THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Lunchbox on 08 Mar 2008, 03:58
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There once was a trend on Gabbly
That decided to move to QC
Bad poems did abound
As the Gabbers had found
That limericks don't come easily
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There was a thread by Lunchbox.
Followed by a limerick from Sox.
I'm sure if he could,
he'd make one that's good.
Unforunately, he's dumb as rocks.
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There once was a forum QC
Which limericked a lot, you see
but some gossiping found,
conspiracy abound,
A place of many lulz it be.
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Darryl shaved off all his hair
Both his head and his beard to be fair
He started a race
To grow things on his face
He thought it may give him some flair
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Ally used to be adored
but now she's perpetually bored
When people stopped skyping...
They also stopped typing...
It's a travesty Ally is ignored!
Lunchy's so pretty it's sick.
But her fans, they are totally thick.
It's all stupid noobs
Who say "LOLBOOBS"
And I've heard smarter comments from bricks.
Lunchy lives in her kitchen and bakes
The most glorious marvelous cakes
With sprinkles and cream
It's a fat person's dream
She takes photos of all that she makes
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Our Darryl is from the UK
So lovely he's probably gay
I bet he doesn't smell
And as far as I can tell
He'd be a pretty good lay
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When Jodie arrived, we all raved
She's so nice and well behaved
She has a great smile
and plenty of style
though the sides of her head, they are shaved?
Ali eats tim tams all day
She thinks she eats more than she weighs
On the forums she's Fatty
But she's really quite natty
Metabolism for the hooray!
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Ms. Lunchbox is clearly deluded
Because the air that Darryl's exuded
Tells me he's rather a dork
There's much I'd prefer to pork
(inanimate objects included)
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My rhyming ability is dead.
I can't think off the top of my head
I can't create limericks
I can only suck ten dicks,
in regards to my post in this thread.
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That Astaldo forumer guy...
I really do have to ask why...
You seem overzealous...
And really, quite jealous...
When saying Darryl's not a great guy...
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I once had this bitch Margaret
Who had me sprung when jail I split
But I kicked in her do'
And I looked on the flo'
And discovered that bitches ain't shit
Oh, to the window, to the wall,
To the sweat drop down my balls
Ah, skeet skeet skeet skeet
Ah, skeet skeet skeet skeet
To all of these bitches do crawl
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Sox I'm offended by your chide
I'm not sure why you replied
It seemed overly trite
Are you looking for a fight
Do you want to take this outside?
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There once was this guy Johnny C
This dude was awesome, you see
But then he said bitches ain't shit
And I just couldn't best it
And now I'm wallowing in misery.
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Be cautious while your postcount is small
To walk you must first learn to crawl
Lurk with some patience
Enjoy our mature conversations
...
Dongs ROFL HURR dickfish BUTTSLOL
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My favourite colour is orange
it really is qu-
Never mind.
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I am usually somewhat reserved
But Astaldo, you got on my nerves.
I'll own your hide
If we take this outside
Baby, prepare to get served.
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I find that hard to believe
I have a few tricks up my sleeve
They're really quite neat
They'll ensure your defeat
It'd be best if you were to just leave
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Are you guys having a... poetry-off?
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There once was a vampire named Mabel
Whose periods were always quite stable
Every full moon
She'd take out a spoon
And drink herself under the table
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(D,F,D,A) young chick.
I'll (B,B) until you're sick.
with your pride diminished
(D,F,A) and finish
With (D,D,B)(Hurricane Kick)
(http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/3861/ryu420pxtc0.jpg)
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It's not much of a battle I feel
I'm not sure Sox has the steel
If I really start trying
You'll soon hear him crying
He's probably not even real.
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Ladies and gentlemen here with us tonight
You're in for a most wondrous sight
This is as good as it gets
Come on in, place your bets
It's a motherfucking internet fight
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A resolution has clearly been missed
I overreacted, I admit, I was pissed
let's try this again
And settle it like men
With words, instead of our fists?
On the other hand, to hell with that, young whelp
Because I just placed a bet on myself
When we get to the ring
It's MY name they'll sing
As I'll have you crying for help.
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Don't dis my foe, that ain't cool
Because though I clearly rule
I'm a man of RESPECT
Oh, and don't forget...
...Kids? Stay in school.
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Regardless of what goes in my face
This conversation is quite a disgrace
This is an internet forum
Show some decorum
Or perhaps you should leave without trace.
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This thread is the best
It kicks all sorts of chest
With jesting galore
These posts i adore
Who the fucks been stealing my pets?
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Now that the riff-raff has gone
The honourable fight can go on.
But before we attack
Let's have a snack
I have made pre-fight Tea and Scones.
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I bet they're delicious
Creative fun and nutritious
But if you drink all that tea
Mid fight you might pee
And no one likes a man that just pishes
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So here by the ringside, we're chillin'
Cheering the word-duel of top billin'.
What!? Anyways left?
Oh we are bereft:
For every thread needs a good villain!
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There once was a vampire named Mabel
Whose periods were always quite stable
Every full moon
She'd take out a spoon
And drink herself under the table
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read.
With limericks some are quite pretty
But some stupid tits write them shitty
They should be gunned down
Make me want to frown
Like that sucker-of-cocks Something Witty
(man I hope he comes in here 'cause if not I will feel bad)
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Sir, please ignore my boasts
I have really enjoyed your posts
It was naught but a jest
'Tis me that's the pest
Our forumites are pleased to be your hosts!
(Seriously, Anyways)
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These threads never cease to enthral,
And I'm just trying to comprehend it all.
Some are funny!perverted,
And though some people got hurted,
But come on people, we're just havin' a lol.
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Internet drama is lame
Seriously guys, it is lame
It's stupid as shit
Go back to Mum's tit
And learn to stop being so--- wait wait wait. What the fuck is going on, this over a limerick thread? Man I was stranded for 5 hours today because a mountain collapsed and blocked the road because some idiots didn't engineer their rock blast properly, and even that stupidity is weak compared to this.
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I would just like everyone to know that Taylor's limerick is less than stellar for me because when I see "lol" in my head I have always heard it "ell oh ell".
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Maybe this one will be more to your liking.
You disdain my use of L O L,
But observe, my dear Southern belle,
A more stellar rhyme
Could be achieved in time,
Its obvious rhyme? "Go to hell."
(I challenge you to a rhyme-off)
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Be it poetry, rap, or any battle of rhyme,
When properly done it can be sublime,
But to a Limerick-off
My hat I must doff,
For this is the greatest thread of all time.
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Oh, Jeph, now see, this is what happens,
When weekends you take off with your friends:
A limerick war
Explodes in your
Hilarious off-topic forums
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There once was a forumer named öde,
Whose limericks could not be abode,
Haiku was his forte,
But in this thread thought,
A most faux pas sort of mode!
EDIT: Removed for making no sense.
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I've got a ringside seat for this rhyme-off,
But it looks like you're taking some time off.
Come on, hurry back!
I've got Cracker Jack.
I've caged the match; you can't sneak off!
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If this life is getting you down
And internet drama be making you frown
Get on up, go outside
Take a walk, or a ride
You'll soon turn that frown upside-down
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You may consider this to be a throw-down,
You might say a sort of showdown,
It's my intention,
To divide attention,
So hell no I can't slow down.
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It seems that Sox has fled
This battle has gone to his head
My wonderful prose
Had him in throes
Do I have another challenger instead?
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Astaldo, you think Sox would leave
Because your rhymes made him grieve?
You were no test,
He knew he was best,
And that, you'd better believe.
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Back in the day there was heretic
who posted so much he got very sick
he left for some time
(not from gabbly, you'll mind)
but he came back for one stupid limerick.
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It's said that there's nothing girls find
As sexy as a poetic mind
I fear this doesn't apply
If it's limericks you cry
While you're tappin' that ass from behind
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Heretic posted a rhyme
And it's really about fucking time
That he made a comeback
His face I will smack
If he leaves us with just one lame rhyme
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Karl is quite wrong,
With regards to my song
His mother loves rhyme
Most of the time
Especially when she's on my schlong.
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A word that rhymes with orange?
Well of course you are thinking of door hinge.
Sorry to say
I cannot, I kinnae
Think of a word besides sore minge.
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Astaldo,
Be cautious about where you stray,
You claim your rhymes carry the day,
But your diction is weak.
This is fiction you speak,
You do not belong in this fray.
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Guys, I think I am through
There isn't much left I can do
(The real reason Pete
And please be discreet
Is that I placed all my money on you)
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Gents, gents, we need to fess up-
I know rhyming is too fun to pass up;
But I take your failing endurance,
As just one more assurance,
That I'll win, "hands down, ass up."
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Bob that was a fine insult to swallow
My response can seem naught but hollow
What an excellent rhyme
The best in some time
It's really a tough act to follow
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Astaldo, it sure would be fun
To give you a beatdown my son
But before we dance
Give this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)#Form) a glance
And come back once you've learned how it's done
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Shit, your last one was actually pretty good.
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Amper the rhyme is as good as the impact is
But the long and the short of the fact is
Although you rhyme well
I feel I must yell:
We don't care about your sexual practice
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Amper the rhyme is as good as the impact is
dude that isn't even close to the right number of syllables
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The boarding in this thread is strong
But it's twisted my brain all 'round wrong
Now this I have read
In each other thread
I think non-limerick posts don't belong.
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Slow down there, mr Jhocking
Your conduct is really quite shocking
Have you not read
You must rhyme in this thread?
Boy, you are in for a clocking!
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Do I hear somebody a mocking
The honor of my dear Joseph Hocking?
Slow down, my pup,
He's just warming up,
No need for intellectual cockblocking.
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As a maverick lyrical genius
I rhyme racier than a bikini is
To hell with convention
My lines are invention!
And tastier than a zucchini is
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Perhaps JHocking will improve this night
But his first post was a painful sight.
It may not quite rhyme,
But at least there's five lines,
See, Astaldo is doing it rite.
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So sorry, I sometimes forget
This thread has a theme to be met
Next time I'll beware
It is only fair
The rules I must follow or quit
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The mockery of our dear Joey
Just proves all your mothers are ho-ey
You all need to work
more at being a jerk
And go get a job, please, and blow me
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Wait, hang on a bit...
oh mr Jhocking, you tit!
"forget" and "met"? fine
But "Quit" does not rhyme!
But you did rather well, I admit.
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DEAR ASTALDO
I'm duly impressed by your little stint,
Though, Pete, you'll be wishing you didn't.
Your rhymes are so dangerously swank,
I foresee a reprimanding spank -
Bitch, someone call in the reinforcements.
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The backup's already been called
And my rhymes will leave you all blueballed
I'm going insane
Like a cat on cocaine
And your rhyme-shits leave me quite appalled
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Dear Patrick, I'm posting from work.
These limericks are an excellent perk.
Making otherwise boring
Tasks more worth enjoying
But weak rhymes like yours drive me berserk.
Here there are no shades of grey
I'm the best, there's no more to say
The sharpest mind
Is mine, you'll find,
(And Patrick listens to Coldplay)
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Joe's been too long on the net
It is my unending regret
That since Hocking's entered
He's shown he's demented
For "quit" does not rhyme with "met"
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Oh man! Harsh! OUCH
BobJoeJim is clearly no slouch!
Let patrick recover
before giving him another
Here man, rest on my couch.
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The definition of limerick in this thread
Has been oh so mightily twisted
The meter is wretched,
The rhymes are all stretched;
As poets I think we've lost all cred.
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You complain about metric deficiency,
But your syllable counts are off by three,
And as for stretched rhymes,
They make wonderful dimes,
As long as you just drop them carefully.
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I have come to quite a junction
I suffer a degree of compunction
For I find myself shirking
When I should really be working
Making notes on renal function
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Tis not a syllable-count you must meet
Tis the right number of metrical feet
Please repeat after me
"Three three two two three"
With this knowledge you cannot be beat
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(And Patrick listens to Coldplay)
Oh FUCK NO YOU DID NOT.
Got balls of steel, BobJoeJim
But your face is so much like a quim
With a dong in your mouth
Like a place further south
Your rhymes are so weak it's a sin
(we need to take this to spokenvswritten.com or something)
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Wow, some people just can't take critique
Guess they're caught up in their own mystique!
I'll stick by my meter,
'Twas example feeder.
I'm sorry, but our poetry reeks!
;)
However, that's just an aside
I'm willing to quietly abide.
I think BobJoeJim
Should respond to him
As has just stuck a knife in his hide.
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'M' and 'N' are different letters,
Leave the rhyming to your betters.
Your vulgarity rate
Is impressively great
But your wit is that of an Irish Setter.
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Patty, oh, Pat, let it be,
Though his affront mayn't be your cup o tea -
The claim was untrue,
And this fact will subdue -
At least he didn't claim ICP.
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You just don't appreciate their genius.
Yes, they're not amazing. Like zucchini is.
Infact, they are crap
I'm shutting my yap!
DAMMIT, STAY OUT OF MY BIDNIZ
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I'm not sure ass-tall-doh can complain
"Quit" worked well to end my refrain
Sox was only okay
Fine/rhyme he did say
But "demented" just caused in me pain.
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With one fourth of your blood going through me
I regulate blood osmolarity
I make erythropoetin
And I'm tasty for eatin'
Good sir; I am a kidney!
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Astaldo, you have broken my brain.
Your last poem has left me in pain.
I cannot denounce
Rhymes I cannot pronounce,
Please never do that again!
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'M' and 'N' are different letters,
Leave the rhyming to your betters.
Your vulgarity rate
Is impressively great
But your wit is that of an Irish Setter.
I honestly wish you were dead
Your parents should never have bred
Go take a shotgun
Blow yourself a new one
Then take some buckshot to your head
(holy crap this is fun)
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KimJong, that was too far, dude.
Infact, it was terribly rude.
I'm sorry young feller
But now you're old yeller
Let's head to the barn, your brain's screwed.
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Bee Jay Jay, you'll find you're mistaken,
Reread Pete's, you'll see you're quite taken -
Not simply with the obscurity
Of his scientific maturity.
Lads, observe love, in the makin'.
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This thread is turning far too mean,
I think people are running out of steam.
We can all be kind,
and in that frame of mind,
smiles from everyone will beam!
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Patrick may be getting quite personal,
But I take no offense at it all.
It's kind of amusing
Watching him abusing
All for which intelligence is useful.
Still though it might be wise
For us all to be sure not to devise
Rhymes excessively cruel
Which could violate rules
And deny this thread a reprise
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Amp, I was being sarcastic
It hurt, but I can be quite elastic.
Did I understand it?
Only partially I admit,
But he kidney poem was fantastic.
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To woo with lyrical prose
Is something that everyone knows
Can really work well
It's something quite swell
Ampersandwich, your text frankly glows.
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Hey now, what is all this?
Something is clearly very amiss
Where are the posts so irate,
and the venomous hate?
Please tell me you're all taking the piss
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Astaldo's suggestion of wooing is true
I woo'ed a lady with e-mail haiku
Now, she's my wife,
And, sadly, my life
Hardly ever includes a good screw.
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I really have to pee
I hope it doesnt smell like the sea
I dont want it to be smelly
I want it to smell like grape jelly
"That so yellow" said me.
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Don't piss in the ocean
You'll only cause a commotion
Its at times like these
That i beg and say please
For people in it are a washin'
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Oh dear,
Didn't you hear?
I wasn't going to piss in the pacific.
That'd be too horrific
I mean, people would peer*.
(*As in peer over.)
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I'm actually quite bemused
I thought you'd have all been confused
But stanza composing
See? Not so imposing!
I'm terribly glad you're amused
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Well as long as you refrain
Then i shall feel no pain
From drinking the slightly hotter
Highly piss infected water
That wouldn't have tasted like rain
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Having completed my studious work
I find the thread has gone slightly beserk
For all that I see
Are poems about wee
They're not even raising a smirk.
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Snow caved me in
I used my shovel made of tin
Broke my back
Feels like I have a frozen sack
5 inches of snow is a sin
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Record high snow
has never set glow
to many canadians out there,
since spring came, we swear!
but the snow has come back to blow.
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It is sad that I'm forced to refrain
from being able to feel with your pain.
I am English you see,
snow is alien to me
because all that we get here is rain.
I'm afraid I must also point out
that you've missed what this thread is about.
It was poetry, yes
quite good, I'll profess
but a limerick? somehow I doubt.
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i'll try to throw in a limerick
this rhyme might sink like a brick
but what i will say
(i'll stay out of this fray)
this (http://limerickdb.com/?top150) site should give you a kick
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It seems that some are quite confused,
Which leaves the rest here well amused.
metric feet, you'll see
are confusing to me
I'll sit in the corner bemused.
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The world, it can really quite suck.
Disease and despair run amok.
Yet it takes Britney Spears
With her shaved head and tears
For the public to say "shit, we're fucked!"
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this (http://limerickdb.com/?top150) site should give you a kick
Mister Mars I do 'preciate
That link had me laughing til 8
It did not take long
To see it belongs
For sure a bookmark did it rate
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Limerick DB is by Munroe
He is quite the rhyming comic hero
So I join the denizens
and his faithful legions
He'll take net pollution down to zero
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For some strange reason,
I don't know why, I feel like
I'm doing it wrong
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It would seem that some people don't know
how a limerick is meant to go:
five beats in this line
the rest should have nine
all except for that last one, just so.
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A thread all of lim'ricks? Quite merry!
But what of a whole dictionary (http://www.oedilf.com/db/Lim.php?Word=aorta)?
41,000 and countin' --
It seems like a mountain
Of wit for just one site to carry!
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If you looked you might find some info (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_%28poetry%29#Form),
Metric feet, in a limerick, go;
Three three, two two three,
Easy as can be,
Syllables are not all you must know.
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There once was a dude named Brett,
As smashed as a fellow could get.
A bucket of fun,
he gave gabbly a run.
A forumite I wish I had met.
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Didn't get it the first time around
Though happiness did seem to abound
I'll give it a try
Please don't give a cry
When my rhyming fails to astound
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My god this is not the way,
We all have nothing to say,
Oh, what is the point
Of poems disjoint
Of any truth to convey
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I'm much more of a fan of haiku
but I suppose a Limerick will do
to waste some time
by composing a rhyme
and I'm becoming a convert, too!
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If you must become quite obsessed
with meanings that rhymes possesed
A sonnet you should write
And find solace in your might
But I find much more comfort in jest.
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I'm actually quite bemused
I thought you'd have all been confused
But stanza composing
See? Not so imposing!
I'm terribly glad you're amused
It seems that some are quite confused,
Which leaves the rest here well amused.
metric feet, you'll see
are confusing to me
I'll sit in the corner bemused.
OH GOD IT'S AN ALI/ALLY HIVEMIND
I'm digging this useless endeavour
I wonder what is today's weather?
It's cloudy and shite
It doesn't feel right
I think I'll just stay in forever
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When i first noticed this thread,
I laughed and scratched my head.
For a well worded rhyme,
At such a late time,
Would have to be written in bed.
-
I have a big headache right now
It feels I've been sat on by cows
I'll go pop a pill
I'm feeling quite ill
It feels like it's going kaPOW
Bonus points: band rehearsal in an hour whooooooooooooo
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(9:36:43 PM) fatty: guys, i'm in a lim'rick writing spree
(9:36:46 PM) fatty: rhyming and rhyming with glee
(9:37:02 PM) fatty: i just can't stop - i'm about to pop!
(9:37:09 PM) fatty: ...what a messy sight that would be.
(10:47:33 PM) fatty: man, i've been talking in rhyme all night
(10:47:40 PM) fatty: it really is quite a sight
(10:47:49 PM) fatty: everything that i say, i must put in a way
(10:47:59 PM) fatty: that fits the lim'rick form quite tight
the once was a dude named Aztex
Who was under a powerful hex
On internet access
depended his happ'ness
Until he replaced it with sex.
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I look at the Krebs Cycle and what's this?
A species for gluconeogenesis
Named oxaloacetate
It really is quite great
Also for amino acid synthesis!
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These limericks are such a bore
I try and I try to ignore
All your silly rhymes
Please get with the times
And post pictures of dinosaurs
(http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2227/1964250373_9dfecb8c17.jpg) (http://www.amonline.net.au/display.cfm?id=2750)
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Twice blessed, our hero the doc
Once with his hands, again with his cock
Makes the incision
With wondrous precision
And takes off her elegant frock
Kelly was supple, nimble and keen
Eva was rubbing oils on Christine
Sue liked her whips
Fey swayed her hips
While doc spread his charms in between
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There once was a man from Kentucky
Who dreamed he had gotten quite lucky
He woke with a start
And a thundering heart
To find he was birthing a ducky
I got nothin'
Edit: THERE YOU GO KATIE, EDITED FOR YOU
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There once was a lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake.
A man in a punt
stuck his pole in the water
and said "you can't swim here - it's private!"
-
Yesterday this thread was a blast,
But now the thrill has passed.
I had my fun
And wrote this one
But this limerick will be my last.
-
The victory falls, then, to me
For I look around and see
That all of my peers
Have withdrawn their jeers
As I continue about my spree.
-
Your lies are such horrible shite
You appear to be seeking a fight
You've got such esteem
For yourself, it sure seems
And it's funny 'cause none of it's right
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There once was a lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake.
A man in a punt
stuck his pole in the water
and said "you can't swim here - it's private!"
Not discouraging inspiring media,
But I can't think of anything greedier
than the plagiarist's route.
Yes, I'm calling you out
Cause I remember your rhyme from Wikipedia.
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Roses are red, violets are blue
Don't be alarmed, I know what I do
The start it is off
"Wrong type" you doth scoff
Those words I will soon make you rue
-
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah okay what
Yeah okay yeah yeah what
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah
-
I'm so pleased that people have stuck it
To write limericks pleasing to look at
There's so much to read
It's pleasant indeed
And not a single man from Nantucket!
-
Not discouraging inspiring media,
But I can't think of anything greedier
than the plagiarist's route.
Yes, I'm calling you out
Cause I remember your rhyme from Wikipedia.
You're quite right that I got it from there
I never claimed it was mine, to be fair.
I thought it was fun
there's no harm been done
you can do it as well, if you dare.
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There once was a man from Ukraine
Who had some severe rectal pain
He looked in the mirror
And shouted with fear
For inside his bum was his cane
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limericks are dumb
haikus are way better dogg
see what i did there?
i bet you did not
because you use limericks
to speak your nonsense
i dont even have to
rhyme my lines or anything
haikus win ok?
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I like haikus dude
You just aren't aware of it
Stop your jacking off
-
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
i am not jacking off here
that is just a lie
i do not approve
of your lies and slander fool
g-t-f-o bitch
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lol n00b u r gay
i will beat you at CS
boom headshot lol lol
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And not a single man from Nantucket!
There once was a walrus from Nantucket
Whose favorite word was bucket
But then the walrus died
And all his fans cried
And a blah blee bloo, fuck it.
Also, haikus are
not my favorite poems.
So, uh, fuck haikus.
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lol n00b u r gay
i will beat you at CS
boom headshot lol lol
omg im dead
leik wtf ur haxing
no wai u ghey fag
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There once was a fine QC forum....
That relieved many people of boredom....
Australians galore,
and oh so much more,
It's better than a kick to the scrotum.
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There once was a forumite using haiku,
Their quality matched their IQ,
In a limerick thread too,
What else can we do,
But to execute them by snu-snu.
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omg im dead
leik wtf ur haxing
no wai u ghey fag
stfu fag
u just pissed cuz u cant play
lern 2 suk less n00b
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awesome, snu-snu
dan i love you
oh shit
i'm uh not going to poeticize this
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Looks like I'm fucked then HAR HAR HAR HA RHARARUHAHRAHRUWHRSVJMWOM*$Y%&#^##########
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snu-snu.
Before you take your next breath,
Let me say that I'm going deaf -
For there's no other way that
I just heard you say that
They get off with getting sexed to death.
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Pete Gwynne Presents:
Limericks composed in a practical
The LAC Operon in E. Coli
Is a means it is able to grow by
Lactose incubation
Brings enzyme activation
And the CA cycle continues to go by.
There was a chemist overly keen
Infamous in't chemistry scene
For his tasty elution
He thought sucrose solution
Turned out was 1-chloro benzene
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In Physics particles are small
The Higgs boson most elusive of all
So far it eludes us
Causing myriads of fuss
But soon it will answer our call
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As a coder the limerick most fun
Was at limerickdb - its the one
Completely in code
To which I write this ode:
All hail "int factorial (int sum)"!
http://limerickdb.com/?376 (http://limerickdb.com/?376)
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stfu fag
u just pissed cuz u cant play
lern 2 suk less n00b
Ima go tell a mod on you
he will make your haxing ass go shoo
he will be leik "lol ban"
you will be leik "aw man"
thats why you dont pick on those who are new
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As a student of english I 'fess,
that my limerick ability is less
that the ones that I see
when I visit QC,
which leaves me in quite a big mess.
It's a very strange truth that I know:
it rhymes if you say it just so.
There's a way I can make
the word lark rhyme with lake
but I won't tell you how, I must go.
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Dang you people, now you've got me getting all political .. in limerick form.
Now a housing crisis is looming
Because when the market was booming
To impress their spouses
People bought houses
When really they should have been rooming
Buying on margin: speculating
Why should my tax money pay a thing
To bail you guys out?
No, I don't doubt
Its all 'bout election year bling.
My wife and I thought about buying
But it would have taken some lying
On our mortgage app
(Our credit was crap);
We knew ARM's would lead to some crying.
Economics are simple, you see
Money: it doesn't grow on trees.
Now my wife and I
(Who didn't buy)
Want to purchase a house by the sea.
The only way we can afford it
Is if the prices come down a bit.
That's not gonna happen
If the dominant faction
Gets Congress to take care their shit.
Look, it's called a market correction.
For some, yes its a painful lesson.
For the rest of us
Who weren't idiots
Its a natural change in direction!
Also submitted to limerick db - so if you find it there, don't accuse me of plagiarism. 8-)
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I tried to adjust my bridge
It's annoying like each bloody midge
But the worthless-ass screw
Fucking stripped, piece of poo
To intonate G just a smidge
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Sorry Patrick, that sucks.
Hope it doesn't cost major bucks.
To replace that thing
that goes under the string.
Just don't kick it in your Chucks.
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It's really just fiction, you see
But I'm still grateful, totally
'Cause I've had so much shit
With this thing's hardware bits
It gets me so mad I can't see
Actually I really love the thing, if it didn't shit out on me all the time I wouldn't know anything near as much about the inner workings of guitars as I do now.
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You may just find this grotesque,
but I find my polisci prof statuesque.
And though it is sick,
I lust after his body politic,
And want to bend him right over the desk.
:-D :-D :-D
(you see, because poetry is a form of expression)
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in b4 article on Fark
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To Darryl, from Gabbly.
Darryl, he's one of a kind
He's got a nice behind
But when I proposed
He went OH NOES
And now I'm sorry I pined.
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Darryl on Gabbly was mine
Our marriage was going just fine
Then off he did run
The end had begun
He is such a terrible swine
:(
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He tried to marry Shane, Adam, and me
But Darryl left us for Jodie
What he did was a crime
And then left Jodie behind
And broke all of our hearts, you see.
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There once was a drunkard from cardiff
whose limeicks did not rhyme at all
they didn't scan either
but he perservered anyway
his name was pete
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The lim'ricks that follow aren't mine
i did write the opening rhyme
to let you all know
as rhyming guys go
at best, I would say I am fine.
There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space].
A dying mosquito exclaimed,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane
If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean Chinchilla's chin chilly
and the mother of all limericks...
A Brief History of Gravity
It filled Gallileo with mirth
To watch his two stones fall to Earth
"Their rates are the same,"
He gladly proclaimed,
"And quite independent of girth!"
Then Newton declared in due course
His own law of Gravity's force,
"It goes, I declare,
As the inverted square
Of the distance from object to source."
Next Einstein revealed his equation
Which succeeds to describe gravitation
As spacetime that's curved
And it's this that will serve
As the planets' unique motivation.
But the end of the story's not written,
By a new way of thinking we're smitten.
We twist and we turn
Attempting to learn
The Superstring Theory of Witten.
These are all from this site (http://limerickdb.com/?top150)
Edit: I see you all already know of the site. Well, this post is mostly pointless then.
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The trick to good poems, I find,
is not to rely on your mind,
but to use a thesaurus
and thus you can wow us.
(I don't think the middle part rhymed.)
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Stayed up all night coding away
On a project that is due today
Still not nearly done
Procrastination's no fun
Wait, the deadline's postponed, JOYOUS DAY!!
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That limerick reminded me
that I have an exam in IT.
It's tomorrow at nine
which is really not fine;
it's rather too early, you see.