THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: Gilead on 05 Dec 2008, 04:58
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Welcome to history lessons with Professor Gilead, tonight I'm here to talk to you about the most badass motherlicker to ever serve in the second world war, I am, of course, talking about Jack Churchill, aka. Mad Jack Churchill, aka. Fighting Jack Churchill.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL2.jpg)
Jack Churchill was brought to this earth on September 16th, 1912, in Hong Kong, presumably via the normal method, although it is difficult to speculate what mere woman could have given birth to such a man.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL1.jpg)
Why is Jack Churchill such a magnificent bastard you ask? Well shut up. I'm going to tell you you a few stories about this beautiful moustachioed stallion.
Mad Jack Churchill was a leiutenant-colonel in World War 2, he was awarded several prestigious honours for his many achievement, including best Moustache and Most Likely To Kill a Man By Looking At Him. He was renowned for carrying 3 deadly archaic weapons in to battle, a basket hilted claymore, a longbow, and the bagpipes. He was once quoted as saying "any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed".
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHUCHILL3.jpg)
They weren't just for show either, Jack used them on several occasions, including signalling an attack against a German unit by shooting the enemy officer dead with his longow from across the battlefield.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL4.jpg)
On another occasion, Jack, armed with only his claymore and the world's greatest moustache, captured 42 German soldiers, by taking them by surprise. Jack had not a fuck to give about danger. He knew mere men could not hurt him.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL6.jpg)
Jack finally met with misfortune when he attempted to lead a group of commandos to capture a vital hill for the British army, he succeeded in taking the point, but only 6 of his men survived, several of whom were injured, not only that, but they were armed only with revolvers and a single carbine, and a German batallion was advancing on the hill, Jack and his men fought anyway until they ran out of bullets and a mortar round killed or gravely injured everybody in the unit besides Jack. He was understandably disgruntled about the lack of moxy his men showed in dying.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL7-1.jpg)
Since he had no ammo and the Germans were too far away to cut in half with a sword, Jack settled for the next most offensive option, he pulled out his bagpipes and played 'Will Ye No Come Home Again' until the Germans finally shut him up by knocking him out.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL7001.jpg)
With grenades.
Jack was mistaken for a relative of Winston Churchill and taken to Berlin in a plane.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL8.jpg)
Which he set on fire*
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL7.jpg)
Soon the Germans realised their mistake, since keeping Jack in Berlin would pose a danger of him punching hitler to death single handedly, they decided to ship him to Sachsenhausen concentration camp, or old Sachsy for short. Jack did not particularly care for old Sachsy, so after a little leisure time spent playing billiards and catching up on good books he hadn't gotten around to reading, he escaped.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL9.jpg)
Unfortunately, Jack was tracked down and recaptured by the Germans, realising that even old Sachsy couldn't hold him, they decided to transfer him to an even more secure concentration camp. Which Jack also escaped from.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/CHURCHILL10.jpg)
Jack spent 8 days trekking through the Austrian mountains, eating vegetables stolen from people's gardens out of an old tin can, on the 8th day he spotted an American armoured column and flagged them down, he convinced them he was really an officer and hitched a lift back to the allied lines.
Tune in tomorrow for the rest of History Lessons with Professor Gilead to learn the rest of Churchill's story, including his adventures after the war!
*Alright, this isn't true, he only attempted to set the plane on fire, they found the blaze before it could actually take out the plane.
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I'm growing a moustache and a kilt.
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Dan, you can't grow a kilt. You have to make it.
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If you have grown a kilt, you should probably get that checked by a doctor.
Also, Jack Churchill is pretty fantastic.
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It's even funnier to me because there is a Highland museum near me which has pictures and stories of people that are almost just like this, even with the original claymore they took to battle.
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I'm pretty sure I can grow a kilt, being part Scottish.
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So, being part Scottish allows you to grow a kilt?
Guys I am going to grow a kilt! It is going to be fabulous, just wait and see.
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Dan, you can't grow a kilt. You have to make it.
Shhhh...Let the boy dream.
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Jack Churchill was brought to this earth on September 16th, 1912, in Hong Kong, presumably via the normal method, although it is difficult to speculate what mere woman could have given birth to such a man.
September 16th, 1912 was just the date he chose to take on a human form. Mad Jack is actually an Originary Being.
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Gilead,
I think that you and Kate Beaton (http://www.katebeaton.com/Site/History_Project.html) should get together and make beautiful history based comics together.
Or become arch-rivals.
Either or.
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GIlead, you stay the hell away from Kate Beaton.
I am going to marry her and she's going to teach me Canadian.
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Or make beautiful history babies.
Either or.
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Bravo Gilead Bravo. The horrified nazi looking up his kilt almost had me in stitches.
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This thread was probably more historically accurate than Braveheart
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What about his dad? I mean, he would've had to have been a pretty badass character. Badassery is hereditary, see.
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His father was thunder. His mother was the wind.
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His nanny was steel and his teachers a rock and a hard place.
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Good sir, your threads just get better and better.
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Do not encourage this varlet.
His intentions are ill and his desires reprehensible.
If you continue to promote his posts and threads, he will infect us. He will wrap his tendrils around our necks and we will have no recourse.
Resist. Resist and flame. Purge the threat.
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Hey man, just cause he has intentions to steal away your awesome Canadian webcomic maker doesn't mean you can't like him. In fact, competition breeds creativity
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Do not encourage this varlet.
You're just pissed because he's a real person and not someone's gimmick.
To spite you I will now seduce the shit out of Kate Beaton.
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I don't know about seducing her, but I'd sure like to collaborate with Beaton, her and KC Green are my favourite cartoonists.
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Dear God, this is wonderful.
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collaborate with Beaton
Is that what you crazy kids are calling it these days?
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Dear Gilead, this is wonderful.
Corrected. I think God has no part in this awesomeness. He just made Gilead, nothing else.
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Metaphysical discussions aside, the emphasis should be on wonderful.
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I call shenanigans!
I cannot find any supporting evidence online that Fighting Jack Churchill did indeed wear a mustache during WWII. See images:
(http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n13/aphra_behn/warsasoon.jpg) (http://www.rwfia.org/Images/Sassoon_1_.jpg)
He did sport a pretty sweet full beard after the war though.
I believe you are confusing the mustachioed man with Winston Churchill's brother, John Strange Spencer-Churchill (or Jack Churchill for short).
(http://www.blenheimpalaceeducation.com/churchill/images_churchill/jack.jpg) (http://www.jewwatch.com/images/winsto8.jpg)
or I could be completely wrong.
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The only picture I actually found was an above shot of him directing some troops with his claymore in hand, it looks like he (and everyone else in the picture) have a moustache, so I decided to draw him with an awesome one.
(http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b171/CatFishEnFuego/0507-col-profiles2.gif)
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It's decided:
he had a Ninja mustache!
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He probably grew it out in a couple minutes to inspire his men in that photo. Nothing is more manly than growing a mustache by pure force of manliness.
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They weren't just for show either, Jack used them on several occasions, including signalling an attack against a German unit by shooting the enemy officer dead with his longow from across the battlefield.
Sweet motherfucking fuck.
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Dan, you can't grow a kilt. You have to make it.
Bullshit. I too am half-Scottish and look what I did just by thinking medium-hard
(http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a55/ddovey/IMG_0874.jpg)
Of course being half-Scottish it is really just a towel that looks like a kilt but still not bad all things considered.
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Dovey, just to warn you I think your Battles t-shirt is going to go to war with your kilt-towel over which is more hardcore.
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Dovey, why does your shirt have a bunch of nameless amp heads, 9 Fender Twin Reverbs, 4 nameless 2x12s, three nameless 4x12s, and another 11 Marshall 4x12 cabinets on it.
Who in the shitting fuckcunts would ever display that much power when it would serve only to tempt Mad Jack Churchill into a duel.
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I think Stanier would win.
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You know why Mad Jack died, don't you? Back in '96, he and Dovey had a duel.
I think you can gather the result yourself.
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You're hilarious but obviously you didn't notice my scrawny girl arms. I can't even use a longbow. Enough about me, more about the guy who was born smoking a pipe
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A clay pipe. He didn't even smoke tobacco, he just set the clay on fire.
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oh Dovey,
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Dan, you can't grow a kilt. You have to make it.
Bullshit. I too am half-Scottish and look what I did just by thinking medium-hard
All I'm getting out of this is your shirt, and HOW UP THERE that cymbal is compared to the drum kit.
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That's how I have my cymbal. I throw my stick and hope I hit it.
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Stanier doesn't need to hope.
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you guys realise that that is not an accurate representation of Battles' stage setup right
right
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stop ruining my fun
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Man how fucking amazing would it be if that WERE their actual stage set up.
I mean, they could use a forklift or something, but it still probably wouldn't get the job done. I'm guessing there'd be a small crane with a guy on a ladder directing the whole operation from up close.
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Lots of ewoks and pulleys could do it.
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hey gilead, why don't you start a webcomic or something. like, host it somewhere that isn't the qc forums.
not that your threads aren't great or anything. because they are. but having your own place would be nice. i'd read it.
just saying, is all.
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I am actually planning on starting a webcomic sometime soon, the only things standing in my way are a) I haven't finished inking some of my starting backlog and b) I have not the slightest clue how to make or code a website. So if anyone knows anything about that and wants to help me i will pay you in
rape dollars gratitude and drawings.
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get keenspot to host for you!
(haha no, not really.)
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Whenever you do, definitely tell us.
As for help on the website, if no one here offers to, shoot Jeph an e-mail, ask him how he did it.
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Well, as far as the website goes, you could always use a something like blogger. Granted, it wouldn't have the nice newest, next, last, first, lay out of your typical web comic, but there are several people that use a free blogging site to host their comics.
If you are actually wanting to setup your own site, I'd be willing to help a little.
Did a bit of Googling and there appear to be some pretty decent free CMS's for a webcomic.
Comic Press (http://mindfaucet.com/comicpress/) seems to the best of them so far and is apparently what PvP online uses.
A couple of other scripts that look promising.
http://www.designmeme.com/comicgallery/
http://comiccms.com/
Any way, if you have some questions, I program for a living. So, I could probably help out a bit.
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lol_comics just uses livejournal.
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I have to say that I am fairly impressed with the Word Press + Comic Press pairing. If you have a place to host a site that supports php and a mysql database, I could help you get setup easily.
Still, don't write off the whole livejournal, blogger, etc option. It is free and easy and you could always migrate your comic later if it was going well and you wanted a change.
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you guys realise that that is not an accurate representation of Battles' stage setup right
The cymbal is accurate.
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well duh.
now stop derailing this thread, you CUNTS
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that was rather awesome.. And with rather awesome i mean i want your babies.. And not just for eating. For keeping and everything
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Bravo Gilead Bravo. The horrified nazi looking up his kilt almost had me in stitches.
I was wondering if anyone else had noticed that. My roommate gave me a weird look on account of my mixture laughing/wheezing/crying.
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Gilead, you are a gentleman and a scholar, and a wonderful writer and artist besides. Thank you for sharing your fantastic works. I agree with the others. You definitely deserve your own website.
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This was my favorite entry post anyone has eve rmade on any website ever. Loved the drawings.
Also, when I was 15 I sent letters and got letters from and also phone interviewd Jimmy James, who totally escaped from Sachenhausen with Jack Churchill. Which was the most awesome thing I have ever done.
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That is absurdly cool lucy, do you still have any of them left? I'd love to read them.
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Same here.
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I still can't get over people randomly being excited about Jack Churchill on a non-historical message board. How insanely awesome is that.
Yes of COURSE I still have the letters. They're some of my favorite things I own. They are not, however, on the computer. At the moment, if yall are interested, I will point the way towards the interview I did with the Mr James when I was 15. Never mind the 15 year old writing talents.
http://lucystag.livejournal.com/251725.html
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I call shenanigans!
I cannot find any supporting evidence online that Fighting Jack Churchill did indeed wear a mustache during WWII. See images:
(http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n13/aphra_behn/warsasoon.jpg) (http://www.rwfia.org/Images/Sassoon_1_.jpg)
He did sport a pretty sweet full beard after the war though.
I
Okay, dude on the right is either Siegfried Sassoon, or Sassoon's twin...So confused.
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Apparently, after all the bish-bosh was over, Jack decided to go off to the antipodes, learn to surf, then came back and was the first person to ride the five-foot River Severn tidal bore. This man was evidently made of 600% more awesome than the average god.
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I still can't get over people randomly being excited about Jack Churchill on a non-historical message board. How insanely awesome is that.
Not nearly as insanely awesome as he was. I'm pretty sure this forum appreciates all kinds of badassery.