THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Ozymandias on 03 Mar 2008, 18:32
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HANDS DOWN ASS UP, JAEGER
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Vodka, it's the only thing that I drink, it mixes well with everything and boy does it have bite (depending on which variety you get a hold of).
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I once dated a girl that was half vodka, half tequila. She seemed really exotic, but she was boring in the sack.
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I <3 brandy.
...but to be honest, gin 'n' tonic is growing on me...
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Why is the rum always gone?
...Oh. That's why.
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Why does Scotch get its own option, but not Bourbon? :(
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ALL OF THEM
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Abstain until bourbon.
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I'd fuck the shit outta whiskey or vodka.
I was also like to complain about the lack of absinthe mentioned. I would fuck absinthe too.
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I would fuck the green fairy too.
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Jim Beam is one sexy motherfucker.
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I'd fuck Beer but I'd have to get a whiskey dick to do it.
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I'd definitely tear into vodka!
she's pretty, and looks great when mixed. You can take her out anywhere, she has nice viscosity. And she's darned tastey!
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Abstain until bourbon.
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I have spent way too much time thinking about this and assigning personalities to the various kinds of booze. I think brand should come into play. For example, you might be okay nailing Grey Goose, but imagine fucking a human embodiment of Fleischmann's would end in tears and STDs.
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Man, Dr. McGillicuddy would be like the skankiest homewrecker of the entire alcohol world. Every time I hear a story about some old retirement age guy doing something tremendously stupid like getting hit by a car while driving a lawnmower on the freeway it always seems like cheap schnapps was involved.
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God it goes down harsh, but when all is said and done I'd rather be with Whiskey than with any other girl out there, especially since Rum is some dude in drag. If there would be anyone I'd consider cheating on this girl with It'd be vodka, because Russian girls are hot.
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Oh deer blood. I would love you forever and ever. I understand that you are a trendy drink now, but I like you all by yourself. You are the toughest of drinks! When I turned 16, what did my dad and my uncle force me to take a shot of since I was "pretty much an adult"? YOU! When I was out snowmobiling, what was there to warm me up? YOU! When hunting, and I am forced to walk the sloughs and shelterbelts, who was it that I turned to to when I said fine, but I need a shot first? YOU! Oh jag, you have always been there for me, and if you were a man, you would be the manliest man, all killin' bears and shit with a red flannel jacket and a beard with a smile on your face the whole time.
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Whiskey, but only if she has on the Johnny Walker hat.....and maybe the coat
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Isn't this a rather obtuse way of saying what your favorite alcohol is?
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I'd fuck beer, but I'd be thinking about whisky.
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i'm not sure, there is a pretty big difference between what alcohol i tend to drink and what alcohol i'd actually fuck, were said alcohol a real human person.
i am pretty down with vodka because it mixes well with nearly everything and i've never had anything resembling a bad experience when drinking it. i do love bourbon though. bourbon is incredibly sexy. if a real nice bourbon were somehow a human being and walked into my room i'd probably have it naked and in my bed before it had a chance to explain itself.
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I'd fuck beer, but I'd be thinking about whisky.
I'd call this a good idea, as I bet Whisky has a big 2d2f problem.
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Vodka.
Stolichnaya, preferably.
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Yeah, I mean I think bourbon is the most delicious, but if bourbon was a person (if it was a GOOD bourbon), I would think it was too classy for me. He would be a southern gentleman, which is good for marrying but not for fuckin'. Jag is the rough and tumble outdoorsman type, vodka would probably be a Sweet Dude, and rum would be the guy you're not sure if he is gay or straight.
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I'd fuck beer, but I'd be thinking about whisky.
I'd call this a good idea, as I bet Whisky has a big 2d2f problem.
No, it's just I know whisky's out of my league.
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I guess what I am trying to say is that I would not put my dick in goldschlager if someone paid me.
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Isn't this a rather obtuse way of saying what your favorite alcohol is?
Not necessarily. My favorite liquor is far and away whiskey, but in terms of if it were a person? Whiskey's strong, bitter and can turn on you in a second if you're not careful. That's not what I want in a woman. Whiskey is the kind of drink that would steal your wallet and leave you with an STD.
I think I would fuck Smirnoff Ice or something like that. It's weak, shallow and easy on the tongue. It's not something you want your friends to see you with, but you had some fun anyway.
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i'm not sure, there is a pretty big difference between what alcohol i tend to drink and what alcohol i'd actually fuck, were said alcohol a real human person.
I like Guiness, but I definitely don't want to have sex with it. Conversely, while I have no interest in this as a drink, martinis are pretty sexy.
Although, my favorite liquor is rum, and I think I'd wish I had the balls to hit on daquiri, so maybe it can be one in the same...
So in conclusion, I am most sexually attracted to mixed drinks.
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I would definitely sleep with Buckfast. Cheap, cheerful, and lots of energy.
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I would bang Blue Curaceo because he would be fun and slightly effeminate.
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I'm not really a big drinker, but I voted for rum. Specifically Sailor Jerry Rum.
(http://ill-use.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/sailor_jerry_rum.jpg)
I'm currently enjoying a glass as I write.
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So in conclusion, I am most sexually attracted to mixed drinks.
Read: bi-curious.
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I drink alot of beer and rum, but to bone I would go with sambuca personified, imagine it in bed!
Rawr! :-D
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Wine in human form would be sexy and sophisticated. She'd totally listen to jazz and read Borges. It would be awesome.
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Scotch, scotch, scotchitty scotch.
I love scotch.
I like my scotch like I like my women... and the scotch I drink is Glenlivet 12 year old.
Ah, ha-ha-ha... child molestation jokes never get old. Except they do... I think I hear Chris Hansen knocking at my door.
Seriously, though, I'd prefer to drink Glenlivet 18 but I usually "settle" for the 12, since it's less expensive and almost as good.
Blended "scotch" is crap, by the way. Single malt all the way.
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No Kahlua?
I dig them thar' exotics
Edit: If Vodka was a girl, it would probably have been around a time or two, and know a few tricks, so if nobody finds out, Vodka.
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So in conclusion, I am most sexually attracted to mixed drinks.
Read: bi-curious.
And by "mixed drinks" I meant a virgin Shirley Temple.
:evil:
:|
:oops:
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Blended "scotch" is crap, by the way. Single malt all the way.
Racist.
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So in conclusion, I am most sexually attracted to mixed drinks.
Read: bi-curious.
And by "mixed drinks" I meant a virgin Shirley Temple.
:evil:
:|
:oops:
Fuck you, Shirley Temples are awesome.
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Shirley Temples are awesome.
The truth was never more clearly writ.
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Where I come from we call Shirley Temples "Kiddie Cocktails," which sounds really gross and makes me want to cower in a corner.
I think of Vodka as your average college aged party kid. It gets the job done, sometimes, but it has little unique flavor and usually winds up making you feel cheaper in the morning.
I talk a lot about vodka because I have consumed a lot of vodka in my day. This has been a mistake, I now realize.
I have also consumed a lot of whiskey, but I have few complaints when it comes to whiskey. I would bone whiskey. It's been around the block and knows a few tricks, and if you aren't careful it will ruin your life, which makes it all the more interesting.
I'd settle down with wine. We'd have one of those relationships where we live together for decades, but never have children or get married.
I am not drunk right now I swear*.
*lying
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Fuck you, Shirley Temples are awesome.
I think you slightly completely missed what I was joking about.
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I get what you were implying, I am just saying that you do not need to be ashamed of drinking a shirley temple and if you are embarrassed to be seen doing so, then you are no friend of mine.
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Try reading my post literally; note that I didn't say anything about drinking.
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Brandy. She's like wine, but distilled.
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I voted schnapps (peach :lol:) but I'd go for Guinness, too.
This thread is making me thirsty.
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And plus Brandy's already a name. But I chose Whiskey because while I do indeed enjoy my whiskey sours and my 4 in a row shot races, I've seen a lot more action in drinking with cheap cheap Vodka, jungle juice and Natty Light (the horrors of college parties).
Whiskey to me though personified would be that hot wild southern party girl from Tenessee, not a far cry from Christina Ricci's character in Black Snake Moan, with less on the drugs and child rape by father and more on just the binge drinking.
Bringing up Tequila in the conversation because I feel she's underrepresented, she's more like that deceptively cute Mexican girl, who according to some stories has an allure over men and coercises them into ever escalating acts of stupidity, even though I've never had such an encounter.
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I'd have to go with old No. 7, she's been a good friend through the years. I admit I was tempted by a few tequilas back in high-school though.
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Gin..... but bourbon is a close second. Specifically, bourbon manhattans. I die for a good bourbon manhattan.
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Bringing up Tequila in the conversation because I feel she's underrepresented
Eww, no way man. I heard she has worms.
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I'm surprised no one's mentioned absinthe, sure you'd regret it the morning after, but damn it would be great in bed.
This from the guy who doesn't drink at all.
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8th Post, Ax.
But the real question is not, "Do you drink?"
It is, "Do you fuck?" :-P
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Gin. British girls rock.
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Gotta say rum. Though I greatly prefer drinking beer, he'd probably end up being too much foreplay and not enough action. And I've always had a thing for guys who are just barely on the straight side of the gay / straight line.
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Uh, I don't drink.
Does that make me celibate in this rather poor metaphor?
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And Bud Light is your basic Tommydski. Nobody will cop to liking it, but it sure does seem to get around anyway.
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Mmmmm I’d bunk up with Jack Daniels.
Possibility for a Jim bean & Jack Daniels threesome...
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Mixing Tennessee whiskey and bourbon?
That's like bringing home a girl and her mother on the same night..
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If vodka is the German guy, who is jägermeister?
I voted for vodka because vodka is your friend! She's never hurt me. Can't say that about Russian girls, though.
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Ballard, more like bringing home a girl and her ugly cousin on the same night.
My dream girl is an assertive, rugged lady with a cute southern accent that makes her endearing even when she's threatening.
Bourbon, where have you gone?
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I picked rum because a rum like man would be the type to have adventures and take me sailing. He'd be rugged, probably spends a lot of time in the sun, and would swim like no other. He may occasionally pillage or have to kill somebody with his sword, but that is okay, because we'd be doing it together. Captain Morgan would be a fling, but Bacardi I could take home to mum.
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Bacardi would be a dude from the carribean with a flowing shirt unbuttoned to his navel, barefoot and wearing khaki trousers that flap in the wind in a daring and somewhat dashing manner. Shit I would take him home to mum, simply to see the look on her face if nothing else.
He may also have a big gold earring.
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What? That's what Malibu makes me think of. That or some middle-aged woman in a slinky suit on a beach that really needs more coverage.
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Guys what I have basically gathered from this poll is that the personification of bourbon is Katie.
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And we all want in her pants.
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Long Island Iced Tea likes long walks on the beach as the sun sets and reading books that aren't too hard to understand.
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Spiced Rum! It's all scruffy and manly and talks like a pirate.
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Improperly made absynthe from the late 1800's is a blind french dude screaming with maddening pain.
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in my mind Gin is a strong-willed, witty, tart, but always-up-for-a-good-time, kind of partner.
aka. right up my theoretically alley
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Guys what I have basically gathered from this poll is that the personification of bourbon is Katie.
Voted bourbon before I read this post, for the record.
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Its WHISKY guys. There is no e unless your referring to irish WHISKEY. Sorry but i wouldn't do Whiskey but i certainly would Whisky.
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American whiskeys are also with an E, you silly sod
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yeah, hate to burst your bubble. But anyway, I'd do either Irish Whiskey or Tenessee Whiskey, because ones hot and Irish and the other's hot and southern. Plus I have a thing for red hair.
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I wouldn't fuck anything I drink, and I wouldn't drink anyone I'd fuck.
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Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world
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Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world
And that's why we love it! Also perhaps Jeph you haven't tried gin that doesn't come in lysterine bottles. Tanqueray and Plymouth are like fancy aids-riddled Haitian prostitutes.
But cognac, armagnac and other pretensious brandies will always be first in my heart. French chicks be crazy, judging by my sample size of one (and God knows that the above statement is STATISTICALLY infallible). But oh well.
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Tanqueray tastes the way I imagine a Christmas tree would.
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Long Island Iced Tea likes long walks on the beach as the sun sets and reading books that aren't too hard to understand.
Funny, I could've sworn that Long Island Iced Tea was the elderly matriarch who always swears that she never touches a drop of alcohol, when everyone knows that she actually has bottles of liquor stashed away all through her house.
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Tanqueray tastes the way I imagine a Christmas tree would.
I think it tastes like you're drinking the pacific northwest.
So yes, delicious.
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No way Harry, it is totally a lady in her late 20s who seems totally innocent but then you take her to a real party and have wild sex.
What the fuck, this thread. What the fuck.
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Seriously, I didn't expect or desire this thread to go anywhere. I was just mocking the comic forums.
Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.
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I'm a whiskey girl for sure! Whiskey seems like the kind of guy who would fuck the shit out of you and leave bright and early in the morning. None of that emotional bullshit to deal with. *grin*
Although i'd have to say a nice cheap malt liquor wouldn't be too bad of a fuck either. Probably like fucking a punk-rock boy. Decent foreplay, hard sex and then they'd hand you back your drink afterwards. Hahaha!
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Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.
All we're missing is some Jack Daniels/Jim Beam slash fiction
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Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.
I was all being ridiculous and then Harry ruined my Long Island Iced Tea idea.
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Seriously, I didn't expect or desire this thread to go anywhere. I was just mocking the comic forums.
Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.
Where you went wrong was thinking a good portion of us actually read those forums.
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I was all being ridiculous and then Harry ruined my Long Island Iced Tea idea.
You're only upset because you know I'm right.
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Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world
that makes the martini recipie a whole bunch less dignified.
Martini
1/2 ounce Dry Vermouth
2 ounces AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute, chilled
In a shaker full of ice, shake the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute and vermouth before straining into glass.
Serving suggestion: Garnish with olives, lemon twist.
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In a shaker full of ice, shake the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute and vermouth before straining into glass.
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WHAT THE FUCK
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Blargh. I think the AIDS-riddled haitian prostitute did it for me. Or the geriatric alcohol. Or the point where this seemingly stopped being about what alcohol you like, and which one deserves a skanky crown.
Wait ... that was the first post, wasn't it?
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I'd definitely have sex with the most expensive saki available.
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In a shaker full of ice, shake the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute and vermouth before straining into glass.
WHAT THE FUCK
Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world
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Jaeger, since she'd be tattooed, play in an extremely loud band and get me into some ridiculously chaotic situations before doing it. In the morning she would disappear before I awoke to go on tour, leaving an illegible note attached to my fridge with bubble gum and/or blood after having stolen an item of small importance (the note will be a convoluted explanation of why this was absolutely necessary). I'd also like a fling with absinthe, she'd be a self-destructive artist or writer who'd flip between melodic flights of imagination and grim, bitter, paranoid rage. Both moods would be equally conducive to creativity and sex. Whisky would be the one to settle down with though. She's variable and moody enough to make life interesting but not so mental you have to chuck them within a few weeks for fear of becoming as deranged they are. Plus they'd improve with age and the more you got used to her the more she'd reveal subtle depths to her character.
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that sounds like a monologue from a nick hornby book
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I think he's more pissed that anyone would dare shake their martini.
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Jaegermeister I always imagine personified as a chain smoker addicted to meth. The meth being Red Bull.
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Rum all the way! South American babes are teh hottest! (according to x-rays of my pelvis)
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guys. i would fuck each and every one of these liquors EXCEPT for jaeger.
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Jaegermeister I always imagine personified as a chain smoker addicted to meth. The meth being Red Bull.
Is it bad that this would not put me off?
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Hangin' round,
Downtown by myself.
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My outrage is only because Martinis should not be shaken. I instantly think less of a person who shakes their martini, let alone shake it with the vermouth, let alone use that vermouth:gin ratio.
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Cider would be my first choice. She'd be a boozy punk girl with a few piercings and tattooes and blue/green/pink hair... Keeen.
Midori would be my flatmate Sam, half asian, all insane and way too much fun but overly complicated in the morning.
Urrrgh...
I voted beer though. Gotta be beer. Old reliable, interchangable beer. I'd settle down with beer.
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Of my most loved and most hated alcohols, I figured it out like this:
vodka - no taste, boring, gets around
Schnappes - disgustingly sweet, leaves a bad taste in your mouth, makes me feel a bit ill
Beer - bitter and weak, makes you fat
Bourbon - yummy, but probably a bogan in a wife beater
Gin - delicious, but serious, no fun
Wine - delicious, rich, classy and gets better with age!
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Oh shit. I'm beer, apparently.
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vodka, mainly as it deserves loving for not giving me hangovers
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I chose Whiskey, and agree with this statement-
I have spent way too much time thinking about this and assigning personalities to the various kinds of booze. I think brand should come into play. For example, you might be okay nailing Grey Goose, but imagine fucking a human embodiment of Fleischmann's would end in tears and STDs.
For me, every few months a bottle of Glenfiddich - rich, sophisticated, sultry and goddess-levels of hot - would blitz back into my life, seduce me, take me to heaven and back, then leave with the assertion that she wouldn't mind coming back for more, maybe, and that I should consider it a privilege.
Famous Grouse, on the other hand, is the very cute friend you've known since school, have always wanted secretly to do, and then one day the opportunity falls into your lap and it's exactly as good as you imagined it would be.
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Jameson's is an adorable lady who expresses her rather obvious desire to get in your pants with witty innuendoes and euphemisms that don't even bother you because you are too preoccupied with the way you can tell she is trying to imagine you naked.
Glenfiddich and Glenmorangie and Talisker and Laphroaig are like that, except more subtle and sophisticated and hotter. Also I think they are all sisters, or at least could pass for them, although like Glenfiddich has straight hair and Talisker's is curly and black and you get the impression that Laphroaig wants to bite you, but you can't be sure. Glenmorangie is the quiet one.
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Right on the
money whisky, calenlass. Plus they have a large bunch of really hot cousins, too.
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Man I need to meet more of their cousins.
Hey guys I had some tequila last night that wasn't ass! I am not really sure what to make of it, though. Also, unlike beer, after several swigs from the flask I was sharing I no longer minded the bite or the aftertaste.
Also I was busy being chatted up, so I wasn't really concentrating on personifying the tequila. Sorry, dudes. I don't even know what kind it was. :/
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Let me introduce you::
http://www.whisky.com/ (http://www.whisky.com/)
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How about Dalwhinnie? Always enjoyable...
I think gin could be fun, just not the same kind of fun as vodka. Gin is the intellectual girl who likes to drink too much but isn't a slut. Vodka is the girl I always date, gin is the girl I really should be dating. Fatty has it right.
Gin - delicious, but serious, no fun
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How about it?
http://www.whisky.com/brands/dalwhinnie_brand.html (http://www.whisky.com/brands/dalwhinnie_brand.html)
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I think Dalwhinnie is a sweet girl you can always count on, while Lagavulin is the girl you tell yourself you could handle on a full time basis, but the reality is that she is too much and you better stick to seeing her just a couple times a year.
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Oh yeah, for the record: Schnaps > Schnapps