THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Patrick on 17 Mar 2008, 06:54
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Your 10,000th post will be wasted if you do not do it here.
You'll see what's up. -JC
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I've been waiting for this thread to pop up... seemed inevitable.
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See, this is why I should be in charge of everything forever. I'm the only one with initiative.
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I thought about starting one, but I didn't want to get ridiculed and I knew someone else would do it anyway.
Ha ha ha.
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he's been at 9999 for a few days now. i think he's been deleting his old posts.
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I haven't seen him posting anything new, though. Perhaps he is waiting for the opportune moment...
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Oh shit, maybe 10,000 is the Impossible Number.
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I think he's kind of hoping I will get to 10,000 before him. Like, being the second person to get to 10,000 would somehow be slightly less embarrassing.
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It's not embarrassing, it's an exclusive club. I'M GOING FOR THE BRONZE
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It's not the winning that counts, it's the taking part.
But I'm not even taking part.
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ITS OK EVERYONE
I've arrived.
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Johnny C, if you waste Epic Post #10,000 in this thread, it would ruin my impression of you. You had me at "Would you like to go to sea, Billy?" and I don't want to lose that!
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He has his own thread to commemorate it. He has the support of millions of adoring fans (read: three people). He has it all.
Why wouldn't he!
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Oh why, can't you see, this thread and Johnny C were not meant to be.
In the morning you'll know you're wrong.
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SHOW YOURSELF, COWARD
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POSTING IN A LEGENDARY THREAD/wanting to get close to 10,000 posts.
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I don't want to be close to 10,000 posts! I rather like the number of posts I have right now because my position is FIGHT YOU. Maybe I should just stop posting since my posts suck anyway.
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You could probably ask for a custom title.
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I'm posting in this thread to see how many posts I have. While I realize I could've clicked the profile button in about a tenth of the time, this somehow makes me feel like a part of something special.
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All I know is I'm sick of being a fucking 'Scrabble Hacker,' especially considering I don't know what that means.
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Wait... The positions are supposed to mean something? I didn't know.
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No, they aren't, really.
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says the person who's beyond beyond thunderdome! It's rife with subliminal messages of how she is more important than the rest of you. Someone should rebel.
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What I should have said was, "I don't know what a Scrabble Hacker" is.
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A Scrabble hacker is a Scrabble hacker.
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but I never left
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A hacker of Scrabble?
By the way... this made me happy today:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v69/Jimbunny/scrabbleyes.jpg)
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True Scrabble goodness. woo!
My dog is looking forward to his post..... (http://cache.valleywag.com/assets/resources/screenclean.swf)
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If anything I sold out only 2000 posts ago.
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man what thing am i?
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man i am not fight you yet not cool
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POST WHORE AW YEAH!
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Your 10,000th post will be wasted if you do not do it here.
You'll see what's up. -JC
I DID NOT SAY THAT, WUT
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I thought this thread was going to be an advice one, like the ask the makeout hobo thread. It should be.
Dear Johnny C,
I recently realized through counseling that I have a problem with being a doormat. How do you assert yourself while still managing to be so nice? I find it pretty hard!
-#1 JC Fan
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Dear Johnny C,
if i start reading achewood will i get all dem bitches and hoes?
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Anyone can field this one for JC by saying hell yes.
Even if it doesn't you should read it anyhoo.
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dear johnny c you are so sexy
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Dear Johnny C,
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Johnny C gets so much action you couldn't scrub the smell of sex off of him with a wire brush and turpentine.
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Man, you're just saying that to seem cool, all liking Johnny's stuff before he got popular.
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Dear Johnny C,
I recently realized through counseling that I have a problem with being a doormat. How do you assert yourself while still managing to be so nice? I find it pretty hard!
-#1 JC Fan
I'll field this one.
#1 JC Fan, I want you to stop and think about why you want to stop being a doormat. Really think about it. Now tell me honestly, would a life of assertion and forthrightness really be as fulfilling as you think it would be? Do you really want to be that one person always saying "Actually guys, I don't know if that's such a good idea"? Do you? Do you?
Now that you've thought about that, I have a few words to tell you about the exciting world of being a worker drone. Join the worlds fastest-growing employment sector! Job opportunities abound! Never be kept awake at night by your hopes and dreams ever again - as a worker drone, the bossman does the hoping and dreaming for you, so that you don't have to!
Read all about it and other exciting opportunities in the field of soul-deadening mundaneness in my new book, Beige is for Weekends Too: the limitless possibilities of total resignation.
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Dear Johnny C,
You killed my dog. I hate you forever.
Love,
Imapiratearg.
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*Waits patiently for the gag accounts to arrive*
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Dear Johnny,
I think your 10,000th post should be an epic re-post of what you consider to be your best material.
Thank you,
Liz
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Dear Johnny C,
You killed my dog. I hate you forever.
Love,
Imapiratearg.
Dear Imapiratearg,
As part of the company's annual performance evaluation, your dog was found to be falling behind in the following skill sets:
(a) Fetching (*evaluator's notes: subject declined to fetch weekend newspaper - commitment to company fetching goals is suspect - even when successfully fetched, front page of newspaper often bore obvious signs of bite damage);
(b) Playing (*evaluator's notes: subject often appeared lethargic - subject appeared afraid of squeaky toy)
(c) Submissiveness (*evaluator's notes: subject frequently attempted to claim position of "top dog" - subject displayed signs of extreme and worrying career ambition)
Upon review of the evaluator's field report, the company felt that the best course of action was to offer your dog a full buy-out of its position. As your dog showed no interest in the financial settlement, action was taken to terminate its employment immediately. The company is endeavouring to quickly fill the now vacant position of Your Dog, however due to a seasonal shortage in suitable canine candidates, our team in Non-Human Resources have had to fill the position using employees from a local temp agency. The company hopes that you enjoy many happy moments with your new pet guppy, and reminds you that while you will not be charged for this service, damages will be sought if the guppy should fall ill or die whilst in your care. Please remember not to become too attached to your guppy, as due to the high number of pet vacancies the company can guarantee its employment in the position of Your Pet for a period of no less than three weeks and no greater than five weeks.
Thankyou and have a good day.
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Dear John,
I'm afraid we have to terminate our romantic relationship. It's not you, it's me.
Regards,
Your lover of 20 years
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Dear Patrick,
Please find enclosed form R5-m1 [severance of long-term romantic relationship]. Kindly complete the form and return to this address within five (5) working days. Our client [insert client name here] Johnny C appreciates your prompt action in this matter.
Regards,
Harry.
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Dear Johnny C,
What are you wearing? Please compile a list, including value, and post it in the relevant thread.
Thaaaaaanks.
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Dear Johnny C,
What is your response to recent allegations that you are clients 1 through 8 of Emperor's VIP Club
Love,
Karl
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Dear Karl,
Why do you think I broke up with the guy, we ran into each other at my work.
Regards,
Patrick
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Dear Johnny,
Wanna do a line of coke off my dick?
Thanks,
Sean/Clobs
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Dear Johnny C,
There is an almost palpable tension in the air. What do you think it would taste like? Why kind of baked goods would you use it in?
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Dear Johnny C,
Can I have your babies?
Love, Ultimate Dicksucker, Inc.
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I think I might like this worker drone thing. Thinking is hard enough; now I don't ever have to do it. Thanks, Not-Johnny-C!
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Johnny, you're so awesome. Your awesomeness cannot be measured or expressed using any empirical or metric systems ever invented, being invented or not-yet-conceived-but-will-be-at-some-later-date. Your special kind of awesomeness is only definable with the aid of things that are both incredibly clever, cool, lame and stupid.
Henceforth, your awesomeness will be measured in LOL cats.
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Johnny C yours sincerely,
I have difficulties setting out letters. Can you help me?
PS. Dear,
Spluff.
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Johnny,
Do a fucking thing will ya?
-Danny Writes Letters.
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Dear Johnny C,
After reviewing the case for several months I have decided you are the only one who can help.
Where on earth is Carmen Sandiego?
Please respond as soon as you are avaliable.
Scotland Yard
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Where in the world?
Johnny C, Carmen Sandiego is more adept at hiding than you! You should come out of hiding! We'll begin to think that you are an international thief and have become Carmen's sidekick/boytoy!
(I wasn't correcting him.)
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http://youtube.com/watch?v=qTUiFYHhhe4
They are both valid.
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Dear Johnny C,
Why don't I wake up with the gin already in me?
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Dear Johnny C,
Why am I always such a dick when I drink.
Also why can't I stop drinking
Basically what I am asking is what is the cause of chronic alcoholism with both questions.
Fuck you.
Love, Brett.
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Dear Johhny C,
Do you like me???
y/n
Love Rawr
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Dear Rawr,
Wait what when did you come back.
Regards,
Patrick
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Dear Johnny,
Give me my fucking shirt back asshole
See you in court for my OTHER shit,
Patrick
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Dear Johnny C,
You killed my dog. I hate you forever.
Love,
Imapiratearg.
Man, that fucker had.....relations....with my dog. Scruffy hasn't been the same since. When ever it rains he just sits there, sits there and shakes.
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Dear Old Forumites,
Remember the letter thread way back when?Neither do I.
-Hunter
___________
Dear Johnny,
Have you been tazered by Canadian Airport Security Officers, again? Remember to use your one phone call as a crank call!
-Hunter
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Dear JC
There's ties on my tail and I seriously don't think I can hit this thermal exhaust port. What should I do?
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R1 L2 L1 R2 Left, down, up, right, left down, up, right.
Or like, do a barrel roll, or something. I guess you could use the Force, too.
Dear Blue Kitty,
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. Johnny C is a monster, and action must be taken against him and his anti-canine violence.
Sincerely,
imapiratearg
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You'd probably want to shunt your shields to aft and use component targeting to get a torpedo lock on the exhaust port.
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Dear Everybody,
I prefer the method of actually flying into the Death Star II with the Falcon and just fuckin' stuff up in the central core thingy on the inside.
lol,
Me
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Dear Patrick,
Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them. Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
You My Bitch now,
Emperor Palpatine
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I'm not doing shit without Wedge backing me up. Or at the very least:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/RobbieOC/Jek_porkins.jpg)
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Man, you're just saying that to seem cool, all liking Johnny's stuff before he got popular.
You'll understand when we get to tommyeski and tommyfski.
You rang?
God, I never thought I'd never have to dig up this gem again...
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you don't have to, actually.
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How coincidental. For a second robbie's avatar made me thing eph had posted (I still remember your old av fondly) and then a couple posts later she actually did post.
khar, just hurry up and rack up 80 more posts so Johnny will post again.
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i don't even remember my old avatar! you're weird, joe hocking.
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Was there one with a pikachu slapping another pikachu?
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How coincidental. For a second robbie's avatar made me thing eph had posted (I still remember your old av fondly) and then a couple posts later she actually did post.
khar, just hurry up and rack up 80 more posts so Johnny will post again.
Or maybe not so coincidental?
...I don't know.
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What would happen if I, too, stopped at 9,999?
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Maybe he's dead? Maybe this forum has an assassin robot that kills people when they reach 9,999 posts.
If you disappear, I'll know to take an extended leave of absence.
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Actually, right now he's at 9, 998. One of his posts must've been deleted.
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Maybe he's dead? Maybe this forum has an assassin robot that kills people when they reach 9,999 posts.
If you disappear, I'll know to take an extended leave of absence.
I saw him on Gabbly today! JOHNNY C LIVES!
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Actually, right now he's at 9, 998. One of his posts must've been deleted.
Yeah, wait, what the fuck?
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Maybe this forum has an assassin robot that kills people when they reach 9,999 posts.
Logan's Forum.
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So what would be the forum equivalent of renewal?
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Hey I wonder if you get 6 stars.
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Dear Johnny C,
When will These Estates put up more music on facebook? My dick is still chaffed from the Got Snakes release.
Yours truly, fanboi88^^
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Dear Johnny C
Your 10,000 post had better be out-of-this-world-epic, otherwise it is going to be such a let down after all this delay.
or maybe that's your whole plan, comedy of dashed expectations.
A Concerned Citizen.
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Dear Johnny C
How is Billy?
Yours,
The sea.
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maybe that's your whole plan, comedy of dashed expectations.
been there, done that
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Oh fuck this, I'm spamming my way to 10,000 tonight.
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NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP.
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NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN.
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NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND
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AND DESERT YOU.
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I would prefer that word to be 'dessert'.
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The act of desserting someone would either be to smear them with cake or ice-cream or, in a more macabre turn of events, make them into cake or ice cream.
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Rick Astley, all eating a muffin with a nipple on top.
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Actually I think I read a manga about that once.
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It wouldn't surprise me.
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Manga can be pretty bizarre sometimes.
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But before you start to proclaim western superiority, remember Krypto the Superdog?
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That's pretty bizarre.
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Not to mention incredibly unscientific.
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I mean, seriously, first we have to believe that on this planet, Krypton, there exists a race of people who look just like humans.
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Except they fly and poop lasers.
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And on this planet are also creatures that look just like dogs, but with superpowers?
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That's worse than that Star Trek episode with the alien planet full of Nazis.
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The act of desserting someone would either be to smear them with cake or ice-cream or, in a more macabre turn of events, make them into cake or ice cream.
A kind of sorbet, perhaps.
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At least there was an explanation for that, and Kirk and Spock had the decency to be all 'WTF' when they saw all these alien Nazis.
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Though they never really explained that planet ruled by space Romans.
And fuck you man, I wanted this entire page to be just me.
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Me, and my pain.
And my bottles of urine.
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Actually, I just realised I left those sitting on my desk at my parents house.
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I won't be going back there for like two weeks.
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There may very well be questions asked.
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And to be quite frank they would be perfectly legitimate questions.
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I have some bottles here.
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Also I need to pee.
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Only some 37-odd posts left.
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bottle wee, bottle wee
when you fill a bottle
full of pee.
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Okay, that piss was hella dark, I think I'm gonna drink some fluids.
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Shit what am I saying of course I will drink fluids. Could hardly drink a plasma, could I?
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Or could I, I'm not too up on my science.
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Obligatory post.
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Don't drink anything, see if you can piss Guinness.
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First things first though, I'm having a cigarette.
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Cigarettes are hella bad for you, but delicious.
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Which I suppose makes them the opposite of salad.
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I dunno how anyone can eat that shit.
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*puff puff puff*
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Shit I totally canoed that sucker.
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It is a perennial hazard of smoking out of a window.
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DOUSE WITH DRESSING. BLUE CHEESE FOR ME.
Besides, it's far better than most cooked veggies I get, at least in the dining places I frequent (College's FFCo. Dining Hall in particular) because they usually are quite fresh.
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The influx of wind or whatever blows the flame of the lighter and it just burns up one side of the cigarette something fierce.
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Matches are basically an impossibility.
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I like fruit.
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Also salad dressing is just the most disgusting shit.
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I would rather be raped than eat salad dressing.
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Clearly you are using the wrong kind of dressing, or at the wrong temperature!
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Unless the rapist had a rock-drill for a penis.
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What the fuck are you talking about salad dressing is the foulest shit.
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For a start, there is the vinegar.
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Which as we all know is the very vomit of Satan.
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But then oil is mixed with that.
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Creating greasy devil vomit.
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Salad dressing is a very wide category of condiments. There are good ones and there are bad ones.
These last posts confirm that you are trying the wrong kind of dressings.
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Which is then smeared on rabbit food.
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A quick search of an about.com article about recipes for salad dressing confirms that every single type of salad dressing that does not actually have the word vinegar in its fucking name contains at least half a cup of vinegar.
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Vinegar being, as I have previously stated, the very vomit of Satan, who is the devil.
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Mayonnaise is Satans semen.
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Mayonnaise is pretty much a crime against humanity.
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One time I went to the university sandwich shop, because I was really hungry.
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And I quite fancied a sandwich.
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But all the Sandwiches had mayonnaise in them.
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So I set the whole place on fire.
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Well, I didn't actually.
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Who wants to bet Johnny C comes in and deletes all of these extra posts just as he reaches 9999?
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But I should have.
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Because they had covered their sandwiches in demon cum.
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Which is just a horrible
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horrible thing to do.
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I'm just wondering if Khar will disappear once he hits 9999
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyjrbYWw0p0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWvQwrYXdYA)
KharBevNor: what a douche. -JC
NO JOHNNY
YES -JC
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That was much quicker than I expected (that is what the lady said!).
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Hahaha, holy fuck.
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wruisgerhguisehruighsiuehruighseuihrg toasting in a legendary Fred
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fun fact: there is no such things as "italian salad dressing" in italy!
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I would expect the same to be true about France and Bleu Cheese dressing... wait, hold on.
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fun fact: there is no such things as "italian salad dressing" in italy!
Let me guess do they just call them 'salad dressing'.
What with them being in Italy already and all.
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THEY LAUGH, THEY MAKE MONEY
HE'S GOT A GOLD WATCH
SHE'S GOT A SILK DRESS
AND HEALTHY BREASTS
THAT BOUNCE ON HIS locally made LEATHER SOFA
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Let me guess do they just call them 'salad dressing'.
What with them being in Italy already and all.
no. italians just don't believe in salad dressing.
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Good for the Italians!
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/me scratches italy off his list of places to go to.
Do they just not eat leafy salads? Leafy salads are terribly bland unless you have an interesting dressing.
Also I have to question Khar's assertion that vinegar is the vomit of Satan. A lesser demon perhaps, but satan is pushing it no? Besides, there'd be like chunks of carrot and such it was vomit.
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Balsamic vinegar (or even red wine vinegar) and some good olive oil will do me just fine. I don't understand the hatred of vinegar.
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My girlfriend despises vinegar so I can never really have any even if it is mighty tasty. Malt Vinegar on fries is truly one of the best things ever.
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/me scratches italy off his list of places to go to.
Do they just not eat leafy salads? Leafy salads are terribly bland unless you have an interesting dressing.
Also I have to question Khar's assertion that vinegar is the vomit of Satan. A lesser demon perhaps, but satan is pushing it no? Besides, there'd be like chunks of carrot and such it was vomit.
We (Italians) just use olive oil (I think that's what kind it is, never paid attention as I don't buy the groceries) and balsamic vinegar in salad.
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My girlfriend despises vinegar so I can never really have any even if it is mighty tasty. Malt Vinegar on fries is truly one of the best things ever.
YES. My friends think I'm weird because I eat my fries with barbecue sauce.
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Weird? Maybe.
Delicious? FUCK YEAH!
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You are a lucky lucky person if you have not been to Maryland and experienced people eating fries with this stuff.
(http://ninecooks.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/oldbay.jpg) Smells like a crab fucked a fish in a box of salty onions and they both died.
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I purchased that once to season a fish with. Regrets were felt.
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Weird? Maybe.
Delicious? FUCK YEAH!
I Concur
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You know what's weird? Ketchup. I can't see how people eat it. I love tomatoes and all, but ketchup is just disgusting.
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I quite like the stuff. I'm with whoever it was who was hating on mayo, though. That shit does NOT belong on a burger.
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Manda, you fail at living in maryland.
a requirement of living here is to love old bay. Seafood, fries, whatever. It's all delicious. ...when not overused. Use too much of that shit and it ends badly.
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Mayo can be good in certain circumstances. I had a sandwich from Quizno's -- a cheesesteak type of thing -- and it had mayo on it and it was good.
Like Old Bay, there is definitely such a thing as too much of it.
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Caesar Sauce is the real villain.
That shit is so strong I feel like dying every time I taste/smell it.
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Mayonnaise is amazing when used correctly. My family uses it correctly on many a dish.
But, yes, as with old bay, too much of that shit can be squirmifying. For example, when I go to lunch, and my turkey sandwich is squishy.
No good.
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Caesar Sauce is the real villain.
That shit is so strong I feel like dying every time I taste/smell it.
'choo talkin' bout?! Do you mean Caesar Dressing? That's the best dressing you could ever have on a salad or a wrap or a chicken/lettuce sandwich!
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YES. My friends think I'm weird because I eat my fries with barbecue sauce.
This doesn't sound weird at all. I've never actually tried it, but I imagine it's sort of like a squishier barbecue potato chip, and barbecue potato chips are delicious. Then again, I love barbecue seasoning to a ridiculous degree, and once made an effort to prove that barbecue sauce could be good on anything if you did it right. I think I talked about that endeavor in the fusion foods thread.
Salads can be shit or they can be great. Crappy iceberg lettuce topped with dressing from a packet? Probably gonna be terrible. Spinach and baby greens with an assortment of diced vegetables, maybe some tofu or chopped nuts, tossed with fresh dressing? Probably gonna be tastylicious. I like to dress my salads with a mixture of peanut butter, soy sauce, garlic and five spice powder-no vinegar involved. Unless I'm feeling decadent and break out the brown rice vinegar, which just adds a little extra sumthin'. It's basically peanut sauce, but a little thinner and less complex so as to not overpower the flavor of the vegetables.
Of course, I have an unrivaled love of leafy greens and vegetables. I sometimes don't understand how people can dislike them. Today I made a sandwich while one of my friends watched in horror. It had hummus, shredded carrot, yellow bell peppers, portabella mushroom, and broccoli (not the best choice, but not a bad one either) on whole wheat bread. My friend said "what are you going to drink to wash the taste of that out of your mouth?" and I was like "what are you talking about this is going to be FANTASTIC." And it was.
I get really long winded when it comes to food. I really like food.
I am always amused by the fact that I completely avoid two of the major food groups, and am still less picky than most people I know.
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Bell peppers notwithstanding that does sound pretty good.
I should not be reading stuff about food when I haven't had anything sizeable for either breakfast or dinner.
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I don't dislike vegetables, but salad is pretty shit.
I mean, we specifically evolved canine teeth and gall bladders so we would no longer have to eat fucking leaves.
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I'm pretty sure my gall bladder is for the ability to spit alkaline in people's faces.
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One of the most painful things in the world is eating crab, cutting the slit between your fingers on a piece of serrated shell, and getting Old Bay in the cut.
OWCH.
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I don't dislike vegetables, but salad is pretty shit.
Terrorist.
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Vinegar being, as I have previously stated, the very vomit of Satan, who is the devil.
Fuckin metal! Now, we just need to get hell-greens.
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*oh man old bay stinks*
Dude I love old bay! That stuff is really tasty. I hardly ever get it though, because I can never remember to ask for it at restaurants and stuff.
edit: oh shit pagebreak!