Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Emaline on 22 Feb 2008, 22:02

Title: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Emaline on 22 Feb 2008, 22:02
We may have had a thread like this in the past, but I don't remember, and a quick search didn't bring up anything, so....


Lets say you were given two weeks left to live. Taking into consideration your current financial status, as well as your relationships, promises you've made, etc etc, what would you do? Think about this. Seriously think about it. I want some good well thought out answers.



All things considered, I think I would try to convince the zoo keepers at our local zoo to let me pet the giraffes, and elephants. And maybe feed the penguins.


If that didn't work, I'd organize a group of people to help me break into the zoo at night, and pet/free the animals. We'd either just free them, or arrange to have them sent back to where they belong. Then the people who helped me would dress as the animals who we sent away, and replace them in their exhibits, or we'd place stuffed animal versions of the original animals in the exhibits.


I guess if that didn't work out, I'd go to Chicago for a bit. Maybe just travel around America for two weeks.


So what would you do? I want details. I want to know why. Seriously put thought into your response.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 22 Feb 2008, 22:32
I would devote my final two weeks to creating a piece of artwork that leaves a lasting legacy. On the one hand, that is a noble thought. On the other hand, much of that time would be spent working on a computer, which is pretty sad.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: JazzyJoe on 22 Feb 2008, 22:39
Something boring. I highly doubt doing something like jumping out of a plane or whatnot will make me feel "alive." Maybe just rent some movies and buy some candy... I love candy...
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: LordNagash on 22 Feb 2008, 23:07
Do you mean like drop dead at the 2 week mark? Or a more realistic slowly degrade till death type?

I would probably go out with my friends one last time, then head into the Rockies, likely dying before my two weeks were up. I have no desire for a funeral, nor to leave a mark or a legacy. I would like to just disappear quietly.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: calenlass on 22 Feb 2008, 23:22
Road trip motherfuckers.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Tom on 22 Feb 2008, 23:42
Why wait, especially if it's something really degenerative.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: RedLion on 22 Feb 2008, 23:43
Write and produce an album. Spend time when my family and friends. Take a whirlwind tour of the world with my closest loved ones.


Oh, and set things on fire with impunity. Since I'll be dying in two damn weeks.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Narr on 22 Feb 2008, 23:55
That's a very good question.  I can't rightly say what I'd do.

The part of me that wants to live on after I die would finally get around to writing that book I've had planned.  2 weeks isn't enough, though, so I'd have to share with my brother what my plans were so he'd be able to finish it.

Mostly, I'd just want to go visit the good internet friends of mine I care about a lot.  I love a lot of them as family or possibly more, and I'm rather depressed with how hard it is for me to make good friends in my hometown, so it'd be a good way to go out, I think.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Hat on 23 Feb 2008, 01:15
Probably just post about it on the internet.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: öde on 23 Feb 2008, 01:18
That is the truest answer.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Trollstormur on 23 Feb 2008, 01:54
I'd have to let all my friends on the internet know, and spend the last two weeks with my family, friends and girlfriend. i'd tell everyone how much i love them and how great they've made my life. only before i'm dying though, parents didn't raise me to show emotions. (they're not like waspy 'stiff upper lip' kinda people, they just didn't really do a good job of raising me) ((i wouldn't bring this up))
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: öde on 23 Feb 2008, 01:59
I would spend time with my friends, alert the internet, and fly to an undisclosed location in th U.S. for an undisclosed reason.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: ImRonBurgundy? on 23 Feb 2008, 02:08
Quit school, get some reading done, spend quality time with friends, tell girls straight up that I like them.

Oh, also, I would pass on crazy dying wishes to everyone.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: öde on 23 Feb 2008, 02:14
(http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/4598/autauxvi7.jpg)
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 23 Feb 2008, 06:40
Damn it Dan, party foul.

I would drink the tapwater here, and the resulting giardia will give me EPIC diahrrea (which is probably what would kill me), at which point I will go around town shitting on everyone and everything I can get my hands (ass?) on.

Fuck you, I'm a dying man, I will do whatever I want.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Liz on 23 Feb 2008, 08:33
I will empty my savings and fly to Egypt. According to Expedia this will take up most of my savings, so once there I will probably live like a homeless person so I can afford to see all the sites.

After that I could die happy.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Something Witty on 23 Feb 2008, 08:47
Road trip motherfuckers.

You stole my answer, bitch.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 23 Feb 2008, 08:49
My last two weeks would involve chaos, fire, and massive property damage (probably of the government's), High speed chases and then shootouts with the police. I'm not gonna die in bed like no pansy-boy.

What I'm trying to say I'd dream of all of this while dying in bed due to whatever the hell was killing me in two weeks, because if I was feeling good enough to be doing all that I'd have trouble believing I was dying.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: 0bsessions on 23 Feb 2008, 09:24
Fuck PETA, this is happening.

I would procure a rifle that fires tranquilizers and go bear hunting. We've all heard my old plan, but since Randy Milholland stole it, I had to adjust it:

I would find and tranq a bear and drag it to a nearby set of train tracks. I would then chain the bear to the tracks and punch it in the face as soon as I hear a train approaching. I will forever be remembered as "that guy who got hit by a train whilst fighting a bear."

Feasible? Maybe not. But it's my dream.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Lines on 23 Feb 2008, 09:25
Backpack across Europe and visit all the places I want to see. I'd probably be staring at some amazing piece of art when I kick the bucket, so I can freak people out while I go, too. But I'd be happy!
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: valley_parade on 23 Feb 2008, 09:37
Actually, I think I want to do that. Backpacking across Europe would be coolsauce.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 23 Feb 2008, 10:08
I will empty my savings and fly to Egypt. According to Expedia this will take up most of my savings, so once there I will probably live like a homeless person so I can afford to see all the sites.
It sounds like you only have enough money for one try at it, so don't go to Cairo, go to Luxor. It would be pretty pathetic to die in the middle of a tourist trap while all the interesting sites are in another part of the country.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Johnny C on 23 Feb 2008, 10:49
I will forever be remembered as "that guy who got hit by a train whilst fighting a bear."

Alternatively, "That asshole who killed himself and an innocent bear in the process."
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 23 Feb 2008, 11:02
I will remember him as "that idiot Jon."
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: öde on 23 Feb 2008, 11:28
But do we really want him?


Don't worry Jon, we can put up with you.


For now.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: tommydski on 23 Feb 2008, 12:11
At least he'd die knowing that his girlfriend will replace him with a better man.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: tommydski on 23 Feb 2008, 12:12
That's me, incidentally.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: tommydski on 23 Feb 2008, 12:12
To reiterate - Jon dies, I steal his girlfriend and the world is a much better place for it.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: calenlass on 23 Feb 2008, 12:15
Dude Tommy she has a kid.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: JordyPordy on 23 Feb 2008, 12:43
heroin.
i've always been curious about it, but would never do it because i don't think being a junky would really suit me.
i'd also steal a sweet car, a sporty little european one, maybe an old james bond car.
lastly i would forgive everyone for everything. after of course fucking with them for a little while.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: sean on 23 Feb 2008, 12:45
Well Tommy is gonna get her spring of 09 anyway so I really don't think he minds the kid.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: tommydski on 23 Feb 2008, 12:47
Dude Tommy she has a kid.

I'm planning on adopting Faye and eventually pulling a Woody Allen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woody_Allen#Mia_Farrow).
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Lines on 23 Feb 2008, 12:48
I'm planning on adopting Faye and eventually becoming a creepy old man.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Hat on 23 Feb 2008, 13:01
heroin.

That is a really good idea although you'd feel pretty silly if it turns out you weren't dying and you were on candid camera. Surprise! You're addicted to heroin!

However, I am changing my vote to doing heroin and then posting about it on the internet.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: cgarci21 on 23 Feb 2008, 14:33
I would:
a) Tell everyone I know what they mean to me whether I like them or not.
b) Spend all of my money on a trip to London with whoever will come with me and as many jaffa cakes as it'll buy me.
c) Finally see stone henge even if I have to hitchhike to get there and...
d) Wait in the center (after having snuck up there and hiding my whereabouts so as not to die in prison under charges of tresspassing) until I die peacefully so my face will be on the front page and spirtual/crazy people can forever speculate about my death.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Narr on 23 Feb 2008, 14:44
c) Finally see stone henge even if I have to hitchhike to get there and...
d) Wait in the center (after having snuck up there and hiding my whereabouts so as not to die in prison under charges of tresspassing) until I die peacefully so my face will be on the front page and spirtual/crazy people can forever speculate about my death.
Dude, that's brilliant.

Can I join?  We'll make a cult.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: michaelicious on 23 Feb 2008, 14:45
Make the world's largest and most delicious baklava.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Lines on 23 Feb 2008, 15:56
Can I have a piece of it?

Actually, I think I want to do that. Backpacking across Europe would be coolsauce.

Deal. Two people dying in a museum is more awesome than just one.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 23 Feb 2008, 16:00
It's only cool if you've speared yourselves on the displayed weapons of prehistoric humans.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Spluff on 23 Feb 2008, 16:05
Honestly? I'd probably cry like a little girl.

And then I'd do a shitload of drugs.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Storm Rider on 23 Feb 2008, 16:14
I'm planning on adopting Faye and eventually becoming a creepy old man.

Far too late for that.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: michaelicious on 23 Feb 2008, 19:06
Can I have a piece of it?

Of course you can!
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Jimmy the Squid on 23 Feb 2008, 19:22
I'm pretty sure that telling you guys of my plans would be breaking the "no being a jerk about other people's religions" rule of this forum. But can tell you that I would be making it very clear about who is going to be invited to my funeral.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Lines on 23 Feb 2008, 19:23
Can I have a piece of it?

Of course you can!

Yaaaaaaay!
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: thehollow on 23 Feb 2008, 20:46
My twin brother and I have declared that we're going to do the Camino De Santiago (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Way_of_St._James) together sometime during our lifetimes. I'd do as much of that as I could in 2 the weeks.

If there was any extra time, I'd probably just get drunk with my good friends, or something. I'd say goodbye to as many of the people I care about as I could, and then spend my last moments just chilling with my brother.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: RedLion on 23 Feb 2008, 22:30
 
I'm pretty sure that telling you guys of my plans would be breaking the "no being a jerk about other people's religions" rule of this forum. But can tell you that I would be making it very clear about who is going to be invited to my funeral.

Dude, I wouldn't even have a funeral. Just a celebration of my life.

Where "Thriller" would be played, in the hopes of it causing me to rise from the dead and dance.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: McTaggart on 23 Feb 2008, 22:54
See I'd have my wake before I died. And hopefully I'd have the humour in me to make it living dead themed.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Ozymandias on 23 Feb 2008, 23:01
PUNCH JON IN THE DICK UNTIL HE VOMITS

Also, try to have sex with everyone I've ever wanted to have sex with.

I am neither creative nor ambitious.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Something Witty on 23 Feb 2008, 23:08
Also, try to have sex with everyone I've ever wanted to have sex with.

Why do you think I'd take a road-trip?
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: blaha 41 on 23 Feb 2008, 23:57
i really don't want to die lately. i say lately because i was totally suicidal for most of the past two years. i'd probably fly to my parents for a half day to say goodbye, get on a plane to emory to see the one person i think i could love, and if she rejected me, i would fly to europe to stay with two of my best friends and try spend half of each day writing a novel and the other half trying to party as hard as anyone ever has.

i met a 65 yr old woman tonight who truly ran away from home when she was 16. her father was trying, but unable, to find her for nearly a year when she did it. she, more than anyone i know, lives life to the fullest. she said that, since then/having no food to eat for a week, the rest of life got a little bit easier. she still goes back to the little town in nantucket each year to remember just how the year felt for her.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: imapiratearg on 24 Feb 2008, 04:59
Attempt to find the cure for my disease.  Fail, and end up just drinking a whole lot.  Then, I would die whilst passed out and unconscious.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: pen on 24 Feb 2008, 05:27
I would see if I can get life insurance that has almost instant coverage, pay $50 for a million dollar policy.  I'd take my daughter and go visit my sister and her kids for a week, come home, and just try to have as much fun with my baby, boyfriend, and friends as possible.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Switchblade on 24 Feb 2008, 06:38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZvm5H4F-aA
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 24 Feb 2008, 08:09
Quote from: train video
nothing to loose
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Switchblade on 24 Feb 2008, 08:26
Yeah, people are ignorant like that.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: 0bsessions on 24 Feb 2008, 11:57
New plan. I'll eat cake until I die!
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Lines on 24 Feb 2008, 12:14
Hopefully you do this in America.

Because I want to see it.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: öde on 24 Feb 2008, 14:05
Or you mentally scar them.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Eli on 25 Feb 2008, 05:59
I would either go find some scientific organization that would make a clone of me or take what little money I have and spend the two weeks in Bellingham, WA with my boyfriend. It's one of his favorite places in the US and from what I've seen from pictures, it's a pretty place. I would also probably eat my favorite foods every day.
Running around trying to do everything I've made plans for later in life would be stressful. bv
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KharBevNor on 25 Feb 2008, 06:56
First, I would jack myself up on a cocktail of speed, cocaine, angel dust and medical adrenaline so that I would not need to sleep and would feel absolutely no pain. Then I would sharpen up my axe, fill up some molotovs, string up my crossbow and go take down the government.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 25 Feb 2008, 07:13
This. (http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Suicide#.22The_Awesome.22)

Images anywhere on that page are probably NSFW, as are all links.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: mooface on 25 Feb 2008, 09:10
i want to say that i would do something cool like visit all the countries that i haven't seen yet or road trip across america.  but in all honesty i am a lazy person and i would miss my dog too much if i had to leave him behind while traveling.  i would probably just spend the last two weeks snuggling with fluffygans, eating a lot of food, and having a lot of sex (with my boyfriend. who is human.  you bastards).
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: bbqrocks on 25 Feb 2008, 09:17
If you know you are going to die in two weeks you can do lots of things without thinking of the consequences. Take out a massive loan, sell your house, sleep around promisculously...Basically live like a rock star for two weeks.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: dozyrozy on 25 Feb 2008, 09:27
I would probably spend the first two days planning a load of cool stuff to do, then be afraid to tell anyone and simply life my life normally. Apart from the fact that I would get out of America as fast as I could and go home to England to see my friends and family... but again, probably not tell them why, just cry a lot whenever they ask me. But then again maybe knowing I was going to die would make me a bit braver. It's hard to say.

I'd like to spend it seeing all of my friends who are scattered all over the world and visiting places I've always wanted to go, but that probably wouldn't happen.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: 0bsessions on 25 Feb 2008, 09:28
Basically live like a Tommy for two weeks.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 25 Feb 2008, 10:37
i would probably just spend the last two weeks having a lot of sex with fluffygans.
?

If you know you are going to die in two weeks you can do lots of things without thinking of the consequences. Take out a massive loan, sell your house, sleep around promisculously...Basically live like a rock star for two weeks.
nah I wouldn't want to do anything that would cause trouble for my relatives/loved ones
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: mooface on 25 Feb 2008, 11:05
i would probably just spend the last two weeks having a lot of sex with fluffygans.
?

NO.

:(
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: amok on 25 Feb 2008, 11:45
Buy huge pile of drugs.

Ingest huge pile of drugs.

no-brainer really.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: onewheelwizzard on 25 Feb 2008, 11:54
I'm with amok.

Come to think of it I know exactly what I'd do.  I'd order some psychotria viridis or mimosa hostilis, do an extraction on them for the DMT, and then, if I knew precisely when I was going to die, I'd inject a massive amount of DMT right beforehand.  The previous two weeks would be spent letting everyone in my life know about my fate, and giving all my stuff away to the people I think deserve it.

If I just had a vague knowledge that I was going to die soon, and I couldn't pinpoint it, I'd probably just eat two or three hundred hits of acid and take things as they come.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: amok on 25 Feb 2008, 12:13
Personally I'd save up a big ol' stack of heroin for the actual death part, so that it just seemed kinda warm and fuzzy.

Prior to that, a sequence of acid/shroom/ket/DMT trips and a couple of E/coke benders just for the hell of it. If time was short, I sure as shit wouldn't want to waste any of it being sober.

Agreed with the last line of yr post tho. Without a time frame I'd just get trippin'.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 25 Feb 2008, 13:28
i would probably just spend the last two weeks having a lot of sex with fluffygans.
?

NO.

snuggling with fluffygans, eating a lot of food, and having a lot of sex.

He really didn't edit much.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 25 Feb 2008, 13:59
(give it a rest Patrick, show's over.)
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 25 Feb 2008, 14:11
I just want an excuse to poke fun at MaiAda.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: tommydski on 25 Feb 2008, 14:25
When I used to take a lot of drugs, a thing that always struck me was that your frame of mind often determines how your trip will be.

So, if you knew you were going to die, you'd probably be in a pretty terrible state and taking drugs would just ensure you spent your last hours in the grips of some horrific mental trauma.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: RedLion on 25 Feb 2008, 14:34
So, what to people want to be done with their body after they die?

Personally, I want my corpse to be strapped with a copious amount of dynamite/C4 explosives, taken up in a plane above a large metropolitan area, tossed out of said airplane, and detonated in mid-air, thus raining my entrails down upon the city beneath.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: bbqrocks on 25 Feb 2008, 14:35
In the last few hours/minutes I would go to the top of a skyscraper and take a mix of ketamine/alcohol/heroin/LSD. If that doesn't kill me, then I have no idea what will.

Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: ledhendrix on 25 Feb 2008, 14:41
If i was ever to commit suicide i would go to the top of a very tall building and see how many rotations i could get in before i hit the ground. I would hopefully be able to persuade someone to film it and post it all over the internet.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: bbqrocks on 25 Feb 2008, 15:02
First I would hijack some hardcore gig and rickroll them.

As for my body, I..I don't know. I guess I could sell it.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Johnny C on 25 Feb 2008, 15:11
Actually, I think I would probably bust into the broadcast centre for CNN and Rickroll the entire nation.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: thehollow on 25 Feb 2008, 15:19
I'd have as much of my body as possible used for organ donations or medical research, and probably cremate the rest. Also, I'd make my brother take my skull and promise to display it prominently somewhere in his house, threatening to haunt him forever if he doesn't comply, just for shits.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Scandanavian War Machine on 25 Feb 2008, 16:01
get meth, smoke meth, FIGHT!

Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Gurkburk on 25 Feb 2008, 20:23
I'd shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: onewheelwizzard on 25 Feb 2008, 21:07
When I used to take a lot of drugs, a thing that always struck me was that your frame of mind often determines how your trip will be.

So, if you knew you were going to die, you'd probably be in a pretty terrible state and taking drugs would just ensure you spent your last hours in the grips of some horrific mental trauma.

You would think this!  But in fact, psychedelics have recently been investigated as TREATMENT for end-of-life anxiety.  There's a doctor at UCLA right now who's actually currently finishing a research protocol in which terminal cancer patients are given psilocybin, and so far his results have been pretty good, apparently.

It makes perfect sense to me.  If I had to resolve an issue as serious as my impending death I'd definitely want access to psychedelics as tools to help me through it.  Mushrooms in particular have a tendency to do a wonderful job of showing me my whole life with perfect clarity and giving me a balanced and tranquil perspective on it.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: dozyrozy on 25 Feb 2008, 21:20
I'd have as much of my body as possible used for organ donations or medical research, and probably cremate the rest.
I think I'd do the same. When I die I want to make sure I'm dead by folks cutting me up and burning me and stuff. There is no way I want to wake up trapped underground in a coffin. (I know this very rarely happens, but I can't imagine much worse than waking up from a coma and being in a coffin).
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: karl gambolputty... on 25 Feb 2008, 23:57
Hell yeah.  Wait until the middle of your eulogy then jump out of the casket and start singing "NEVER GONNA GIVE YOOOO UP! NEVER GONNA LET YOOOO DOWNNN!"
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 26 Feb 2008, 00:12
I'd have as much of my body as possible used for organ donations or medical research

FUCKING PUSSY

I am planning on having my body cremated, the ashed compacted into a diamond, and then having that diamond launched into the sun, where my soul will escape the diamond and fight and kill the sun, killing all life on earth, thus relieving you all of trying to one-up my Completely Fucking Badass Funeral.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Jimmy the Squid on 26 Feb 2008, 00:28
I'd have my body rolled up in a carpet and tossed out of the side of a van speeding across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in mid to heavy traffic.

The carpet would be expensive.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: onewheelwizzard on 26 Feb 2008, 00:41
If we're talking funeral arrangements now, I'd definitely want my body to be processed into fertilizer and used to grow a pot plant of whatever the strongest strain in the world was at the time, or a crop of psilocybe mushrooms.  If my body can be literally turned into drugs that my friends could then take, I want it to happen.

Come to think of it I kinda want to put this in my will when I actually write it.  I can't think of any fate for my body that appeals to me more than being turned into a physical substance capable of profoundly altering another human being's consciousness.

Of course, if, by the time I die, it is possible for people to transfer their consciousness out of the human brain and into a computer simulation thereof, I fully intend to have a fucking sweet-ass cyberspace afterlife prepared for me.  A timeless existence as a digital fractal universe sounds awesome.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Spluff on 26 Feb 2008, 00:46
I'd like my body to be turned into a marionette. It would dance at my funeral.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 26 Feb 2008, 01:15
Of course, if, by the time I die, it is possible for people to transfer their consciousness out of the human brain and into a computer simulation thereof, I fully intend to have a fucking sweet-ass cyberspace afterlife prepared for me.  A timeless existence as a digital fractal universe sounds awesome.

One smartass remark and I will wave a magnet over your entire consciousness.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Tom on 26 Feb 2008, 01:16
I'd like my body to be turned into a marionette. It would dance at my funeral.

Meat Puppet!
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: mooface on 26 Feb 2008, 04:38
i, like patrick, want to be cremated and turned into a diamond.  except then in my will i want to specifically request that the diamond be set in a ring and that my first born child would have to wear it always.  as a very, very creepy reminder of me.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: LadyFirelyght on 26 Feb 2008, 04:48
I'd like my body to be turned into a marionette. It would dance at my funeral.

Meat Puppet!

I lol'd.

Personally, I'd probably blow my savings on trying some great food around the city. Stay in a nice hotel for a night. Get drunk. Have lots of sex (with my husband). Call everyone I've put off calling and tell them how much I love them. Write some poetry. Take some pictures. I don't have much to pass on at this point, so I'd try to pass on what I could.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Eli on 26 Feb 2008, 05:54
I guess I just want to be buried. I think my parents would throw a fit if it was any other way.

I'd want to have some epic last words, though. Or maybe leave cryptic messages all over the place for friends and family to try to make sense of.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: pen on 26 Feb 2008, 05:56
Epic last words?

My friend's brother Ricky passed away a few years ago, and the last thing he said was "I love pussy"

He was a great guy.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: BobJoeJim on 26 Feb 2008, 12:26
Those of you who want to be turned into diamonds may or may not already know about the company (http://www.LifeGem.com) that will do this for you.  Personally, I think their website is one of the creepiest things I've ever seen, mostly because of how they keep referring to "your loved one's carbon".
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 26 Feb 2008, 12:28
My friend's brother Ricky passed away a few years ago, and the last thing he said was "I love pussy"
:-o

:-D

:oops:
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Doug S. Machina on 26 Feb 2008, 14:08
Some epic last words would be "There's millons of dollars hidden in..."

(adjust for local currency) Don't think it would be a peaceful death, though.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KITTENS!!! on 26 Feb 2008, 14:17
I would make like Jigsaw from the SAW movies and round up a bunch of people to participate in my various death-games.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Storm Rider on 26 Feb 2008, 14:43
Because you only have a short amount of time left to prove that you're a sociopath.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KITTENS!!! on 26 Feb 2008, 14:56
Precisely.

I'd also want to instill that LIFE IS PRECIOUSZORZ sort of mindset on the survivors, but that comes secondary to the aforementioned dementia.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KITTENS!!! on 26 Feb 2008, 15:05
BLACK AND DECKER: THE TRUE STORY OF ONE DRILLBIT'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE AORTAS OF THOUSANDS
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: jhocking on 26 Feb 2008, 15:40
That actually sounds like a hilarious movie. I would watch a movie with that subtitle.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: gardenhead_ on 27 Feb 2008, 02:06
I'd have my body rolled up in a carpet and tossed out of the side of a van speeding across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in mid to heavy traffic.

The carpet would be expensive.
This is such a great idea.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KITTENS!!! on 27 Feb 2008, 13:37
New idea! I got it from Patton Oswalt.

Fill up all your pockets with candy and little toys and jump off a skyscraper, so that when you splat it'll be a FIESTA OF JOY.
"OH MY GOD, SO MUCH BLOOD... is that a Jolly Rancher? Mm... tangy."
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 27 Feb 2008, 13:41
You know that link I posted? The one with the badass cheese-wire suicide? Yeah, the Pinata method is on that same page.

Just sayin'.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KITTENS!!! on 27 Feb 2008, 14:00
I didn't look. My face is a sad one.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Elizzybeth on 27 Feb 2008, 18:57
Those of you who want to be turned into diamonds may or may not already know about the company (http://www.LifeGem.com) that will do this for you.  Personally, I think their website is one of the creepiest things I've ever seen, mostly because of how they keep referring to "your loved one's carbon".

I looked at the website, completely prepared to be creeped out (I can never imagine wanting to wear a loved one's ashes...).  But after reading the testimonials, my mind has been changed.  For some people, it's really important to remain physically close to their loved ones.  And at least this way, your preservative-filled body isn't taking up much-needed space in some graveyard, nor is it burnt into ashes that sit in an ugly urn on the mantle. 

A friend of mine was telling me about a freezing process where your body is shattered and turned into fertilizer, but I can't seem to find any more information about it on the internet.  That really sounds the best to me--environmentally beneficial rather than detrimental, like most forms of death care.  Does anyone know anything about this?
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: vaguely on 27 Feb 2008, 20:17
I'd fuck my boyfriend nonstop for three days. No joke. No clothes. Showering often, but having sex in shower. I'd whip out all the crazy kinks that I keep in my head for fear of scaring him because hey, what is it gonna matter?

I'd make sure my friends knew how much I loved and appreciated them.

I'd gather all the money to my name (all $5 or something) and buy everyone a nice dinner where we could all sit, smoke and laugh.

I'd plan my funeral. It would be the coolest funeral ever.

And then, two days before The Moment of Doomage, no matter how petty this sounds, I'd hunt down the two fat bitches who ruined my life last year and beat the shit out of them with a twinkie and a bat. The twinkie for distraction. The bat for carnage. Then I'd set their trailers on fire. It'd be so awesome. I'd die right before the cops found me.

And I'd die like Virginia Wolfe. Pocket full of stones and a freakin' river. No head in the oven for me, Sylvia, I've got this covered.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: calenlass on 27 Feb 2008, 22:37
Gracious me, someone's got a grudge.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Something Witty on 27 Feb 2008, 22:58
It's her axe, and she'll do what she wants with it.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Slick on 28 Feb 2008, 00:47
I would spend time with my friends, alert the internet, and fly to an undisclosed location in th U.S. for an undisclosed reason.

That is totally someone who said they'd sleep with you if you were dying, isn't it?


I would see if I can get life insurance that has almost instant coverage, pay $50 for a million dollar policy.

They are totally too clever for that and make you sign something that says to the best of your knowledge you are not about to die. It is a shame, really.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: calenlass on 28 Feb 2008, 00:50
You could lie, I think! Maybe!
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Storm Rider on 28 Feb 2008, 00:52
No, you can't. They'll find out and take all the money back. Insurance is weird, because it's essentially a total scam but if you get caught out without it when something totally terrible happens then you're really fucked.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: morca007 on 28 Feb 2008, 01:46
Last semester I was enrolled in a bunch of philosophy courses, and one day toward the end of term, my Existentialism professor asks the class this very question. At the time my head was filled with all sorts of ridiculous nonsense (depressed, etc.), and I said I would do everything exactly the same, except to quietly arrange my affairs, and write some letters to my friends/relatives.

Of course, thinking about it now, this is dumb.

Now would be a bad time for this (Haw haw), since my friends are all spread out through the country, but I'd tell my closest (geographically) friends about it, and hope they'd forget about school for the second week. First week would be spent preparing and telling girls straight up that I like them. Also I would go home, not tell my family, but generally make them all feel loved.
Second week, we go to the Oregon Coast, camp (Using the rest of my savings), and generally have a rip-roaring time. Second to last day, get some LSD (Or shrooms if aid cannot be found), and spirit journey with friends. Last day, talk, be generally serious and awesome, and at sunset I jump off the biggest goddamn cliff I can find.
(Also: Dongs.)
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: normz on 06 Mar 2008, 19:53
one final big party where the moet flows as does the white stuff thats the right stuff, I'd also have lots of wildcrazy sex and get a tattoo and I would write letters to everyone telling them what i really thought but when the final moment came i think id have my friends and family with me and just let them know that i love them so much and their all awesome and they have to be strong without me
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: NarwhalSunshine on 06 Mar 2008, 22:47
If I knew for sure I was going to die, I'd finally ask the cute girl that works at Wal Mart out.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Jimmy the Squid on 06 Mar 2008, 23:10
Does it help that I can tell you right now and without a shadow of a doubt that you are going to die?
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 07 Mar 2008, 00:03
If I knew for sure I was going to die, I'd finally ask the cute girl that works at Wal Mart out.

Sucks for her if she actually likes you though.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Spluff on 07 Mar 2008, 04:05
Unless she's into that kind of thing. In which case, it's probably good to find that out before she finds out you've passed on.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: clockworkjames on 07 Mar 2008, 07:43
I'd do pretty much exactly what I have done for the last 2 weeks over again. except spend all my money and kill some scummy bastards.

Shirk responsablities (I never went to colleger  :oops:), spend some time with new people, clubbing pubbing, having a good time and just being pretty damn happy.
Get together with my best friend and get drunk watching movies like we I used to come visit her before I moved through, burn down the shop I used to work at (A few people would thank me for that) and with the money I have access to, which is maybe almost 2 grand, buy a second hand superbike - maybe an old R1 or a fireblade, a ninja or something else stupidly fast and find out what it feels like to be going 3 times as fast as anything else on the road, walk Argyle and Sauchiehall street with a bat, beating to death all the smackheads who ask for my money.

Pretty much the same as most people then.

Also fuckings until my dick falls off of course.

Come to think of it, I don't take care of myself too well, I enjoy life and in doing so I am killing myself pretty quickly. Also 2 weeks from now I will be packing up to go to the multiplay i-series LAN and I don't want to miss that :(

Also I wanted to be barbequed and eaten at my funeral but my mum says no.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Elizzybeth on 07 Mar 2008, 18:39
Also I wanted to be barbequed and eaten at my funeral but my mum says no.

That's funny--my vegetarian brother requested that a couple of years ago and really frightened my parents.  He'd just turned 18 and wanted to write it into his will.  They somehow managed to talk him out of it.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: CEOVanilla on 07 Mar 2008, 19:29
I'd try and guilt a Dow component into letting me be on the board of directors.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: RedLion on 07 Mar 2008, 23:36
Gee, I bet that would work magnificently.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: clockworkjames on 07 Mar 2008, 23:59
Elizzybeth your brother sounds like a wise man. I was about that age and vegetarian at the time. Many problems with the legalities too.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: littlelove on 08 Mar 2008, 17:32
"oh yeah, that bomb I forgot about it supposed to detonate in 3 days"
y'know, keep people on their toes. They'd be good last words, I think.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: KITTENS!!! on 10 Mar 2008, 18:05
"Kick Dane Cook in the scrotum for meeeeeeeeeeee..."

...as I plummet down Leonidas' pit of despair.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Kwang on 10 Mar 2008, 19:19
Iunno what exactly I'd get up to, but I know I'd exploit others' pity for me to the fullest.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Chrasstor on 10 Mar 2008, 19:41
I wouldn't tell anyone. At first, I'd spend time with my family. I'd buy them a wonderful dinner, and do something to make them realize how much I've appreciated their company my entire life, even if most of the time I didn't show it. That'd be the first week. I'd let my closest friends know how much I love them, too. At the end of that week, I'd leave them a note explaining my predicament, and telling them that I'm not worried about it and that neither should they.

 I'd make a loan from a bank, or something like that and then fly somewhere pretty. I'm not sure where, but somewhere with beautiful scenery and fair skies, free from other people. I'd spend the remainder of my time there, wondering about what's going to happen to me when I die and reflecting on my passed life; especially remembering the stuff that made it worth while... The time I spent with my brother and family when I was younger than school. Realizing how wonderful it was to be new to a world and to be instantly surrounded by people who cared for me and took me under their wing... How I enjoyed time with my oldest friends, how they supported me too. I'd try my hardest not to worry about my coming death and instead try to realize why my life was so important to begin with and how beautiful of a thing death can actually be.

I'd probably die happier than my actual coming death.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: DonInKansas on 11 Mar 2008, 00:36
I'd take a dump on a national landmark.  Nation to be determined.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Patrick on 11 Mar 2008, 06:24
I wouldn't tell anyone. At first, I'd spend time with my family. I'd buy them a wonderful dinner, and do something to make them realize how much I've appreciated their company my entire life, even if most of the time I didn't show it. That'd be the first week. I'd let my closest friends know how much I love them, too. At the end of that week, I'd leave them a note explaining my predicament, and telling them that I'm not worried about it and that neither should they.

So basically you're going to get a sex change and you're going to die two weeks later from complications from the surgery. Gotcha. You need to do it more like this guy:

I'd exploit others' pity for me to the fullest.

HE IS DOING IT RIGHT
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 11 Mar 2008, 12:00
God man, if I think about it I might just not tell my family and leave the country, dying alone someplace with a false ID. that way my family wouldn't actually know what happened to me, and the grief factor would be spread out over time. If they never find my remains they might just think I'm alive and elsewhere.
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Elizzybeth on 11 Mar 2008, 12:16
Do you seriously have such disdain for your family that you'd do that to them?  Ouch!  Way to stunt the natural, healthy grief process. (I mean, of course, that'd totally be your prerogative if you somehow managed to end up in this situation.  But still.)
Title: Re: Because I'm morbid...
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 11 Mar 2008, 14:42
Not really disdain, in fact I'd pretend it was just to get them to hate me so it wouldn't hurt them that I left. If they think I just moved away and was never heard from again then it wouldn't be grief, it would just be "Hey, remember your asshole brother? Yeah, wonder whatever happened to him. Don't care enough to find out"