THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Trollstormur on 26 Jul 2008, 18:13
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I say, ladies and gentlemen. These "internets" as they say are rather dull of late. I hereby put it to you, that we should form a Gentlemen's Club, to pass the time.
What say you?
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This measure has my full support.
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i beleive i shall second this motion
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Motion carried.
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Do excuse my somewhat inappropriate exclamation of joy, but; Here, here!
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Sir Tommy is hereby expelled from this club.
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Now, shall this Gentlemen's Club be awash with lavender or exist as an esoteric order. I propose that this, our Hellfire Club be above, beyond and exist as the law.
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Now that this club has been set in motion, what is our first order of business? Shall we put on our best suits, tops hats, and monocles, then take pictures?
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While I most certainly do not wish to override the opinions of the most respectable Sir Matthew, I must stress that our first order of business focus upon the newest in the way of Proper Dueling.
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By Jove! I do believe Sir Tommy was indeed making reference to ridding your wives of their female hysteria through hysterical paroxysm.
Excuse my bare legs, it seems the help were having some fun at my expense.
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/grommit/classyone.jpg)
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As to the inquiry as to proper dueling in these modernne days, I hereby present such instructionne:
http://www.wikihow.com/Fight-a-Duel-(the-Modern-Way) (http://www.wikihow.com/Fight-a-Duel-(the-Modern-Way))
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O brother, o droog why dost thou insist upon govoreeting in such an un-Bog-ly goloss?
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I say, this is a most civilised idea. Rather reminds me of my safari days in africa. Taught those primitives a thing or two, let me tell you.
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ah! Had a little run in with the tribesmen, hm? Completely boorish men, I must say, I do hope you bagged yourself a most monstrous beast for all your troubles
But I must inquire as to the intent of this gentlemen's club. Shall it be a club for smoking pipes or sharing tales of the awfulness of women?
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Women are not so awful you cad!
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I was trying to play the part! I've got nothing against women, 'cept maybe Clinton and a few old school teachers :-P
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Women, are they bad or aren't they? It shall be settled with fisticuffs! 'Twill be a fine donnybrook indeed!
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Aye? I was under the distinct impression that this club was designed by gentlemen, for gentlemen. This discussion of the so-called "fairer sex" is most troubling to me. I want no part of such discussions whilst lounging in the sauna or ingesting blended spirits! I require a refuge in which men can be men! A place where strength is not shied from or discouraged!
Perhaps I shall just embark upon a hunting expedition or far-flung safari, and ponder the meaning of a gentleman.
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there is no hidden meaning of a gentlemen, he woos women with his great manly misogyny and is unmatched in his skill for shooting noble animals in the face. Truly a gentleman is the only man.
But what is the preferred beverage of the gentleman?
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Gin. Or brandy.
Maybe scotch. I don't know.
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Laphroaig, on the rocks.
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Anyone care to discuss the wonderfully droll topic of dictionaries? I thought the new edition of merriam-webster was utter poppy-cock.
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Meanings are meaningless in the face of other meanings. *rings bell*
Young nubile slave boy comes running over with a bottle of Laphroaig, scotch glass and an ornate brass bowl of ice along with an equal ornate serving tong. As he serves me a glass, I smile at him and he blushes.
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I'd say that's more like it!
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Laphroaig, on the rocks.
I should think so, milords, with or without young nubile slave boys to serve it.
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I do verily concur.
/
:-D
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Do what thou wilt.
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hay guys wats goin on in here
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Ew, girls!
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hay guys wats goin on in here
Hah, a woman! We could be happy with her as long as we do not fall for her. Quick my brothers, subjugate her.
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BEGONE FROM THIS PLACE UNTO THE SANDWICH-PARLOUR
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Not quite what I meant nut do what thou wilt.
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I say I say, I do declare.
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She is a witch, she doth readily mock and deceive us but, after all, isn't that what the world calls romance.
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Pip pip
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cheerio?
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She'll be back soon.
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And as she does we shall be hoping for crumpets
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*All the Gentlemen in club laugh raucously*
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Bah, humbug!
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I do say, Ebenezer, your lack of enthusiasm for the great holiday of Christmas suggests an involvement with the atheistic Socialist revolutionaries of the Russian Empire. What say you, gentlemen, shall we expel this pinko?
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naked bar!!!
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I have a soft spot in my heart for these Socialists you speak of, dear Patrick.
Expel, I say not. 'Haps a hefty fine shall do the trick.
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A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of Communism.
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I was trying to play the part! I've got nothing against women, 'cept maybe Clinton and a few old school teachers :-P
But Clinton isn't a woman. Show me a picture of Clinton Pregnant, and I'll show you a cleverly photoshopped image.
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Gentlemen, my mutton chops are coming along in fine style, if I do say so myself.
Now has anyone seen where I set my blunderbus?
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One would like to exclaim to the honourable gentlemen here present that this is indeed the best thread, what what.
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*a chorus of "INDEED" arises from the gentlemen*
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HUZZAH!
Very good show indeed, gentlemen. What say we each mix another gin and talk about the good old days.
I fought in Africa, don't you know?
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The only thing that could possibly redeem this thread is Pintsize arriving with his monocle.
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Oh, Cheerio, old chap! (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=412)
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Boys, I have come to steal your Cognac and cigars. The ladies are bored in the billiards room.
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Return to your sewing at once woman!
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Why would she be taking over the farm? Hmm.
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I apologise for the tardiness m'luds. I was shooting poor people and simply lost track of the time.
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I should hope your shots proved fatal only after a long period of agony and screaming.
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Fear not sirrah, I was sure to use a low enough calibre as to ensure that the bullet would be lodged firmly in the stomach. Of course, lest anyone think that I am a cruel man, you can put your minds to rest; I left no orphans.
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Capital!
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Indeed, one might grow up, learn the oriental form of fighting, and try to take our establishment down. Most likely in some sort of flying rodent get up.
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Or worse yet the little savage might beg of us our spare change.
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oh I do say this thread is quite copacetic.
shall we have some snuff and gin?
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M'lords, I have lost my knickerbockers. I have been more than forgetful lately.
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Or worse yet the little savage might beg of us our spare change.
One of those little monsters accosted me on one of my merry walks about my gardens this afternoon. I gave him quite trashing, he won't bother anyone again.
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M'lords, I have lost my knickerbockers. I have been more than forgetful lately.
That band sucks anyway.
see wut i did ther
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Hm, commoner! *sneer*
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By Jeeves! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h__IYJ6bAlg)
(Ignore the horrendous video. Focus on the music, gentlemen.)
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My heavens, you unfortunate bottomlings, you must not be acquainted with the fine works of The Byrds.
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The Byrds cause such an awful, unbearable racket! I prefer to conduct my business as my phonograph releases the soothing sounds of Bach.
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I prefer to relax by playing Byrd on my spinet.
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Fellows, have you all noticed we're on the InterNet
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I prefer to procure the gentle thrummings of the 14th century octaret, also the warblings of a morning lark, whilst sampling the various and multifold sounds of battle utilising my Computing Device, and producing what is colloquially known as a "Righteous Phat Remix".
The fillies at Cottingham Manor love it when I spin my vinyl!
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Good afternoon, gents! May I inquire about a membership in this tip-top establishment?
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You have to be properly dressed.
While no dress code has been issued yet, the club may wish to emulate in strictness the Reform Club in London, which turned my brother away from a book launch, at which he was one of the authors, for being improperly dressed when he was wearing the same clothes as he had worn the week before to be presented to the Queen, who had found no cause for complaint.
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So this ruby-encrusted man-thong will not be sufficient, then?
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Do we have regulations to enforce a certain length of cigar? I say they may must be ten inches or over. Who would like a glass of Midnight Port?
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Oh! May I?
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Of course dear chap! Ching!
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Fellows, have you all noticed we're on the InterNet
Don't you mean the Internette, old sport?
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Of course dear chap! Ching!
Why thank you! Cheers!
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"cheers"? That is a rather boorish turn of phrase. This club seems to be admitting ruffians and cads as of late, and I for one shan't have it.
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"Boorish?" You speak brazenly, sir! I am affronted to say the least, that a supposed "gentleman" like yourself would accuse one of his brethren of being a ruffian or a cad!
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Right, who rang for strippers?
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That would be me.
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<pulls of shirt>
ooooh yeahhh :-P
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Oh young, nubile slave boy! Another round of Laphroaig before the show starts!
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If you'll excuse me, I need to phone my bell-ringer.
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"cheers"? That is a rather boorish turn of phrase. This club seems to be admitting ruffians and cads as of late, and I for one shan't have it.
Nor shall I for that matter.
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So how shall we exploit the commoners of foreign lands today, gentlemen? Absconding with their natural resources? Enslaving their entire population? Killing them off in droves? All Three, 'haps? What say you?
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As long as we handle those blighters and show them what for!
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naked bar!!!
Do excuse both his childish vernacular, and mine childish thought processes, but this Gentleman doth express mine first thoughts upon venturing into this fine establishment.
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I saw old chaps, this nubile. slave boy thing does not sit well with me. We are men, men of the highest caliber. Why not have women serving us drinks? Fine looking women, dressed in the best brazers and garters this century has to offer? I saw, when I want a drink, I want it served with some panache if you catch my drift.
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Oh my, your weakness for women shall certainly be the death of you. Appreciate your young slave boy (dare I say your Nubian nubile?) just as you would any lady in even the finest of garments.
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Frightfully sorry, but I fear that I've an inexplicable desire to set this establishment ablaze, allow you all to perish, and subsequently take all your land.
Ah..land. A gentleman can never have too much of it.
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My slave boy had better hurry with my scotch. I requested it an hour ago.
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Land? Yes, land is grand, and it is great for a Gentleman to have lots of it, but just as good for women to have huge tracts of it.
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Say, chaps! Where will our next
invasion excursion will take place? We should cover more territories than those Frenchies and their stinky fromage.
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WHAT HO?! What treachery is this? Good sir, did you not notice the painting of Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte that I so prominently display? I shall not have you badmouthing my friends, the frogs.
A duel, then, sir! Have at you!
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By Jove! I say, men, it has been a quite a while the last duel. This ought to be a right smashing event!
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shall it be the pistol or the fisticuffs?
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Box their ears, I say!
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Sweep the leg!
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Why was I born with such contemporaries?
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WHAT HO?! What treachery is this? Good sir, did you not notice the painting of Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte that I so prominently display? I shall not have you badmouthing my friends, the frogs.
A duel, then, sir! Have at you!
Well, well, well, I thinking a misunderstanding is happening. I must agree with your opinion. Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was a good French. One of those gem in the rough. But, in all the respect I owe to you, if you want a duel, then you shall have it. Your rules, chaps.
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It shall be fisticuffs! A good, clean fight. Any foul play by either individual and he shall be tarred and feathered!
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Fisticuffs at dawn what ho!
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Queensbury rules then!
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Nay! Nay I say. If we are to do a duel, we shall do it correctly. Chess Boxing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chess_boxing)
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ladies is gents too
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What ho chaps, must we always fight in the same mundane way? I say we try something new. I declare a giant robot fight (http://youtube.com/watch?v=uCP2qbHDGIs) should be in order.
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But of course! How silly of us!
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My giant robot is out of commission :(
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My automaton is powered by ethereal means and regardless of size, it need not labour long to obtain victory.
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I say they may must be ten inches or over.
Ahoy, my companions in machismo, I believe I have discovered a confirmed bachelor among our ranks!
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On second thought, no duel today, lads. Apparently duelling is now considered illegal (What ruffian is responsible for that law?!)
Besides, it ruins ones clothes. And I, for once, shall not have a dirt-stained cravat.
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Besides, it ruins ones clothes. And I, for once, shall not have a dirt-stained cravat.
Have the boy clean it! What are we? Colonials?
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I do hope that you don't suggest that us Colonials ah unwelcome. Please do excuse mah absence dear gentleman, I was looking out the window of mah study, watching the workuhs during their labors in the fields of mah peppuh plantation. I do sincerely hope that a person of mah calibre is welcome in your establishment?
And Ah say Mr. Redlion, while dueling may be illegal in your fine country, do not expect that to deter me from mah feud with the neighbors across the way, those most ignorant of fools the Grangerfords.
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though your presence is of course welcome your southern accent is most irksome.
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O come now, It is not like he talks like whone of those gawd damned negroes.
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hmmm, perhaps if he supplies us with a bottle of scotch I shall make amends.
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Make that two.
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Please beg your pardon if mah Southern accent disturbs you, Ah am afraid it is merely a consequence of mah upbringing. If it offends you sir may ah offer mah sincerest apologies. Unfortunately I can only offer you a fine Bourbon, as i rarely stock mah larders with the former. However I can attest to its quality, as it is of course produced on mah lands in mah very own distillery.
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I for whone, am a man of the world. I would very much like to take you up on your offer of fine Bourbon.
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Pah! New money. They'll be gone soon enough.
I say who's up for a game of whist?
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Very well, but I must warn you, I'm feeling devilsh lucky, wot?
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I say, chaps, how unbecoming of your upbringing and social standing to be engaging in such barbaric pursuits of amusement! I declare, we shall pay visit to the finest tobaccanist in the region and enjoy a few rounds of billiards. What say you, my comrades in absurd wealth and expenditure?
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I will not buy this tobaccanist, he is scratched.
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*Comes out of the cellar, cleverly disguised as a closet with young nubile slave boy in tow*
What ho, good gentlemen! What have I missed this past respite.
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I will not buy this tobaccanist, he is scratched.
My hovercraft is full of eels.
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Liz?
Oh, Liz, darling. You've wandered into the Gentlemen's Club. Here, come with me, the ladies are back here - we're padding clothes hangers with crochet and MaiAda is simply dying to show everyone her new purple pumps. They're real vinyl, you know.
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Run along before I have to spank you, you naughty little girls.
I swear to the GSD that I'm joking because that is a creepy and disgusting thing to say.
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Women? In this club? Nonsense and poppycock! I think I may have had a bit too much scotch but it is a wonderful thing to have too much of.
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Run along before I have to spank you, you naughty little girls.
He may be onto something here, gents. Mayhaps.
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Women? In this club? Nonsense and poppycock! I think I may have had a bit too much scotch but it is a wonderful thing to have too much of.
There is no such thing as too much Scotch, good sir.
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Your cousin was weak.
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Must I repeat myself young lady?
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I think I shall purchase this establishment. Then close it down. Then burn it to the ground.
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Oh, don't be so barbaric. In my vast, worldly experience, it is far more entertaining to merely purchase the establishment, sack the employees for trumped up offenses, and watch with great amusement as their lives and welfares are completely and utterly destroyed.
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I suddenly feel a compelling urge to make many sandwiches!
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Yes, go make them for us, woman.
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Yes! And while you are at it, why don't you fight for the right to vote. Guffaw Guffaw!
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Hey, wanna hear a good joke?
WOMEN'S RIGHTS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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If these forums are Midgard, then this thread is Fimbulvetr. I'm pretty sure that means Graham is going to swallow the sun and then it just fucking goes downhill from there until your posts are the fires of Surt and you burn our lovely goddamn tree down to ashes.
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nah.
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Listen, are we allowed to shoot up on heroin in this here Gentlemens Club? Coz if not I'm fucking outta here.
Oh and here's a joke:
I bought some new headphones the other day. The left one just went "Steak and kidney", while the right one just went "Chicken and mushroom!"
That's the last time I buy anything from Pioneer.
Yeah that's right. I'm a fucking comedian. Fuckers.
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Egad sah!
What is all this carry on about Africa? I myself have been shooting elephants in India, I even managed to procure a monkey paw talismen!
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I hate you guys so much it...the...it's flames. Flames on the side of my face. Heaving...heaving breaths...
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what was once good fun has fast become quite droll.
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in b4 cat macros