Not to mention the fact that the movie was big long before Hot Topic was. If one has to bullshit a superficial reason for the movie being well liked in order to justify their own piss poor taste in movies, blame it on Lee's untimely death on the set. The Crow is a fun movie.
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Gothic.
I mean, it could have been wonderful.
But it made me die a little inside.
There's little, if any plot, and it's an excuse for phallic symbols and muddy chicks.
I wanted to stab myself in the eye.
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I'm sorry, but I personnaly am not blaming hot topic on the Crow.. I just think that the Crow was a flick for that kind of audience. An audience I have very little patience for. Gothic in filmmaking is fine. (Just look at Tim Burton, nice director, casts his bestfriend and girlfriend too much. But hey, so does Sam Raimi.) But that movie had me wishing I was a goth, so i could get away with cutting myself.
In conclusion (Why does this feel like a book report?) Did, I think the Crow was way overrated. Yep, no doubt about it.
Does that mean that other people can't like it? Of course not, you can like that movie... Love it even... But you might as well just shop at Hot Topic and stop half assing your gothness.
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If there's any good way to half-ass "gothness" it's to shop at Hot Topic.
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By half ass i ment act like a goth and watch shit like the crow and not be willing to pay ridiculous somes of money at hot topic and become one of those cookie cutter goths.
Which by the way pisses me off. Cause wasnt the whole point of being a goth the fact that you were different (And thought u were a vampire)? And yet now for like $100 bucks you can buy the exact same look as every other goth.... Kinda makes all goths look like sell-outs. Buying into an image cause they think it makes em unique.
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I can't believe I've never heard that take on an alternative culture before.
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By half ass i ment act like a goth and watch shit like the crow and not be willing to pay ridiculous somes of money at hot topic and become one of those cookie cutter goths.
Which by the way pisses me off. Cause wasnt the whole point of being a goth the fact that you were different (And thought u were a vampire)? And yet now for like $100 bucks you can buy the exact same look as every other goth.... Kinda makes all goths look like sell-outs. Buying into an image cause they think it makes em unique.
So, what you are trying to say is...that if you buy and wear clothes from Hot Topic, you're a failed goth. But, if you don't do it, then you're a lazy goth? What are you supposed to do then? Buy the clothes but not wear them?
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Tsk Tsk... So close and yet so far Sox.
I said if you like the Crow and dont shop at Hot Topic your a half assed goth.
But all Goths fail because the goth movement died when Hot Topic turned goth into mainstream.
And for the record... I am just joking. Goths have plenty to offer the world.
Like pale, aerodynamically curvasious, women wearing tight corsets. And.............. And............. and......... well shoot. I think thats it.
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Surely if you like The Crow and don't shop at Hot Topis you are... Khar?
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No, you're just Someone Who Likes The Crow. Khar is A Jaded Individual. mrjoegangles is Studying To Become An Anthropologist.
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Whoa. There is no more studying for me. I already got one useless B.S. (In communications... Does that make it a B.S. in BS?)
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If there's any good way to half-ass "gothness" it's to shop at Hot Topic.
I saw a Hot Topic when I was in Vegas, so I know finally know what you guys are referring to. I stood outside the store and laughed at the goth kids skipping school to hang out in there for two minutes then went and got myself a new pair on converse shoes without the ridiculous mark-up.
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I used to like this thread. What happened? :cry:
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This.
The only reason you know the name of that movie is because of Hot Topic scenesters who think bad 80s movies about love, and lots of black, and revenge remind them of the angst they feel when their mom and dads refuse to buy them those awesome bondage pants.
That is where things began.
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The sequels have nothing to do with this. I thought it was awful. The dialogue was lacking, and it was too predictable. There were maybe one or two(at best) talented actors actually performing well. Overall, I thought it was cheesy, and cliche.
I'm assuming you feel this way about most of the films that have come out of hollywood in the last 20 years as well. You've really just described them all.
Jurassic Park 3. I don't even have to justify this but I will anyway and I can do it with a quote.
The dialogue was lacking, and it was too predictable. There were maybe one or two(at best) talented actors actually performing well. Overall, I thought it was cheesy, and cliche.
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Cause wasnt the whole point of being a goth the fact that you were different
What idiot told you that?
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I never saw Jurassic Park 3 because I had already gone to see the flaming pile of crap that was Jurassic Park 2, which makes that series one of the few instances that prove that I am indeed capable of rudimentary learning. I actually nearly had a tantrum in the theater over JP2; I thought the goddam thing must be about over and that's when it turned out the damn dinosaurs got off the damn island. I would have walked right out but I still had to give some people a ride home. I was so pissed off.
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I think my brother and I are the only people in the world who actually enjoyed Jurrasic Park 3 - c'mon, there were pterodactyls!
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When I was in college I used to get the bus back home whatever weekends I decided to go visit my family, and the bus company I travelled with used to show movies on the journey. However whatever they screened tended to be whatever crap no on else would take from the local video rental store. As a consequence I saw some of the worst movies I have ever been subjected to whilst trapped in a large metal tube with 50 strangers bouncing over the backroads of Ireland.
The two worst I saw were:
Driven: the absolutely awful Stallone champcar/indycar racing film. Just woeful, a cliché ridden piece of garbage with no redeeming features what so ever.
Dragonfly: without doubt the single worst film I have ever seen. It’s a Kevin Costner romantic melodrama, that is so bad I actually can’t remember that much about it. I have blocked it out like a traumatic childhood experience.
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What idiot told you that?
I think his name was Azeroth the Destroyer or something like that... I can't remember I left when he started cutting himself.
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Alien Apocalypse. Dear god, what were Bruce Campbell and General Martok thinking when they agreed to be in that movie? :-P
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I'm thinking "Cash, no checks."
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Almost every movie made that is derived from a video game.
Fuck you, Uwe Boll
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it's rare for me to find a movie that i think is absolutely terrible. i'm the type of person that can usually find at least one thing i like about the things i hate.
that being said, Plan 9 From Outer Space
and the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ugh.
Now wait a minute, Plan 9 was awesome! I mean, once you know the backstory, it quickly because hillarious!
I can't bear to explain, best to just link wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plan_9_from_outer_space (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plan_9_from_outer_space)
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Urban Ninja
I'll let the trailer to the explaining.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpxXcHRNt9I
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Has anyone here seen the film Samurai Cop?? If so please comment (I am desperate to but its darn hard to find you see)
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Eh? If you're watching movies like The Crow for the dialogue you're probably doing something wrong. The dialogue in the Crow isn't particularly awful anyway. There's a few bits that are even good, I always liked the bit with the Milton quote. Oh, and pretty much everything Top Dollar says, because he's so fucking over the top. Which is really the point of The Crow. It's very over the top. It revels in being completely fucking over the top. That's one of the major changes from the comic (the other being that Eric isn't quite so utterly, frothingly insane in the film*), which was quite gritty and realistic. But I rather think the studios balked out at the idea of a guy in pure white make-up slaughtering a load of black crack dealers, which is why they re-invented Top Dollar and his gang as some sort of insane goth mafia. Then they made Eric a rock musician (He's some sort of not that well off white collar worker in the comic). Then they turned everything up a few more notches, and it works. If you don't get it, that's fine, but to blame the movies popularity on 'Hot Topic' is ridiculous. I've never even seen a Hot Topic store in my life, and you don't have to wear black to like it. It's a solid action flick with bucketloads of style.
*I kinda wish they'd had some of that sort of dialogue in the film though "I AM PILOT ERROR! I AM FOETAL DISTRESS! I AM MORPHINE FOR A WOODEN LEG!"
You seem to be taking a lot of offense at this. I am very glad you've never been to a Hot Topic, take solace in that, but the young, gothy pre-teens are probably the largest majority of people who've ever even heard of that trash. I don't doubt that you could have possibly heard of The Crow otherwise, I'm saying it's popularity is almost entirely based on how many T-shirts Hot Topic managed to sell.
By the way, I never said you have to wear black to like it. I'm saying the kids that think it's totally cool to wear lots of black and too much eyeliner LOVE it because of Eric Draven's tragic love, and goofy make-up.
I don't want to be crucified.
I just thought it was an awful movie. Half-assed dialogue, half-assed actors, half-assed action, half-assed plot.
That's my opinion, not a personal attack on anyone here.
Would I have done good if I threw out Spice World?
Spice World, sucks, right? We hate the Spice Girls cause they can't act...or sing?
Or is that just another superficial explanation for why the movie got popular because I have piss poor taste in movies, or something to that extent...? =P
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KRAA! The Sea Monster. It's a family channel godzilla. There's one scene where the monster is stomping around the obvious made from painted plywood buildings and the camera switches and Kraa litterally bursts out of a building. No idea how he got in it, or what happened to the interior, but gods damn it if it wasn't funny as hell.
Also Afro Whores Volume 14. Me and my buddy were rehearsing our metal band and his wacky ex-punk dad(I swear the guy is a character in a bad sitcom) busts into the room with a dusty VHS tape in hand and yells overtop our song. "HEY GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THE BASEMENT! AFRO-WHORES 14!"
So we grab a few beers and pop it in, it was the worst porn ever. I mean some of these chicks are obviously off the street, and there was cheesy camera tricks, like where the scene switches via a big blocky star zooming into the screen. 0_0'
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You seem to be taking a lot of offense at this. I am very glad you've never been to a Hot Topic, but the young, gothy pre-teens are probably the largest majority of people who've ever even heard of that trash. I don't doubt that you could have possibly heard of The Crow otherwise, I'm saying it's popularity is solely based on how many T-shirts Hot Topic managed to sell.
By the way, I never said you have to wear black to like it. I'm saying the kids that think it's totally cool to wear lots of black and too much eyeliner LOVE it for that sole purpose.
See, what people are taking offense to is your tone. You're coming across as someone who is playing at being even-handed despite making dismissive, sweeping generalizations combined with implications that to like the movie is to be associated with a group you appear to have a bias against. The impression I end up being left with is that you're either blissfully unaware of the implications of your communication style or else you're just rather stubborn and willfully inconsiderate. Beyond that, Khar simply takes issue when people say things that are quite frankly wrong. The movie did rather well; it was popular outside of the goth set and garnered many favorable reviews. It's actually one of the movies along with Batman that slowly yet inexorably led to stylish comic book features being greenlit for movie production again. None of that is enough to "prove" that it's a good movie or anything, but it does make your contention that mall goths are wholly responsible for its continued popularity rather absurd. Everything else you said about the film's actual quality doesn't particularly bother me.
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Well then, my apologies for coming off as snide, or condescending, if that is the impression you were getting.
I was simply putting my own personal reasons for disliking the film. In my opinion, I think the movie does well NOW because of a particular scene that I dislike worships it so.
I never suggested anyone was wrong, only that I completely disagree.
We're all being a bit confrontational, no?
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What is it about Hot Topic that everyone hates again? I mean, I don't really shop there but I have before and the people that work there have always been really nice and they have this fundraiser thing that supports the arts and stuff. So what that they cater to a specific group, that's what all stores do. It's a retail based corporation. It's a complete no brainer that they are in it for the money. Also, this thread is about movies, not retail stores.
Would I have done good if I threw out Spice World?
Spice World, sucks, right? We hate the Spice Girls cause they can't act...or sing?
Or is that just another superficial explanation for why the movie got popular because I have piss poor taste in movies, or something to that extent...? =P
Both of these were cult films. They are popular within certain groups. If you like the Spice Girls, of course this movie seems like fun! When I was in 6th grade, this was a fun movie! But yes, it is not a good movie, but it is popular because the Spice Girls had a big fan base with young girls in the 90s.
Speaking of popularity, I don't get why people think Knocked Up is funny. Actually, most comedies along this route are not funny. I like funny things, but comedies have been disappointing me lately. Almost as much as more recent horror movies. The Messengers...wow.
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I haven't seen a good horror flick in quite some time. Either I've been really desensitized, or all of the movies are just awful. I'm pretty sick of the same movie being thrown at us with different titles.
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Speaking of popularity, I don't get why people think Knocked Up is funny. Actually, most comedies along this route are not funny. I like funny things, but comedies have been disappointing me lately. Almost as much as more recent horror movies. The Messengers...wow.
Not very much related, but wanted to bring it up none the less
Now see, I love bad horror flicks. They're the only ones I can manage watching.
Granted, I like cheesily bad horror flicks more, if I watched the Messengers, it would probably scare the crap out of me, as I'm one of the wimpiest people on the planet.
But Lost Boys and Lair of the White Worm are just plain radtastic. I love them. Lots. Eyes Without a Face? (That's sort of a really good one, though, I hear.) Crapped my pants in the first five seconds and changed the channel.
Uhm, does anyone else really hate Ben Stiller movies? Because I can't stand them. Easily avoidable, terrible things just keep happening to him. It makes me queasy.
'Cept Zoolander. Zoolander's the bomb.
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I have yet to like an Apatow movie, although I haven't seen Superbad. I find it a bit worrying since I'm afraid film makers will attempt to emulate the immense success, leading to a glut of comedies I'll have little interest in. Depressing.
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Yeah. I get very sympathetic when I watch Ben Stiller movies, too. You end up feeling bad the whole movie instead of laughing...
I'm a HUGE sissy when it comes to horror flicks, but watch one once, and the next time you know what to expect. That's why I hate all the new ones. I've seen them already!
And Zoolander was indeed a great movie.
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I liked Zoolander and Night At The Museum.
And I LOVE horror movies. Not slashers, though, I hate Freddie movies and the like, but good horror movies are awesome. This is why bad ones are painful for me to watch. The Ring 2 was one of these. I wanted to gouge my eyes out and really wanted to demand my money back.
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it was the worst porn ever. I mean some of these chicks are obviously off the street, and there was cheesy camera tricks, like where the scene switches via a big blocky star zooming into the screen. 0_0'
Discussing the production values of porno, *sigh*, takes me back to my youth.
(that is drunken discussions of porn, not directing, scripiting, shooting and editing porn, that wasn't in "my youth")
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I have only liked Ben stiller in a couple movies. Zoolander and Dodgeball were great. And he was tolerable in Starsky and Hutch. Also for his 5 minutes in Happy Gilmore.
Horror Movies are dead. Its either shockers (Saw), survival (new dawn of the dead), or horror/comedy homage films (Slither). Thrillers/Suspense (Invasion) are the closest we got. I might be wrong, but its been so long since i have seen one that I stopped looking. And how come "horror movies" seem to be inching closer and closer to being soft core porn.... It's like boobies half the movie and gore the other half. I mean i like breasts as much as the next man but if I wanna see em I'll watch one of the movies under my bed.
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it was the worst porn ever. I mean some of these chicks are obviously off the street, and there was cheesy camera tricks, like where the scene switches via a big blocky star zooming into the screen. 0_0'
Discussing the production values of porno, *sig*, takes me back to my youth.
(that is drunken discussions of porn, not directing, scripiting, shooting and editing porn, tht wasn't in "my youth")
Oh yeah, and since then my same friend gets illigal cable and free hustler channel, every party has at least one in depth discussion of porn.
"Think he's pumping steroids?"
"Oh yeah, look there like the size of my thumbnail."
"how can I not look, it's been on this shot for like thirty-five seconds...*shudder*"
"I think he's gay, he keep falling out all flacid and has to smack himself against her to get hard again!"
And so on...
I have a very eccentric group of friends
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I have only liked Ben stiller in a couple movies. Zoolander and Dodgeball were great. And he was tolerable in Starsky and Hutch. Also for his 5 minutes in Happy Gilmore.
I wasn't entirely impressed with Starsky and Hutch. I just didn't think it was funny. Dodgeball was okay, and it had a few good laughs. It's just, when people say, "comedy," to me that means that the movie is going to make me laugh. When it doesn't, I kind of wonder why they called it a comedy.
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Because they can't call it a poorly made remake of a once popular show from TV's golden age, starring the same combo of "actors" from other high grossing movies.
Well actually they could, and they should. Could you imagine what the video store aisles would look like? Horror, Sci-Fi, Poorly made rema..........etc
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Yeah. I get very sympathetic when I watch Ben Stiller movies, too. You end up feeling bad the whole movie instead of laughing...
I'm the same way - awkward humor just makes me want to cry/ leave the film for a conveniently timed bathroom break.
Speaking of which: Kicking and Screaming. I hate that movie. I walked out of it and just waited in the lobby for the rest of my crew, because I find nothing funny about grown men screaming at little kids for being bad at sports. Maybe that's just me.
Elf remains the only Will Farrell movie I can tolerate. Even that makes me want to hide/ run away on occaision.
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I loved Will Farrell on SNL, but I haven't seen a movie of his I actually liked. I haven't seen all of them, but the ones I did watch weren't that great and it kind of made me sad.
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I enjoyed Anchorman for some reason, but I can't stand Will Ferrel in general, and Anchorman is no excuse to keep crapping out movies in the same style like Talladega Nights and Blades of Glory all the time.
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I hate just about anything with Will Farrell & Ben Stiller in starring roles. Farrell is OK having bit parts in other movies because that's what he's good at.
Movies that suck:
Mortal Kombat 2
Godzilla (1998)
Blair Witch Project
Napoleon Dynamite (45 minutes into it I realize 'She's the girl from Waterworld' and lose interest)
All Monsters Attack/Godzilla's Revenge is one of the worst films I've seen and I consider myself a Godzilla fan. It's cut together from older movies mixed with footage of an annoying Japanese boy failing at life.
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MK 2 made me cry tears of blood.
The first one wasn't amazing. But it was so cheesy, it was good. MK 2 just fucking sucked.
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I liked both MK movies, but then again I love cheesy kung-fu crap, Street Fighter though went too far for even me though.
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James Remar was the only bright spot in the black hole that was MK2.
When I saw Jax I prayed for a quick death.
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I don't know how anyone can hate Street Fighter: The Movie. Sure the anime move is more faithful to the games but everything Bison says in the movie cracks me up.
I just made these from Mortal Kombat:
(http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/6867/scorpionfireeyespy0.gif) (http://imageshack.us)
Scorpion avatar.
(http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/1774/awesomefirebloodnj9.gif) (http://imageshack.us)
It's like he's admiring how bad ass his firey lava blood is for the first time.
Another crappy movie was Contact. I paid to see aliens damn it! :cry:
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Anything with Van Dam should be shot, burned and suprise-buttsexed. in that order.
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Yep you guys certainly got the "terrible" part right
Maybe more movies and more thread next time to make it an even ratio
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You all deserve yto die
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This isnt a terrible movie, just overrated.
Boondock saints
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What? No. Just... No.
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This isnt a terrible movie, just overrated.
Boondock saints
Take it back.
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take back all your posts Marie.
Anywho, the DnD movie sucked.
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there is a 2nd DnD movie that is much better and is about more then just the fucking rogue of the party, low budget but good. Nice fight with a white dragon
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Stop picking fights, and I'll stop finishing them.
Anyone here appreciate The Notebook? Not impressed by sappy garbage. As popular as it was, nobody really talks about it anymore...In my opinion this is because of the suck factor.
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When i'm up at my Gran's with my sister and it's raining we all sit around the TV and watch the notebook. I hate it not just because it sucks, but because I'm completely sick of it.
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I don't know how anyone can hate Street Fighter: The Movie. Sure the anime move is more faithful to the games but everything Bison says in the movie cracks me up.
Also, Jean-Claude Van Damme's attempt at an American accent, which turns out sounding inexplicably Spanish.
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When i'm up at my Gran's with my sister and it's raining we all sit around the TV and watch the notebook. I hate it not just because it sucks, but because I'm completely sick of it.
How Ironic... When I am at your Grams she always makes me watch the Notebook too.
Ok Im sorry about that... I couldnt resist.
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In no partcular order, and only listing movies I've actually seen:
Big Bad Wolf (I'm a sucker for werewolf movies, but with when you get to the final couple inside of the first 20 minutes, it's time to say - "What's on Discovery Channel?"
Ator the Swordmaster;
Troma's War;
Tremors 3 and 4 (the first one is hilarious, and the second is tolerable);
Deathstalker, Deathstalker 3 and Deathstalker 4 (the second was made as a spoof and it's damn funny);
The Satanic Rites of Dracula (and I like Chris Lee and Peter Cushing - I strongly suspect some serious mortgage payments were due, or Hammer films had some really nasty photos);
Any of the Porky's sequels (when T&A movies can't hold your attention for longer than 10 minutes...);
Alexander;
the Dungeonmaster;
and so many others that I drank so much beer to forget.
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Anyone here appreciate The Notebook? Not impressed by sappy garbage. As popular as it was, nobody really talks about it anymore...In my opinion this is because of the suck factor.
http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/news/va/20080222/120370274700.html
I just about cried when they got to number seven.
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Envy. You know, that one with Jack Black and Ben Stiller? Godawful. There is no doubt in my mind that it is the worst movie ever filmed.
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Will Ferrel was perfect for "Stranger Than Fiction." I just thought I'd mention it since a lot of people hate all his movies. Go see it. It's one of my favorites.
ANYWAY:
This thread fails because it didn't mention Ultraviolet. I am convinced it's the worst movie of all time.
Also, Golden Compass. That's easily the worst movie to come out in recent memory.
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Jabberwocky. I got it because it had Michael Palin in it, but it was terrible. Boring and terrible. Tideland was also boring. I hate to say those, because I really enjoy Terry Gilliam's work, but they were bad.
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Aeon Flux trumps Ultraviloet anyday of the week.
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You mean in terms of it's terribleness as a movie? I can't say. Didn't see Aeon Flux.
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Jabberwocky. I got it because it had Michael Palin in it, but it was terrible. Boring and terrible. Tideland was also boring. I hate to say those, because I really enjoy Terry Gilliam's work, but they were bad.
I thought Jabberwocky was quite good. I can see your viewpoint though, the humor is a extremely dry and dark humor that isn't for everyone.
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What? No. Just... No.
Really, it was a poor Tarantino knockoff with some Christ imagery sledgehammered in for good measure. Thank God the director was stupid enough to cross Harvey Weinstein, else we'd be seeing an even worse sequel.
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I don't imagine The Boondock Saints having a sequel. And come on. The scene where Defoe is imagining what happened when the three invaded that one guy's house and are then attacked by Connolly is amazing.
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I just like Bill Connolly a lot.
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Wait, what? Someone said Boondock Saints was a bad movie? I must have missed that post. I thought it was rather awesome.
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This isnt a terrible movie, just overrated.
Boondock saints
It is neither terrible or overrated. I thought it was awesome as well.
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Boondock Saints is divisive, not over or underrated. There's a difference. It was widely panned but not really reviled; it's got a 19% on Rotten Tomatoes because nobody could really recommend it but few critics felt like saying it was the worst thing they had ever seen either, a failure but not really a failure on the level of say, Rob Schneider's entire career. So it's really between people who really enjoyed it and made it a success through DVD sales while there's also a huge swath of people who are surprised that anyone likes it if they saw it at all but can't really work up the energy to really care. Personally, I thought it was pretty bad.
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Come to think of it, Oldboy's kinda like that. The people who like it love it a lot, but it's critics think it's a pointless shocker movie. An overwhelming majority of people like the movie, but others, such as my dad, didn't really get it and hated me for making him watch the 'Let's Play Dentist' scene.
Should this thread now be about movies that get a very divisive audience?
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I wouldn't say an overwhelming majority, in the case of the Boondock Saints, although Oldboy was certainly a big hit. Most of the people I've met have no interest in Boondock Saints before they saw it and less interest after they did. It deserves a lot of its criticism but there's a segment of people who will enjoy a competently filmed movie in that style even if it isn't particularly very original. It's a classic example of a genre enthusiast flim.
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Come to think of it, Oldboy's kinda like that. The people who like it love it a lot, but it's critics think it's a pointless shocker movie. An overwhelming majority of people like the movie, but others, such as my dad, didn't really get it and hated me for making him watch the 'Let's Play Dentist' scene.
Should this thread now be about movies that get a very divisive audience?
I don't remember anybody saying Oldboy was a bad movie. There were a lot of people who thought the twist ending was stupid, but nobody panned it. Were it not for virulent anti-Bush sentiments at the time of its release it might very well have won the Palme d'Or over Fahrenheit 9/11 at Cannes. I think Tarantino managed to get it the jury prize.
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I'm actually pretty certain Roger Ebert wanted to have Oldboy's babies. It's been a while but I'm pretty sure he went so far as to defend the ending as not being unmotivated.
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Aeon Flux wasnt a terrible movie
It was just subpar.
Ultraviolet though. That was god-awful.
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I have to go back and respond that Krull is a fucking awesome movie.
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I don't know if it's been mentioned but it bears repeating:
Beowulf starring Christopher Lambert is just...so bad my Literature teacher refused to let us watch it until after we'd written our Anglo-Saxon-section exam for fear it would taint our brains.
On a personal note I have to mention The Wings of the Dove. I don't care if it's classic or brilliant or whatever, it was terrible and I hated it with a senseless passion I have never felt for any other movie, and I have seen many shitty movies.
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I have to go back and respond that Krull is a fucking awesome movie.
I agree. As I said, its so bad that its good. It enjoyed a moderate success for its time, and continues to hold a solid fanboy audience.
Its the Evil Dead of fantasy. A hidden gem that you cant help but love even when every fiber of your being is telling you that you shouldnt.
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Beowulf starring Christopher Lambert is just...so bad my Literature teacher refused to let us watch it until after we'd written our Anglo-Saxon-section exam for fear it would taint our brains.
If you're going to watch a movie based on Beowulf I'd recommend either Beowulf and Grendel or The 13th Warrior (despite Antonio Banderas its a decent action movie).
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Dudes
(http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/6905/zardoz13ir2.jpg)
Fucking Zardoz.
Zardoz: The gun is good.
Exterminators: The gun is good.
Zardoz: The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!
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I'm sorry, I think you were looking for the awesome movies thread.
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Come to think of it, Oldboy's kinda like that. The people who like it love it a lot, but it's critics think it's a pointless shocker movie. An overwhelming majority of people like the movie, but others, such as my dad, didn't really get it and hated me for making him watch the 'Let's Play Dentist' scene.
Should this thread now be about movies that get a very divisive audience?
I don't remember anybody saying Oldboy was a bad movie. There were a lot of people who thought the twist ending was stupid, but nobody panned it. Were it not for virulent anti-Bush sentiments at the time of its release it might very well have won the Palme d'Or over Fahrenheit 9/11 at Cannes. I think Tarantino managed to get it the jury prize.
It's got a few detractors, not a lot, but a few. The dude from New York Post called it a "virtuoso stupid movie". There were a few other critics from Rotten Tomatoes. And a couple random twats on IMDB. But my point was, the people who don't like it, hate it.
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Generally any movie with a two-word title that begins with a noun or verb, and ends with the world "movie." Such as, "Date Movie." "Epic Movie." " Scary movie."
Also, "Meet the Spartans."
Can we please kill the people who are responsible for writing and producing these movies? They just keep dumping one giant vat of Diarrhea after another on the movie-going public.
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Generally any movie with a two-word title that begins with a noun or verb, and ends with the world "movie." Such as, "Date Movie." "Epic Movie." " Scary movie."
Also, "Meet the Spartans."
Can we please kill the people who are responsible for writing and producing these movies? They just keep dumping one giant vat of Diarrhea after another on the movie-going public.
That would be The Wayans Brothers. And I agree they should be kicked in the nads at least once each for everything they have done that isn't In Living Colour.
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Actually, the Wayans Brothers were only responsible for the first few Scary Movies. And their own films, of course.
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I'd have the Wayans brothers beaten on the "strength" of White Chicks alone, personally. Man, was that movie a bad idea. I remember how we were all sitting around at a friend's apartment when a guy we knew showed up with it. We couldn't make it past 20 minutes.
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Actually, the Wayans Brothers were only responsible for the first few Scary Movies. And their own films, of course.
GOOD ENOUGH!
*Staps on his nad kicking boot* Get in the van!
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Aeon Flux wasnt a terrible movie
It was just subpar.
Ultraviolet though. That was god-awful.
Gotcha.
Ultraviolet is the turd of movies in my circle of friends. Around the time it came out, there wasn't anything worth seeing but we had like 6 people that all wanted to go see a movie. One friend goes "Well, Ultraviolet came out. I haven't read any reviews but it seems like it'll be a decent brainless action movie."
Oh god was he wrong.
It was literally the first time I went theater-hopping in my life, mostly because I don't feel like watching another movie if I'm satisfied with the one I went to go see. We were so angry we wasted money on that film, we went in to watch Final Destination 3, and it was great by comparison.
That is how awful Ultraviolet was.
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I just saw Jumper with some friends.
My buddy had the best reaction I've ever seen to a movie. As the credits began to roll and loud enough for the whole theater to hear him, "Fuck that movie! Seriously. Fuck it!"
It was terrible. I've seen movies that don't make a whole lot of sense but yet are wicked awsome. But this movie made no sense because nothing that anyone ever did in it was the smart thing to do. Everyone made poor decisions and none of the "jumpers" thought it woudl be a good idea at any point to jump into, say, a gun store and get a bunch of guns and start wasting people.
Sam Jackson was amazing, as always.
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Another movie that a lot (a lot a lot a lot) of people seem to like and I thought was plain terrible was Ghost World.
As was said above, nobody made any rational decisions, and were all terrible people. It made me want to hurt myself.
Worse than that was that a friend of mine showed it to me, and it's just about his favorite movie. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and say I hated it, but it sucked.
No sympathy or empathy for any of those characters.
Maybe a little for the Scarlett Johansen character, because she was the most sane.
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Well, the comic it's based off of is better and maybe makes more sense, but as I liked the comic, I liked the movie. I can see why some people don't like it, though.
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What puzzles me about Ghost World is that, before I'd seen it, I seem to remember people recommending it and telling me that it was "really funny" as opposed to "seriously depressing."
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What puzzles me about Ghost World is that, before I'd seen it, I seem to remember people recommending it and telling me that it was "really funny" as opposed to "seriously depressing."
Exactamundo.
high fives.
I just don't like watching movies with characters who are overall bad people.
I mean, there can be mean people, terrible people, but everyone is nice somewhere.
Being cruel for the sake of being cruel does not make me laugh. It makes me change the chanel.
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Some of the ones I can think of off the top of my head:
Little Man. I was forced to watch this because 12 of us were going to a movie and I got a ride to the theater with one of them. I couldn't go home and was forced to literally kill some of my brain cells. This movie is so bad that I almost got sick.
The Blair Witch Project. I sat through the whole movie saying, "Why am I wasting my time on this? Why was this movie so hyped? Why?"
Any of the Land Before Time movies after the second one. What are we on now, #127?
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HEY!
The The Land Before Time 126: The Revenge of Sharptooh is the greatest story ever told. EVER!
Good god, according to Wikipedia there's going to be a 14...
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I just saw Jumper with some friends.
My buddy had the best reaction I've ever seen to a movie. As the credits began to roll and loud enough for the whole theater to hear him, "Fuck that movie! Seriously. Fuck it!"
It was terrible. I've seen movies that don't make a whole lot of sense but yet are wicked awsome. But this movie made no sense because nothing that anyone ever did in it was the smart thing to do. Everyone made poor decisions and none of the "jumpers" thought it woudl be a good idea at any point to jump into, say, a gun store and get a bunch of guns and start wasting people.
Sam Jackson was amazing, as always.
Reminds me of my reaction as the credits started to roll at AVP2.
"ALIENS VERSES PREDATOR MY FUCKING ASS! MORE LIKE WHINY BITCH HUMANS HOGGING THE FUCKING CAMERA AND BITCHING ABOUT HOW THEY SUCK!"
Seriously, AVP2 sucked so fucking bad, if i wanted to watch that kind of movie I would have just rented scream. or maybe a sleepaway camp movie.
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That movie was awesome because of the sheer amount of alien semen being forced down people's throats.
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I enjoyed it a lot more than AVP 1, probably because I was expecting it to be awful. The part in the hospital though was probably the most disturbing.
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I am genuinely tempted to see AVP2.
I went to see AVP thinking it was gonna be rubbish but hoping against hope that it would kick arse, but my god that was awful. And when the end threw up the possibility of a sequel, and I mean "threw up" litterally, it actually vomited the idea into my lap like a drunk baby, I thought "Dear God, they must be kidding, no-one will pay to see this shite twice".
But having heard that AVP2 is even worse, and one review I read said it was an early but strong contender for worst film of the year, part of my brain clicked and went "Surely it can't be that much worse".
Tempted...
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Oh, it's worse. It is definitely so much worse.
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I saw AVP2 and fucking loved it. I am itching to get it on DVD when it comes out. Fuck all of you who think it is shit.
Don't get me wrong, it is an incredibly bad film but it is so much fun to watch. The dialogue probably fits on about one A4 page and the rest of the script was people getting killed. Besides, you don't go see Alien VS Predator: Requim to see a good film, you watch to see people get cut the fuck up and the movie delivered that in spades. I went to see it with my brother and one of his friends, we spent the whole film just exclaiming "Dude! That's badass!"
Seriously, any film in which an 8 year old buys it in the first 10 minutes is ok with me.
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the problem with AVP2 is that it was made for mentally retarded mouth-breathers who wear their belts below their ass-lines and don't know the difference between a Xenomorph and a Yowcha.
There I said it.
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Another terrible, horrible movie is the INFERIOR remake of Breathless. It's like they made it bad on purpose. They had to. It's the only way it could be that bad.
The Jean-Luc Godard version is so wonderful. It's perfect.
Jean Paul Belmondo is a certifiable god.
Richard Gere is the spawn of Satan.
>[
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The Fountain.
seriously.
i have insomnia and i could not force myself to stay awake for this whole fucking movie. even if i had stayed awake, i'm positive that it made no sense anyway so it doesn't even matter.
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Take that back. Now.
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i would if i could, but lying is against my code of ethics.
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:cry:
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I can see where he's coming from. It was a good movie, but nothing to write home about.
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I'm not saying that it's the greatest movie ever made, but I would never call it bad in any way.
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I thought it was boring as hell. It was a lovely looking movie, but I found it boring.
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The fountain is only good if you turn the sound off an have no desire for a plot. Visually it is very appleaing, but thats all.
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the fountain was great, you're all insane. Not to mention that it's soundtrack was ungodly awesome. Probably my favorite album that year.
I watched AVP2 last night, and it was everything I expected it to be, i.e. shitty and hilariously awesome at the same time. I narrated most of the last half of the movie to my brother over IM, which is probably what made it so entertaining. The upside is that it inspired me to reinstall AvP2 the game and i'm having a blast replaying it.
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I really wanted to see that!@ It made me sad that people said it was bad, because Upt to that point Darren Aronofsky had done no wrong. Perfect fucking record.
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My code of ethics is such that I'll forgive just about anything if it gives me Hugh Jackman in a bath tub.
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Another movie that a lot (a lot a lot a lot) of people seem to like and I thought was plain terrible was Ghost World.
Will you love me? I thought that movie was absolutely horrible and I could never find anyone to agree with me.
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Let's get married, ampersandwitch.
Whenever people bring it up now, I take opportunely timed bathroom breaks to leave the room, and stay out until they've moved on to another topic (I typed sandwich the first time. O^o)
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Most people do.
Luckily, I am full of forgiveness.
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nono.
instead of topic.
"topic."
"sandwich."
...now i want a sandwich. :/
<3
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Wall Street.
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That got on an AFI 100 Best Quotes list.
For the "Greed is good," bit.
I've heard it's really good, though.
Any particular reason you don't like it?
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That got on an AFI 100 Best Quotes list.
For the "Greed is good," bit.
I've heard it's really good, though.
Any particular reason you don't like it?
I don't like movies with shades of class warfare in them, especially when they're obviously biased towards one side or another. Other than that, though, it is a very good movie. Also, Gordon Gekko makes Ivan Boesky and Michael Milken look like the gold standard of integrity. I'd recommend checking it out, and despite that one quirk in the flick, I watch it religiously every few months. :)
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Antonioni's Blowup and L'avventura.
I had to watch them for school, and I don't think I would have, otherwise. Artistic they may be, but entertaining they are not.
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Anything with Ice Cube. ESPECIALLY All About the Benjamens.
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Wall Street.
This movie is definitely vulnerable to criticism, but I'm wondering when you watched it? (Nevermind - I just saw your response. Oops.)
I think it's wonderfully entertaining (and Michael Douglas is great) but I saw it only a few years after its release. And Oliver Stone - I like the guy even when he's being ridiculous, but I can see how he turns people off.
And it would have been better with a stronger lead, though Charlie Sheen is so 80's.
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Shutter
The Nun
The Ice Queen
Underworld: Evolution
Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings
Although, to be honest I kind of love Max Magician. It was bad on Troll 2 levels.
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Gothika, a movie so fucking bad that not only did they have to make up a word BUT THEY COULD NOT SPELL SAID MADE UP WORD CORRECTLY!
Halle Berry is responsible for me being the full-of-hate cynical jerk that I am today, something snapped in me when I sat through this and now I hate everything. Here's the scene that is missing from the ending of Gothika
JUDGE :mrgreen:
HALLE BERRY :-D
:mrgreen: You stand before the court for escaping the insane asylum TWICE assaulting numerous guards while doing so and not only that the double murder of your husband AND local law enforcement, how do you plead?
:-D Not guilty because they were rapists
:mrgreen: Bitch you trippin, that's vigilante shit right there
:-D But it's okay because my abusive teenage girlfriend who is also a ghost told me to do it.
:mrgreen: Oh, in that case your free to go, have a fucking sandwich!
Oh and fred dirst ruins Behind Blue Eyes.
That guy should be kicked in the nads on live Japanese TV, I say Japanese TV because the Japanese would do it right and add zany sound effects if they were to make kicking fred dirst in the nuts a TV event.
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Pretty much anything with Jim Carry, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Will Smith or Eddie Murpy in them. There are of course exceptions, Spanglish was passable and The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind would have to be one of my favorite movies ever.
Matrix 2 and 3
PotC 2 and, presumably, 3
King Aurthur (the one with Keria Knightly - for that matter everything she's been in since PotC1 and Love Actually, though this may not actually be her fault)
Kingdom of Heaven
Also I will add my vote to the pile of liquid shit that is the new craze for ripoff movies (scary movie ect) the only acceptable ones would be Not Another Teen Movie and Spaceballs
Oh and almost every 'mocumentry' every made.
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HEY! This Is Spinal Tap kicks ass!
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So did Best in Show, and pretty much any other Guest Mockumentary.
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I thought that A Mighty Wind did pretty well for a mocumentary, too. It was obvious that they loved the folk genre.
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That was a Christopher Guest mockumentary, yes.
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Yeah, I have a rough time imagining how I could be friends with anyone who didn't like This is Spinal Tap.
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I'm gonna 18th anything with Adam Sandler. I also have to say, despite all of it's "success" Napoleon Dynomite was total shite. After finally bringing myself to watch it, I couldn't make it through the first 45 minutes. If for nothing else than the guy who plays the lead character. Will Ferrell also tends to annoy me. I did like him in some of the SNL skits he did, and I never saw Stranger Than Fiction... Anchorman had it's moments... but all these "ha ha, look, he got hit in the balls with something!" pre-teen comedies he's doing now - who cares.
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The only part of Napoleon Dynamite I like is the dance he does at the end. Otherwise, yeah, it's a pretty boring movie.
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I made the mistake of watching the animated Beowulf movie last night. I have to say that I am not a fan of that animation technique and the way in which they retold the epic of Beowulf was most uninteresting. Personally, Beowulf and Grendel was a better movie, and so was The 13th Warrior.
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Pretty much anything with Jim Carry, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Will Smith or Eddie Murpy in them. There are of course exceptions, Spanglish was passable and The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind would have to be one of my favorite movies ever.
Dude, Truman Show.
Also Will Smith is on nowhere near the same level of suck as Ben Stiller or Eddie Murphy.
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I made the mistake of watching the animated Beowulf movie last night. I have to say that I am not a fan of that animation technique and the way in which they retold the epic of Beowulf was most uninteresting. Personally, Beowulf and Grendel was a better movie, and so was The 13th Warrior.
The 13th Warrior is a fantastic movie. Quite wonderful.
I was never a big of Fresh Prince, but I've enjoyed just about every Will Smith movie I've seen. Some were pretty stupid though... But the serious ones were quite good.
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I'm actually looking forward to Will Smiths next movie Hancock.
Anything with Jason Bateman deserves a chance, no matter what you feel about Smith.
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You just totally fried my sarcasm detecter.
Are we talking about the same Jason Bateman that's in Smokin' Aces, Teen Wolf Too, Love Stinks and The Sweetest thing? I mean, I know people really like Arrested Development, but if anyone deserves to be mailed a complimentary "Clearly, I have made some bad decisions" shirt, it's Jason Bateman.
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Idiocracy,
It wasn't a stupid movie, it was intellectually made (and had a huge excuse for stupid jokes)
I just couldn't stand watching it.
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I'm not a huge fan of movies that jump around in a way that makes no sense, so Slipstream is on my list of bad movies now. Got it because Anthony Hopkins, who is probably one of my favorite actors ever, wrote, directed, and starred in it, but I just couldn't get into it because of how jumpy it was.
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Has anyone mentioned Ultraviolet yet? It was kind of entertaining on "mute", but when you pay attention to the story and, oh god, the dialog, it all goes to hell.
"It is on!"
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yeah, it's been mentioned. On a similar note, I've never seen it, but it seems like Barb Wire has to be a top contender for the shitty movie crown in the vapid cheesecake action film category as well. I mean, c'mon: Pam Anderson vehicle. :|
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I'm wondering why Hackers hasn't come up yet.
Just to clarify: I love this movie.
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It's a good thing you clarified, because I was about to kill...
but yes, Hackers = <3
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Oliver Stone - I like the guy even when he's being ridiculous, but I can see how he turns people off.
I like a lot of Stone's movies, JFK, Platoon, Wall Street, but my god I hated Natural Born Killers. I'm sure there is a good film in there somewhere but the editing style and cinematography was so over the top it just drove me crazy. I realise that this was the point of the film, to satirise the media depiction of violence, but it just went beyond the point of satire and pissed me off immensely instead.
Kingdom of Heaven
Boo to you sir.
Kingdom of Heaven defiantly has its problems, Orlondo Bland chief among them, but I think it’s criminally underrated. The director’s cut in particular is pretty damn good, I just wish they had cast a different leading man.
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Matrix 2 & 3: Damn I'm glad someone else said that ... no one else I've mentioned it to agrees. I think they're in denial.
The Deaths of Ian Stone: Horrible, horrible movie. Possibly something salvageable from the concept ... but they didn't find it.
I Am Legend: How did they manage to f* the book so hard?
I've only seen Ultraviolet in Chinese (I don't understand a lot of Chinese) ... somehow, I think that made it more interesting. That, and having nothing else to do.
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Fletch: I started watching Matrix 2 and couldn't stand it enough to finish it, so I guess I agree. I won't be watching part 3 (obviously).
You didn't like I Am Legend? I thought it was fantastic.
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If I had never read the book, I would have thought it was pretty cool.
The problem with that is, I did read the book & I cringed while the movie veered off in the opposite direction.
Some parts I thought I might just be watching the sequel to fight club -You'll hunt elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center
:P
I wanted to see fungus infested vampires that used to be the protagonist's colleagues, neighbors, etc.
Monsters with blood that glued in bullet holes & people that were shafted by the advance of science, but a number of whom were still essentially people. People that didn't want to be "saved" or "cured" & felt threatened by his zombie-killing existence.
IAL (movie) brought ghouls with trap-making skills, pack instincts ... bacon. And worst of all, redemption.
I had to be sure the Matrix didn't get any better after the first. :) I didn't make that mistake with star wars, though. JaJa was retarded.
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Napoleon Dynamite
Nacho Libre
Titanic
can't think of any others... I had SOME fun with Napoleon dynamite. It makes a nice spark shower in the microwave.
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Matrix 2 & 3: Damn I'm glad someone else said that ... no one else I've mentioned it to agrees. I think they're in denial.
I think one good movie could be made out of the two of these, unfortunately they didn't do that, so instead of one very good, possibly great movie, we got two shitty ones.
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The New World...I saw the preview and thought "Indians versus Knights!? AWESOME." Then, when I got the chance to watch it, it bored me so powerfully I went into a coma.
The Good Sheperd. Matt Damon, Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesci crawling out of wherever he's been hiding since Lethal Weapon 4, all to make a movie about the formation of the CIA...it sounds exciting, but you'll need to read a graduate thesis on Cold War Intelligence Offices to understand the plot.
Epic Movie...hurt. From the parody of Lazy Sunday that dated the movie so badly that it may as well have put the release date on it, to the constant "I think Rap Jokes are funny!" jokes, it just hurt. I bought it on bootleg, and when it was done, I literally burned the disc so it wouldn't harm anyone else. "2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie!" The wrong two.
War was pretty bad, too. Why is Jason Statham (who is so obivously British), constantly playing an American FBI agent? Nothing against the British, but really, there's no American Action stars who can play an FBI Agent Who Plays By His Own Rules To Catch An Asian Gang Member? Also, why is it that whenever there's a cheesy action movie, the gang of choice is always Triads or Yakuza?
I agree with the Boondocks Saints reference. I don't know that it sucked, but it's given way way way too much credit.
Also, Super Mario Brothers: The Movie may have been bad, but I still love it.
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Super Mario Brothers was so bad that it was good. As for the Matrix program, I saw it once and thought it was boring. I've never seen the sequels.
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Why is Jason Statham (who is so obivously British), constantly playing an American FBI agent? Nothing against the British, but really, there's no American Action stars who can play an FBI Agent Who Plays By His Own Rules To Catch An Asian Gang Member? Also, why is it that whenever there's a cheesy action movie, the gang of choice is always Triads or Yakuza?
I've seen his stuff, and I pretty much just assumed/pretended he was British in the film & enjoyed the explosions. I couldn't sit through 15 minutes of Transporter, though.
Not in memory - who would you prefer to see starring in the next film to copy this role?
Correct me if I'm wrong; They're not American & easily recognisable. There aren't too many racial gang stereotypes to choose from, iirc. Hollywood latches on to stereotypes when a movie is successful with them (even if that's not what made the movie successful) from what I hear ...
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(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a207/Xyljin/Gymkataposter.jpg)
MOAR 80s, PEOPLE!
/
:-D
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Oh god! Horrible flashbacks to American Ninjas 1-4 (were there more? I only saw those four)!
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You saw all 4‽
And while we're at it:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c2/Movie_deathstalker_benton.jpg)
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In French, we have a name for movies that are so thoroughly flawed they are bloody fun to watch: we call any of these a "nanar". I'm only a newbie in the nanar fans community, but I''ve already got the chance to view the movie that is considered by most nanarologues as the greatest nanar of all times, namely the mythic
Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam
aka
The Man who Saved the World
aka
Turkish Star Wars
(IMDB (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0182060/))
It's the astounding result of a total lack of means with a total lack of talent, put together by a drop of pretentiousness and a whole tank of shameless plagiarism.
It's full of surprises, in the sense that it manages to get worse even when you think it's impossible. It starts rock bottom, then it digs. With a massive drilling rig. And occasionally dynamite.
It's spectacularly bad and I heartily recommend it - if you're a bit pervert.
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Sounds right up my alley. I think it's up entirely on Google video.
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Turkish Star Wars is possibly the most absurd thing ever created, i back this.
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You saw all 4‽
And while we're at it:
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c2/Movie_deathstalker_benton.jpg)
Yes, I've seen all 4. Deathstalker 2 is actually a decent farce. The rest of them are 4.5 hours of my life that I could have better spent cleaning the infected anal glands of any member of the weasel family.
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Has anyone mentioned Cast Away yet? That film was APPALLING.
I'm serious, I can't believe how many awards it was nominated for. I had to skip bits of it, it was so dull. The only remarkable thing that is in that film (and by remarkable I mean worthy of mention, not necessarily good) is the volleyball called Wilson.
I have an inkling I might get shot down with forum-fire for this post, but oh well.
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How about "Sinbad of the 7 Seas" with Lou Ferigno?
or [other stuff I'm too tired to remember right now]?
OOOh! Like "Ella Enchanted"!
Jurassic Park 2 actually kills a small part of you that can never be resurrected.
Jurassic Park 3 (I've not seen it), is rumored to be used in interrogations in 3rd world countries, and would be against the Geneva convention if not for its production year.
Krull. period. I saw making of where the crew and actors honestly thought they were making a stellar movie.
It's like a law of movie making. If the actors praise the movie in the making of, it's a crap movie. If they praise (or, rather revere/fear) the director, it's an epic blockbuster. It has to be everyone who's worked on the movie, or it's up in the air.
I've thought sometimes, that those same production crew people who talk of working hard to please the director and being glad when they do probably hate him behind his back.
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ANY of the "Billy Jack" movies
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Krull. period. I saw making of where the crew and actors honestly thought they were making a stellar movie.
I hate to break it to you but Krull kicked ass and you are horribly wrong.
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I thought the MST3K version was HILARIOUS "And now the Manos Womens' Guild will reenact..." had me in stiches.
Also, if you have not seen Black Supaman, you must. Immediately. It's Master P's take on a superhero movie.
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(http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MG/185167~Surf-Nazis-Must-Die-Posters.jpg)
You would think this would be one of those "so-awful-it's-amazing" movies. But no, it isn't. It's just..awful.
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That looks like one of those movies you see in that weird movie store at the corner, the one no one really goes in, but for some reason is still in business. Usually there's 3 or 4 guys outside, arguing about something.
Also, Surf Ninjas was pretty bad. I'm gonna throw out that any combination of ninjas and surfing make for a bad movie. Which means the story of my life will never make it to the big screen.
Oh, yeah, and Stephen King's TV movie version of The Shining. I watched up until the point where Tony floated in, and then had to stop.
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Big Bad Wolf
Normally, I have a soft spot for werewolf movies, but when you get to the final couple in a horror movie in 20 minutes, after 3 sim-sex scenes (with fairly marginal looking actresses), some dialogue that tries to be cheesy and bad (and fails) and one of the worst werewolf costumes I've seen since the 4 year old came around last Halloween, I had to hit the eject button and apologize to the wife....I can often turn my brain off when watching movies, but when my willing suspension of disbelief goes, "That's it! I'm outta here!" its time to go do-do.
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Death Race 2000. It was an old B movie, and it was so horrid that it earns the title of best B movie ever. Horrid acting, horrid props, horrid lines, and horrid 'plot.' It was that bad. A friend and I sat and stared and laughed at the sheer horridity of it. Horrid.
(Seriously, so horrid you need to see it just so you know how horrid it is. And maybe fit in a laugh or two.)
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Nope, the best B movie ever is Troll 2.
Death Race 2000 was terrible, but you don't know so bad it's good until you've seen Troll 2...and Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings......and Santa's Slay.
Besides, the new Death Race 2000 will be worse. They're getting Jason Statham to star in it.
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Deathrace 2000 is one of those movies that is so bad its good.
It's also entered into the common psyche for North America - how often have you driven past something and gone, "that's 20 points." Even before you saw the movie you were probably doing it.
Not saying it's agood movie, but its not without its merits.
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Oh I agree, but it's far from being the best bad movie as was said. Alas, most people who say something like 'that's 20 points' have never heard of the movie, much less seen it.
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I dunno, I still feel like the Gymkata poster can't be topped. I mean, c'mon, look at his shoes.
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Megaladon 3. Movies about giant sharks are cool right? No...not really. Submarine movies with sharks are just boring, and giant sharks....ehhhhhhh no.
ANY Will Smith movie where he is the main actor. I like Will Smith...I really, really do. His Fresh Prince stuff was amazing, but that was what? 10-20 years ago back when he was cool and "fresh"? I am Legend, Hitch, I(,)Robot, Wild Wild West are all horrendous movies. Just because the guy can act DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE CAN CARRY A MOVIE ON HIS OWN. "aww hell no!" just really doesn't cut it anymore. The guy needs someone to support him, someone good...not that guy from King of Queens.
Queen Latifah. Every movie she touches turns to garbage....her and Jimmy Fallon in like Taxi Driver or Taxi or whatever made me want to puke. I could barely sit through the trailer.
Fantastic Four 1 and 2: The Silver Surfer was not cool.....at all....Galactus was not cool either. Just cause Jessica Alba is hot doesn't mean that the movie will be good.
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I Am Legend was NOT terrible. It was mediocre, maybe, but not nearly on the same level as Wild Wild West or Hitch.
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Fantastic Four 1 and 2: The Silver Surfer was not cool.....at all....Galactus was not cool either. Just cause Jessica Alba is hot doesn't mean that the movie will be good.
I think the problem with the Fantastic Four movies were that they came off like a kid's movie. Did anyone else think that, or was it just me?
AI was bad because it WOULD NOT END. I think I'm still watching it. After the third time I thought it had ended, I kind of drifted off.
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The problem with the first Fantastic Four movie (I learned my lesson and have not seen Rise of the Silver Surfer) is that the "actors" (exception the guy who played Thing) displayed all the acting range of a block of wood. The "romance" between Jessica Alba and the guy playing Reed Richards felt almost as wooden and forced as the love story between Padme and Anakin.
The guy playing Johnny Storm was having fun with his role, but a lack of ability (or did the lame script just suck all the ability away) he showed brought his performance down to an unenjoyable level.
Having seen jessica Alba in a couple of movies I have come to the conclusion that the only reason she is an actress is her willingness to wear very little at times....
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Why do the good threads die? Probably 'cause there isn't much you can elaborate on after listing movies you hate.
Feel free to ignore this post.
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Thought of this one, just because of the upcoming new Indiana Jones movie - Temple of Doom qualifies as a medicore/bad movie in an otherwise excellent franchise. The kid and the chippie took an otherwise enjoyable piece of mindless entertainment and sucked away all the respect I normally have for both Spielberg (why did you cast your future wife in the role? Wait a minute...) and Ford.
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Thought of this one, just because of the upcoming new Indiana Jones movie - Temple of Doom qualifies as a medicore/bad movie in an otherwise excellent franchise. The kid and the chippie took an otherwise enjoyable piece of mindless entertainment and sucked away all the respect I normally have for both Spielberg (why did you cast your future wife in the role? Wait a minute...) and Ford.
No way man....I think that Temple of Doom was amazing, I enjoy watching it more now than any of the other ones. Although that may be because I argued for years with my sister over which one is chronologically first (my argument was for Crusade, hers was for Raiders) and so I ended up hating Raiders. And now I can't stand Sean Connery and Crusade just kind of bores me. Sure Doom wasn't....spectacular, but it was still a lot of fun, the heart scene.....amazing.
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The worst film I´ve ever seen is "The Running Man". For someone like me who´s a huge fan of Stephen King´s works, that movie was damn near physical rape. I can´t believe they actually had the guts to claim that it´s based on a novel by Stephen King!
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Sure its "based on" a Stephen King novel, I mean they share the same title, right? :roll: The story and the movie have the same relationship as Bernard Cornwell's Sharpe novels have to their movies - no wait a minute, the people in the Sharpe movies can actually act so that comparison is out...And the storylines aren't completely divergent...
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Not only do they share the title, but the protagonist´s name is the same as well! And so is the game host´s (although in the book, he was black...)! Isn´t that truly something!
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A surprised gasp! Stephen King is racist! The game show host was black and this proves it! Also, because he's a man, Stephen King must be in favor of rape!
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Although you were joking, Stephen King DOES have a worrying predeliction for the 'magical negro' archetype.
Also he's a pretty bad writer.
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I wouldn't say he's really a bad writer, but he definitely has a lot of failures in his carreer, mainly for a tendency to caricature himself, both in terms of plot and of style. When he's focused and careful, he can bring amazing plots and his style can be efficient and enjoyable. That's a far too common issue when a writer becomes such a star that editors lack the authority to object and criticize.
As for "The Running Man", it's just a unnecessary and crappy spoof of the rather good movie Le prix du danger (http://french.imdb.com/title/tt0084540/), which itself is based on the excellent short story "The prize of peril" by Robert Sheckley, a forgotten Sci-Fi genius who definitely deserves more glory (I try to use every occasion I have to mention him and his work).
Since I'm posting here, I have two more movies to mention, both amusingly crappy in their own ways. Before getting to it, I have to tell something about how I know them. In my city, there's a small theatre that specializes in (mostly) artsy movies, or at least its purpose is not to feed on blockbusters. It's also the only theater that systematically shows movies in subbed version instead of dubbed. In this theatre, a projectionist created a weekly special night, "L'Absurde Séance" ("the absurd séance" - I guess) where unusual movies are shown. By "unusual movies", I mean obscure Asian movies, interesting B-Movies, underrated treasures and, of course, nanars (crappy funny movies, in French). This is how I've seen these movies on big screen, including Turkish Star Wars. Yeah, I know, you're jealous.
Now, to the movies.
One is French, it's La revanche des mortes-vivantes (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091847/) (The revenge of the living dead girls). It's a very odd, very failed attempt at a vaguely erotic zombie movie. It's... hard to describe. The "plot" revolves around the death of three girls, killed by poisoned milk, and rising from the tomb to get their vengeance due to chemical waste dumped in the graveyard by a local factory. The costumes, the acting, the plot, the characters, the random softcore erotic scenes: all in this movie is plain ludicrous, except for the gore fx, which are efficient if completely over the top and sometimes plain gratuitous.
The other is Italian, by the late master of nanars Bruno Mattei (accurately nicknamed "the Italian Ed Wood"): Rats - Notte di terrore (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086176/) (Rats: Night of Terror) is a post-apocalyptic flick showing the tragic adventure of a band of bikers who roam the surface of the Earth after humanity had been forced underground for a century due to a nuclear war. One night, they find an old hotel with plenty of booze and food, and decide to stay there for the night. Little did they know that the place was already inhabited, I'll let you guess by what (oh well, it's in the title anyway). Caricatural characters (and not in a flamboyant way), loose plot, unconvincing FX, lame acting, crappy shooting: a very efficient cocktail that makes this movie as fascinating as a car wreck or a burning building. The fact that the black girl's nickname is "Chocolate" should tell you something about the core disaster this movie is.
By the way, some more stuff about Turkish Star Wars: the website nanarland.com, the French reference about nanars, provides some video excerpts (http://www.nanarland.com/Chroniques/Main.php?id_film=tsw) of this movie, which are pretty representative of the overall stuff. Have a look, it's worth the loss of some neurons.
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I think that one is known as "Hell of the Rats" stateside, and it is actually pretty awesome in how bad it is. Bruno Mattei films rock.
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Also he's a pretty bad writer.
I could not read Stephen King to save my life. In my lifetime I've managed to read one of his books fully through and I've abandoned at least five within the first hundred pages. He pretty much just sucks.
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I like his books very much, although I have to admit that the way he portrays the "bad guys" in his books is a little naive (in some books, if a feller is described as physically unattractive, they´re evil in some way). His habit of pulling out ridiculous deus ex machina -endings is rather bad as well, but if you can overlook those, the books are rather good.
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If you want to give King another shot, I'd recommend Lisey's Story as a good one to try out. It's much better written than a lot of his other stuff, with a deeper look at the two main characters. You spend a good half of the novel never in contact with the villian, so that's in your favor. But it is a King novel, and as such has elements of fantasy, so if that stuff doesn't do it for you, you're probably better off staying away.
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Woah. It's like, at a certain point, you were typing sideways or somethin'.
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Also he's a pretty bad writer.
I could not read Stephen King to save my life. In my lifetime I've managed to read one of his books fully through and I've abandoned at least five within the first hundred pages. He pretty much just sucks.
All of his stuff I've thrown away after the first 40 pages...except for IT which I waited for about 100 pages before getting bored. I think he's terrible and his movies are shit...except for The Shining. Which is kind of sad because that was the ONE film made from his novels that he HATED...and still hates.
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Kazaam...Shaquille O'neal (sp?) acting...oh god it was awful!
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That was the only movie I cried after watching. I was 7, and had no idea what was going on. I thought the dad died, and then he didn't die, and then Shaq was gone, and I guess it made me upset.
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There is something so wrong and yet so right about your implied statement, "Kazaam made me cry."
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Kazaam...Shaquille O'neal (sp?) acting...oh god it was awful!
I remember one of the kids wishes was wishing for a million cheeseburgers to fall from the sky, or is that from some other movie?
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Someone is going to smack me upside the mouth(perhaps I deserve it) but...
300 made me want to repeatedly beat my head against the nearest hard surface (that probably would've been my friend's head...which I'm sure he wouldn't have appreciated). There were times when I enjoyed the blood letting, but most of it made me a very sad girl.
I don't know though. I may have been biased at the time? I went in with very little knowledge of what I was getting myself into. My friend said 'greek mythology' and I immediately decided that it was for me.
Unfortunately, I thought I was going to get some *actual* greek mythology and not mindless entertaining violence. Which, at the time, was not what I was expecting. :\
Actually, I'll retract my thoughts on 300 being a 'terrible' movie. It was tolerable compared to one someone mentioned earlier on.
Alexander.
A lot of people might haphazardly use a phrase like 'if only I could have those two hours of my life back' when they emerge from a less than savory movie. With that movie? I mean it with my heart and soul. I came out of that movie with a headache and the worst mood I've ever had coming out of a movie theater. Usually, a belly full of popcorn/chocolate almonds can at least take the edge off of a bad movie experience for me.
Not that time. :(
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I went into 300 expecting nothing more than mindless entertaining violence, and I was still disappointed. It was certainly mindless and violent, but I must have missed the entertaining part.
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while I agree that Alexander was a horrible movie, I will disagree that 300 was a bad one.
What were you expecting when he said Greek Mythology - most of the greek myths are either fairly bloody, or filled with violence and/or sex.
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Probably something more like this:
(http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a207/Xyljin/clash_of_the_titans2.jpg)
Seriously, I hate broken links.
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I went into 300 expecting nothing more than mindless entertaining violence, and I was still disappointed. It was certainly mindless and violent, but I must have missed the entertaining part.
Oh God.....THANK YOU. I'm surrounded by people going "OMG 300 was SO kickass" and I'm the only person who finds it incredibly boring. Honestly I thought the action scenes were really well staged, but then they threw in that whole storyarc with his wife that just absolutely ruined anything resembling entertainment.
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I think it might be that most people who thought 300 was awesome were only going into it to see some muscley dudes fight some other dudes. I didn't give a shit about the storyline, I just wanted to see some mindless action and you have to admit that 300 delivered that in spades.
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The visuals were nice and all, but I found the action scenes to be edited in a way that put me off. The only other time I was so aware of editing was during the slo-mo heavy parts (ie all) of The Passion of the Christ, a movie that I found just as entertaining as 300, actually.
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Slow motion is only good for instant replay and comedy.
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I actually liked The Passion of the Christ, terminator Jesus during the final scene had me in stitches.
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Probably something more like this:
*Clash of the Titans*
Seriously, I hate broken links.
YES.
Actually, I can only remember bits and pieces of that movie. The golden owl was my favorite.
Still, I have no idea (as I was a child at the time and therefore lacking in good taste) if it was actually a 'good' movie or not.
But yes...I did expect some generalized Greek mythology. :\
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but then they threw in that whole storyarc with his wife that just absolutely ruined anything resembling entertainment.
How come you think that? I'm not starting a fight, I'm just curious. My main issue with that movie was the abundance of scary nipples.
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but then they threw in that whole storyarc with his wife that just absolutely ruined anything resembling entertainment.
How come you think that? I'm not starting a fight, I'm just curious. My main issue with that movie was the abundance of scary nipples.
the 300 graphic novel was all about the actually fighting. It was great and had some amazing action scenes, and the story stays mostly true to that. The difference between the men in the graphic novel and in the movie is that in the graphic novel the people actually look Greek, not white. For the movie they decided to add in the arc with the wife and it just came out as tacky and useless.....and really, really predictable.
I guess I hated it the most because I was expecting Sin City but with Spartans.....but man.....it sucked.
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I may be wrong here, but Greeks, being Europeans, are white....
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I may be wrong here, but Greeks, being Europeans, are white....
They're not Gerard Butler white. Most of the guys, I felt, were WAY too "Anglo-Saxon" looking, if you take a look at the art from the graphic novel you'll understand where I'm coming from.
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I did. Didn't really matter to me as I wanted to see a mindless action movie, and the movie delivered that IN SPADES.
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I did. Didn't really matter to me as I wanted to see a mindless action movie, and the movie delivered that IN SPADES.
Hang on...
I think it might be that most people who thought 300 was awesome were only going into it to see some muscley dudes fight some other dudes. I didn't give a shit about the storyline, I just wanted to see some mindless action and you have to admit that 300 delivered that in spades.
Quit stealing my thoughts.
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Then start copywriting them, or stop leaving them in the open for anyone to pick up and use.
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but then they threw in that whole storyarc with his wife that just absolutely ruined anything resembling entertainment.
How come you think that? I'm not starting a fight, I'm just curious. My main issue with that movie was the abundance of scary nipples.
the 300 graphic novel was all about the actually fighting. It was great and had some amazing action scenes, and the story stays mostly true to that. The difference between the men in the graphic novel and in the movie is that in the graphic novel the people actually look Greek, not white. For the movie they decided to add in the arc with the wife and it just came out as tacky and useless.....and really, really predictable.
I guess I hated it the most because I was expecting Sin City but with Spartans.....but man.....it sucked.
What? You didn't like the movie because the actors' hue of skin was slightly different from what it was in a comicbook? I've heard some bad reasons for not liking a movie like "I noticed a lot of clipping, which suggests bad takes" or "In my imagination Shrek's voice was slightly shriller" but what the hell?
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The reason I thought 300 sucked balls is because I was expecting a huge fight scene involving a fat-ass with sword hands but he was in it for only three fucking seconds.
This will not be forgiven.
EVER.
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300 is a movie based on a Frank Miller comic. People going in to it expecting something other than a Frank Miller comic brought to life didn't get what they came for. People expecting over-the-top action with cheesy lines got exactly what they wanted.
That said, I enjoyed it.
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but then they threw in that whole storyarc with his wife that just absolutely ruined anything resembling entertainment.
How come you think that? I'm not starting a fight, I'm just curious. My main issue with that movie was the abundance of scary nipples.
the 300 graphic novel was all about the actually fighting. It was great and had some amazing action scenes, and the story stays mostly true to that. The difference between the men in the graphic novel and in the movie is that in the graphic novel the people actually look Greek, not white. For the movie they decided to add in the arc with the wife and it just came out as tacky and useless.....and really, really predictable.
I guess I hated it the most because I was expecting Sin City but with Spartans.....but man.....it sucked.
What? You didn't like the movie because the actors' hue of skin was slightly different from what it was in a comicbook? I've heard some bad reasons for not liking a movie like "I noticed a lot of clipping, which suggests bad takes" or "In my imagination Shrek's voice was slightly shriller" but what the hell?
What? What I said is that the only difference between the graphic novel and the movie (in the fighting sense) was that the men looked more european. That's not why I didn't enjoy the movie. I didn't enjoy the movie because they tacked on a terrible subplot with his wife that was both 1. predictable and 2. completely useless.
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me and my friend ian both finished a bunch of exams today so we decided to go watch 10,000 bc. we already knew it would be terrible from the start, having looked up the ridiculuously stupid plot in advance, and went into the threatre intending to watch it as a comedy. i don't know what i was expecting but oh my god. this film was so bad. i don't even know where to begin. by the end we couldn't even laugh anymore, we could only sit there in the theatre shaking our heads. stupid plot, no character development whatsoever, ridiculous chauvinism, and everyone somehow has well-groomed faces and legs yet can't cut their fucking hair. we pretty much felt like the film was making fun of us tbh. my advice to you is that if you think this film will be hilarious, even in an ironic sense, i promise it won't be. it's just fucking awful on every level. please save your money and don't ever see it.
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Here's an interesting article about this kind of thing:
http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,,2267064,00.html (http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,,2267064,00.html)
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me and my friend ian both finished a bunch of exams today so we decided to go watch 10,000 bc. we already knew it would be terrible from the start, having looked up the ridiculuously stupid plot in advance, and went into the threatre intending to watch it as a comedy. i don't know what i was expecting but oh my god. this film was so bad. i don't even know where to begin. by the end we couldn't even laugh anymore, we could only sit there in the theatre shaking our heads. stupid plot, no character development whatsoever, ridiculous chauvinism, and everyone somehow has well-groomed faces and legs yet can't cut their fucking hair. we pretty much felt like the film was making fun of us tbh. my advice to you is that if you think this film will be hilarious, even in an ironic sense, i promise it won't be. it's just fucking awful on every level. please save your money and don't ever see it.
Holy crap YES! Didn't you love how the one tribe conveniently spoke English too? It would have been a MILLION times more coherent if they had everything in some other language.....but then again the tribespeak was pretty horrendous too. It's a terrible film, the second half was the biggest ripoff of Stargate.
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But will there be hot chicks in fur bikinis?
That's the only reason to see a caveman flick...
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no, there was also an incredibly disappointing lack of girls in fur bikinis.
like i said, NO redeeming qualities.
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I've got to admit, seeing the trailer showing mammoths in what looked like ancient Egypt being used like indian elephants nearly caused the old "willing suspension of disbelief" to check out.
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no, there was also an incredibly disappointing lack of girls in fur bikinis.
like i said, NO redeeming qualities.
adding to that there was a lack of girls completely.
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Any movie ever made with the word "Pokemon" in the title.
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I have an 8 year old who might disagree with you (then again he hasn't wanted to rent one of them or a Yu-gi-oh movie for over a year), but I certainly won't.
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Oh, yeah! The yu-gi-oh movie as well.
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Any movie ever made with the word "Pokemon" in the title.
I thought the first movie was decent. Then again, I haven't seen it in like 8 years.
I still have my Ancient Mew card somewhere.
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My friend just subjected me to "The Hotel New Hampshire", where the humor makes you cringe and the gang rape and death of numerous characters makes you laugh hysterically. "Plan 9 From Outer Space" for the 80s.
It seems that it was based on a novel by John Irving, and so was "Simon Birch", which is another WORST MOVIE EVER. So, either people are dumb and John Irving sucks so hard, or Hollywood just hates him a whole lot.
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Kind of liker how Hollywood hates the hell out of Clive Cussler?
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Female Trouble
Supposedly a cult classic, but not because it was any damn good. Fuck you IFC, you wasted 15 minutes of my life.
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Any movie ever made with the word "Pokemon" in the title.
I thought the first movie was decent. Then again, I haven't seen it in like 8 years.
I still have my Ancient Mew card somewhere.
It's alright, there are support groups (not here, we'll just make fun of you)
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My brother and I still make fun of our mom for crying during the Pokemon movie.
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It seems that it was based on a novel by John Irving, and so was "Simon Birch", which is another WORST MOVIE EVER. So, either people are dumb and John Irving sucks so hard, or Hollywood just hates him a whole lot.
One time, I ruined that book for my friend, cus I said "It's really sad when he dies." Best part? I didn't even know what he was reading. I just figured there was a good probability of somebody dying, you know?
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Man, Clive Cussler Novels....
And, as far as Pokemon movies go, I don't know. I was sick one day and ended up watching the one with Lucario in it on Cartoon Network one day. I could stand it, but I guess I wasn't really thinking about it. And yes, I know his name is Lucario because he is the best fucking character ever on Super Smash Bros.
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I'm not sure if its already been mentioned but Catwoman was painful to sit through. Also Electra. Also Glitter.
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I have two contributions two this thread, and funnily enough, both involved my girlfriend - says alot about her taste.
1) Her, her friend and I were going to the cinemas, and they had bought the tickets before hand, which at the time I thought were tickets to Into the Wild (I think?). So the opening credits start rolling, they start giggling like the bumbling idiots they are, and I being a naive fool suspected nothing. Then about three minutes later they told me to check the ticket, to which I realised it was P.S. I Love You. Now I'll admit, I'm not a big fan of chick flicks, but the movie was so horrendous I think my brain was confused to what emotional reaction I was to have to it. The chemistry between the leads was non-existent and it was horribly cliched. So the joke wasn't just on me, but my two friends and everyone in the audience.
2) She tells me of how she wants to see the remake of some film featuring Sandra Bullock as the lead. Now all warning signals went off when I heard this, but stupidly I paid the $3 to borrow it to watch it with her the next day. Premonition has to be one of the worst films I have ever seen. The fact that the movie is high budget with some reasonably large stars makes it worse - they actually tried!. I seriously picked the ending about 20 minutes into the film, and was utterly confused by the lack of continuity with the time skips - sooo many mistakes there. Anyway, yeah. It sucked ass.
Sorry about the overkill there, but I feel very strongely about the terribleness of these films. Plus I was bored.
Don't watch them, don't even touch the cover of the DVD/VHS.
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The Covenant
My friend and his girlfriend dragged me to it. His girlfriend is a wiccan priestess, I don't know which of us were more offended, her by her belief system being raped by the Total Request Live generation or me by the fact this movie sucked harder then Gothika.
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Reptilicus, a movie so bad that it has actually become something of a cult in itself.
as for a more recent crappy movie I have had the displeasure of watching: Southland tales, a friend of mine recommended it to me, after i watched it i debated wether or not i should delete his phonenumber and all other contact information.
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I just saw a terrible movie this morning. It was a Sci-Fi channel "Horror" movie, so I knew it would be bad, but it had Kevin Sorbo in it. "Never Cry Werewolf." Sorbo had a total of 30 mins of camera time over the course of 2 hours, and he got top billing. The best part of the movie was character said some sort of expletive, but all of them were muted out, but, the camera would zoom in on their face as they said it.
Another horrible movie was "Minotaur." It was "let's keep part of the myth intact, but fuck everything else" movie. The main character spends the whole movie looking for his girlfriend who was kidnapped the year previous. Oh, and there is a Minotaur which he is "destined" to kill, and he is in its subterranian cave.
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There are a lot of slasher movies on this list.
But...this movie is the worst:
Solaris. With George Clooney.
It was about fucking doorknobs and shit.
So horrid.
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"Sahara" was indeed a grand perversion. The original "Raise the Titanic!", from what I remember of it as I was only five-ish, at least had them blowing the ship off the bottom. Think they forgot the Russians, though.
That said, Aliens: Resurrection currently tops my list of terrible films, closely followed by Beloved.
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I have to say that I must be lucky. I've seen hardly any of this movies on this thread, yay me...
With that said:
Any movie with Chris Farley in it is just so fucking horrible... I want to kick my non-exisitent nads.
Basically any sequel to any movie in the vast genre of 'horror'... name one good one and I'll name 12, or more, depending my mood.
And now for the specifics:
The Pride and Prejudice movie... the one with Keira Knightly, everything was just wrong... guess I was spoiled by the mini-series.
And Blood and Chocolate, it may have been good if I wasn't completely in love with the novel it was 'based' on. But, I did love the soundtrack, go figure.
There's a lot more, but the list is too long.
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Basically any sequel to any movie in the vast genre of 'horror'... name one good one
Aliens (sequel to Alien)
The Revenge of Frankenstein, 1959 (Sequel to The Curse of Frankenstein 1957)
The Brides of Dracula, 1960 (Sequel to The Horror of Dracula, 1958)
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Any movie on the SciFi channel during the weekends is usually the worst. However, i cannot stop myself from watching....
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Sunshine
After watching Event Horizon again recently I realized that they're almost the exact same movie....except Event Horizon didn't suck as much.
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Well, those two have their small differences, but one is more of a horror movie and the other is more of a drama. I personally liked Sunshine more, actually. It made me feel more for the crew and their troubles than Event Horizon. Which was pretty fucking creepy. In a good way.
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I haven't seen Event Horizon, but I didn't think Sunshine was that bad. Not amazing by any means, but still not horrible.
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There's that Phantom of the Opera movie.
With Julian Sands.
You know which one I'm talking about.
With the rats.
Fantasma, or something.
It was so bad I died a little inside.
Julian Sands eats kittens.
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that Phantom movie nearly broke my heart with its complete bad...ness.
ugh.
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There are a lot of slasher movies on this list.
But...this movie is the worst:
Solaris. With George Clooney.
It was about fucking doorknobs and shit.
So horrid.
OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS MOVIE. I should hate you for reminding me that it exists, but now I remember that this is in fact the worst movie ever. It's worse than "The Hotel New Hampshire", a recently watched terrible favorite, but that movie is at least (accidentally) hilarious. "Solaris" was the most fucking boring movie on the face fo the earth. Good lord.
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Basically any sequel to any movie in the vast genre of 'horror'... name one good one
Aliens (sequel to Alien)
The Revenge of Frankenstein, 1959 (Sequel to The Curse of Frankenstein 1957)
The Brides of Dracula, 1960 (Sequel to The Horror of Dracula, 1958)
Hey... I didn't say that there weren't any... I just said that there are tons more lackluster sequels compared to the few gems in the pile. But if you want me to name the 36 or more for the challenge I presented... I can.
The problem is that this filmmakers happen to do well with a particular movie (or not, in some cases) so they try to bank on it by spewing out a ridiculous amount of sequels... aren't there over 9 Friday the 13th sequels? One including Jason in frikkin outer space???
Anyways, all I'm saying is that horror (I'm using the term generally) can't get the respect it should get because of all the bad apples.
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Hell, the rest of the movies in those arcs are either candidates for "really bad movie", or "lackluster effort", or "did they have pictures of you performing unnatural acts with reptiles to get you to do this?" I actually did have to rack my brain for a while to get decent sequels other than Aliens. The saving grace for the other films was Peter Cushing.
I agree that sequels are generally of lesser quality than the original, and that horror flicks tend to spawn some really bad sequels - the Firday the 13th films are an excellent example, but comedy also has its bastard step children - "The Police Academy" series (the first one was OK, then they made 6 sequels using the exact same formula, and fewer people that could act to the level of a high school drama club each time....)
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Maybe it's a little too new for anyone to have see it, but Teeth was one of the most god awful movies I have ever watched....
....It's about a good christian girl who learns that her vagina has teeth....
....and uses them to castrate multiple men....
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That suspiciously sounds like a movie you should have said, "That's the stupidest concept for a movie I've heard in a long time. I think that I would rather enjoy the intellectual stimulation and fine acting of a Paris Hilton movie though..."
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Maybe it's a little too new for anyone to have see it, but Teeth was one of the most god awful movies I have ever watched....
....It's about a good christian girl who learns that her vagina has teeth....
....and uses them to castrate multiple men....
Am I the only person who thinks that that sounds awesome?
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Actually....That sounds like an amazingly hilarious movie. But I've heard about it from someone else before but I can't remember who. But I remember wanting to really see it then too.....and they pretty much described it in the exact same way.
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Oh I just remembered, Alien Vs. Hunter. Watch this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLePMOi7Jiw)
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It might sound like a hilarious movie, but in fact it just falls under the category of just plain bad. There are some portions that are so bad it's funny (you can even play the game "find the blatantly obvious vagina imagery"), but for the most part it's just bad.
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Teeth has made its way to my list of movies I just have to see some day.
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Teeth has made its way to my list of movies I just have to see some day.
Oh man, that looks like a real good movie. Vagina+teeth=The scariest movie to come out in decades.
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I get the wierd feeling I enjoyed Solaris, but I remember feeling stoned when I was coming out of the cinema with my cousin.
Event Horizon is one of those few worst movies that had to be seen a third time before I enjoyed it.
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They better not be. I think they mean the Clooney remake.
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Clooney remake, don't worry.
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Maybe it's a little too new for anyone to have see it, but Teeth was one of the most god awful movies I have ever watched....
....It's about a good christian girl who learns that her vagina has teeth....
....and uses them to castrate multiple men....
Funny, Teeth has been getting awesome critical acclaim among the horror industry.
I just remembered once time the Gimli Film Festival(hosted in my home town of Gimli, Manitoba, Canada. Not named after the dwarf of Tolkien fame) decided to have a bad and obscure Canadian horror night. The two films shown were The Corpse Eaters and the John Mikl Thor masterpiece Rock and Roll Nightmare.
Corpse eaters was a rather short, black and white zombie movie, where the dumb jock archetype character decides to impress his friends with a party trick his uncle taught him that involves satanic chanting(he just chants different names of the devil) and raising the dead. Good hokey fun.
Rock and Roll Nightmare however... oh man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXYzxiS3KrY&hl=en
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Jumper was just plain awful.
So many things about it were wrong. In Japan, they drove on the RIGHT side of the road, and the shot of them coming out of the subway was just Times Square with the signs translated into Japanese. Not to mention the terrible plot, bad acting, and the fact that the flamethrower looked like someone had held up a match to a can of Axe, and had edited a gun over it.
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Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare.........jesus christ that clip was terribly funny....but much more on the terrible side.
Jumper. Are you sure that the Japan stuff wasn't Japan? They made a HUGE deal about how they filmed pretty much everything on location and how they were actually flying all across the world to make this movie. That being said the girl from the OC and Anakin Skywalker? ewwww.
And I'm DEFINITELY seeing Teeth. RT gave it 80% and I'm reading most of the reviews and.....I'm seeing this film. One guy says it's better than Saw and Hostel.
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I hate Tim Burton movies with a passion...with a passion...
The only thing I like about Tim Burton is the fact that he made the Planet of the Apes remake, because when I meet his little fan boys/fan girls who, like mutts, wait for Burton to throw down whatever measly scraps of rotten food to them so he can delight in seeing them heartily devour the putrid filth, I can take the much indulgent pleasure of bringing up Planet of the Apes: the one scrap of said putrid filth they couldn't manage to choke down.
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Jumper. Are you sure that the Japan stuff wasn't Japan? They made a HUGE deal about how they filmed pretty much everything on location and how they were actually flying all across the world to make this movie. That being said the girl from the OC and Anakin Skywalker? ewwww.
It was. Everything was shot on location and that is why Jumper is a way better movie than say, Indiana Jones 4. It makes a huge difference.
Hayden Christensen isn't a bad actor! I was surprised! He has been in some good movies and done a fantastic job on them. I recently found out that he was told by George Lucas NOT to act in the star wars prequels, which is really interesting.
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I hate Tim Burton movies with a passion...with a passion...
The only thing I like about Tim Burton is the fact that he made the Planet of the Apes remake, because when I meet his little fan boys/fan girls who, like mutts, wait for Burton to throw down whatever measly scraps of rotten food to them so he can delight in seeing them heartily devour the putrid filth, I can take the much indulgent pleasure of bringing up Planet of the Apes: the one scrap of said putrid filth they couldn't manage to choke down.
I really liked that film actually. I like most of Burton's stuff. I mean, at least he's consistent, I've never walked out of a Burton film disappointed because he pretty much always delivers what you expect, ie: vaguely dark, kind of gothic and reasonably amusing. Sure it's usually tripe, but it's entertaining tripe. If you're looking to Burton expecting some semblance of high cinema, well I think you might be at best watching the wrong film and at worst a total moron. I'm going to be optimistic about this and hope it's the former.
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I wouldn't mind Tim Burton so much if he actually made an original film. Ever since Nightmare before Christmas, all he does is draw from the proverbial well of remakes and fodder for goth tweens. Seriously, in the six films he directed since Mars Attacks back in '96, four of them are remakes: Sweeney Todd, Planet of the Apes, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Sleepy Hollow. And now, he's remaking himself with Frankenweenie! You already made it Tim, you don't need to make it again. What was his mindset for doing this: "Damn it, there aren't any more films to remake any more. I know! I'll remake myself! But which film? Corpse Bride? Nah, too recent...I know! Frankenweenie! About five people saw that back in 1984, they'll never know!" Well, Timmy-Boy, you may fool the thirteen year old Goths, but you can't fool me!
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Back on topic, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls was just awful. The acting wasn't bad, and the characters had good chemistry, it's just that the plot was the most awful thing in the movies this year.
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It was Indiana Jones.
Frankly, the prior two had sort of dumb plots when you actually think about it, and nothing has been plausible since the very very first one.
That's the whole point of them. They're good American fun, and not meant to be taken seriously. In the Great Time of Absence, people forgot what Indiana Jones was.
Silly.
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No, it's all about the suspension of disbelief. I could suspend my disbelief for the first two and most of the third one because they were engrossing. This one didn't make me believe it at all.
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Neil Gaiman said, I think it was about Indy. J., that you not only needed to suspend your disbelief, but tie it up and lock it in a closet as well.
He's exactly right. I had no problem suspending disbelief, but I'm easily involved.
Indy is one of my favourite heros, even if they made a fifth one and it was the most awful thing in the world, I would love it. I was weened on that stuff.
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Don't get me wrong, I'd see the fifth one even if it was Indy and the Search for the Golden Depends, but it just wasn't a good movie. I expect to own it on DVD when it comes out.
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I agree with what jill said/says.
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Indy and the Search for the Golden Depends
That made me LOL.
Not a quiet chuckle.
A long, long guffaw.
I still am.
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I noticed the terrible CG in Indy. Particularly the ants. And the monkeys. Still and all, I was able to enjoy the movie. Except for Last Crusade, which I can't recall pushing the envelope, new-effects-wise, the Indy movies have had pretty awful effects. Remember the end of Ark, when a guy's face melted off? (Spoiler warning? Blow.) However, you'd expect CG to be mature enough (16 years old) that you wouldn't really notice it any more, because it's just gotten that good. :shrug: I think you'll just have to expect that any film with Lucas involved will have some suck liberally poured on top of it and you'll just have to hope that the awesome of others will shine through that coating of suck.
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I noticed the terrible CG in Indy. Particularly the ants. And the monkeys. Still and all, I was able to enjoy the movie. Except for Last Crusade, which I can't recall pushing the envelope, new-effects-wise, the Indy movies have had pretty awful effects. Remember the end of Ark, when a guy's face melted off? (Spoiler warning? Blow.) However, you'd expect CG to be mature enough (16 years old) that you wouldn't really notice it any more, because it's just gotten that good. :shrug: I think you'll just have to expect that any film with Lucas involved will have some suck liberally poured on top of it and you'll just have to hope that the awesome of others will shine through that coating of suck.
NOT THE PRAIRIE DOGS?!?
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I noticed the terrible CG in Indy. Particularly the ants. And the monkeys. Still and all, I was able to enjoy the movie. Except for Last Crusade, which I can't recall pushing the envelope, new-effects-wise, the Indy movies have had pretty awful effects. Remember the end of Ark, when a guy's face melted off? (Spoiler warning? Blow.) However, you'd expect CG to be mature enough (16 years old) that you wouldn't really notice it any more, because it's just gotten that good. :shrug: I think you'll just have to expect that any film with Lucas involved will have some suck liberally poured on top of it and you'll just have to hope that the awesome of others will shine through that coating of suck.
NOT THE PRAIRIE DOGS?!?
The prarie dogs are what made that movie tolerable.
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i am probably the only person ever who didn't like juno but ellen page really pisses me off. the whole movie just reeked of 'indie' so that people who think they are 'indie' because they like garden state and little miss sunshine (which was actually a pretty damn good movie) and listen to the shins would buy into it. i just didn't see how it was supposed to be clever.
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I didn't like it much, either. I won't say it's horrible, but a lot of it felt forced, and a bit pretentious.
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I enjoyd Juno, but I'm not sure why so many media people like to call the character Juno really smart. She's snarky and doesn't seem to have any sort of filter between her mouth and her brain, but by that standard 4chan is filled with geniuses.
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Three words:
The Gingerdead Man
Yes, I said it. I just had to expand my repertoire of abominable yet insanely hilarious horror flicks. If you want a good laugh at bad acting, horrible plot, and a movie that literally leaves you questioning everything the characters do, see this. I think in the special features interviews, it's just Gary Busey crying for a half an hour.
Yes, I'm new.
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I dont know if these had been mentioned but i must say
Fuck;
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, this was regurgitation from Hell binding with every worst Sci-Fi movie ever (Doesn't have Ben Affleck)
Wild Wild West, first movie with Will Smith I have ever wanted my money back
Hancock, this was the second I felt cheated when it died half way through
The Hulk (2003), worst comic book movie to date
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Oh dude, I will totally fight you for Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. I loved that movie when it came out, saw it in theatres, and I've seen it again recently and I still enjoy it. So what if it's not like Cloud or whatever....I still thought it was great (except for Ben Affleck).
Hancock wasn't terrible. It was totally entertaining. It wasn't amazing and it totally suffered from an identity crisis less than halfway through, but still a quite entertaining film.
Has Eddie Murphy made a good film in the past like...8 years?
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Has Eddie Murphy made a good film in the past like...8 years?
The Shrek series? Really, that's all I could find in his filmography, 2000 or after, that looks okay.
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The Hulk (2003), worst comic book movie to date
Batman and Robin - much worse than The Hulk
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I don't know man... The Hulk (2003) was probably the worst thing I've ever seen, and I've seen some pretty terrible stuff man.
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I can forgive The Hulk its flaws on account of Sam Elliott's acting.
Batman and Robin did not have anything to make me give any forgiveness.
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Point, ok, I now agree with you. BATMAN AND ROBIN WAS THE MOST TERRIBLE MOVIE EVER.
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Not saying it was the worst movie ever, but's up there (Hulk 2003 was no masterpiece either)
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What movie had the worst ending do you think?
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Revenge of the Sith had a very unsatisfying ending. I mean, I know that Anakin's gotta become Darth, but the aftermath of the fight just left me cold. No real warrior would shirk the last office of friend, and leave a former comrade still alive, but with massive burns, 2 missing legs and a missing hand - that's just waaay to cold.
That and Darth's really emo response killed what had been up to the fight between Obiwan and Anakin, a pretty decent flick.
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Manos the Hands of Fate
This Island Earth
Batman and Robin (agreed)
Spiderman 3
Garfield
Oh, man, there are so many.
One with an ending I didn't like so much was No Country for Old Men.
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No Country For Old Men's ending works a million times better in novel format. The same can be said for The Constant Gardener....good movie but a MUCH better novel. Oh....Garfield was pretty damn horrible....I totally forgot all about it, I would also like to nominate the second Garfield, Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties.
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Garfield was probably worse of a mistake than i was. Yes, I just insulted myself.
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It's so easy to name off bad movies. Someone should make a mediocre movie thread. Now that's a tough one.
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Mediocre is easy; you could do that just by randomly poking around IMDB, or heck, even this thread. For example, I'd put just about all of the previously mentioned Will Smith vehicles in the mediocre category, with the exception the famously schizophrenic in tone Wild Wild West. I can't stand Independence Day either, since it breaks the record for most cliches per minute and exists solely as a blatant crowd pleaser, but apparently people find it entertaining and pretty enough to disagree with me. Qualifying for mediocre really only requires enough competence to keep everyone from utterly hating you.
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We can also put all Keanu Reeves movies into the mediocre category. Constantine falls into terrible along with that stupid "romance" drama he made with Sandra Bullock. A Scanner Darkly and The First Matrix movies are acceptable (matrix is kinda boring now though)
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Yeah, Matrix is boring now, but when i first saw that movie it blew me the fuck away.
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Has Eddie Murphy made a good film in the past like...8 years?
Mulan, Eddie Murphy voiced the dragon, to my mind his third best film...
(Kudos to anyone getting that reference.)
On the topic of mediocre films, I saw 30 Days of Night on DVD last night, and whilst it wasn't terrible, it just left me with a massive sense of "meh". Although I did appreciate the fact they were trying something new with the vampire genre.
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Mulan came out in the 90s.
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Manos the Hands of Fate
This Island Earth
Batman and Robin (agreed)
Spiderman 3
Garfield
Oh, man, there are so many.
One with an ending I didn't like so much was No Country for Old Men.
This Island Earth was used in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie which made it into one of the funnier movies i have seen
Also i think U Turn was just horrible
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(http://www.dropsdeanis.org/fotos_filmes/%7B6B8F9BBD-1FB9-465A-BA51-F4DA1092DECC%7D_pearl-harbor-poster02.jpg)
The first one that came to my mind when I read "terrible movies".
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Ben Affleck must be prevented from "acting", he has all the emotional range of my desk. And quite honestly, so can Liv Tyler, she's not even great eye candy.
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The best thing Ben Affleck ever did was get rid of J-Lo and stop acting. Gone, Baby, Gone is absolutely incredible and Affleck already showed us that he's incredibly talented with Good Will Hunting. All the guy needs to do is realize that he can be so succesful writing screenplays and directing, not looking like an idiot in front of the camera.
Liv Tyler.....she was good as Arwen but....The Strangers? come on.
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His chin looks like a butt.
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I Loved Juno-- she's intelligent, not a genius perse but I think she was smarter than your average teenager.
Yeah, i liked Juno but the parts of the soundtrack that involved Kimya Dawson were god fucking damn annoying.
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Contact
Banger Sisters
Idoicracy
Millions
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Teeth has made its way to my list of movies I just have to see some day.
I'm probably watching it this week. I've been meaning to for a while.
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Over the last two nights I've been watching Nosferatu and The Phantom of the Opera (silent version with Lon Chaney). Both are actually good movies, decently paced, well shot and well acted. My problem is that someone decided that both would be much better if they had a soundtrack that played contemporary music (some band called O Positive in the case of Nosferatu) taht completely detracted from the experience.
Next time I'm hitting the "mute" button on the TV and watching them the way they were intended to be.
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I recently saw a film I had been wanting to see, Meet Bill. It had Aaron Eckhardt, Jessica Alba, and Elizabeth Banks. I thought the plot looked good, and the trailer won me over, but, the movie sucked.
It had a few moments, but overall the movie was predictible. Jessica Alba got second billing for absolutely nothing, she was just a pretty face in a couple of scenes. Hell, I prefer Liz Banks over her, why couldn't we get a better actress?
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I don't think Jessica Alba has EVER had a role that called for serious acting ability. She's only ever been eye candy and that's about all she's good at.
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Rambo (The new one, not the old ones.)
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Although I can see how someone could like it.)
Although this one really doesn't count, Bruce and Lloyd: Out of Control
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Hellboy was fuckin' great.
I think I'll make a list of every shitty movie I have ever seen.
The Ring 2
The Grudge
Dark Harvest 2
Saw
Saw II
Saw III
Saw IV
Scary Movie 1-4
Cars
Robots
Boogeyman
Marie Antoinette
Van Wilder
Date Movie
Wedding Crashers
Failure To Launch
Love Don't Cost A Thing
Big Momma's House
Catwoman
Alone In The Dark
The Master Of Disguise
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The dialogue ruined Hellboy for me. Not going to say any spoilers, but the scene in the auction house was just amazingly horrible in almost every way except for monster design. The rest of the movie pretty much unfolded the same way (Good monsters, bad everything else). I much preferred the first Hellboy. However, I can see how someone could like it. Just not me.
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House of the Dead - you could never show me a film that is worse, more embarrassing or more pathetic. It feels like it was made up on the spot, like - "Oh how are we going to do this guy's death scene?"
- "I got it! Let's have the zombies come at him, then he stares into the distance and the screen turns red! Like blood! Then we cut to video game footage to fill space. Brilliant"
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Sea Ghost. It's just wretched. Cheap Canadian sci-fi with CG that is laugh-out-loud terrible.
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Has Eddie Murphy made a good film in the past like...8 years?
Mulan, Eddie Murphy voiced the dragon, to my mind his third best film...
(Kudos to anyone getting that reference.)
On the topic of mediocre films, I saw 30 Days of Night on DVD last night, and whilst it wasn't terrible, it just left me with a massive sense of "meh". Although I did appreciate the fact they were trying something new with the vampire genre.
at least the vampires were bad in that one (weren't they?)
i am so damn sick of "good vampires."
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I think I'll make a list of every shitty movie I have ever seen.
Saw I-IV
Scary Movie 1-4
In both of those cases why if you know that movies I and II were crap did you put yourself through III and IV.
I watched Phantom Menace last night for the first time since I was 12. I was determined to go into it with an open mind, due to the fact that I remember it being not so bad when I was a kid, and I didn't want to just be swayed what as far as I knew was a case of "its new therefore it can't be as good as the old ones."
Holy hell it was terrible. I'll ignore the annoying little kid, and the super annoying fuck stain that was Jar Jar Binks and all of the 'clumsiness saves the day' that comes with him, the confusion caused trying to figure out when the queen was in her royal makeup and when she was playing handmaiden, the fact that there was a democratically elected queen who was about 17, the fact that said 17 year old was being hit on by a 9 year old and the fact that I doubt one shot went by when there wasn't a CGI effect - because what I consider to be the worst part of the film is that they managed to make yoda look worse than he did 19 years beforehand.
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As to Boondock Saints, it's hot boys with Irish accents and guns. A snarky, gay Willem DeFoe is just icing on the cake. What's not to love? ;)
My main problem with Indy 4 was the fridge scene. Everything else was just good fun. Also, Harrison Ford is hot.
For the title of "Worst Movie Ever" I nominate:
Eragon. Poor Jeremy Irons should learn to stay away from "epic" fantasy films... he was just about the only actor in the entire movie who actually tried. Other than him, the only redeeming quality about the film was that Garrett Hedlund was in it for the last fifteen minutes or so. Mmm, AngstyEmoHot!
The Happening. I am honestly surprised no one has mentioned this yet. I can't even think of one good thing to say about this piece of garbage.
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I will give almost any sequel a chance if I am not spending money on it or wasting any effort on watching it. I can always just get up and walk away if the movie is terrible.
As far as Scary Movie goes, I haven't seen 4, but I know it is probably terrible.
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Over the last two nights I've been watching Nosferatu and The Phantom of the Opera (silent version with Lon Chaney). Both are actually good movies, decently paced, well shot and well acted. My problem is that someone decided that both would be much better if they had a soundtrack that played contemporary music (some band called O Positive in the case of Nosferatu) taht completely detracted from the experience.
Next time I'm hitting the "mute" button on the TV and watching them the way they were intended to be.
Dude...I totally have the Kino version of Nosferatu with the actual symphony composition that was originally used for it...it's pretty damn sweet. I also have the Phantom of the Opera...with Lon Chaney...and it has music by the Switchblade Symphony....whoever the heck they are. I haven't actually watched it yet...but I'll get around to it soon.
Oh and the new Rambo film is being used as propaganda by the rebels in Burma. If that doesn't scare the living shit out of you I don't know what will.....That movie was so bad...I felt sick watching it, Stallone should learn when to leave something the hell alone.
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okay I had completely avoided Blues Brothers 2000 until tonight, but it randomly came on AMC and I wasn't paying much attention, so I let it play.
CHRISTING FUCK WHY WAS THIS MOVIE MADE OH MY GOD IT'S JOHN POPPER WHAT THE SERIOUS HOLY FUCKING FUCK IS THIS PIGFUCKING SHIT *FRANTICALLY INSERTS DVD*
no really.
why, people. why.
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The original Blues Brothers is my favourite film of all time. I refuse to watch Blues Brothers 2000 and will not acknowledge its existence past this.
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The level of quality between the original Blues Brothers and 2000 is infinitely large.
I mean, I had heard it was bad, but I had no idea. I feel like I've been touched in an inappropriate way.
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Blues Brothers 2000
wat
only one blues brothers.
? ? ?
The Hulk (2003), worst comic book movie to date
Catwoman sez hai. Meow.
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Catwoman sez hai. Meow.
I'm gonna have to go with Blade Trinity. I loved the first two, but the third was such a joke.
I feel like I've already said this in this thread before. Oh well, I tend to block BT from memory anyway.
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Hmmmm.... I can forgive blade 3 for the jessica biel ness and catwoman gets + funny points for beauty cream + sharon stone = body made of stone = irony. I can forgive 2003 Hulk for Jennifer Connelly.
I am in a forgiving mood today, curse you coffee
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But, I'm a cheerleader
I know, it's supposed to be like this young-n-gay social scene staple, but if I wanted to be smashed upside the head with blatant use of color to mean things, I'd go find one of those 80's era school films about the visible light spectrum. I mean, jeez! All the girls have to wear pink. All the boys have to wear blue. All the boring people have to wear brown. The whole thing is like a crayon box vomited onto celluloid, and I don't mean one of those cool, giant, 200+ color jumbo boxes of crayons. No, just a basic 12 color box of crayons is all you get throughout the entire movie. This movie is visually atrocious.
Only reason a gay guy or a straight girl would want to watch this movie: Eddie Cibrian masturbating a rake handle.
Only reason a straight guy or a gay girl would want to watch this movie: Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall getting it on.
Oh, and RuPaul in boy clothes.
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I just watched Postal. It was Uve Boll. I liked it. Quick someone check Hell, see if they are skiing down there.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
P.S. The part where Boll is playing himself and he's talking about Natzi gold and erections in front of children was hilarious if only cause thats what everyones opinion of him was already.
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Darkness Falls....
The Strangers also made me laugh so hard I cried.
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Oh, yeah...Darkness Falls. I remember watching that, and me and my friends actually counted down to when someone was gonna get suddenly deaded. We were consistently right on every goddamn frame, is was that easy.
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I have a theory, where every movie M. Night Shyamalalalallaalalalalalan makes is the worst movie ever, until his next one.
Under this theory, The Happening is currently the worst movie ever, barely edging out Lady in the Water.
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Basically most things by Uwe Boll.
The video-game-to-film niche has already been partially ruined with B-grade shit like his.
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That's not even B-Grade. It's like a C-minus grade but with a much larger budget. Like, his movies are equivalent to those made with a camcorder from the late-90's and a budget of less than 10,000$.
Hide and Creep>Alone In The Dark>Motocross Zombies From Hell.
That first one had a budget of maybe 25,000$, tops.
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I have a theory, where every movie M. Night Shyamalalalallaalalalalalan makes is the worst movie ever, until his next one.
Under this theory, The Happening is currently the worst movie ever, barely edging out Lady in the Water.
I don't know, I think M. Night Shalamar's stuff largely fits into the mediocre bracket, The Sixth Sense is good, Unbreakable is pretty damn underrated and Signs isn't without it's merits, everything since, yeah terrible but I wouldn't go as far as worst movies ever.
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I know i'm gonna get a barracking for this but i thought Juno majorly sucked balls. The only redeeming factor was its soundtrack.
Michael Cera can't f***ing act. His face seems to be frozen in that same one gormless pose no matter what hes doing and everything else was so clichéd i wanted to gouge my eyes out with a spatula so i had some pain to distract me from the awful acting.
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I watched about 20 minutes of it and changed the channel...you're not alone. I couldn't stand the script, or most of the characters outside of Juno's dad.
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The only redeeming factor was its soundtrack.
FULL TIME LOVER AND A PART TIME FRIE-HEND
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If I was one of the artists who had contributed to that soundtrack and i watched the film i probably would've at least asked for all credits to be removed so there is no direct association.
At most i probably would've hunted down the studio execs and forced them to do it, torture or otherwise. :-P
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As long as we're playing the 'what if' game, I would've gone back in time and changed my contract to a share of the profits.
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A.I. is probably the worst movie I've ever seen and the only one where I've walked out of the cinema half way through.
I think The Graduate was really disapointing. Hardly anything happens through most of it and it makes no sense. One minute the Mr Robinson is telling the kid to go and have some flings and then later on he's demanding that the guy goes out with his daughter despite the fact he does nothing except hang around his parents pool all day.
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...
That was probably the last decent film Spielberg's made. But if you also didn't like The Graduate, I guess you wouldn't have realized that. No offense.
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A couple of weeks ago, I felt bother utterly annoyed and ashamed as I watched a movie called "Hell Ride" with my father. Annoyed because I wasted my time watching it, and ashamed since I was pretty much tricked into watching by the magic words "Quentin Tarantino" in the cover. It seems that just having Tarantino as the movie's executive producer does not automatically make it good! Who would've thought it!
Seriously, whereas movies with similar gimmick (modern take on B-movies), such as "Deathproof" or "Planet Terror", were delicious cakes with that gimmick as the chocolate covering , "Hell Ride" is a burnt, cruel imitation of a cake with covering made of some outdated brown thing that may or may not be chocolate.
Of course, there is one thing that may be counted as positive: if you like watching topless women, and don't want to watch actual porn for some reason, this is the film for you! Or, well, parts of the film are for you!
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Howard the Duck
Popeye
GI Jane
Bad Boys II
Useless piles of Hollywood crap all. Major and pure suckage. I actually felt pain in my chest during the first three of them. Ugh.
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Oh man, you guys..
GOING OVERBOARD
Is the best film ever made because once you realise you've sat down and seen all ninety minutes of it, you can sit through anything
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I'm watching Shakes the Clown right now, and its so bad I feel physically ill.
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Howard the Duck?? It was suppose to be horrible...
What I can't understand is the lack of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean beyond Terminator 1 and possibly 2 he has been crap. Stunk up the 80s with pure garbage. Conan the Barbarian, Red Sonja, The Running Man, Twins all crap. Only thing saving Total Recall was the 3 titted prostitute.
Outside of him I have to seriously agree I HATED ALEXANDER!! So who's idea was it to take one of history's greatest generals of all time and make a movie about him eye fucking his chamber dude. Ya i get it he might of been gay but so was pretty much everybody back then. He conquered the World dammit let me see some fighting. I actually waited with some buddies till the bitter end thinking ok I know its been bad but hey maybe they will show some fighting soon...ya i felt robbed and brain raped.
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Conan the Barbarian, crap.
I will find a way to kill you over the internet and fuck your corpse with a dildo bike. I haven't figured out the details yet, but I can guarantee that it will happen eventually.
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Not only does he hate Conan the Barbarian, he seems to be thinking that T1 is better than T2.
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I haven't actually seen Terminator, so I ain't judging that statement. But the man dissed Conan, and that's probably the easiest way to get on my bad side. No reasoning, either, just an offhand comment.
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wait...Conan was good? I went to a midnight showing of this recently and seriously if it wasn't for the copious amounts of alcohol being served I would have walked out. T-1 great T-2 raping the 80's early 90's seriously if i had to hear him say Hasta la vista baby or No problemo ever again I will shove your dildo bike into my own skull saving you the trip.
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Yeah, it was probably the only movie he's actually been any good in. Mostly because he doesn't speak unless it's necessary. And he doesn't have any retarded lines. I would even go so far as to say it was the best high fantasy movie of the 80's. Granted, there weren't a lot of good ones back then, but I would watch that over Return of the King or what have you any day.
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Conan the Barbarian as a movie is kind of a Platonic ideal of the lunkheaded swords and sorcery genre. It's not a great movie by any means, but if you like that sort of thing to begin with, it becomes hard to find ways to suggest improvements. Making the damned thing more sophisticated somehow is kind of missing the whole point.
As far as T2 goes, it was a good movie. It was a good role for Arnold because a certain amount of awkwardness in doing anything but moving around and looking huge has a certain logic to it within the context of the film.
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I'm not saying it's sophisticated. But I'll be damned if it wasn't fucking fantastic.
As a side note, it also has one of the best orchestral soundtracks ever.
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Yeah, it was probably the only movie he's actually been any good in. Mostly because he doesn't speak unless it's necessary. And he doesn't have any retarded lines. I would even go so far as to say it was the best high fantasy movie of the 80's. Granted, there weren't a lot of good ones back then, but I would watch that over Return of the King or what have you any day.
Not sure what you mean by "high fantasy" but here are some of my favorites from the 80's
Willow
Labyrinth (ya i know its horrible)
Dark Crystal
Clash of the Titans (someone mentioned this earlier as being a bad movie but fuck them they know nothing)
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I will give t-2 credit for some of the coolest special effects ever in a movie even to this day...
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You forgot Legend.
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i considered but just because of Tom Cruise's stink in that movie i had to leave it out. But yeah the Devil is the coolest villian of the 80's.
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Yeah, see, that's the thing. I don't really consider Arnold an actor. The guy is more like a living special effect. His best roles leverage his build and leave the rest by the wayside. I guess your mileage may vary, but I didn't think Arnold talked enough in T2 for his performance to really get in the way of the film for me.
And honestly, those 4 films aren't really any less ridiculous than Conan the Barbarian. I also was the one who listed Clash, by the way. I personally like the film, but it's not really defensible on any level and the fact that it was Laurence Olivier's last role is kind of sad.
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I guess Clash cuz i was a big Greek Mythology nerd growing up. And man stop-motion monsters are just cooler imo. I guess im just hating on Arnold cuz your right in silliness Labyrinth is way up there.
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Yeah, I cut Arnold some slack since it's not like he was helping submarine big budget period pieces. You know, like Colin Farrel in Alexander.
Christ, what an awful film.
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Yeah, see, Conan is better than all of those.
Willow, while a decent flick for having so many midgets, is a bit...saccharine. Good, but it felt really contrived.
Labyrinth, while weird as fuck and has cool sets, has David Bowie in spandex kidnapping kids. Again, not bad, but a little sketchy.
Dark Crystal, while totally awesome on acid, is a little difficult to make sense out of sober. Really good, but leaves important story details out (where did those stilt-things come from?).
Clash of the Titans is Clash of the Titans. I think that's more of the kind of sword and sorcery flick that Alex is talking about.
Conan, on the other hand, every shot and frame is an ideal depiction of some aspect of high fantasy. Crucified on the Tree of Woe == our hero's greatest struggle is with himself and the birds. Inspecting the tomb == a discovery of some place so ancient and secret that to speak would be the worst sin. I'm not saying it was intentionally as good as it was, or sophisticated. I just see it as the best possible combination of fantasy...tropes, if you will. I don't even like fantasy all that much. Outside of the ones Aurjay mentioned (haven't seen Legend), a handful of modern ones (Lord of the Rings is kind of close to this idealized fantasy, but Jackson needs to stop using slo-mo so much, and the Elven was hard to swallow), and this one I don't recall but it involved a kid with a book who went to a fantasy land (not The Pagemaster, it wasn't animated) and there were fish with razors on their backs at some point, most of it is pretty bad.
I will posit that perhaps Aurjay is mistakenly thinking of Conan the Destroyer, because that was god-fucking-awful.
Four new posts: yeah, Alexander was pretty stinky.
Also, completely agree with Alex. Arnie is not an actor, he is kind of just a force of nature type of person (or he was back then). Which is what Conan was. He only says five lines to his love interest in the entire movie, when they first met while both were robbing the tower. Not when he was revived, and certainly not while they were having sex. He has maybe 100 lines in the entire movie. All of his costars were developing his character for him.
Edit: crap it's late. I'll get back to this tomorrow.
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I think their should a whole thread to just how awful that movie was. What pissed me off the most was my high hopes for it. Angelina Jolie who is hit or miss but always hot and then Colin Farel who was good in "Phone Booth" and Val Kimer who usually is always good had me thinking it would be great. But Fuck man all 3 failed horribly. "In Bruges" got Colin off my shit list. Val is still on it. And Angelina was hot again in "Wanted" so I forgot why I was even mad at her.
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Alexander would have been the funniest movie of the year, were it not so goddamn boring.
Also, RE: 80s fantasy kid with book, The Neverending Story?
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The Neverending Story is the one i think your talking about where the kid is reading a book and gets transported to a Fantasy world.
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No. This one had fish with razors on their backs. It ripped off of like, Willow and Neverending Story. Kid had an adult helper who looked vaguely liked Val Kilmer but it wasn't him. And the villain had the threats Wesley makes to Humperdink in Princess Bride more or less afflicted upon her, which they show.
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My top 3 worst movies: Troll 2, Cool as Ice, and Robocop 3.
Why frank miller, why?
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Highlander: The Source
I'd say that it's worse than Highlander 2, but since that movie doesn't exist, let me put it this way: It's as if the director was trying to make an homage to Uwe Boll. And failed.
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All the Cube films.
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Meet the Spartans. ugggghhh, there aren't enough mind wipes in the world to get rid of the dirty.
The fourth Indiana Jones. Freaking aliens? What the hell Lucas\Spielberg, what the hell.
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This thread has made me curious about Alexander. At least it has Dawson naked. Hopefully it's just three hours of people talking. I never really liked big war sort of action sequences, too muddled.
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Alexander: Bad enough that it would have been the funniest film of the year, were it not so godawfully boring.
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Just for comparisons sake what's everyone's feelings of Gerry? II found that really exciting and most people I know thought it was an overly long bore.
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hoo boy, I can honestly say the worst movies I've seen recently consist of The Mummy 3 and In the Name of the King.
Mummy 3? What were they thinking? Were they trying to shoehorn every Asian culture into one movie? Football-playing yetis? the ritual that made Jet Li immortal? *HEADDESK* I actually walked out of the movie. My friend with garbage movie taste said it got better "ten minutes after I left." I saw it with my uncle a few months later. It did not. I have to kill Brendan Fraser now, and it's all that movie's fault.
As for "In the Name of the King..." it was directed by Uwe Boll. 'Nuff said.
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Popeye
Useless piles of Hollywood crap all. Major and pure suckage. I actually felt pain in my chest during the first three of them. Ugh.
Popeye is incredibly far from being a typical Hollywood movie. If you feel that it is anything like a normal blockbuster film, you must have been watching a different movie than the one I saw. It's unlike any film I've ever seen, beautifully shot and incredibly funny. I enjoyed it immensely. Watch it again without the preconception that it'll be terrible. For some reason people have decided it's bad without watching it, and it makes no sense.
I think The Graduate was really disapointing. Hardly anything happens through most of it and it makes no sense. One minute the Mr Robinson is telling the kid to go and have some flings and then later on he's demanding that the guy goes out with his daughter despite the fact he does nothing except hang around his parents pool all day.
You just have shitty taste, and were obviously not following the movie very closely at all.
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I think their should a whole thread to just how awful that movie was. What pissed me off the most was my high hopes for it. Angelina Jolie who is hit or miss but always hot and then Colin Farel who was good in "Phone Booth" and Val Kimer who usually is always good had me thinking it would be great. But Fuck man all 3 failed horribly. "In Bruges" got Colin off my shit list. Val is still on it. And Angelina was hot again in "Wanted" so I forgot why I was even mad at her.
Surely "Kiss,kiss,bang,bang" gets Kilmer off the shitty list?
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Red Belt.
A Judo sensei is in debt 30,000 dollars, is trying to sue an organization for 200,000 for an idea that is over 100 years old, goes to some tournament hosted by the organization, kicks some guys ass, some old guy walks down and gives him a red belt. The end.
And
99/100 Japanese movies.
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Really? That many?
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Really? That many?
Yes, that many.
Not including porn.
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What about Takashi Miike movies? Kurosawa? Ozu?
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Red Belt.
A Judo sensei is in debt 30,000 dollars, is trying to sue an organization for 200,000 for an idea that is over 100 years old, goes to some tournament hosted by the organization, kicks some guys ass, some old guy walks down and gives him a red belt. The end.
Plot synopsis sounds promising. I kind of want to see it.
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The movie of Takashi Mike has implemented to the people because of the thread they brought,then it could be say that it was terrible.Thanks!
_________________
why (http://www.chacha.com/topic/why)
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The Curse of El Charro
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What about Takashi Miike movies? Kurosawa? Ozu?
That guy is the fucking man
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The movie of Takashi Mike has implemented to the people because of the thread they brought,then it could be say that it was terrible.Thanks!
Uh...what the fuck? I'm guessing you don't speak English very well, because I am confused as hell as to what you're trying to say.
And Sibiliam, which one? That's three dudes who make good movies.
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The movie of Takashi Mike has implemented to the people because of the thread they brought,then it could be say that it was terrible.Thanks!
Uh...what the fuck? I'm guessing you don't speak English very well, because I am confused as hell as to what you're trying to say.
And Sibiliam, which one? That's three dudes who make good movies.
Miike. Miike totally owns. Haha, still trying to figure out what "implemented to the people because of the thread they brought" means
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WILD ZERO.
Japanese.
Zombie
Horrorcomedy
with ROCKNLOLL! provided by the awesome band Guitar Wolf playing themselves.
Check out the drinking game actually posted on Wiki.
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Man, Wild Zero is awesome. Any film where someone cuts a UFO in half with a guitar-sword doesn't deserve to be in this thread (or demands it, I suppose, depending on your perspective).
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I think it's time for me to jump on the "Wild Zero is awesome" train
..
Wild Zero is awesome
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What about Takashi Miike movies? Kurosawa? Ozu?
Kurosawa? No.
Takashi Miike? Yes.
Never seen anything by Yasujirō Ozu. But Takashi Miike is like a second rate Quentin Tarantino.
Akira Kurosawa, of course, made totally badass movies.
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For me, movies fit on a sort of bell curve. At the top are serious films that are expertly directed with good acting, good characters, and a stellar plot. Movies like Amelie, WALL-E, and The Seven Samurai are at the very top. At the other end, are movies that are so freakin' terrible that they are a joy to watch. Movies like Commando, Dolemite, and, Class of 1999 II: The Substitute are on that end.
It's the movies that fall in the middle that are the worst to watch. Not amazing or laughably terrible, when the credits roll, I feel like a piece of me has died. Films like Screwed with Norm McDonald, U-571, and, and The Sentinel (with Michael Douglas and that chick from Desperate Housewives). Just boring pieces of crap that were pushed through development to make a quick buck or a bad comedian's failed attempt to carry a film. That stuff is the worst.
Also, any film that takes a part of my childhood and shits on it (I'm looking at you Dragonball: Evolution!). Fuck the people that made those movies.
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What the hell man.
Takashi Miike movies are fucking awesome.
What the hell.
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Sherlock Bones
Talking dog with an eye patch recruits the help of a boy, his friend and his crazy scientist father to help find his owner, who was kidnapped by bad guys in lycra with bad hair cuts, all set in the 80s.
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Wait, set in the Eighties, or actually made in the Eighties?
This is very important Gemm
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I don't even know! Probably made in the Eighties, when I think about it. The budget was probably $20.
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imdb is telling me 1994, which is close enough, really.
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People hadn't really gotten over the eighties by that time
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Blast, only one seed for the bittorrent file. That's not enough. I kinda wanted to see it.
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Nothing really to add, I just wanted to move this thread closer to the SyFy thread for what should be obvious reasons.
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I just saw the movie "Immortal" from 2005, one some movie channel my parents get. It was fucking terrible.
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A couple of weeks ago the Space Network was showing yet another movie based on the epic poem of Beowulf, the title of this movie was "Grendel".
I've got say this about the story -
if you're in the mood the poem in Old English the poem itself is accessible and a decent read;
The 13th Warrior is a pretty good take on the story, either print or film;
Beowulf and Grendel (starring Gerrard Butler) is a very good take on the story;
The animated Beowulf should be forgotten;
The Christopher Lambert version can be safely ignored, or watched; and
"Grendel" needs to be consigned to the dustbin of history, the actors stricken from the IMDB and the producers who funded this dreck need to be hunted down and slaughtered in violent and public ways as a lesson to others.
To start off the CGI monsters are horrifically animated and cut into the scenes, we're talking CGI by some 2nd semester Computer Animation student kind of bad. The trees in the story were less wooden than the actors, and the props were insulting. I realize that "The 13th Warrior" played fast and loose with the what sort of armour a 9th century norsemen might have, but it didn't go quite so WTF as to put horns on the helmets that would put a Cape buffalo to shame. Combined with Beowulf's multishot crossbow with the telescopic sight (and that was carried like the actor thought it was an assault rifle with the muzzle down) I had to keep skipping the channel to the Home and Garden TV network and Holmes on Homes to keep my sanity and my nerd rage from boiling over.
Although I am a nitpicking history major I can overlook some historical errors/flaws in my stories - provided the acting is decent, and the mistake/error/whatever is either necessary for the story and there is a plausible explanation (doesn't even have to be explained). So, the Leopard tanks painted Panzer Grey and masquerading as Tiger tanks in "A Bridge Too Far" - completely acceptable; the gladiator helmet occasionally worn by one of the warriors in "The 13th Warrior" - within the bounds of enjoyment - everything else looks right and the rest of the movie makes up for it; "Braveheart" - well the story's a good un and the actings pretty fair, but damn the liberties that Mel "I hate the English" Gibson takes with history come close making this movie a fantasy (don't get me started on "The Patriot")
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Us history majors could do a whole thread on inaccuracies in film. Did you see Gladiator? Commudus was strangled in his bathtub by a gay lover who was a wrestler, not Maximus, who was actually killed in that early execution scene (Sometimes frost makes the blade stick).
Anytime I see plate armor in movies set in the middle ages, ugh. Sometimes I joke that Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the most historically accurate depiction of the middle ages on film. They got the costumes right, the ridiculousness of medieval logic, the grime, and the setting. I can't think of another film that gets that close to reality.
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Today I purchased, online:
- Wild Zero
- The Machine Girl
- Six String Samurai
- Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer/Hunter (can't remember which)
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The Machine Girl is an excellently hilarious gore spoof movie, I love it.
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I have just recieved three terribly awesome movies:
Godzilla - King of Monsters
Godzilla's Revenge; and
Terror of Mechagodzilla.
Everyonce in a while you have to indulge your taste for monster movies where you can see the zipper.
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I remember I saw the ending of Alien Vs Depredator... And I also remember that I wanted my 20 minutes back but I never got them. I still feel bad about it.
It sucked really bad
Alexander was... horrible. I saw it on the movie so it was even worse. The scene that maked it clear to me that the movie was shit was when the old man told about Alexander's last moments... That monologue was like... what, 20-30 minutes? and then the old man just stops and tells the guy who is writting the history:
"Naaah... don't write that, it's not good... just write that he got sick or something" I think my face melt that day because of how pissed off I was after hearing that monologue getting raped that way.
The film was just waaaaay to long.
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- Six String Samurai
Fuck Yeah Six String Samurai. I found it in a second hand shop for 4 bucks.
it was the greatest 4 dollars I ever spent in my life.
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I saw a terrible movie on Friday night. And it was worse than a normal terrible movie, because it was meant to be a good movie. It was called Two Lovers. It was directed by . . . I want to say Tony Gray, but that's not right, 'cause that's the guy from the Wire . . . Umm . . . We Own the Knight, the Yards . . . James Gray! That's the one. It was directed by James Gray, and it starred Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Vinessa Shaw. Basically, in the film Phoenix's character, who's bipolar, starts going out with Shaw's character, but then gets a crush on Paltrow's character. Tedium ensues.
The first problem with this movie was that the characters are in their thirties, I guess, but they all behave like teenagers. Seriously. For starters Phoenix's character lives with his parents. Okay, but his mentally ill, so sure, whatever. But then when we're introduced to Shaw's character it's because she's come round to dinner at Phoenix's parents' apartment - with her parents. And then when Phoenix's parents mention that he takes photos, Shaw and Phoenix scurry off to Phoenix's bedroom - where they sit on his bed while he mumbles and shows her his photos and she's all "Wow, did you take these? That's so amazing". I mean seriously, this is not the behaviour of people who are in their thirties. Grown-ups to not behave this way. So that's fucking weird, and for a while I tried enjoying the film as some kind of bizarre art-film conceptual exercise in having grown-up actors play teenagers. But that approach didn't really pay off.
Then there's the flagrant male wish-fulfillment element. Phoenix's character basically has no redeeming qualities. He's flaky and he follows people around like a puppy and he mumbles all the time. It's some pretty cheesy "crazy person" acting from Phoenix, to be honest. And yet Shaw's character falls head-over-heels in love with him because . . . I dunno, because her parents like his parents and because he takes nice photos and because he's sensitive and damaged, I guess. At one point she actually says to him "I want to take care of you." Yes, Tony James Gray, we all want a gorgeous woman to take care of us, but it's not going to happen because we live in the real world, not some shitty wannabe-heavyweight Hollywood drama. But the male fantasy gets even worse: eventually Phoenix's character and Paltrow's character have sex (following a ludicrous "I love you, it's real love" speech from Phoenix - what exactly it is that he loves isn't clear, because Paltrow's character has all the depth and detail of a piece of paper. Maybe it's her purdy gold hair?). The sex lasts literally ten seconds, tops. Two thrusts from Phoenix (good sex acting, Joaquin), grunt, then it's all over. Oh, and this takes place fully clothed, on an apartment roof-top, in the middle of winter. Okay, whatever, sometimes people have crappy sex - but then, in the next scene, Phoenix's character is talking on the telephone to Paltrow's character, and Paltrow says - I swear to god - "That was beautiful".
IN YOUR FUCKING DREAMS, TONY JAMES GRAY!
Oh, and extra bonus hack directing points: post-sex, cut to long shot of the apartment rooftop. All is silent, except for church bells which can be heard ringing in the distance. DID YOU GET THAT, AUDIENCE, OR WAS IT TOO SUBTLE FOR YOU? THE BELLS MEAN HE JUST GOT LAID!!
Trust me, I've only scratched the crappy surface of this film. The worse part is that there are many critics who genuinely seemed to be moved and impressed by this awful nonsense.
Isabella Rossellini's character was good, though. Also, apparently now Elias Koteas is playing "the older man". Freaky.
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Pulp Fiction when they edited for television viewing. Just the preview is bad enough to make me laugh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xau8HucxWjE
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I saw a terrible movie on Friday night. And it was worse than a normal terrible movie, because it was meant to be a good movie. It was called Two Lovers. It was directed by . . . I want to say Tony Gray, but that's not right, 'cause that's the guy from the Wire . . . Umm . . . We Own the Knight, the Yards . . . James Gray! That's the one. It was directed by James Gray, and it starred Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Vinessa Shaw. Basically, in the film Phoenix's character, who's bipolar, starts going out with Shaw's character, but then gets a crush on Paltrow's character. Tedium ensues.
I haven't seen the movie, but this was an interesting take on what the movie was doing: http://www.mattnoller.com/blog/?p=11 (http://www.mattnoller.com/blog/?p=11)
It doesn't sound like the kind of movie I'd enjoy either, but it seems like most of the creepiness/teenager actions were a deliberate choice.
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The problem with the arguments for the film put forward in that review is that, to me at least, the film doesn't achieve any kind of "emotional honesty". Honesty requires some degree of truth or relationship with reality, and (again, to me) everything about the film was hopelessly contrived and laughably and bizarrely unrealistic. I was watching a film full of characters doing strange things, and at no point did I feel like I was watching real people who might conceivably exist somewhere in the world.
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Today I purchased, online:
- Wild Zero
- The Machine Girl
- Six String Samurai
- Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer/Hunter (can't remember which)
Machine Girl is one of my favourite movies...Tokyo Gore Police (his next film) I'm a little iffy on.
Six String Samurai was very interesting but I felt like it could have been a billion times more...that little kid screaming the entire film ruined any chance of me liking it.
Jesus Christ Vampire Slayer was SO cool until it turned into a horrible, horrible musical.
I'll add
The Reaping: A biblical plague is affecting this small American town and the girl from Million Dollar Baby (I never remember her name) goes there to prove that it can all be explained by science. I'll spoil the whole movie for you by saying that it can't and that the movie is absolutely horrible without any redeeming features.
Toxic Avenger: I think this has been mentioned but I'll bring it up again because, even though it's horrible, I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Slumber Party Massacre: Terrible because it is EASILY the single most generic horror movie that's ever been made. If someone can name me a more generic horror film I'll be amazed.
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Yeah, even the trailer for the reaping looked terrible.
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Slumber Party Massacre: Terrible because it is EASILY the single most generic horror movie that's ever been made. If someone can name me a more generic horror film I'll be amazed.
The Gates of Hell (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0081318/) is actually worse as far as being generic goes, than Slumber Party Massacre - to me anyway.
**walks off muttering to himself about why he's even SEEN these two movies... :?
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About the Beowulf movies:
The Christopher Lambert version can be safely ignored, or watched; and
That one is just hilarious. It isn't a good movie, but I liked it anyway, they weren't the least bit afraid to embrace the cheese.
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I'll throw in another terrible horror film: Dead Silence. It's made by the people who made Saw and it follows their tradition of having a great concept and not doing anything at all with it (Repo). It's a horror film about a ventriloquists doll. This has been done before, Puppet Master did it right, Dead Silence has no idea what it's trying to do. This guy gets this creepy doll on his doorstep one day and it ends up killing his wife. He goes back to his town of Ravens Fair and tries to figure out why the doll was sent to him and stumbles upon the legend of Mary Shaw. Shaw was this super famous ventriloquist who ended up killing a boy because he says "I saw your lips moving." She amazes the audience because then she and the doll both speak at the same time. The kid ends up going missing and the townsfolk cut out Mary Shaws tongue and kill her...time passes. I'll stop there because this movie is just so bad. The fact that Mary Shaw couldn't even take the slightest amount of criticism bothers me, all the kid says was "I saw your lips moving." That's all, and then she swears revenge on everyone in his family and eugh.
The film itself is composed of some nice scenery and has great atmosphere but the director has absolutely no idea what's scary. The main doll is so underused and 98% of the scares are jump scares. There's only one good character: Donnie Wahlberg. He plays a cop who thinks that the protagonist killed his wife and follows him back to his town. He's actually used really well in the film and was one of the only reasons I finished the movie.
Oh. And Dead Silence has a really, REALLY stupid plot twist that I totally didn't see coming but was not really all that surprising or shocking.
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Did anybody mention Lesbian Vampire Killers?
Because it SUCKs,
It was the mystery movie in the cinema a few weeks ago and had I known that was coming I'd have gone and done something else.
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Mary Shaw kind of overreacted there. Just a little bit.
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Dean Teaster's Ghost Town is the shittiest movie I've ever seen. Even the title sucks.
I have no excuse.
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So, I just saw The Spirit. It looks pretty and neat stuff happens in it, but I cared diddly-squat for any of the characters in it. Like, the movie probably would've been just as good without any dialogue. Take the characters from a Michael Bay movie, squash them with Transformers, and this is how flat the characters in The Spirit are. Sin City minus character development minus coherent presentation minus about 3/4's of the violence.
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Wait, how many Michael Bay films have we mentioned in this thread? =P
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The Spirit was one of the worst films I've seen in a long, long, long time. The film didn't have a single redeeming aspect to it at all. If I wanted to watch something that looked like Sin City I would have just popped Sin City and watched it again. The characters aren't even cardboard cut-outs. I hate saying it but even Samuel L Jackson was horrible in this, it's like he looked at the script and was like "DAMMMMNNN MAAAN, I can TOTALLY Ham this UP!" Pathetic on all counts.
I'm sure I don't need to say this but Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs was one of the worst films I've ever seen in theatres. My sister wanted go to to the theatre and she gave me the choice between that and Year One. I probably made the right selection. It was the worst written kids movie I've ever seen, the last Land Before Time movie I saw (probably 9 or 10) was better than this. And the worst part, it was written by 4 people. FOUR people. The person treated the worst by this is, by far, Queen Latifah. She plays a pregnant mammoth who spouts out like...every stereotypical pregnant joke ever. Simon Pegg is pretty awesome though, he plays this absolutely crazy weasel. It might be the only reason to watch it.
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Ice age 3 wasn't that b- ok yeah I can't say that with a straight face.
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I actually kinda liked Ice Age 3, though. Granted, it was pretty phoned in, but it was still pretty funny (as far as non-Pixar animated kids' movies go), and I thought they handled the 3-D really well. It wasn't so much about popping out at the audience as it was giving depth to the scenery.
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Toxic Avenger: I think this has been mentioned but I'll bring it up again because, even though it's horrible, I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Toxic Avenger 4 is even better.
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Toxic Avenger: I think this has been mentioned but I'll bring it up again because, even though it's horrible, I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Toxic Avenger 4 is even better.
Is that the one where he goes to Japan?
what about 2 and 3?
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So I watched Six String Samurai.
It was fucking awesome. I think a bit more could've been done with the guitar duel, and for someone who wants Buddy to bow to heavy metal, Death doesn't really phrase like a metalhead. But whatever, the film itself was incredibly entertaining, like a combination of Fallout and my Gibson SG. The kid got a bit annoying after a while, though.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter was a bit disappointing. I didn't mind the intentional shoddiness so much, I simply disliked that they didn't take the concept far enough. Jesus getting a haircut and new garb was bullshit and unnecessary, especially given the appearance of the punk rock priest at the beginning of the film. There were some hilarious moments, of course, but on the whole it felt a lot less like "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" and a lot more like "Jesus Might Fight A Vampire Or Two, Who Knows, Maybe?"
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Queen Latifah...every stereotypical pregnant joke ever.
Better than the typical Queen Latifah role in which she spouts every stereotypical "large black woman" joke ever.
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Toxic Avenger: I think this has been mentioned but I'll bring it up again because, even though it's horrible, I enjoyed it quite a bit.
Toxic Avenger 4 is even better.
Is that the one where he goes to Japan?
what about 2 and 3?
2 & 3 arem't worthwhile.
4 is just a masterpiece.
Baby Diaper Bandits and Nazis, what more do you want?
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Finally started digging into this (http://www.criterion.com/boxsets/434). Totally worth it. The Karloff's are simply great in that Hammer-esque way and while the two Sci-fis weren't as fun, much prefer Fiend without a Face, they make for some pretty good MST3K material.
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I took my cousin to see G-Force. There were jokes that weren't even jokes in that movie. "I'm Jeff Gordon...with fur!" That's not a joke. I don't care what you say that is not a joke at all.
5 stars. Best movie of the summer.
Also I saw Soylent Green for the first time. It was pretty mediocre.
I won't give away any spoilers, but theres something that's people.
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Hey, I love shitty movies! This thread was made for me.
I watched Ghoulies II the other day. Didn't we learn all we needed to from Ghoulies The 1st? It sucked, just fucking awful, a real chore to sit through. Not even the creature effects were effective. When your films most entertaining aspect is a midget spouting Shakespeare, you really need to evaluate your career.